Out of the forty-six people who attended the Spam party, forty-two actually ate the Spam, and four didn't. One of these four was Cuong, who had gone home for reasons of disliking Spam and feeling strong antipathy towards Freddie Mercury. Another of these four was Phil, who, as a godly tie, had no mouth with which to consume the Spam. Another of the four was Laura, who hated Spam and was busy exploring her Dream Tie's silken threads. The last of the four was Herminio, who could not spare any time to eat Spam because he was too busy eating shit.

       Everyone else entered stage one of woogies. They all experienced a few moments of disorientation and then some of them fell out of their chairs, some leaped onto the table, some buried their heads in the sand.

       Woogies 1, being an absolutely crazy stage in the beginning, caused everyone to enter a state of hyperactivity.

       Amy's response to Woogies 1 caused her to want to be wet. So she dived into the ocean. There, she began to suck on a piece of coral. Then, the idea of sucking on it struck her as hysterically funny. She laughed and almost drowned.

       Julie had begun to believe she was wearing a hat. She took the imaginary hat off and threw it angrily to the ground from twelve feet up. Then, she thought there was another one on her head, and she ripped it off violently.

       "Whoa look at that that's cool," spluttered Beavis. "Aaaa-aaah!"

       "Yeah," said Butt-Head. "It's, like, raining naked people!"

       "No, it's not, asswipe!"

       "Yes, it is, dillhole," answered Butt-Head.

       "No, it's raining fire!"

       Heather pulled her head from the sand and tried with all her might to fly in reverse. She drilled herself into a hole and kept going.

       Björk began to try violently to brush her hair. Everyone was going crazy!

       Pimpy began to bite cheese ferociously and with a vengeance, for it had killed his mother, so he wanted to kill the asshole. He snarled.

       Gene unraveled his sock, counting how long it took. He sucked on a fish head, also.

       Dean yanked all his matches out of his pockets and began to tear each of the heads off hurriedly and angrily, one by one. He laughed after each match was decapitated.

       Yakko the Walrus learned to say "Muck-Beow."

       Aaron the giraffe let Noble, the hubcap bringer, onto his back. Aaron desperately wanted to suck on a candle, and Noble wanted desperately to get off of Aaron's back. When he was off, he wanted desperately to be on again. And so on.

       Richard farted into a plastic bag and clamped it shut. He stared mischeviously at the gas inside and grinned, wondering who he would pop it near.

       Lindsay got up off the ground and promptly threw up. She saw her reflection in the shiny vomit and began to take a stroll around the puddle, admiring it.

       Cleavis saw Pimpy gnawing his cheese passionately and instantly wanted to fuck him. She ran over, ripped his briefs off, and gawked at what she saw.

       Nutt-Head repeated the ingredients of Spam over and over to herself as she pretended to drive a bus.

       Mr. Skronski was trying to light a candle by pyrokinesis, and Paul hid behind a bush, lit it, and watched the Cat-in-the-Hat sub blow it out in surprise. Paul lit it again and again.

       "Oh, dear," thought Noble. "I believe there is something wrong with me." Suddenly, he was cured.

       Yakko and Aaron said, "Oh, dear, I believe there is something wrong with me," at the same time, and were promptly cured.

       Lindsay thought The thought, and Paul did also a little later. They were also suddenly bereft of woogies germs.

       Ten people did not survive Woogies 1. The newly-cured people picked up latex gloves that used to be people. They found the remains of Richard by the fart-bag, the remains of Cleavis on Pimpy's lap, the remains of Nutt-Head in the middle of nowhere, the remains of Ren and Stimpy in a shit pile, the remains of Mr. Skronski near a candle, the remains of Ronald in a red wig, the remains of the Saltz in a pink tutu, and the remains of Flipper by a tree.

       They muttered sadly to themselves and watched the new Woogies 2 diagnosed people make fools of themselves. Kurt, Freddie, and Jim had managed to occupy the same space at the same time. (They were, after all, ghosts.)

       Brian suddenly teleported to the top of the guava tree, screamed "I believe I have Woogies. Shit!!!" and was suddenly cured. Then he disappeared.

       Adam Sandler built a woman out of sand. He kissed her and she came to life. He named her Randy and then he fucked her. Then he thought The Thought and was cured of Woogies. So he fucked Randy again to celebrate.

       Toto lay dead, never to be president. He had called Freddie Mercury a faggot and had gotten poked through the heart by his Toto For President campaign button.

       Björk entered a creative state of mind and wrote about seventy new songs before she cured herself.

       Alex suddenly acquired the ability to transform matter as a result of Woogies 2, and he transformed his own ass into an eraser.

       "I believe I have Woogies," he said. "Shit."