Bruce the Duck


The Story The Movie

Here are the main characters of "Bruce the Duck," in order of appearance; they are accompanied by a face shot of their lovely, well-crafted cardboard models which were used in the movie.

Bruce the Duck: Our hapless protagonist. Bruce is a sweet, kind young duck who wanders Blondeworld trying to make friends and keep the friends he has. He is curious and rather naïve, and of course cute. He has a condo on Blondeworld Island Coast (which was built using spit as cement—???), and he is the one who found the mysterious Spam can lying in the sand . . . that same Spam can that brought all the characters together and made the sad excuse for a plot happen.
Monty Python: Obviously based on the Monty Python's Flying Circus Gumby characters, Monty wears a knotted handkerchief as a hat and is obsessed with his Magic 8-Ball. Early in the series, Pimpy helps Monty break his 8-Ball, after which he is always seen drinking the liquid inside. Monty is mentally challenged and likes to sit in the guava tree and throw guavas at people while hollering. He doesn't really do much besides make the audience laugh and . . . well, hurt people with guava fruits.
Pimpy the Stud-Mouse: Pimpy is a six-foot-tall sexless mouse who loves Spam and Ween and hates rap music and heights. He is generally the voice of reason in this group of nutcases, and he is also quite strong and able to help with physical tasks. Pimpy also has an ongoing disagreement with Phil the Tie-God, which is bad news for him.
Amy: Based on my classmate from Biology and Women's Chorus, Amy wears a Spam shirt and is known to be knowledgeable about all things related to that canned meat product. Amy has a host of special powers with which she can perform a variety of tasks; the most often-used of her abilities include flight, teleportation, and random performances of telekinesis when it suits her. She basically has the same abilities that Julie, listed below, has, but she is much better than Julie at controlling time with a magic wand. She has an evil sister who dresses like a slut. Her secret name is Natasha.
Julie: My shameless self-insert character has long blonde braids that come out of holes cut for them in her backwards ball cap. She is smaller than Amy and has longer hair, but other than that the two seem to pretty much fill the same role in the story, except Julie has no evil sister and wears a Blind Melon shirt instead. She also can fly, teleport, and move things without touching them. However, she is better at making things appear and disappear than Amy is. Julie's secret name is Pandora.
Gene Ween: Gene is the singer of the band Ween (in real life), and in "Bruce the Duck" he is also part of that band. He and his brother Dean come up with cool ideas when assisted by helium inhalation, and they have been known to generally assist with errands and provide amusing lines. Gene is around in the story all the time, but to tell you the truth he doesn't have much of a role except to be there.
Dean Ween: The talented guitarist of the band Ween, Dean and his brother hang out at the guava tree and provide companionship for Bruce and co. Dean and Gene are important in a quest to find a lost can of Spam, when they go to Alex the Prophet to search for information.

See full scans of each character (front and back):

Bruce Monty Pimpy Amy Julie Gene Dean


If you were amused by this and want to see more old bad writing, be sure and check out the "ancient history" section of my writing page.

If you're curious about my current skills in the long fiction department, check out the novels in my "current projects" section.

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