SwankiVY2: Oh, okay. I'll bring over my hammer, and you hold the hooks still while I pound. Soon enough, we'll have a hat-rack.

MEDone: cool

MEDone: imaginative

SwankiVY2: Um, thanks.

MEDone: do you have a pic

SwankiVY2: Of my hatrack?

SwankiVY2: We haven't made it yet.

MEDone: your phone#

MEDone: what do you look like

SwankiVY2: Man, you are just relentless, aren't you?

MEDone: what do you look like

MEDone: come original

SwankiVY2: Gimme a break!

SwankiVY2: You're making me laugh here. . . .

SwankiVY2: You almost made me think for a second that you were one of those scummy jackasses who's trying to just hook up with an unwilling girl online.

SwankiVY2: Those people never say anything nice, they just want your picture immediately to decide if you're worth anything.

SwankiVY2: Aren't they ridiculous? Let's make fun of them.

SwankiVY2: Now you say one.

MEDone: laughing is good for your health

SwankiVY2: Yes! It sure is!

SwankiVY2: Now, you tell me about all the times boring girls have IMed you and asked for your picture like you're a piece of meat.

MEDone: i dont mind

SwankiVY2: Yeah, it sure is good for a laugh, isn't it?

SwankiVY2: Oh, and then there's the part where you post their IM on the Internet. . . .

SwankiVY2: And then tell all your friends, "hey, everyone, sorry about all the mass mail lately. But I got ANOTHER jerk IM."

MEDone: lets talk on the phone

MEDone: you need to loosen up a little i see

SwankiVY2: haha! You do a REALLY good imitation of one of those people. Okay, now my turn.
DesperateChick1: Hey hot stuff. You got a girlfriend?

MEDone: no

MEDone: you might like me though

MEDone: phone#

SwankiVY2: Oh, haha, that's it, play along. Here's desperate chick again.
DesperateChick1: All right! I have no standards. Why don't we hook up?

MEDone: hey thats cool

SwankiVY2: What's cool?

MEDone: phone#

SwankiVY2: Hey, if you keep saying "phone#" like that, I'm gonna start to think you want my phone number or something.

MEDone: now your catching on

MEDone: your kind of up tight

SwankiVY2: Oh, no, I'm not uptight at all!

SwankiVY2: This is a really great joke you've got going here.

MEDone: no joke

SwankiVY2: I mean, you play a cyberdorkboy really well . . . it's really making me crack up.

MEDone: call me then

MEDone: k

SwankiVY2: Hmm, okay . . . what should I call you?

MEDone: [number deleted]

SwankiVY2: Nonono, what should I call you, like when you're pretending to be the cyber jerk? Should I call you . . . um, MachoStud8? Or . . . oh, or BeaverHunter? Or better yet, PussyWillow?

MEDone: whatever you want

MEDone: r u nervous

SwankiVY2: Nervous? No, I'm rolling hysterically on the ground.

MEDone: scared perhaps

SwankiVY2: You know what, you're almost TOO convincing.

MEDone: call

SwankiVY2: Oh no . . . you mean . . . this whole time you really WERE trying to hit on me? And you're actually expecting me to call? And that wasn't a fake number?

MEDone: whats your age

SwankiVY2: And you've been serious all this time?

SwankiVY2: Oh god!!

MEDone: of course

SwankiVY2: Holy crap.

SwankiVY2: You didn't know I was kidding this whole time? Come on, you MUST have known I was kidding!

MEDone: i didnt care

MEDone: r u a rocket scientist or something

SwankiVY2: As a matter of fact, my roommate is the rocket scientist. I'm a novelist.

[My roommate at the time was studying aerospace engineering.]

MEDone: and

SwankiVY2: ::shrug:: and what? You asked.

MEDone: any famous novels ms novelist

SwankiVY2: No, not really. I haven't been published yet.

SwankiVY2: I'm working on that.

MEDone: youve allready got the snobby attitude down

SwankiVY2: Oh, thanks . . . I've been practicing.

MEDone: kind of bitchy if you ask me

MEDone: i can tell

SwankiVY2: You sound like you've been practicing the drunk, boring, desperate jackass attitude. :)

MEDone: mastered it thank you`

SwankiVY2: Do you know how many people start hitting on me once I'm online after midnight?

SwankiVY2: Do you realize that having "single" and "female" in a profile seems to double to you people as "horny as hell and wants my body"?

SwankiVY2: Do you realize that I get like six of you every week?

SwankiVY2: Don't you think that gets OLD??

MEDone: r u good looking

SwankiVY2: Sure. Short and sexy, blonde, age 21, and just cute as a button.

MEDone: you dont keep boyfriends well do you

SwankiVY2: I don't have any boyfriends. :)

SwankiVY2: I don't LIKE boys.

MEDone: yea right

SwankiVY2: I have boy [space] friends.

MEDone: lesbien huh

SwankiVY2: I don't LIKE girls. And in case you wanted to know so you can spell it right next time you assign someone a homosexual orientation, it's spelled L-E-S-B-I-A-N.

MEDone: english teacher to thats good

MEDone: you dont have many friends at all do you

SwankiVY2: Ohhh, you couldn't be more wrong . . . I am in fact quite popular with those who like my style . . . however, you are not my type.

MEDone: so you say

SwankiVY2: You are the type that suddenly jumps on me out of nowhere, demands my phone number and a date, and then asks me if I'm good-looking.

SwankiVY2: Do you think that appeals to me at all? Do you think that I'm going to respond positively to that?

MEDone: you should

SwankiVY2: I mean, seriously. You really expect me NOT to act like a bitch when all you want is my body?

MEDone: you might want mine

SwankiVY2: Don't you think I'd be a lot nicer if you'd started the conversation like I was a person and not a hole to screw?

MEDone: thats for you to answer

SwankiVY2: Somehow I doubt you can judge me very well, considering what appalling circumstances you approached me under.

MEDone: talk on the phone and see what you think of me

SwankiVY2: Hell no!

MEDone: scared

SwankiVY2: All you want is to hook up, you can go jump offa something high and don't bother me.

SwankiVY2: I don't need anyone else trying to hook up with me.

MEDone: figures

SwankiVY2: I am so frigging sick of that it is not even funny.

MEDone: you havent figured out that guys and girls get together

SwankiVY2: Yeah, but guys like you and girls like me . . . don't.

SwankiVY2: All you want is some chick, you don't care what's in her head or you would have asked me what's in mine.

SwankiVY2: That completely makes you a waste of my time.

MEDone: how do you know

MEDone: call and find out

SwankiVY2: You can stop begging now.

MEDone: i like to beg

SwankiVY2: Okay, why don't you listen here, and then tell me if you still want to talk to me.

MEDone: call me baby cakes

SwankiVY2: #1: under no circumstances am I calling you tonight.

SwankiVY2: #2: I do not date.

SwankiVY2: #3: I do not do sexual favors.

MEDone: your life must suck

SwankiVY2: #4: I am only amusing if you like to talk about things that matter.

MEDone: like what

SwankiVY2: #5: I am very, very bored of you as such.

SwankiVY2: and #6: unless you say something meaningful in the next minute, our conversation is over.

SwankiVY2: ::rolls eyes:: Your opinion that my life must suck is noted. I feel about the same about you; I think it must be horrible to sit around just trying to get a chick all day.

MEDone: correction all night

SwankiVY2: Okay, all night.

SwankiVY2: In my opinion, that sounds like a worthless existence. You don't know much about my life, though, nor I much about yours, so we can't really judge each other.

SwankiVY2: Know what I mean?

MEDone: thats why i want to talk

SwankiVY2: I already told you rule #1: I'm not talking to someone I just met on the 'net over the phone, especially considering that you haven't interested me yet.

SwankiVY2: I'm interested in conversations, not attempts to "get together."

MEDone: im very interesting

SwankiVY2: Considering that you're openly admitting that all you want to do is get a chick and hook up, I really think this is a lost cause.

SwankiVY2: Do you still want to talk to me if I'm not interested in getting together with you?

MEDone: youve got spunk

SwankiVY2: I certainly do.

SwankiVY2: You're persistent. but I don't admire that.

MEDone: lets talk

SwankiVY2: We are talking. and this is the only way we're going to talk tonight.

SwankiVY2: You will deal with that, or we will not talk anymore.

SwankiVY2: Got it?

MEDone: your kind of bossy

SwankiVY2: I'm not usually bossy. But apparently in your case I have to be, since you can't get it through your thick head that tonight we are not talking on the phone.

MEDone: youd get to stuck on me anyway

SwankiVY2: Oh, don't turn it around. You don't know me at all and I've expressed only animosity. If you'd like to pretend I'd be all sweet on you, fine, but you're the only one believing it.

SwankiVY2: If you can, convince yourself that you're just irresistable. As of now . . . I do believe I'm resisting you very, very easily. Have a good night.

[Okay, so then a couple weeks later or so, I got another IM from him, and he clearly didn't recall our first conversation.]

MEDone: hello

SwankiVY2: hi.

MEDone: whats up

SwankiVY2: Um . . . nothing.

MEDone: whats your age

SwankiVY2: So we're repeating our last conversation?

MEDone: i guesss

SwankiVY2: Um . . . no thanks, I didn't enjoy it the first time

MEDone: hwere did we leave off

MEDone: your perogitive

SwankiVY2: Hmm . . . last thing you said was something along the lines of how I was "rejecting" you only because I was afraid I'd get stuck on you.

SwankiVY2: Which of course was complete b.s., which is why our conversation ended then.

MEDone: on the phone

SwankiVY2: No, not on the phone. We never spoke on the phone because I wouldn't call you, even though you gave me your number and begged a lot.

MEDone: what do you look like

SwankiVY2: Okay, look . . . you can take your desperation elsewhere, okay? I'm not going to respond to this crap. Leave me alone unless you want a conversation and nothing else.

MEDone: you should feel special i dont beg much

SwankiVY2: I don't care how often you beg. It's just as pathetic to me.

MEDone: your quite rude

SwankiVY2: I'm not rude, not if you talk to me like I'm a person. But if you only want my body (which I determined was the case in our last conversation), I try to make you leave me alone.

SwankiVY2: I see no better way to do that than to seem unappealing.

SwankiVY2: Sooooo . . . quit IMing me. You're not going to get anything from me, so you might as well give up now.

MEDone: i dont even know what you look like let alone want your body!!!!!!

MEDone: B F U

SwankiVY2: I know you don't know what I look like. I'd like to keep it that way, but you keep pestering me for my picture and description, so it makes me think all you care about is my body.

MEDone: like to know who im talking to

SwankiVY2: Pictures don't tell who. Talking does.

SwankiVY2: Pictures tell what the outside looks like.

MEDone: you must be ugly thats the reason

SwankiVY2: I honestly don't care if you think I'm ugly, but it's really hilarious that you think that MUST be why.

SwankiVY2: Doesn't it make more sense to realize that I'm SICK of people hounding me for sex because everyone wants me?

MEDone: its true im a good judge of character

MEDone: because they cant see you

SwankiVY2: Not by my standards . . . however, since when is a person's character part of their physical appearance?

SwankiVY2: I don't think you even know what you're saying.

MEDone: what you think about yourself

SwankiVY2: What about myself?

MEDone: im fine your missing out and you dont even know it

SwankiVY2: Fine? As in, physically attractive?

MEDone: dont im me

MEDone: both

SwankiVY2: You want to judge my entire worth on what I look like. You're trying to say that only ugly people would reject you. I think they reject you because you're acting like a total dork.

MEDone: your just mad cause i asked what you looked like

SwankiVY2: Yes, I am mad that you asked me that. I'm tired of everyone who talks to me judging whether I'm worth anything on what I look like.

SwankiVY2: Not only am I not ugly (which shouldn't even matter), but I'm smart, and I'm tired of people not caring what's behind my eyes.

SwankiVY2: Soooo . . . basically, I don't want to talk to you, because all you're doing is asking me about my body when I don't think it's important.

MEDone: i just want a girl to kick it with

SwankiVY2: I doubt "kicking it" is something I'd be interested in, sorry.

SwankiVY2: And if physical attractiveness is necessary to kick it with you, you're a complete jerk.

MEDone: what are you womens lib

SwankiVY2: I don't like being treated like a body, do you understand?

MEDone: call me [number deleted]

SwankiVY2: Hmm, that's a different number than last time.

SwankiVY2: And I still have absolutely zero interest in calling you. Quit.

MEDone: more than 1 line

MEDone: you probably look like janet reno

SwankiVY2: Uh . . . like it would matter if I did, but I don't.

MEDone: call me dumbasss

SwankiVY2: Okay. You're a dumbass.

SwankiVY2: You like name-calling?

SwankiVY2: I can call you jerk-off and smeghead too, if you're into that sort of thing.

SwankiVY2: I think looks have nothing to do with whether a person is worth something. So, no matter if I AM pretty or ugly, I'm not going to respond.

SwankiVY2: I got a proposition to make: you can talk about something interesting with me right here on the computer, or you can keep trying to bed me and I can turn my IMs off.

MEDone: your being immature

SwankiVY2: You're trying to hit on me. I don't like it, so treat me like a person or leave me the hell alone.

MEDone: turn your ims off

MEDone: call

SwankiVY2: Your begging time is up, sorry.

Bree: You know, at first, I really, REALLY hoped that he was going along with you. He wasn't! What gets in to these guys' heads? I've had the same problem on MMORPGS that are rated E10+ and E. 3 times. I wasn't even online after 8:00. One spoke Spanish and English, saying normal things in English and harrasing me in Spanish. I know some Spanish, so I knew something was up. I ran it through a translator and what he said was just creepy. (I was 10 at the time) I wish I had thought to save the conversations somehow.

Wolfgang(Hung_Stud8): Oooh. Ooh. Can I be cyber dork boy?
Hung_Stud8: Hey, want to discuss interpretation of meta-ethics?
Hung_Stud8: Sorry, typo. I mean hook up.
Hung_Stud8: Would you like to suck my 9 metres?
Hung_Stud8: That wasn't a typo, by the way.
Hung_Stud8: I'm really that big.
Hung_Stud8: Hello?
Hung_Stud8: I feel as though I am in a cave, shouting at the top of my lungs, but I don't know who will hear me or which way is out.
Hung_Stud8: I am starting to believe in the Greek myth of echo, just to feel like there's someone there.
Hung_Stud8: But perhaps I have dug myself into this metaphorical cave of lonely echoes.
Hung_Stud8: ASL and whatr u wearing?

R: Ivy says, "Sure, i'll kick it with you!"
*meets up with him and WHAM! kicks him right where it hurts*.
Mr Man says, "I don't think I want a girl to kick it with anymore, waaa waaa waaa, maybe my tears will sooth my aching paaaain".

i wonder why they call it 'kicking it' when they talk of boyfriend/girlfriend etc, that seems strange, oh well.