eric: asl?

SwankiVY2: asl? Uh . . .

eric: whats wrong

SwankiVY2: I'm just not used to getting asked that.

eric: its ok babe

SwankiVY2: Why are you calling me "babe"?

eric: i call all girls that

SwankiVY2: It's weird.

eric: alright i wont call you that anymore

eric: i wanna know what you look like though jw

SwankiVY2: it's in my profile.

eric: oh you are pretty

SwankiVY2: Thanks.

eric: you got a bf

SwankiVY2: Are you asking because you hope the answer's no?

eric: yeah

eric: plz say no

SwankiVY2: I have a hard time explaining it to people who don't want to hear it, but I don't date.

SwankiVY2: If you want to date me based on what I look like, I probably don't even want to talk to you, much less date you.

SwankiVY2: It kinda hurts my brain how many people would rather ask what I look like than ask anything important like what I like to do or what my tastes are.

SwankiVY2: So, are you actually one of those millions of horny people looking for chicks on the Internet, or are you kidding around?

eric: lol

SwankiVY2: I'm not laughing yet.

eric: i thought you were not use to being asked that

SwankiVY2: I just haven't been asked "ASL" in a long time. I haven't been in a chat room for half a decade, so in general all the people who IM me know who I am already and don't need to ask that.

eric: you need to calm down just because i ask asl does not mean im horny you have been traumatized in those chats

SwankiVY2: I didn't say you were horny because you asked asl.

SwankiVY2: I asked IF you were BECAUSE the first thing you asked for was what I look like, and after I gave you a picture, you asked if I had a boyfriend and said you wanted me to say no.

SwankiVY2: And you based your interest in dating me on my looks, because you didn't ask anything else first.

SwankiVY2: I don't think that equals "traumatized." I think that equals logic.

SwankiVY2: If you'd like to get started on changing my conception of you, then start saying something valuable and maybe I will.

eric: look i think you just need to get laid it will relieve whatever stress you got goin on because i said nothing to offend you and you come out the gates with all this bullshit

SwankiVY2: That's ridiculous.

SwankiVY2: *I* didn't come out of any gates. First of all, YOU IMed ME, not the other way around. And you said nothing valuable, and now you're trying to make it seem like I'm the one who's the problem.

SwankiVY2: And, of all things, saying having sex will fix it. Guess what? You know nothing about me except what I look like.

SwankiVY2: Prematurely judging me as "just needs to get laid" is just to make yourself feel better about being insulted.

eric: so far you have not gotten to me so your attempts at insulting me are about as useless as an ashtray on a crotch rocket

SwankiVY2: I'm not trying to insult you. I've invited you many times to make me believe differently about you and you aren't even trying.

SwankiVY2: All you do is try to blow me off and say my attitude is in need of adjustment by a penis with a little bit of brain attached. Silly and sad.

eric: all i ask was asl and you get angry or at least you sound upset i dont know what via big deal is

eric: The

SwankiVY2: Are you deliberately ignoring what I'm saying? Is it a case of everything I typed is a Charlie Brown wah-wah-wah?

SwankiVY2: I never said the ASL bothered me. I said the "hey, got a boyfriend?" after seeing my picture was what bothered me.

eric: i was just asking a question. not like i said " wanna cyber" "what you wearing" something more perverted should've triggered the reaction you had but you just started getting upset. i think you really need to get laid

SwankiVY2: You hadn't asked me anything about myself except what I looked like before you proposed an intimate relationship. That bothers me. I don't see what it has to do with getting laid.

eric: gimme your number i'd be happy to do it too

SwankiVY2: Are you assuming that I'm just uptight and would suddenly not care when someone only cares about what I look like if I had sex with someone?

SwankiVY2: I somehow doubt a penis would change how I feel about that.

eric: believe me girls i've slept with don't act like this

eric: all uptight and shit

eric: i can cure you

SwankiVY2: Ahh, so obviously your penis is the cure to all attitude problems.

SwankiVY2: And expecting standards from a chatting partner is an attitude problem.

eric: haha sure is babe

SwankiVY2: Well, I'm not really interested in wasting my time with talking to you. Because you are obviously one of two things:

SwankiVY2: You are a complete douchebag, or you are deliberately trying to get on my website.

eric: i doubt you will make far without a man that's why you're at home trying to occupy yourself by making these pointless web pages

eric: women need a man for guidance they are blind without one

eric: well

eric: time for me to go

SwankiVY2: See, you're deliberately trying to say things that are very ignorant.

SwankiVY2: I got your number.

eric: i hope you have a long lonley life

SwankiVY2: I hope you learn to spell "lonely."

eric: that's nice give me a call

SwankiVY2: ::giggle::

eric: because you really need to get laid

SwankiVY2: It's really funny that you keep saying that. Keep trying to convince yourself that that's what's really going on here so you'll feel better.

SwankiVY2: That's what they all do.

eric: but it's true babe you are so uptight about everything

SwankiVY2: Try to put me in a box so they can understand that anyone who doesn't want them is obviously just sex-deprived and can't think straight.

SwankiVY2: I'm not "uptight." I'm understandably annoyed about talking to someone who expects a positive reaction to "I like how you look, so how about a lay?"

eric: my friend who is sex deprived only because she is extremely shy cannot focus she is a dumbass she's always uptight like you and doesn't want to admit it's because she's been deprived of sex i would offer but she is fat and i do not like fat chicks

eric: i really must go now i have a job unlike you

SwankiVY2: I guess you understand every woman in the world now because of your assessment of your friend.

SwankiVY2: See, yeah, you know so much about me. Like that I must also not have a job.

SwankiVY2: Except that I do.

SwankiVY2: And I also do not have an empty, lonely life, or a need for a boyfriend, or time for pointless bullshit.

eric: i understand most women because i've slept with tons of them i know how to get in their pants and know how to fend them off

SwankiVY2: Sure.

SwankiVY2: Keep telling yourself that.

eric: i will because it's true

SwankiVY2: That you *understand* women because you put your penis in them.

eric: i could write a book if i wanted too

SwankiVY2: I can instinctively tell that you do not understand women if you think they just need you to bang them and everything will be okay.

SwankiVY2: I have written eleven books.

eric: i dont care how many books you've written no one will read them because people dont want to be sex deprived

SwankiVY2: People like you are funny and sad . . . maybe one day you will mature a little.

SwankiVY2: Hahah . . . wow, you just keep digging yourself deeper and deeper into a pit of embarrassment.

eric: sex is everything and it feels good i love sex and will continue to have sex for as long as i live

SwankiVY2: This is how people argue when they already know they don't have a leg to stand on.

eric: im sure you would have sex with me you are just not admitting it so shut up

SwankiVY2: If you support even one of the things you said with a fact, I'll listen. But you do nothing but make snap judgments (incorrectly) based on nothing.

SwankiVY2: Nope. I wouldn't have sex with anyone. But you haven't asked me anything about myself.

eric: lol you are so uptight seriously get laid woman

SwankiVY2: So you don't know that, do you?

eric: if you had a brain you'd realize i have a brain or else i wouldn't be typing right now

SwankiVY2: I heard that some dinosaurs had brain-like clusters of nerves in their asses. I sometimes wonder if the guys I talk to have second brains in their penises that make them act like this.

eric: now look delete all your webpages

eric: toss the comp

eric: and get laid

SwankiVY2: Great advice!

eric: get out of your house seriously

SwankiVY2: Then I'll be just like you!

eric: because you are beautiful as hell but you are too bitchy

SwankiVY2: Which is obviously so rewarding and wonderful!

SwankiVY2: I'm not bitchy unless someone treats me like all I am is a bitch.

SwankiVY2: I am not just a body. I just happen to be attached to one. It's more or less irrelevant.

SwankiVY2: I like if people appreciate it, but I refuse to let it define me.

SwankiVY2: "Hmm, this girl reacts badly to having a relationship proposed to her based on nothing but her body. What an uptight bitch! She just needs to get laid."

SwankiVY2: That is incredibly poor logic.

SwankiVY2: I don't want any relationships proposed to me--not even friendships--if the other person isn't interested in me as a *person*.

eric: lol no it's not because i know you are struggling with this you wanna get laid but you dont want a guy taking advantage of you. you feel stuck and don't know what to do.

SwankiVY2: I don't think that is too much to ask.

eric: you have my number ill tell you what to do

eric: come to my house

eric: now look i have to go to work you think about what i said

SwankiVY2: You still keep demonstrating your poor logic. You do not know *anything* about me--you haven't asked. You're not showing your keen insight into the female personality. You're showing that you make premature assumptions.

SwankiVY2: I'm not struggling with anything of the sort. I am asexual, and if you don't know what that is you can read an article.

SwankiVY2: I've been interviewed in high-profile magazines on the subject and I have written articles about it. I have heard every question in the book and you have added absolutely nothing new to the pool.

SwankiVY2: I have heard everything you've suggested before, and it's all really, really ridiculous.

eric: lol that is bullshit

SwankiVY2: What is?

eric: everyone has a desire for sex

SwankiVY2: Nope.

eric: that is total bullshit

SwankiVY2: You have never done any reading on the subject, though.

eric: lol stfu you are so full of it you are lying

SwankiVY2: There definitely are people with no sex drive. If you want to hear about the THOUSANDS of people who identify as asexual, go to aven.

SwankiVY2: But I guess because you haven't heard of it, therefore it doesn't exist and you know more about my feelings than I do. I see.

SwankiVY2: Aven's site is asexuality.org .

eric: everyone desires sex im sure you finger yourself so you don't desire it but in the process of masturbating you are desiring for sex so dont come at me with this shit now i am really done with you good bye im going to work and maybe after i might find an asexual that i can have sex with lol you are so full of it that website is bullshit and so are you hun bye bye

SwankiVY2: Yup, you've got it, I'm sure. Have fun.

[He disappeared but actually IMed me another day. My auto-responder replied to him first.]

eric: whats up

Auto response from SwankiVY2: Here but busy. Try me if you want, I might write back!

eric: look im sorry for the way i acted last time we talked

eric: oh wait thats someone else

SwankiVY2: pardon me?

eric: are you the chick that looks like hillary swank

SwankiVY2: No.

SwankiVY2: You IMed my IM answering machine with a "sorry about the way I acted" type IM last time.

eric: oh that must be someone else

SwankiVY2: Well, the last time I talked to you you did behave like a complete jerk, so I thought you might be apologizing, but I don't even know why you IMed me that time either.

eric: oh did i? I must have been drunk outta my mind that night

SwankiVY2: I don't take that to be a good excuse, but you were about to go to work that day too, so unless you go to work drunk too, I doubt it.

SwankiVY2: It's pretty annoying when people use "sorry, I was drunk" as some kinda get out of jail free card. I don't tend to keep company with people who do things that have to be blamed on substance abuse. It's embarrassing.

eric: funny how you remember so many details i think you have a crush on me

SwankiVY2: No, I just saved the conversation. And when I got an IM from you with "sorry how I acted" and I didn't remember, I looked it up. Considering it was recently that you did that, I remember.

SwankiVY2: And it's funny how you try to make ME into a loser because I remember you acting like a jerk.

eric: haha wow ok now i know you need to get laid

SwankiVY2: You said that last time too. It's your answer to everything. You obviously don't need alcohol to act like a douchebag. Don't IM me again please.

Miss: That Eric guy is such a tool, and is a penis brain.