The page is big. So? Why is it that because I have a lot of content, it means I don't have a life outside of it?

The page has taken a lot of time to build. So? It is a hobby. I enjoy working on it. And it doesn't take as much time as you probably think it does, especially considering how long I've been tweaking and adding to it.

The page includes a LOT of information about ME. Well, it IS a personal website--most of the content is about me or the things I like. But consider this. I have large instructional and informational parts of my site, like a part that has instructional materials on Paganism, and a long and involved informative essay about asexuality, and even a recipes site. On top of that, while lots of content is personal, it is also entertainment: I make my long fiction, short fiction, and poetry available to the public through this site, and I also have original music, original art, book reviews, book-related fansites, an ongoing webcomic, a huge photo gallery, and interactive forms that let viewers contribute and comment.

On top of that, there is the social aspect; for the parts of my site that involve talking about myself, I think why the hell not? Some people who otherwise never would have met me can get to know me through the site, and they have. My site has caught the attention of people who later became my friends because of some interest we shared. I'm still unsure of why people have a problem with the idea of me presenting myself to the online world in a digitized form.

People seem to look at my page as if I threw it together in a month, spending every waking second typing unimportant b.s. about myself into a computer out of obsession and, well, loser-ness, I guess. And then they say, "GIRL, what the hell is wrong with you? Why do you spend so much time on this stupid thing? Don't you have a life?" In fact, I do have quite a bit of a life, thanks, and much of the site is about that life. It just so happens that maintaining this website is part of that life, and it's fun. And I'll have you know that I've been working on it bit by bit since 1997. This was not a one-shot deal. I did not sit here and plan the entire thing one day. It has been growing since I had an assignment to make a website in a spring semester 1997 music technology class, and it started as one stupid list of links like everyone else's. It just so happens that when I do something, I like to do it right, and in a big way.

I now have some questions for the people who are not yet convinced. For those of you who still think I'm a big loser because my site is so big, answer me this: I hate to respond with backwards accusations, but what exactly do you do in your spare time that is so much more worthy? Okay, so making a website may not be your idea of fun, or it may not be your chosen method of venting frustrations or expressing ideas, or it may be you just don't know how to make a very good site and think those of us who have bothered to learn are hopeless nerds. But at least respect the fact that a website is my idea of fun, it is an acceptable and effective release for me, and it is rather easy for me now that html is a second language for me. I don't think you're a loser if you don't have a site, or if your site is nowhere near as large and in-depth as mine (hey, whose is?). I just get a little annoyed when I'm judged "ohmigod, LOSER" by someone who probably has spent more time watching TV since 1997 than I have on this site.

And not only TV--they watch TV and then they watch reruns of what they already watched and buy the DVD and then watch it again. Do I have a problem with that? No, not really, but notice I'm not the one judging you for it.

I don't watch TV. I don't even have cable. I seem to default to creativity mode instead of passive absorption mode, so soaking up programming is not my first choice of entertainment. I am a producer, not a consumer (though of course everyone who produces needs to consume a little, though I tend to consume and then react if I think my thoughts on the material might be interesting to someone). I am not against media consumption in principle, at all. It just so happens that when I get to choose what I want to do, the first thing I think of is to make rather than take. But I think most people don't even realize what consumers they are, and then they are going to sit there and judge me for wanting to do this instead?

At least I'm being productive and getting my stuff out there--but be my guest, sit on your butt and watch your programs, listen to your music, read your books as much as you want, then call me a loser because I'm actually creating these things and sharing them. I'll be here in my computer chair making contact with the people who are interested in and inspired by my efforts (and yes, they exist in droves, according to the e-mails I get nearly every day). While you're watching your shows, I'll be here putting out material instead of soaking it up. And I reiterate that there's not a damn thing wrong with wanting to absorb, especially if you're not overdoing it; I'm just really disgusted by the fact that people who don't contribute anything are making fun of those of us who are!

And believe me, this website may look like it takes a lot of effort but it's only a fraction of what I'm capable of. If you think after looking at this page that I must spend all my time on it, think again. I work a day job, I work several other work-as-needed jobs, I go out with my friends, and I still maintain this site plus several other service pages and two webcomics; I do other creative things, I bake, I write books and talk on the phone and keep my house up . . . AND find time to sleep. Don't even try to tell me I don't have a life outside this box. And at the end of the day, I have something to show for it. It really strikes me as ironic that these people who have produced little or nothing of value in their lives can even consider saying, "But isn't it all a bit pointless?" to me. It isn't pointless just because YOU missed the point.

Still want to tell me to get a life? Do tell; give me some hints on how I could be more productive and worthwhile. Or you could just kiss my ass. Thank you very much.