[From the archives of my guestbook:]

Name: Doug

Comments: Who gives a **** about you, really? Making a site all about you and your opinions is incredibly stupid. Talk about waste of space.

And do you really need to thank AOL? My God, they are one of the worst companies out there.

Yeah, you're cool.

[And another entry right after it:]

Name: Doug

Comments: Wait, I'm not done. I just read a few lines from your rant about nobody taking AOL users seriously. I would have read the whole thing had it not been completely stupid.

Look, there is a very good reason intelligent cannot stand AOL. AOL tries to monopolize on the internet. Which, in my eyes, is absolutely ridiculous. Furthmore, AOL tries to cram too many features into one browser, making it the entire program slow, clunky, and laughable.

Here's an idea: Why not get a real ISP and just use Internet Explorer or Netscape as your web browser? Is that too technical for you? Is it that hard to figure out, really?

Using AOL is like trying view the world via glasses that only allow the wearer to see ten colors. You'll never get the true experience.

Get the analogy?

There is so much AOL restricts that is just laughable. But, whatever. Enjoy your completely dumbed-down internet experience and continue kissing AOL's worthless ass.

[As you can see, Doug's got his head firmly on his shoulders here.]

[Since he was not interested in letting me reply personally to him and left me no e-mail address (God forbid he actually accept some personal responsibility for insulting me), I decided I could put him up as a JERK and let everyone see his moron-ness!]

Who gives a **** about you, really?

These people. And these people. (News flash: I get an average of two or three e-mails a day complimenting some content of mine. Even if YOU don't care, LOTS OF PEOPLE DO.)

And do you really need to thank AOL? My God, they are one of the worst companies out there.

Thanks for the information--it's not subjective or anything; your opinion must be a statement of fact. By all means, this is an excellent way to enlighten me about AOL's suckage. Bring it on!

I just read a few lines from your rant about nobody taking AOL users seriously. I would have read the whole thing had it not been completely stupid.

But apparently I'm worth the extra time it took to come to the guestbook a second time and spout this nonsense. Maybe if you HAD read the whole thing, you would have realized I had a point.

Look, there is a very good reason intelligent cannot stand AOL.

Yeah, I know, so many intelligent are on your side. How about a NOUN for your adjective to modify, genius?

AOL was designed mostly for people who wanted an easy, user-friendly way to access the Internet. I got free Web hosting with them for years for my site, and I volunteered in two of their areas as a host in return for free service when I otherwise probably wouldn't have been able to afford it. It was certainly appropriate for what I needed at the time, and I would think anyone railing about how "intelligent" can't use a certain service would be able to understand what a logical fallacy is. You can't judge people's intelligence by their computer skills or habits or preferences.

AOL tries to monopolize on the internet. Which, in my eyes, is absolutely ridiculous.

There are some things I don't like about AOL. I don't really see how they're "monopolizing on the Internet." They tried to appeal to the lowest common denominator, so it's hardly surprising that a lot of that population responded, loading AOL with more than its fair share of jackasses. It doesn't mean using the service MAKES you a jackass. I'd love to hear some explanations of how AOL is "monopolizing on the Internet," though. To tell you the truth, from the way this is used in this sentence, I have my doubts as to whether you know what "monopolize" means, Doug. Are you just trying to use your college words to show what an intelligent you are?

Furthmore, AOL tries to cram too many features into one browser, making it the entire program slow, clunky, and laughable.

Yes. I think AOL's feature overload is ridiculous. No one needs all that crap, and I have never had any desire to listen to the radio through AOL. Furthmore [sic--yes, I'm mocking his spelling], I'm not sure how you know so damn much about AOL if you never touch the stuff. I still don't see how this reflects on me just because AOL is bloatware.

Here's an idea: Why not get a real ISP and just use Internet Explorer or Netscape as your web browser? Is that too technical for you? Is it that hard to figure out, really?

Why not? Because my website was on AOL for years, first off, and it began to be built there because at the time I got AOL for free through my hosting job. No, it's not too technical or hard to figure out. I know how to use alternate browsers and don't use AOL's browser. Why is my choice of ISP worth so much to you? Why should you give a rat's ass about how I access the 'Net?

[Note: Obviously I DID choose to abandon my AOL website when they closed the program, but when everyone was still paying for it, it was a great ad-free, dependable, and easy-to-use space. I use the Firefox browser.]

Using AOL is like trying view the world via glasses that only allow the wearer to see ten colors. You'll never get the true experience.

Get the analogy?

There is so much AOL restricts that is just laughable. But, whatever. Enjoy your completely dumbed-down internet experience and continue kissing AOL's worthless ass.

Now this is way off. Are you under the impression that AOL has filters that make me unable to see what a page really looks like? Do you think that because I used AOL for my website and e-mail, I therefore get some skinny version of the Internet as well? I really don't understand this, or why anyone who obviously doesn't use AOL would have a clue as to what my experience is like enough to judge what it's like. Are you just hacked off because when you first tried to use AOL, your mommy and daddy put parental controls on there so you couldn't go to the dirty pages? I promise you that I can go anywhere on the 'Net that a person with a supposed "real ISP" can, and that I'm not having any different experience.

And yes, I get the analogy. Unlike some people, I have a solid grasp of the English language.