I think you should marry me right now.

(With that said, I really enjoyed your pieces on Eragon and Eldest; I tend to regard the books with a view most people-- that is to say, my diehard fantasy-loving friends, God love them but they've got FLUFF FOR BRAINS-- don't seem to understand, a sort of "Heavens, these were pretty terrible-- but do you see how they could have been better?"

You touch on that feeling.

...That sounds kind of dirty.)

Fragon: Great job as always, Ivy.

funkystars79: I read your Eragon essay some months back and e-mailed you about it and I'm excited to see what you wrote for Eldest. Infact your essay and anti shurtgual.com turned me into an anti. But I really liked the inconsistancies that you pointed out because I missed them simply because when I was reading Eldest I was so eger to get to the good parts I skimmed alot of the bulk words that had not alot to do with the story and waited until i hit something interesting and back tracked when I needed too. But I bow to your awsomeness in this essay.

Cara: The long-awaited Eldest essay! I am as pleased as a [insert painful simile involving an animal here] --- because, hey, we've all been subjected to the WAIT AND READ ELDEST defense from some Eragon fans. (And, since this is going to be a public comment, I'm going to pimp out the Eragon hatelisting link: http://eragon.pfenix.net)

I really liked how the essay was set up. It cushions the length and if the reader decides that he or she has seen enough examples of how bad Paolini screwed up HERE, he or she can then move on with little trouble or fear of missing the point.

And you know how much I like your writing, so I don't even need to compliment you on how entertaining this was to read, right? RIGHT! It was also good of you to give Paolini some credit for improving... even if it was only by an inch. Personally, I don't even think the "good stuff" was noticible when I read the book.

Anyway, excellent work here, Miss Ivy. 'Til the Third Book of Where-Are-the-Hobbits!

Luwa: You've successfully conveyed everything I ever thought about Eragon in your essay, (more eloquently and logically then I ever could, kudos). It occured to me while I was reading Eragon and Eldest that the author employed extremely default language, making the whole reading experience one massive headache for me.

I am not a writer myself. However, I am a fan of science-fiction and have read enough worthy pieces to recognise a inadequate work when I see one. The thing that instantly turned me off while reading the Inheritance Trilogy was the lack of mastery Paolini had in terms of the English language. As I have mentioned before, his descriptive passages and adjectival phrases were default, to the point of being cliched and corny. He seemed determined to convince the reader that we are involved in some kind of sweeping journey with the over-use of obscure and, frankly, ridiculous names (as you analysed so wonderfully in your essay).

I really do not mean to insult Paolini personally. That being said, I felt like I was reading a mary-sue fanfiction (another point you addressed wonderfully) by a first-time writer while I ploughed through the mess that is Eragon and Eldest.

Jeremy Downey: Excellent, very witty essay. Honestly, Eragon could have been written by the Internet; it's the bastard child of Everquest and a Star Wars convention, full of elves and fury, signifying nothing.
I had the misfortune of being introduced to young master Paolini's monstrosity by....young master Paolini. It was back when he had just published the thing through his parents' vanity press (their only other published titles were books on how to teach math with Cheerios), and he had come to my little town in northern Idaho to pitch his tent at our local Renaissance Festival. I ran into him at the video rental store, dressed in his billowy red manblouse and beret. He's really the most insufferably cocky piece of work you can imagine (his protagonist doesn't fall far from the tree). What's ironic is that he's cocky about all the wrong things. He'll never be a very good writer: he has no ear for beauty in language. All the passable bits in his books are simply mimesis. On the other hand, he's a terribly gifted artist and illustrator, but seems totally unaware of it. It's exasperating.
I must admit, I'm envious of his discipline to actually sit down and write. I myself have a knack for words, but it's rendered useless by my fear of writing. I'm so critical of my own stuff that I generally don't write at all, rather than be berated by the critic in my head. If I could have one thousandth of Paolini's ego, I might actually have the courage to write a novel of my own.

Emily: Wow!
That is an amazing essay!
I really liked it. Maybe you could add more from Eldest? Possibly about similarities between it and more other novels?
Emily
P.s I wish I could write essays like you.

BG: Nice essay, I wish people would pick up more inspiring and original works like the discworld series as oppose to this drivel. I used to peruse through fanfiction sites and his style is exactly like the adolescent writings I found there. Good luck with your novels :)

Jinx: Hello,

I wanted to write after I read your essay on Eragon. (I will be frank; I found it via a Google search for "i hate eragon".) I greatly disliked that book and its widespread popularity and success, even with a movie made of it now, has infuriated me since I read it. More than that, the fact that it's so popular has made me feel like I'm wrong not to like it because it seemed everyone else does. It was greatly reassuring to read your review and realize that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. The fact that you've heard from many people who agree with you only helps that. I wanted to thank you for posting your review and mentioning the response it has generated, as this really has bothered me, especially as an amateur writer myself. I'm actually a little concerned about my own works as a result of some of your comments, but I think it's safe to say my writing is better than that in Eragon.

I had one comment about the book which was unaddressed in your review - you may feel free to post it publicly if you wish, along with anything in this e-mail - about Brom. Something that really irritated me about his character was how Eragon respected and defended him throughout the story, yet there was never given any reason why. Brom abused and chided Eragon, he was secretive and generally unhelpful, yet for some reason, Eragon fervently stood up for Brom whenever it came to it - arguing with the fortune teller immediately comes to mind, though I haven't read it since the first time a couple years ago. I really thought that was weak.

Oh, and aside from the Eragon/Aragorn thing, the first thought that came to my mind when I saw the title was it was one letter away from "dragon." May as well have called him Hero.

Thanks again for posting your review, I really do feel a lot better about myself after having read it. If you're interested and if you have the time, my writing is available at http://www.fictionpress.com/~citizenofzozo . I wouldn't mind having your discerning eye look over my works in progress.

Regards,
Jinx

Mark Nelson: Your review is spot on. Paolini's work is an embarrassment of greed. It exposes the superficial nature of the publishing industry. Scads of money is being made on this kid's tripe. Terry Brooks survived the fiasco that was The Sword of Shannara because he eventually learned how to write a little, but this kid is merely precocious.
I may not be able to finish this thing. All the irritations I felt in the first 220 pages of the book have been confirmed with your essay and the stuff on the antishurtugal site. Egads, the book is insulting....