That Story about Fortune Cookie Girl

© 2014

Review #3:
Reviewed by: Grace
Comments:
Likes: I liked how this wasn't your typical romantic comedy where the guy leaves his girlfriend for the "cooler" girl. At the beginning, I thought that Miles and Bridge would break up and he and Tara would start dating; I was relieved that didn't happen. The contrast between Kevin and Miles was interesting, and I like character foils. I admired how you applied some literary/character terms to your story. I'm in theater, so I've heard the use of the "straight man" before. My favorite character was Bridge, because she is relatable to me. I'm asexual, too, and I thought it was nice how she and Miles still managed to have a romantic relationship despite their respective orientations. Also, I appreciated that you elucidated a relationship doesn't always have to be about sex. I loved all of the complexities and different components of each character; none of them were 100 percent good or evil, not even Tara. I thought this made the story more realistic. When it comes to the plot, I liked how you took a little time to set up the story and then picked up the pace. It annoys me when stories either jump right into things-which leads to confusion-or spend hours explaining everything. I thought the ending was very logical and reasonable; there were no major plot twists at the ending, and you tied up all of the loose ends nicely. Finally, I loved your vocabulary in the story. I can tell that you are an extremely intelligent woman, and your language is so articulate and refined.

Dislikes: I don't think you ever mentioned Miles' dad in your story. I would have like to have known what happened to him. Did he die? Is he divorced or estranged from the family? Maybe you could describe more about him. The other thing that concerned me was the use of commas before the word "too". Isn't there typically one in place there? I noticed that you sometimes used it, but sometimes didn't. I might be wrong, though, but I was just wondering.

I really think that you should get this story published, and I was amazed by it in many ways. Thank you for letting me read it, and I hope I could help! :)

Review #2:
Reviewed by: Rebeca
Comments:
My main criticism is what you pretty much said on your blog: the message is way too clearly spelled out. And that is distracting. I feel like, when the comments about rom-com happened a lot, or when some people went on too long about how sweet Taraís actions were while Miles screamed ďNO. STALKING IS NOT LOVEĒ it made it lose impact for me. I donít know exactly how youíd fix it, and, yíknow, maybe itís the kind of thing that has to be blatant, because otherwise people wonít get it. But the reason ďStalking is LoveĒ stories are so scary is that (at least the really dangerous ones) arenít too obvious about it. You could hypothetically take both arguments of the itís creepy vs. itís love debate. But here, thereís no way to even pretend otherwise. And maybe thatís whatís needed! Maybe being subtle is just not the way with the destructive notions society has with this behavior. I just donít know if it works story-wise.

I say this all in mind that it is a short story, so you donít really have the wiggle room to expand on the concepts D:

I did love the writing, though. Tara, Kevin, and Bridget had the best dialogue. Milesís mom sounded a bit preachy for me, but I understand that your hands are kind of tied there; since itís not a novel, we only ever get this one moment from her. And even with the preachy moment, there are hints of her more complex characterization. Plus, Iíd be lying if I said I hadnít encountered that way of speaking from people before. Miles acted a bit blandly at times. Some of his dialogue just felt like...the bullet points to the themes, which might be why I found myself disliking it often. That said, his voice was still pretty consistent. And I loved seeing him interact with Bridget.

I still donít know how I feel about the meta comments. (Oh man, I hope Iím using that term correctly). Itís still amusing >.>, but I donít know if it was totally needed. Iíd say the one time I was completely okay with it was in the end, because it wraps up the ending in a satisfying way.

And that scene with Bridget and Taraóbaaaaah, that was awesome D:<

Review #1:
Reviewed by: The Author Herself
Comments:
This one was a real pain to get out, but I like the end result. I like that the story is not only about stories, but it's a guy talking about his storytelling techniques while talking about telling a story while telling a story. There's a level of meta there that's just kind of annoying. I like that the story has THREE QUEER CHARACTERS and that they joke about how this can't be a rom-com because that never happens. I like that it contains two bisexual men and they have different attitudes about sex. And of course I like the point I was making. I'm just not entirely sure it "works" overall, or that the massive lampshading does much for the fact that the ending is silly, and it's annoyingly long.

Read it:

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