[This essay was posted by someone else and puked on at Reddit. See links to comments, and my response.]
Maybe it's just because I lived in a college town for ten years, but I am VERY over getting judged constantly because of my disinterest in mainstream party styles. I get it all the time from guys: "Don't you 'go out'?" Sure I go out. To poetry readings. To movies. To friends' houses, the mall, restaurants. To play dancing games, hell, I don't know. But when I tell people the places I frequent when I leave my house, I am met with something like this: "No, I mean GO OUT, like clubs! Don't you have a LIFE??" Strange . . . these people don't consider my form of entertainment "real" entertainment. I am judged by these people as "not having a life" because I do not like to go to clubs or large beer-bash parties.
It seems as though these people think I'm just not cool enough because I prefer poetry readings and one-on-one activities with friends to their raging keggers. When they hear I don't go to these, they immediately assume I'm socially inept, nerdy, a computer dork, probably fat and ugly and a big bitch besides, and very bitter about it surely. If people are not into the club scene they are automatically a complete dork and are "missing real life." I have had people regard me with pity and incredulous stares when I answer truthfully that I'd rather just hang out at home and make homemade bread or go to a movie with a friend . . . when I am offered the chance to go to a club or party and I refuse, people are like, "WHAT?? Why???" Why would I rather be inside than "out" at a club? Why do I choose to engage in creative pursuits rather than get drunk every weekend? Why does my sorry ass choose building websites as a hobby in favor of mate-swapping? I'll tell you.
So, in a nutshell, I hate a lot of things about clubs, find them boring, and have better things to do with my time. These reasons seem to make no difference to the people who can't understand why I don't "go out." They insist that because I don't like this stuff, I must not know how to have a "good time." Well, thank you very much, but a poetry reading IS a "good time" for me, as is chatting with a friend, going bowling, or playing tennis. That doesn't make me a loser. That makes me different from those people. And believe it or not, *I* happen to think that plenty of *them* are losers, so it goes both ways. There is not a clear-cut definition of loserhood here, fellas . . . you may be thinking I'm a loser for not "clubbing," but I'm sitting here thinking just as badly of you. Here's why.
Any comments left here are PUBLIC. If you are not comfortable with that, mail me directly.
Comments from others:
Mikey: I agree with you on this from experience I have had my time with the drinking and it does nothing for you I am so much more content with having control and doing what I choose instead of dealing with what is the in thing to do so (Go against the grain until the end) yes I will. I am my own person. World it is time to wake up.
Roxie: Hi, remember me? I left a comment at the asexuality topic. Belive it or not, one of my Ex-friends thought exact same thing in you're title. Even when she was recovering from surgery, she stopped at the bar and drank 3 shots yeigermiesters at 2 in the morning. What a stupid bitch. I find it hard to believe that we were best friends in 5th grade. She criticizes me for still being in school yet after 4 years of college she becomes ........a manicurist! I'm trying focus my life on becoming a writer, I've earned a membership in Phi theta kappa, I volunteer in several shelters, and I'm the one being criticized?! Yeah? who's living in dream world now?
Sorry, that's alot of steam to let off. Keep up with this site, it's a good one. :)
Lauralot: I completely agree. I hate loud music, dancing, flirting, and just the general atmosphere of parties. It really bothers me that people think there's something strange about this.
I share a lot of your views, and I like the way you're outspoken about everything.
Well, partying is also not my top priority, but I personally do like it very much, albeit not for the reasons most people go out for.
I started going out at 21 (I'm 24 now) before I just wasn't interested in that kind of stuff at all, in favor of all kinds of nerd stuff. Anime, games, books, you name it.
Lately though, I have changed quite a bit (haven't given up old interests but gained some new), especially from a total non-dancer to an ecstatic dancer. I get a lot out of it and in a way I love the attention when I dance, too, but never ever in a sexual way. I'm creeped out by that, but if someone just likes the way I look or move, I can appreciate that.
I don't need to drink alcohol when going out. There are some alcoholic drinks I like, but because of their taste, not because of the amount of alcohol they contain.
I am most definitely NOT looking for any kind of fling or relationship (well, I am in one now, but that just happened without me looking for it) when going out. I do it all for the purpose of my fun. Yes, I am such a selfish person. My asexuality (or nonsexuality, as you call it) just helps me in being focussed in what I really like, not what some intrinsic ancient urge might tell me to like and waste my time with.
Now I also like to express my creativity in my clothing and make-up (Compared to earlier times, where I only liked to draw and write poetry. Now I view adorning myself quite the same way as I view painting a picture. I'm a perfectionist either way). I'm partly goth, but always trying to be flexible and atypical because the goth culture in itself isn't the most creative anymore, too. So even if I get weird looks, I might show up in all white in my local club where all wears black, or in all black, just what I like. I like to play with clichés, sometimes falling into them, sometimes not, and it confuses people SO much. I wonder why, can they not get it into their heads that a person doesn't have to be the same all the time? Have those people no moods?
Well, that will be growing into a rant if I don't cut it off here.
Actually I just wanted to state my approval of your views.
Oh, and if there's some problem with my grammar or spelling or weird words, which I hope not (I'm quite the grammar freak, too), mind that I am of Austrian origin. I speak German and English is my second language (which I learned mostly via the Net, movies and books), but I might be a bit out of practice since lately I haven't been doing much in English.
Synesthesia: Hello. You seem cool and interesting. I liked your points about the Inheritance series which is way worse than Twilight which was at least entertaining with interesting twists on the supernatural and it didn't make me repeat stupid lines in the bathroom and make me feel like throwing the book into the stream. But that is unrelated to your rant on parties. I agree with you. I hate parties. Loud things. I don't like to drink more than a tiny amount of weak whimpy sweet wine since beer tastes putrid. I don't want to get drunk. I want to remember things and be aware of my surroundings. I don't want to hook up with random strangers either and would rather stay home and read a good book while listening to music and playing a pointless game.
However, Dir en grey concerts are an exception to my hatred of crowds because I love Dir en grey.
Pedro: 1. As I tend to say, "if you need to be drunk not to be bored, are you really 'having fun' in the first place?
2. Whoa, hold up, hold up. There is a 'myself', but he is painfully shy and hates making a fool of himself/having everyone stare, so he usually shuts his mouth and holds it in. I get drunk (or used to) in order to let my inner, interesting-and-attractive side out and stifle the dorky-boring-and-shy side. Quite simply, I'm dull when I'm sober. So yeah, I need to drink to NOT be myself, if that makes sense.
Eliina: I think that if people pointlessly mock your choice of time spending, it's
1: your lifestyle makes them insecure about how they spend their time, so they feel
the need to feel better about themselves by bringing you down. Or
2: they simply enjoy putting others down for no reason (yes, these people exist).