The profile search allowed losers to plug in information they wanted and find local people to be idiots with, and though I did find many GREAT people to talk to (some of whom I am still friends with to this day), more often than not the IMs I got were from people who wanted to have sex with me, or perhaps just talk about it.

Obviously I was not fond of this behavior.

List of things for you to know going into reading these:

1. I sometimes get contacted by well-meaning people assuring me up front that they are not cybersex freaks like these guys. Just so you know, I don't automatically think that about anyone upon first contact; you don't have to worry that I'm going to assume you're a sick pervert. I respond just as civilly as you approach me. I am not going to attack you, so fear me not.
2. I actually am uninterested in sex of all kinds (cyber and otherwise). This is mentioned in some of the IMs. It is not a line I am feeding the dorks to make them shut up.
3. I don't tell cyberfreaks my last name; they get to call me "Ivy," and that's about it.
4. I did not start any of these IMs. In every case, the idiot IMed ME.
5. I did not change any spelling or alter the IMs, except the screennames.
6. I am not this much of a jerk to people who IM me normally. These people offend me and I get in their faces, but it is not their language or their foul suggestions that offend me; it is the fact that they think they have the right to inflict their stupidity on me. I often encourage them, insisting that they justify their behavior. If I get one more person suggesting I should "just ignore them," I will throw up.
7. If you continue to read down the list, you may see that my reported age varies. Answer to that: I've been collecting these since 1997 or so, so I reported my age as nineteen in the earliest ones, and it is adjusted accordingly as I, well, aged.
8. Be prepared for some very coarse language.
9. I used to post the losers' real screennames. Now I alter them to protect the stupid, even though they deserve to be revealed.
10. In answer to some people who have commented on this page: NO I don't sit around making these up. They are all real. NO this is not every IM I've ever gotten; only the especially entertaining ones. NO I do not appreciate it if you pretend to be a cyber idiot to see if you can get onto my page. And NO this is not something I sit around and do every day or spend a lot of time on; the IMs have been collected since I became active on AOL and found that telling off perverts was amusing to me and my friends. When I get one, I copy the text and add it to the page. I do not log every conversation and you do not have to fear that I'm going to post you if you are even remotely civil to me. Thank you.