Look familiar?

During my college years and several years afterwards, I used to get hit up for cybersex through AIM a lot. This is because I was on AOL and had a public, searchable profile.

The profile search allowed losers to plug in information they wanted and find local people to be idiots with, and though I did find many GREAT people to talk to (some of whom are still my friends today), more often than not the IMs I got were from people who wanted to have sex with me, or perhaps just talk about it.

Obviously I was not fond of this behavior.

This is my gallery of cyber losers.

Yes, I recorded them. Because I figured, hey, if I was going to have to put up with their idiocy, then why not share it with the whole world?

List of things for you to know going into reading these:

  1. I sometimes get contacted by well-meaning people assuring me up front that they are not cybersex freaks like these guys. Just so you know, I don't automatically think that about anyone upon first contact; you don't have to worry that I'm going to assume you're a sick pervert. I respond just as civilly as you approach me. I am not going to attack you or suspect you.

  2. I actually am uninterested in sex of all kinds (cyber and otherwise). This is mentioned in some of the IMs. It is not a line I am feeding the dorks to make them shut up.

  3. I don't tell cyberfreaks my last name; they get to call me "Ivy," and that's about it.

  4. I did not start any of these IMs. In every case, the idiot IMed ME.

  5. I did not change their spelling, except the screennames. They actually talk like that.

  6. I am not this much of a jerk to people who IM me normally. These people offend me and I get in their faces, but it is not their language or their foul suggestions that offend me; it is the fact that they think they have the right to say these things to strangers, because if we want it then we'll respond and if we don't want it we deserve to be offended and verbally abused. I often talk back to them, insisting that they justify their behavior. If I get one more person suggesting I should "just ignore them and they'll leave you alone," I will throw up.

  7. If you continue to read down the list, you may see that my reported age varies. I've been collecting these since 1997 or so, so I reported my age as nineteen in the earliest ones, and it is adjusted accordingly as I, well, aged.

  8. Be prepared for some very coarse language.

  9. I used to post the losers' real screennames. Now I alter them to protect the stupid, even though they deserve to be revealed.

  10. In answer to some people who have commented on this page: NO I don't sit around making these up. They are all real. NO this is not every IM I've ever gotten; only the especially entertaining ones. NO I do not appreciate it if you pretend to be a cyber idiot to see if you can get onto my page. And NO this is not something I sit around and do every day or spend a lot of time on; the IMs have been collected since I became active on AOL and found that telling off perverts was amusing to me and my friends. When I get one, I copy the text and add it to the page. I do not log every conversation and you do not have to fear that I'm going to post you if you are even remotely civil to me. Thank you.
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Any comments left here are PUBLIC. If you are not comfortable with that, mail me directly.

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Comments from others:

Lucas: These are hilarious!

Its does not seem to register in the peoples small, boxed minds the utter verbal pounding they have just received. Which makes it all the more enjoyable to intake.

Wolfgang: There are actual cybersex chatrooms. To my knowledge, I think they have existed for as long as there were chatrooms. And they're not that hard to find, I bet nowadays you could just Google "Cybersex chatroom" and click on any of the links. But then, with the tragically poor spelling ability of some of the chaps you correspond with, I think they may confuse google with their queries for "cbyesrxe cat hromm".