Subj: Hi, I was looking at your webpage...
From: Nicole
To: SwankiVY2

Hi-

I was looking through the web, which isn't something I do too often because i'm usually busy, and I came across your page. Your page may be big, and you may have worked hard on it, but I think that you should be more considerate of younger viewers while making these pages. My 12 year old brother was also looking at your page and he saw the link "See girls getting it on with animals.." What is this about?!?! I mean HELLO! There wasn't even a block to it or anything! Young eyes could be seeing these things!! And another thing, this exact thing was written on your page:

"Still want to tell me to get a life? Do tell, give me some hints on how I could be more productive. Or you could just kiss my ass. Thank you very much."

Maybe you should take a chill pill. Not a lot of people are into the web, lots of people prefer sports, so when someone who is a sports fanatic stumbles across your page, there gonna think you have too much time on your hands. I mean, you do have a big page. You need to respect peoples thoughts and opinions. You should expect to hear things like this. Your page is hudge, expect to hear things like this.

I'm not looking to start trouble. I have better things to do. I could care less how big your page is, because I understand that this web-page-thingy building is what your into. I'm personally not into it, I'm into cheerleading,field hockey, softball,soccer, and other things. I just want to make you aware, maybe you should think before you type...Later.

~Nicole~

[My e-mail response:]

Subj: Re: Hi, I was looking at your webpage...
From: SwankiVY2
To: Nicole

Greetings Nicole...

Uh...okay, you've let me know that you don't spend much time on the Web, and that's all good, but because of your lack of experience on this box you may have overlooked something...not everything can be for kids. I never said my site was for "younger viewers"--there's a lot of stuff that's not appropriate for kids on it. You can't blame the site creators of everything that's not for children that they need to make it acceptable for young kids' eyes; you just have to make sure it doesn't fall into their hands if you don't want them to see it.

My 12 year old brother was also looking at your page and he saw the link "See girls getting it on with animals.." What is this about?!?!

I don't have ANYTHING on my page about girls getting it on with animals. I have a joke page called "Girls with Animals" that contains photographs of cute little kids and young women with their pets. And that doesn't have anything to do with "getting it on"--I don't know where you think you saw that. It's a shenanigan perpetrated to try and see how many people will think it's a dirty page.

As for there being no "block on it," Web page creators can't put blocks on their own pages to filter out younger viewers. YOU are responsible for that; if a family has young children, either they get filtering software, or if on AOL, they change the AOL Preferences so that only certain Web access is allowed. That's not my responsibility; it's yours, or your parents'.

Not a lot of people are into the web, lots of people prefer sports, so when someone who is a sports fanatic stumbles across your page, there gonna think you have too much time on your hands. I mean, you do have a big page. You need to respect peoples thoughts and opinions.

Okay, so this is the equivalent of me coming into one of your sports events and yelling at everyone that they're wasting their time because all they're doing is chasing a little ball around for no reason. Maybe you should remember to respect other people's thoughts and opinions too. I *wouldn't* go to one of your sports events and tell everyone they were jerks for caring about sports, and you really shouldn't be doing the same to me. And from my point of view, "not a lot of people" are into sports either. Our different interests put us in two different worlds, basically--most of my friends are at least somewhat into the Internet, and most of them don't play sports.

I'm not looking to start trouble. I have better things to do. I could care less how big your page is, because I understand that this web-page-thingy building is what your into. ...I just want to make you aware, maybe you should think before you type...

I don't consider this starting trouble. I just think you've got a case of mistaken blame here. My little essay about my Web page being big is not directed toward people like you--like you said, you have better things to do, and so do I. But you should know that I do think before I type. My essays are well-thought-out pieces on various subjects, with a couple of rants thrown in.

Is there something on my page you had a problem with, besides the "Girls with Animals" thing that has NOTHING objectionable on it whatsoever? Other than that, the rest of your e-mail seemed to just be telling me I shouldn't mind people having a problem with me because it's bound to happen anyway. Do tell if I haven't gotten your message properly...

[She ended up IMing me shortly after that.]

Nicole: Look i DO think your page is too obsessive, and theres nothing you can do about that.. i mean you sit there and scan doodles you drew in class?? Then you scan every single picture you or anybody you know has ever taken, including the fucked up ones... you have like a 20 page autobiography, then 50 more sites "All About You" you also post every single instant message somebody writes to you, and i have but no doubt this one will be posted along with all the others....

SwankiVY2: Um, do you have some issues here?

SwankiVY2: If it's not to your taste, or you weren't interested, then you don't have to look at my site...that's plenty...

Nicole: oh its not that, its just that you must not have a life.. and yes I've read your "Think this page is too obsessive" whatever

Nicole: bye

SwankiVY2: Um...okay, so you've IMed me just to tell me I have no life. Opinion noted, now kiss my butt.

Nicole: wow, you consider yourself "witty" pretty bad comeback considering the circumstances

SwankiVY2: Get over yourself.

SwankiVY2: The main thing is, if you don't like it, don't look at it...

SwankiVY2: Don't sit here and try to convince me that you have proof I don't have a life.

SwankiVY2: I know what I do every day.

Nicole: isn't that nice

Nicole: bye now

SwankiVY2: Um, really nothing's NICE about it.

Nicole: i see...

Nicole: how are theese pictues of people with animals offensive? do you know what offensive is?

SwankiVY2: I don't have anything with offensive pictures of people with animals.

[She pasted the quote from my shenanigans page explaining the prank:]

Nicole: Girls with Animals! This is one of my own experiments and is very new (as of November 1999, anyway). It is a completely benign page of pictures of girls (all people I know) with various animals, but there is sexual connotation all over it that makes it seem as if it is girls doing sexual things with animals. Nothing is actually a lie but the innuendo points in that direction. I am going to see how high the counter gets with bestiality freaks looking for animal porn.

SwankiVY2: Uh huh...and you understood that, right? So where's the confusion?

Nicole: the confusion is why it was posted under offensive links

SwankiVY2: Because it sounds offensive, and is trying to show by the counter how many people are looking for animal porn.

SwankiVY2: It's pretty sick.

SwankiVY2: I used to have a list of puke synonyms on the offensive page too, just because it was sick.

Nicole: ok....

SwankiVY2: But I think the link went dead.

Nicole: i see

Nicole: i wish all your links would go dead

Nicole: bye

SwankiVY2: That's like the third time you've said "bye," so I suggest YOU stop talking if you really want to go.

SwankiVY2: As for wishing my links would go dead, you've sure spent a long time looking at my site for someone who hates it.

Nicole: i never said i hate it

Nicole: i just think its a little much

SwankiVY2: But you wish all my links would die.

Nicole: exactly

SwankiVY2: Um, all right...that's, uh, rational...

Nicole: now bye for real.. i am only persisting on talking because you won't shut up

SwankiVY2: As for it being a little much...hobby, you see...

SwankiVY2: I won't shut up because you keep IMing me back.

SwankiVY2: I still have things to say as long as you do.

Nicole: bye

SwankiVY2: Bye.

[She still wasn't done after that, and decided to e-mail me again:]

Subj: Re: Hi, I was looking at your webpage...
From: Nicole
To: SwankiVY2

Whatever. I would rather not argue with you. I still think you should watch what you say on your page, because they could take it away from you and remove your site just to warn you. ~Nicole

[My response:]

Subj: Re: Hi, I was looking at your webpage...
From: SwankiVY2
To: Chm887

That's fine...I don't have any desire to argue with you either.

My site's within the reasonable parameters for mature-rated sites and won't come up on any screens that have 12 and under access. (That has to be set, though.) I know a lot about what's acceptable from working at AOL. Sorry if anything offended you, but it's up to you what you read. Thanks for your input. "Bye."

[I ended up dealing with this girl and her friend repeatedly harassing me for years about how my website was too big and no one cares about it. Most of the conversations were far too silly to bother sharing, and sometimes they pretended to be cybersex fiends to try to get on my list, but they were completely transparent. I threatened them with legal action once when they stole a bunch of my content and put it on a different website, but changed a bunch of stuff to make it a page about me establishing an island for midgets in which we judge each other's genitalia once a day and have lots of sex, complete with photos of me. They didn't bother to call my bluff on risking legal action and took the page down, but I had to wait until they were nearly out of high school before the random harassment stopped. To think it was all because *I* don't have a life!]