JC: please tell me you are kidding about weird al

SwankiVY2: Um, what about him?

SwankiVY2: *~*~*kidding about what?

JC: is that you

SwankiVY2: Me?

JC: r u imn me

SwankiVY2: I am IMing you. You IMed me.

JC: damn took u long enough

SwankiVY2: I was scanning something.

JC: i nknwo

SwankiVY2: Well?

JC: ur pic

SwankiVY2: Kidding about what?

SwankiVY2: You asked me "please tell me you are kidding about weird al," so what about him?

JC: nothing sorry im drunk.. but i still want to talk

JC: is he your favorite

JC: or one of

SwankiVY2: Um, yes, one of my favorites.

SwankiVY2: Like it says in my profile.

SwankiVY2: Which you apparently read.

JC: are u a geek..no offense

JC: of course

SwankiVY2: what's a geek?

JC: where else

JC: r u from planet earth

SwankiVY2: You tell me exactly what a geek is, and I'll tell you if I am one.

JC: DORK

JC: geek=dork

SwankiVY2: No, you explain to me what makes one a "geek," and I'll let you know if I fit.

JC: one who doesnt fit in the "NORM"

SwankiVY2: I am proudly eccentric.

SwankiVY2: So you think people who like weird al are dorks?

SwankiVY2: That's pretty judgmental of you if I do say so.

JC: i would normally think so unless you can prove me otherwise

JC: damn you type fast

SwankiVY2: why? Musical taste defines social acceptance?

SwankiVY2: that's pretty crude.

JC: in most cases

JC: maybe

SwankiVY2: Hm. I think that's ridiculous.

JC: maybe

JC: maybe im shallow

JC: my fault

SwankiVY2: I don't wanna talk to anyone who says "eww, you like THAT? Dork!" and has a bad opinion of me because of what I like. Are you like that?

JC: i guess u are right

JC: damn you type fast

SwankiVY2: Thanks. :)

SwankiVY2: Yeah, you've said that twice :)

JC: is it ok if i love u still

SwankiVY2: Love me?

JC: even though

JC: done

SwankiVY2: Huh?

JC: do you have a pic

JC: i do

JC: wanna tradde

SwankiVY2: I don't really want to see your picture. . . .

JC: k

SwankiVY2: And I have over 300 of my own but I dont' send it out

JC: k

SwankiVY2: They're on my website

JC: k

SwankiVY2: I'm not into people for their looks so I'd rather not know until I like the person. :)

JC: if you dont want me to see them i understand

SwankiVY2: *shrug* They're on the Web for anyone who wants to see them, but I don't send them out.

JC: however i am attracted to you r acceptionally fast typing

SwankiVY2: LOL

JC: he he

JC: me too

SwankiVY2: Well, if only it was that that attracted people rather than big breasts.

JC: so you have them

SwankiVY2: I'm not at liberty to discuss that.

JC: k

SwankiVY2: Thank you.

JC: you mentioned it

JC: not me

SwankiVY2: I know

JC: k

SwankiVY2: I wasn't talking about mine

JC: k

JC: where from

SwankiVY2: I was talking about typing speed being an "attractive" trait. :)

SwankiVY2: Gainesville.

JC: whoa mee too

JC: oops

SwankiVY2: It's no coincidence.

JC: oh yeah

JC: i forgot

JC: so where did you get the name swank from

SwankiVY2: IT's a type of music.

JC: it reminds me of a porno mag

JC: seriously

SwankiVY2: It is a porno mag.

SwankiVY2: In fact I have a photo of me on my page standing next to a rack of porno mags pointing at the one called "swank."

SwankiVY2: I was not aware that it was a porn mag when I chose the name.

JC: really?

SwankiVY2: Right.

JC: no

SwankiVY2: Swank is a style of music . . . It was stuck in my head when I had to choose a subgenius name.

JC: havent seen it

SwankiVY2: Huh? Haven't seen what?

JC: nevermind

JC: my bad

SwankiVY2: heh.

JC: heh what?

SwankiVY2: You saying "nevermind, my bad."

JC: k

JC: r u cute

JC: i could be wasting my time

SwankiVY2: Ugh, don't ask me that, I'm not into it.

SwankiVY2: Oh my god, that's so rude!

SwankiVY2: You're wasting your time if I don't turn out to be cute?

JC: no its not its a fact of human nature

SwankiVY2: You're wrong about that.

SwankiVY2: So you're basically just looking for chicks to hit on?

JC: not soley

JC: but it does play a part

SwankiVY2: Well, it doesn't matter whether I'm cute or not, because I wouldn't date or mate with you anyway.

SwankiVY2: Regardless of YOUR looks.

JC: you cant say that

SwankiVY2: Because your personality has repulsed me. :)

JC: k

SwankiVY2: Yer really helping your gender get a bad name here fella. . . .

JC: i cant p[lease everyone

SwankiVY2: "It's a fact of human nature, I can't help it if I'm shallow and a total degenerate." Word to the wise: don't try to meet people when yer drunk, kay?

JC: k

JC: later

SwankiVY2: probably NOT later, or ever . . . adios.

[This is when he sent me an e-mail, since I turned off my IMs to him. Here's the e-mail.]

Subj: the guy you "tried" to dis last night
From: JC To: Ivy

ive had more girls than youve had breakfast's . (and they are girls that ---im sure-- are 3 times as good as you) i know your ugly as hell anyways. so dont try to make yourself look better than you are because i have seen girls like you before. and 9 times out of ten they are fat chicks who are mad at the world because they cant lose weight so they try to dis as many guys as they can. so dont bother joining the gym because youll still be ugly. ps you are a chicken shit ass because you have to get off line when you meet a person you dont like. you cant handle it, which means your not going to be able to handle it when you get into a relationship, which probably wont happen anyways because your a fat peice of shit who can't get a date. take care and dont forget jenny craig---------------ps your taking up too much space. pss. dont bother reporting me to aol because my 100 free hours are up and i dont plan on renewing. later fat bitch.

[Here's my reply e-mail.]

ive had more girls than youve had breakfast's .

Relevant? I think not. I don't care how many girls you've had, you were still a jerk to me.

and they are girls that ---im sure-- are 3 times as good as you

You can't say that, considering you don't even know me.

i know your ugly as hell anyways.

You don't know that, partly because you've never seen my picture and partly because it isn't true.

so dont try to make yourself look better than you are

I advise you to take your own advice. You acted like a complete moron, and now you are trying to make yourself feel like you didn't lose anything by comforting yourself into believe I'm ugly and therefore worthless.

i have seen girls like you before. and 9 times out of ten they are fat chicks who are mad at the world because they cant lose weight so they try to dis as many guys as they can.

What does that have to do with me? I don't dis "guys" in general, I only treat people the way they ask to be treated. You treated me with total disrespect, acting as if I was not worth anything unless I was easy on the eyes. Despite the fact that I'm not ugly, this still bothers me because I have a brain.

As an aside, my weight has nothing to do with anything, and you'd be pretty surprised if you saw my picture at this point.

so dont bother joining the gym because youll still be ugly.

Uh-huh. Get over yourself. You really should stop blaming other people and assigning them imaginary faults to make yourself feel better. I treated you like a loser because you acted like a moron. I realized that you probably are acting more ridiculous than usual because you're drunk, which was why in the IM I advised you to not try to meet people when you're drinking, as they'll probably have a bad impression of you.

you are a chicken shit ass because you have to get off line when you meet a person you dont like.

I didn't get offline. I blocked my IMs from you because I didn't want to hear any more of your blathering. I'm online right now, talking to one of my friends who treated me like I was worth something *before* he saw my picture.

you cant handle it, which means your not going to be able to handle it when you get into a relationship, which probably wont happen anyways because your a fat peice of shit who can't get a date.

Here you go again, trying to comfort yourself into thinking that if you put me down, it'll make me "lower" than you are and therefore you come out on top. My relationships are none of your business, nor should you pretend that you have any knowledge of them.

pss. dont bother reporting me to aol because my 100 free hours are up and i dont plan on renewing. later fat bitch.

I wasn't planning on reporting you. I'm not interested in getting you in trouble. I'm more interested in trying to teach you to act like a civilized person.

What are your standards of being fat? At my weight I'd have to be about two feet tall to be considered fat. Thank you very much.

--Ivy

[I'd like to note that I'm kind of annoyed that I even bothered to tell him I wasn't fat, because it really shouldn't matter. But I guess because it seemed like he put so much emphasis on my self-worth based on how fat I am, I thought maybe it would screw up his theory if he realized he wasn't talking to a "fat chick" anyway. This was a pretty long time ago, and I don't even dignify "HAHA UR FAT" with a response now.]

Akira: He seems to be among the worst of his particular kind; not merely a jerk, but an annoyingly persistent jerk. My Spidey senses tells me this was the act of some middle-school-aged kid with no conscience whatsoever, has got nothing better to do with his idle time than to semi-anonymously bug people unprovoked on the internet, and is determined to always get in the last lick.

Natalie: Since his 100 hours were up, he might not have even got that response. Well, his loss. He could have learned some valuable things from your email.