He opened by pasting a poem to me--I'll never know why--and we talked about poetry. Then he said he wished he was closer to me because I was cool and we should hang out. We talked about cartoons, and since we were having a fun conversation I responded well and said he could give me a buzz if he was ever in town. But then. . . .]

Aaron: I think I will...what do you do in town for fun?

SwankiVY2: I don't do much "about the town," but I do go to poetry readings on Thursday nights and sometimes local instrumental concerts.

SwankiVY2: I don't ever go to clubs...

SwankiVY2: But sometimes I hang out in Denny's. :)

SwankiVY2: Occasionally I go karaoke singing.

Aaron: Why don't you go to clubs?

SwankiVY2: My ears are too sensitive for the loud music, and I can't and don't drink, and I don't like to dance, and I don't want any guys hitting on me. That about covers it

Aaron: ok...first is first, Why can't you drink?

SwankiVY2: I'm nineteen.

Aaron: OIC

SwankiVY2: Yeah.

SwankiVY2: Not to mention that any alcohol would tip me over

Aaron: Why don't you dance?

SwankiVY2: Don't really like to.

SwankiVY2: I kinda liked skating, but dancing is not much fun.

Aaron: It is with me..I love to go out and just freak out

Aaron: it is fun

Aaron: I like clubs

Aaron: So yo don't lie guys hitting on you?

SwankiVY2: No, I hate that...

SwankiVY2: Clubs are all right if it's a band I like playing.

SwankiVY2: I'm nonsexual, I don't date, and so guys trying to hit on me is like really offensive.

Aaron: What do you mean by that?

Aaron: you don't have sex?

SwankiVY2: Right. I don't have any sexual impulses.

Aaron: Come on..you can't be serious

SwankiVY2: Um...I am.

SwankiVY2: Why would I bullshit?

Aaron: Have you ever had sex?

SwankiVY2: No,

[Cut for rambling about what I've tried in that arena and how I didn't care for it up to that point, so combined with the fact that I didn’t feel any inclination to do it in the first place, I decided there was no reason to try to force myself.]

Aaron: well, you can't make a generalzation like that

Aaron: you are probably not ready

Aaron: but if you fall in love with someone you will want to

SwankiVY2: Umm...listen. I'm not making a generalization.

SwankiVY2: I'm saying I DON'T make a generalization.

SwankiVY2: I don't want sex right now.

SwankiVY2: I never said I figured I'd never want it or that I thought that.

SwankiVY2: And...that's not true, about falling in love being always equated with sex. Sexual impulses do not come as a result of love.

SwankiVY2: Sometimes they do.

SwankiVY2: But I *am* in love and have none.

Aaron: Who are you in love with

[I gave him names of some friends I love.]

Aaron: and you have no yearning for them physicaly

SwankiVY2: Right.

SwankiVY2: I don't have a physical attraction for them beyond a hug.

Aaron: Ok..how about Brad Pitt?

SwankiVY2: What about him?

Aaron: do you look at him in a sexual way

SwankiVY2: Um...no. I told you I don't see people that way.

SwankiVY2: I can recognize beauty. I do not have any reaction to it other than liking it; meaning I don't "get turned on" by attractive images.

SwankiVY2: Not to mention that I don't think Brad Pitt is an especially "hot" person.

Aaron: I think you need to have the right guy to turn you on

Aaron: Yakko could do it!!!

Aaron: lol

SwankiVY2: Think about this: You can't make generalizations either. Okee?

SwankiVY2: I don't see my lack of sexual attraction to others of the human species as a problem...

SwankiVY2: And it's not a goal for me one way or the other to remain single or to "overcome" my "sexlessness."

SwankiVY2: It's just the way I think.

Aaron: I think you might be tagging something that is common in all people, fears that go along with those feelings, as somthing else,.

SwankiVY2: I'm not scared. I just don't have any sexual feelings.

SwankiVY2: It really is that simple.

SwankiVY2: I was not traumatized in any way, nor is this some kind of symbol or something I feel like I have to prove. It's just my personal taste.

Aaron: I think you are suppressing your feelings....it's a text book case.....

SwankiVY2: But you're generalizing now, aren't you?

Aaron: Perhaps

SwankiVY2: There's no reason for me to suppress my feelings.

SwankiVY2: I'm perfectly healthy.

SwankiVY2: I'm also far from unhappy.

SwankiVY2: It's just that when I look at a man or a woman, all I see is a person, a body. There is no reaction. Except maybe my eyes like them.

Aaron: but I think you have a fear of beauty

SwankiVY2: A FEAR OF BEAUTY???

SwankiVY2: You know what? I hate to say it but you're REALLY wrong about me.

Aaron: were you a "cool" person in school?

SwankiVY2: You're makng premature assumptions.

Aaron: just entertain me, please

SwankiVY2: Hm. What do you mean by "cool," do you mean like in the "in crowd" or what?

Aaron: answer

Aaron: yes

SwankiVY2: No, not especially, why?

Aaron: Ok, so now you have matured into a woman

Aaron: you are very attractive

SwankiVY2: Hm...I guess.

SwankiVY2: People say so.

Aaron: but you are holding on to some of the apsects of your youth

SwankiVY2: What am I holding onto, and where are you deducing that from??

SwankiVY2: I love beauty...but it's not a signal for sex.

Aaron: yes it is

SwankiVY2: NO. Beauty is NOT a signal for sex.

Aaron: Yes it is

SwankiVY2: NO. Me being pretty does NOT mean I want people to have sex with me!

Aaron: NO, but it may mean people will want to have sex with you

SwankiVY2: Yes, of course.

SwankiVY2: It doesn't mean I"m sending that signal.

SwankiVY2: People will want to have sex with me simply because I have a hole in the right place.

SwankiVY2: I know I can't do anything about that.

Aaron: no...but, please, when yu see a guy that is attractive to you, you have to feel somthing

Aaron: and do keep in mind that girls sex drives aren't as reactionary as men's

SwankiVY2: But they're not attractive to me any more than girls or...babies! Or even cute animals!

SwankiVY2: I do NOT have to feel a chemical reaction simply from looking at someone!

Aaron: OK, have you ever masturbated?

SwankiVY2: You don't understand. I think you're trying to tell me what I feel and then get me to admit that I feel it.

Aaron: I'm not...but I think you are holding back some feelings

SwankiVY2: Why do you think that? Where is your evidence?

SwankiVY2: I mean that...I think you're jumping to conclusions.

SwankiVY2: Why is it such a problem that I don't have sexual attractions? Why does that bother you so?

Aaron: yeah, but to declare you are a non-sexual being is such a strong statement

SwankiVY2: I'm not saying I'm another species. I'm saying as such I do not have sexual attraction.

Aaron: Do you ever consider the fact that you are just making excuses for not having sex?

SwankiVY2: No. I have no excuses except that it does not appeal to me.

SwankiVY2: I've had more than enough offers, so it is not like I am wanting for partners...

SwankiVY2: I do not have an aversion to people...

SwankiVY2: I have no reason to have any blocks about sex...

SwankiVY2: I simply do not desire it.

SwankiVY2: I don't have to make up excuses. I am very honest.

SwankiVY2: To myself and others.

SwankiVY2: I don't understand why you seem to want to stick me in a category because I am something you may not have encountered before.

SwankiVY2: A lack of desire does not indicate trauma, necessarily.

SwankiVY2: Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Aaron: Because our desires are what inspires our creativity....you seem very creative, so I'm sure you have some lust

SwankiVY2: yes, but not a physical lust for sex.

Aaron: But it stems from the same place

SwankiVY2: My passions, and I do have a lot, are not channelled into my physical body!

Aaron: Not now

SwankiVY2: My lust for creation does not have anything to do with sex.

Aaron: but perhaps someone will maybe make that happen

SwankiVY2: yes, perhaps. I'm saying that I don't have just desires for male bodies.

Aaron: Someone you will think of none stop

SwankiVY2: But I never ever said that I planned to stay this way my whole life, or that I seeked to change.

SwankiVY2: Excuse me. This is really starting to bother me..

Aaron: Why?

SwankiVY2: WHY are you so insistent on trying to prove that one day I will want sex whether I like it or not?

Aaron: you obviously wanted to talk about it. You could have said that you hate guys hitting on you at clubs because it is tacky

SwankiVY2: that's not why I hate it.

SwankiVY2: I hate it because they expect that I would want them back.

SwankiVY2: Just becuase they are men.

SwankiVY2: And are "attractive."

SwankiVY2: I get it online all the time, too.

Aaron: ONline?

Aaron: well this doesn't count on here

SwankiVY2: yes. People see my picture, or they think "single female" means "wants my dick."

Aaron: Hey now

SwankiVY2: As for the fact that I "obviously" wanted to talk about it...

SwankiVY2: I don't think so.

SwankiVY2: You asked why I didn't like clubs.

SwankiVY2: I gave you the reasons.

SwankiVY2: I'm honest.

Aaron: who's making sweeping indiments now

SwankiVY2: It doesn't mean I was trying to lead the conversation somewhere.

SwankiVY2: Scuse me?

SwankiVY2: What's sweeping about that?

Aaron: do you know what I thought aboutnyour picture when I saw it/

SwankiVY2: You KNOW that some guys think that way. I didn't EVER say that all guys did!

Aaron: I thought, this girl like all the cool stuff, and is attractive.....the kind of girl that alot of guys would like as a girlfriend......I wasn't masturbating to your picture or anything

SwankiVY2: Oh! I never thought you would!

Aaron: lol

SwankiVY2: You thought I was making a sweeping statment about men, huh?

SwankiVY2: Why'd you assume that? I didn't say that.

SwankiVY2: One of the most unfair generalizations around is "men are pigs." I cut girls up when they say that.

Aaron: I'm sorry I'm so passinate about this, I just am a very sexual person....

SwankiVY2: That's okay!

SwankiVY2: I never think that's bad!

SwankiVY2: And I wasn't saying it was bad for you!

SwankiVY2: Or that I thought badly of you for it.

SwankiVY2: But I personally do not feel that way.

SwankiVY2: that's all!

Aaron: BUt I have to behonest..I do think it is bad for you

SwankiVY2: I don't think so, if I am happy and have no physical problems.

SwankiVY2: Perhaps my body does not produce enough estrogen, or testosterone. But that's okay. I've been to doctors about it and it's nothing to be concerned over.

Aaron: do you think you are denig yourself the most intense physical pleasures?

SwankiVY2: Not really. I feel very fulfilled with life so far...there are plenty of nineteen year old virgins.

SwankiVY2: If at some time I want sex, I'll get some. :)

Aaron: true

Aaron: Hope I can help

Aaron: just a joke

Aaron: lol

SwankiVY2: It simply isn't something I need to rush into, that's all.

Aaron: We are not an A-sexual creature

Aaron: You need someone so bad I can sense it

Aaron: You want someone to think about you

Aaron: tell you you have nice eyes(which you do)!

Aaron: Love you

SwankiVY2: You are so ridiculous!

Aaron: NO I'm not

Aaron: this whole, "I'm A-sexual thing, " is just a front, a defense mechanisim

SwankiVY2: It is so not, dude. You have no idea what you are talking about. Give it up.

SwankiVY2: You need to think for a second and stop projecting your feelings and needs onto me.

Aaron: I'm not

Aaron: I just think that you are, oh forget it

Aaron: I just think that you may be fooling yourself

SwankiVY2: You are. Tell me what you're basing your assumption on. (The assumption I am talking about is that I need a man and am putting up an act.)

Aaron: I just like to be with a girl....It's nothing to with the completion oif myself

SwankiVY2: Soooooo...this means that *I* must need it too?

Aaron: you can't say that you wouldn't want a guy just to be so into you....to be in love

SwankiVY2: I didn't say that.

Aaron: HA HA!!!!

SwankiVY2: You just don't understand anything I say since you're so determined to believe your untrue assumptions about me...can you listen to me for a second? (And I've said it before.)

Aaron: go on

SwankiVY2: Don't say HA HA. You didn't prove anything. And I didn't "admit to" anything I didn't already say openly.

SwankiVY2: Want me to go on? Here I go.

SwankiVY2: I'm not looking for a man.

SwankiVY2: And you can't sense that; it isn't happening, so if you sense it you are creating it yourself.

SwankiVY2: I've never had a sexual attraction to any person in my life.

Aaron: have you ever been in love? and I mean romantically

SwankiVY2: You oughta let me finish here, hon, before you come barelling in with new assumptions based on ones I'm about to fix.

SwankiVY2: Um, okay, my second point is this: I've never been sexually attracted to anyone in my life. But I do not profess to know that it will never happen.

SwankiVY2: Therefore, this "Aaron: this whole, 'I'm A-sexual thing,' is just a front, a defense mechanisim" is untrue.

Aaron: May I retort

SwankiVY2: Also, I have no reason to "defend" against anything. I would willingly love any person who loved me.

SwankiVY2: Seeing as how my sexual feelings have yet to rear their heads, I'd say it's a safe assumption to say I probably haven't ever had what you define as "romantic love," answering your last question.

SwankiVY2: Go ahead.

Aaron: I 'think' that maybe you were a odd person in post secondary schooling, maybe alienated with respects to dating and what not. And this whole theory of yours that you are not sexual in any way is just a way to damping the fact that you weren't part of it all. But now that you are older, AND A VERY PRETTY GIRL, you haven't shed this INSANE sumption you aren't sexual.

Aaron: Open yourself to love, there is ALot of pain involved, but the joy of it all outweighs the pain

SwankiVY2: Heh. Point 1: I *did* date in high school and was sought after by more than I dated. Point 2: I'm not "making an assumption" that I'm not sexual. I'm. Never. Horny. EVER. I realize that's impossible for you to understand but it is true.

SwankiVY2: AND...you've made a VERY greivous error when you assume that I have never had love. I do not need your "love" advice. You're not advising me to love. You're advising me to have sex. I am currently in love.

Aaron: with who

SwankiVY2: With whom? Scuse me, but must I name them ALL?

Aaron: Jesus, I'm not talking friendly love

Aaron: I"M TALKING LOVE LOVE!!!!

Aaron: love where you heart beats when the phone rings

Aaron: When you can look into someone's eyes and feel content

SwankiVY2: And where is the line? The only thing that's different between "My" kind of love and what you're talking about is sex. So why is "my" love only "friendly" and therefore meaningless to you even though all those things DO happen?

Aaron: Do you kiss...not nice kisses...REAL KISSES

SwankiVY2: I am not interested in that.

SwankiVY2: Are you saying I have to kiss in order for my love to mean anything "serious"?

Aaron: ok, you know what.........you will stumble into love some day soon ....and you will understand al that I'm saying

SwankiVY2: I already do. I understand that you have misled yourself into thinking physicality is necessary for love to be considered more than a childhood friend.

SwankiVY2: Well, you're seriously mistaken...I know of people...and yes there ARE guys in that number...who understand my point of view AND agree with me.

Aaron: Since you haven't experianced it, you have no frame of reference....talk to me about all of this after you have

Aaron: You wil understand the difference then

SwankiVY2: I'm sorry. You're still wrong. There's no difference between my love and your love. You just have sex with the people you love.

Aaron: no

SwankiVY2: Yup. And I'm *still with* the ones I love, and I can have more than one of them at once without them feeling jealous (well maybe a little occasionally if time is unfairly split).

Aaron: When you have an intense love with someone...A romantic love...you'll not even think about anyone else

SwankiVY2: If I can't think about anyone else, that will be a very sad day.

SwankiVY2: You think that it's...GOOD to forget everyone else and have only one meaningful person? Sad. Sad.

Aaron: tell me when it happens

Aaron: It will

Aaron: It's sad

Aaron: But when someone has you by your heart , they are all that matters at the time

Aaron: It's true hun

SwankiVY2: Do you understand that there are different happinesses, different loves, none of which are BETTER than each other? Do you understand that I am not still untouched by "real" love?

Aaron: And I wish you could look at all from a perspective of someone that has actually experianced love....someone that has invited love in...and not this bullshit freind love...REAL LOVE>>>>girl/guy love that invloves a closeness that you have yet to experiance.........Quit closing yourself off......you are not a freak

[Catch that guys? If you're asexual, you're "a freak"! That's where the conversation ended because I just didn't want to talk anymore. But just for your reference, here is another conversation that began with him bitching about his love life. This is a guy who thinks he has a lot to teach ME about love. (And remember, I was nineteen when this conversation took place.)]

Aaron: I'm in a world of pain

SwankiVY2: What's wrong this time?

Aaron: She didn't call me tonight

Aaron: It really really bothered me

Aaron: I'm seriously hurt

Aaron: I feel like my heart is breaking

SwankiVY2: So why didn't you call her?

Aaron: Fear

Aaron: Fear that she wouldn't be home...Then I wouldn't sleep all night wondering where she was

SwankiVY2: You should have called her, and if she wasn't home she could just as easily have been at the grocery store as anywhere else.

Aaron: NO NO nO

Aaron: That means she would have been out

Aaron: I know her

SwankiVY2: Whaaaaaatever

Aaron: This is so messed up

Aaron: I feel really hurt

SwankiVY2: I'm sorry about that, but I can't do anything to change whatever's wrong.

Aaron: I guess it's true

Aaron: I have noone to turn to to express these feelings

SwankiVY2: How about her? You can't just isolate yourself...if you want anything to work out, you have to be honest with yourself and with her, instead of acting like she's a different species.

SwankiVY2: If being honest doesn't "work," then you'd have to live a lie to be around her, and what good is that?

Aaron: I don't know anymore

SwankiVY2: So, okay, this is an ex-girlfriend but you are sorta-kinda seeing each other again? Or not?

Aaron: I don't know

Aaron: We hung out Tuesday night

Aaron: We talked last night

Aaron: But tonight she hasn't called

Aaron: If she was going to she would have already

SwankiVY2: did she say she would call?

Aaron: Yeah

Aaron: But she hasn't

Aaron: She hates me

Aaron: Life sucks

Aaron: I feel like dying

SwankiVY2: Oh yeah sure. She didn't call, so your entire world falls apart. What the hell??

SwankiVY2: That is ridiculous, don't you understand?

Aaron: I guess from your perspective

SwankiVY2: If she's important to you, you need to let her know that. But if she's important to you, she should be able to be a friend too, and friends talk. Maybe there's a reason she didn't call.

Aaron: But from mine this is just destroying me

SwankiVY2: You're letting it destroy you.

Aaron: She knows I love her

Aaron: I do

SwankiVY2: It's just a missed phone call. People don't suddenly just hate other people when nothing between them has changed.

SwankiVY2: "Oh my god. she didn't call. she hates my guts. I'm gonna jump off a bridge." You are overreacting.

Aaron: who knows

SwankiVY2: Tomorrow, give her a call and ask her what happened to the phone call...not in an accusing way, but maybe that you were worried about her.

Aaron: I guess I have to get used to being without her

Aaron: I swear I feel like becoming a total pig

SwankiVY2: Why would you have to get used to being without her if you want her in your life?

Aaron: She doesn't want me in her life

SwankiVY2: I mean, I bet she'd be willing to be in your life if you didn't expect her to be a certain thing for you, like a girlfriend role...you'd still get to have her around.

Aaron: I can't change her mind

SwankiVY2: So it's either as a girlfriend or not at all?

Aaron: I don't want her as a friend

Aaron: Exactly

Aaron: MY definition of love is different Swank

SwankiVY2: I've noticed.

SwankiVY2: But you seem to think it's the only real love, that your definition is the only right one.

SwankiVY2: Love is wanting someone in your life no matter what role they fill. Love is being able to talk to them, to love them, to eat together, to have reciprocal fun together.

SwankiVY2: And just because I've never SCREWED the people I've loved does not mean I don't know this.

Aaron: When you have physical relationships with people it's much more complicated

SwankiVY2: And that, my friend, may be why you seem to be losing your loves and going thru a lot of hell, while I am not.

[And finally, my last conversation with him, in which this guy gave me a bunch of shit about how the purpose of life is social status and how all of my "problems" stem from psychological trauma due to not being cool enough in high school. Woo-hoo!]

Aaron: HI Swanki chic

SwankiVY2: hi

Aaron: Question

SwankiVY2: what?

Aaron: What do you thik about guys and cars

SwankiVY2: What about them?

Aaron: Do you like guys better who have nicer cars

SwankiVY2: Dude, I don't give a shit about guys period.

SwankiVY2: I care about their cars about as much as I care about their spatulas.

Aaron: dammit...why can't you just pretend

Aaron: I'm cinvinced you are just putting some defense shield up with respects to guys

SwankiVY2: BECAUSE I DECIDE TO LIKE PEOPLE ON BASIS OF THEIR PERSONALITY AND AM NOT IN ANY WAY INFLUENCED BY THINGS THEY HAVE.

Aaron: You lie

SwankiVY2: You know what? I don't care if you believe me.

SwankiVY2: Because you obviously think you already know the answer.

Aaron: Wh nthe right guy comes along and your heart goes pitter patter

Aaron: you'll change your whole outlook

SwankiVY2: You don't know that will happen any more than I know it won't. So quit acting like you know it will happen to me because there is no reason for you to think that.

Aaron: We are all human...to think that we are all immune to or are a exception to the rules of human nature is insane

SwankiVY2: You define human nature as necessarily being sexual, though. If you'd like to say that because I'm not sexual I'm not human, that's fine with me. But I'd have to say that I know better than you do.

SwankiVY2: There aren't "rules." Just because most of the human species is more sexually oriented than I am doens't mean that there's something wrong with me or that it makes me a late bloomer.

Aaron: to deny humans as sexual creatures is insane

SwankiVY2: did I say that? I do NOT think so.

Aaron: NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU..YOU ARE A LATE BLOOMER

SwankiVY2: And what if I never had any sexual feelings for a guy ever?

Aaron: you will........quit fighting it

SwankiVY2: Would you please stop acting as if you're schooling me here?

SwankiVY2: You don't know every human, so you can't say that every human is sexual.

Aaron: I thihk you have convinced yourself of your insane notion that you are not a sexual being

Aaron: YOU ARE

SwankiVY2: Excuse me, but if you'd ever bothered to listen to a word I've said, I never denied that I might have sex someday or be sexually attracted to someone. I have never ever said that.

Aaron: ok

Aaron: good

SwankiVY2: I just asserted that it hasn't happened YET.

SwankiVY2: But you can't assume that it necessarily will.

Aaron: splended

SwankiVY2: I am not "convincing myself" of anyting.

Aaron: I t will

SwankiVY2: You need to stop acting as if you know me.

SwankiVY2: Because you don't.

SwankiVY2: So stop trying to convince me...because you trying to convince me that I'm sexual is as insane as if I were trying to convince myself that I'm not.

Aaron: You are a attractive person....it's gonna happen sooner than you think

Aaron: no it's not.....I got the odds on my side

SwankiVY2: Do one of these three things. Accept that you don't know what is going to happen in my life, admit you are God, or shut the hell up.

Aaron: I choose D

Aaron: continue my staments

SwankiVY2: There isn't a D. I will refuse to talk to you anymore unless you admit that you don't know that I will fall in love and have sex.

SwankiVY2: You don't know it. You just assume it.

SwankiVY2: Unless you can read my future, you do NOT know this will happen.

Aaron: you are such a cute girl

SwankiVY2: So what? What I look like has nothign to do with whether MY feelings will be there.

Aaron: some good looking guy is going to come along...your eyes will meet...and BAM!!!! you'll click!

SwankiVY2: Admit you don't know that or I will block your IMs so you can't bludgeon me with your close-minded statements anymore.

Aaron: I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU

Aaron: BUT

Aaron: I can speculate

SwankiVY2: Yes. It could happen.

SwankiVY2: But you don't know it will.

Aaron: Hell, If I were up there I'd wanna hang out with you

SwankiVY2: So you can't sit here and tell me that you know one day it will happen to me. Because you don't know that it will.

Aaron: ONe question

Aaron: Do you want it to happen??

SwankiVY2: Lots of people want to hang out with me. Do you understand that often it's not mutual? That often men want to screw me and it has nothing to do with what I feel?

Aaron: be honest dammit

SwankiVY2: No, I don't especially want it to happen.

SwankiVY2: Actually, I rather hope it doesn't.

Aaron: why don't you want to fall in love???

SwankiVY2: I am in love.

Aaron: scared of being hurt

SwankiVY2: Love is different than sex.

Aaron: with whom

SwankiVY2: I'm in love with my friend Mike, my other friend Mike, my friend Jim, my roommate John, my friend Jessica, and my friend Meghan.

Aaron: not that type of love

Aaron: Dammit you know what I mean

SwankiVY2: There's nothing wrong with "that type of love."

SwankiVY2: It's love.

SwankiVY2: And love is all the same to me.

Aaron: not saying there is

Aaron: the way i love my mom is way different from the way I have loved girls

SwankiVY2: Listen. The dimension you're suggesting to add to bring the "love" to a different level is lust. I don't have it.

SwankiVY2: You're very frustrated with me, aren't you?

Aaron: You know what...you are young and trying to put this crazy idea in your head

SwankiVY2: You think I "don't understand."

Aaron: but listen

SwankiVY2: I wish you'd quit acting like you had something to teach me.

Aaron: Don't waste your youth and chances at 'Love' for it

Aaron: I don't have anything to teach

SwankiVY2: I'm not wasting my youth. I am happier than most people, and I'm probably happier than you.

Aaron: I'm just throughing out a statment

SwankiVY2: That's an assumption.

SwankiVY2: But I make it.

Aaron: arrrrrrrrr

Aaron: you know what I'm saying

Aaron: you are making me go around in circles

SwankiVY2: Excuse me. How many years have you been on this planet?

Aaron: don't partonize

SwankiVY2: I want to know.

Aaron: 24

SwankiVY2: I'm not partonizing, or patronizing either.

SwankiVY2: And you believe that in the four years longer you've been on this planet, you know more about me than I do just by living?

Aaron: yeah you are

Aaron: yes

SwankiVY2: You know more about me.

SwankiVY2: Than I do.

Aaron: sometimes people from a distance can see you more clearly than you can

SwankiVY2: But you pretend to have the ability to teach me about myself before you even bother to understand me, or even what exactly I assert that I am.

SwankiVY2: You assumed right off the bat that I never wanted to have sex because I told you that so far I never wanted it.

SwankiVY2: So far.

Aaron: I think there are some underlining issues that you aren't mentioning, but yes

SwankiVY2: Well, the thing is that there really aren't any "issues."

SwankiVY2: I've never been sexually abused.

SwankiVY2: I've never had bad experiences.

SwankiVY2: I wasn't raised to think sex was bad.

Aaron: What about school growing up

Aaron: what was your status growing up in high school?

SwankiVY2: I can't think of a single experience that "made me" never be turned on. I simply never was.

SwankiVY2: It doesn't mean that something bad had to happen to cause that.

SwankiVY2: Okay, what do you mean by "status"?

Aaron: you know what I mean

Aaron: were you popular

SwankiVY2: No; I, unlike many other people, do not ask questions when I already know the answers.

SwankiVY2: I'm afraid you'll have to define popular for me.

Aaron: Oh my God.....WERE YOU A POPULAR PERSON...PART OF CLICHE........A GIRL WHUICH ALL THE GUYS ASKED OUT.....A CHEERLEADER.......

SwankiVY2: does that mean popular? I don't think it does.

SwankiVY2: I was always surrounded by people who loved me...

Aaron: were they dorky????

Aaron: not to you

Aaron: but to others

SwankiVY2: I was happy, I was relatively smart, I had the attention of several guys (who hated it that I didn't want to date hehe), and I can't see that as UNpopular.

SwankiVY2: Although many people have thought I was strange throughout life because of my unique perceptions and my unique way of dressing.

Aaron: so why do you chooose to be different

Aaron: 5that's why you have that insane perceprtion

SwankiVY2: You sound incredibly close-minded when you're asking me about whether my friends are "dorky" in order to determine whether I was sexually scarred.

Aaron: you want to be different

SwankiVY2: You don't understand.

Aaron: yes I do

SwankiVY2: There's a difference between wanting to be different to be a freak and being secure enough in yourself to do what pleases you.

Aaron: You can't be what others are so you choose to be completely unique

SwankiVY2: I do not choose to do things because I want to be different.

Aaron: sure you do

SwankiVY2: I choose to do things because they seem right to me.

SwankiVY2: I am not affected by people's asshole tendencies. Like yours. Stop treating me like you have me "all figured out."

Aaron: let me give you this advice

SwankiVY2: I doubt I'll need it.

Aaron: SELLOUT NOW

SwankiVY2: Sell out?

Aaron: you'll than me years donw the road

Aaron: wear what others wear.....do what others do...lisen to music which is popular

Aaron: be a Sorority girl

SwankiVY2: No, I don't think I will.

Aaron: SweetHeart.....me trying to be unique never got me nowhere

SwankiVY2: I feel very sorry for you. I hope you do not mean that stuff and that you don't take your own advice.

SwankiVY2: I do not listen to things or wear things in ANY WAY due to what others do.

SwankiVY2: Meaning I don't wear clothes because they're popular or because they're unique.

SwankiVY2: I simply wear what I like.

SwankiVY2: Converse shoes are very popular. THey are my favorite brand.

SwankiVY2: A head full of braids is my favorite hairstyle.

SwankiVY2: Almost no one wears that.

SwankiVY2: But I wear them at the same time.

Aaron: NOw, I have a great social life, I make great money, I'm buying a Z28 tomorow....and I move to berkley this summer

SwankiVY2: Know what I can say? I'm happy. Are you?

SwankiVY2: Do you understand me yet?

Aaron: I took the same advive I'm giving you

Aaron: I'm very happy

SwankiVY2: *grin* I hope you're still alive in ten years. ;)

Aaron: don't waste your college years being eclectict(so not spelling that right).

SwankiVY2: Do you understand that I'm not going to go out and join a sorority because I need acceptance? I'm proud of who I am.

SwankiVY2: I don't need to buy friends.

SwankiVY2: I have them.

SwankiVY2: People come to me and love me for what I do and who I am.

SwankiVY2: Not because of who I know.

SwankiVY2: I most certainly did not "become unique" because the cheerleaders wouldn't accept me.

SwankiVY2: I don't know if they would. I never tried. Because I never found myself in their company due to my interests.

Aaron: Hey, you need to be honest with yourself

SwankiVY2: I am. :) Are you?

SwankiVY2: where do you think I'm lying?

Aaron: think how you want to look back on your life

SwankiVY2: *grin* I don't need to look back. I'm there now.

SwankiVY2: I'm in my life.

Aaron: in the end....you'll have to be happy with your choices

Aaron: Do you ever think that maybe you are being close minded

SwankiVY2: *grin*...and listening to popular music and joining a sorority is going to make me happy with my choices?

Aaron: maybe it will

Aaron: maybe you will have a new insight on life

SwankiVY2: I can accept that you can see me as close-minded, but you can't prove that.

SwankiVY2: Because it has no basis in fact.

SwankiVY2: You see me as close-minded because I do not accept your way of life.

SwankiVY2: I don't ask that you accept mine. I only ask that you stop acting as if I must accept yours.

Aaron: NO, because you don't even try it

SwankiVY2: that, to me, answers the question of who is close-minded.

SwankiVY2: I don't try drugs either.

SwankiVY2: I don't try poison either.

SwankiVY2: Because I feel they would hurt me.

Aaron: we are not talking drugs here

SwankiVY2: We are talking the same principle.

Aaron: we are talking improving your status

Aaron: it's not all balck and white dear

SwankiVY2: I don't see status as existing, and there are plenty of people who feel the same way.

Aaron: they are asleep

Aaron: the purpose of life is status

SwankiVY2: Maybe you should try making sure you're not just dreaming that they are asleep.

SwankiVY2: You presume to know the purpose of life?

Aaron: it stems from animal insticnts

SwankiVY2: And you say it is something as pointless as scoring brownie points on a social ladder?

Aaron: yes I do

SwankiVY2: Well, I don't see merit in that.

Aaron: pretty much

SwankiVY2: Selling out does not appeal to me.

SwankiVY2: Therefore, I don't do it.

SwankiVY2: Sex doesn't appeal to me either.

SwankiVY2: I don't do it.

Aaron: the purpose of life is to procreate...all the rest is just fluff

SwankiVY2: I will not go about my life engaged in what others have termed as fun.

SwankiVY2: You cannot define my life.

SwankiVY2: I do not believe that procreation is the reason for existence.

SwankiVY2: I do not agree with you.

Aaron: it's not the sole reason

SwankiVY2: Oh, good.

Aaron: but it is a reason that drives us to find others

SwankiVY2: I believe that if you include making a child as one of your lifetime goals, it is honorable.

SwankiVY2: but that does not mean that you must spend YOUR existence in pursuit of a way to make a child.

Aaron: I'm not trying to say life is so cut and dry like that

Aaron: that it is that scientific

Aaron: we know what a sunset is...what gases burn in the sun

Aaron: but it doesn't take away from it's beauty

SwankiVY2: No, it doesn't. But that gives absolutely no support to your argument that life is status.

Aaron: look to the apes my dear...look to the apes

SwankiVY2: Listen, if you don't want me to be condescending to you, don't go calling me dear. It goes both ways.

SwankiVY2: And I am in anthropolgy. I am studying apes.

Aaron: sp you know there social structures

SwankiVY2: Yes, of course there are. Different ones depending on location and breed of primate, but usually there is some sort of social structure based around the dominant male.

Aaron: oh and I say dear not to be offensive

Aaron: it's just my thing

SwankiVY2: But you say it as though you were a wise man schooling me. I don't appreciate that.

Aaron: LOL....I'm not

Aaron: I'm not wise

SwankiVY2: If you do not believe you are wise, you would not be trying to teach me.

Aaron: I'm just a person saying to you what I think

SwankiVY2: Besides...you have already said that being 24 makes you wiser than I at 20.

Aaron: well I do beleive that

Aaron: and so will you

Aaron: with age comes wisdom

SwankiVY2: CAn I tell you a story of why I personally don't choose to join a sorority?

Aaron: sure

SwankiVY2: (Not always. Wisdom does NOT always come with age, nor does it come exclusively with age.)

SwankiVY2: Here is my digression:

Aaron: ok

SwankiVY2: On my campus there are two main groups competing for office.

SwankiVY2: The Action party, and the Vision party.

SwankiVY2: Action is exclusively Greek. Every officer is in a fraternity or sorority, and it is a rule of theirs that they must be in one of the Greek organizations to be part of the platform.

SwankiVY2: Vision has no such restrictions.

SwankiVY2: It seems to me that the Vision party is a bit more open minded in that respect.

SwankiVY2: It doesn't make any sense to me that any platform to run a school would require its members to belong to social organizations.

Aaron: what are they bidding for...Student goverment positions

SwankiVY2: Also, the Action party is in power.

SwankiVY2: Do you know why?

Aaron: sure it does

Aaron: why?

SwankiVY2: Because all of the fraternities and sororities tell their members to go vote for the Action party. They don't speak of their goals, they just say "get so and so elected."

SwankiVY2: Vision speaks of its goals.

SwankiVY2: They actually walk around handing out fliers stating their goals.

SwankiVY2: The Action party walks around giving out "Vote Action" buttons.

Aaron: I think that is one of the first lessons you must learn in life

Aaron: Idealism never wins

Aaron: never ever

SwankiVY2: I'm learning different lessons, going down a different path, and am seeing that idealism DOES win...in the eyes of those who believe in it, we have won.

Aaron: politics at all levels is a popularity contest

SwankiVY2: I noticed.

SwankiVY2: But know what?

Aaron: ONe day when I was 23 I woke up with a thought

Aaron: what???

SwankiVY2: I made friends with the Vision spokesman. :) He was nice.

Aaron: LOL go for him

SwankiVY2: Go?

SwankiVY2: For him?

Aaron: You know

Aaron: yeah

SwankiVY2: You mean, try to get in his pants?

Aaron: no, in his heart

SwankiVY2: Why?

Aaron: whynot

SwankiVY2: I just met him, he was nice.

SwankiVY2: We spoke.

SwankiVY2: I haven't seen him again.

SwankiVY2: *shrug* I don't know his name either.

SwankiVY2: But he was sweet.

Aaron: sp speak again.....you wouldn't have mentioned it if you haven't thought about him

Aaron: be honest

SwankiVY2: I've thought about the really bad warm-up band for They Might Be Giants last night a bunch of times too. It doesn't mean I want their album.

SwankiVY2: The frequency of a thought has little to do with the desire enclosed.

Aaron: you are like a rock

SwankiVY2: No, I'm really not.

[End conversation. Don't you feel enlightened? Don't you have the urge to sell out NOW and join an organization that doesn't appeal to you at all? Aren't you amazed by the startlingly relevant advice by which this charming young man relates all positive attention to signs that mating should happen? . . . Aren't you amazed that this conversation happened in 1998 and yet I'm still encountering people with whom the same topic would be handled the same way--and the process would be just as futile? I wonder if Aaron is still alive?]