My Record of Work: The Annoying, the Interesting, and the Just Plain Weird--The Year 2005.

This page should be in frames. If it is not and you want it to be, please click here. If it is and you don't want it to be, click here. Both versions have all the information.

JUNE!


6/29/05

More assholes!

My first two phone calls were just weirdoes.

First call: "I am looking for the following book." He sounded like a weird robot.

Second call: "Hi. Can I ask you a question? . . . How has your day been?" My day has consisted of about the last fifteen minutes since we opened, and I haven't had my coffee yet, so piss off.

Our company has a directive for a "stationary reset." We can't very well reset it if it has to remain stationary, can we?

God I hate when people who don't know basic grammar rules get paid six times what I do for communications jobs.

A woman in Kids' Activity was browsing I Spy books when her toddler started to wander, and she had to chase the kid, but unfortunately she did not properly understand the laws of physics and the books she'd been messing with started to slide down. She was caught between a rock and a hard place, not wanting to cause an avalanche but needing to chase the kid. I stepped over and said, "Having an avalanche?" and she said, "YES, and I don't understand. . . . " She just could NOT figure out how come the books wouldn't stay on the shelf. Lady, that is what happens when there is a thing called gravity and you are leaving large books unsupported. I took over for her holding them up and fixed them in less than a second, but it really irritated me because she was just so confused and floored by the books not staying put when she let go of them even though there wasn't anything holding them up.

Oh, this is my favorite jackass today. A woman called and told me she'd heard on the news or something that the Harry Potter book got finished with being printed three weeks earlier than expected, and she wanted to know if that meant she could come get her pre-ordered book.

Nice try!

It's called a strict on-sale date. How about the MOTHER of strict on-sale dates. We're not changing it because you heard some news thing about the books being made sooner than expected. Release dates are release dates.

I don't know if that was an attempted Jedi Mind Trick, but we don't even have HP books to sell yet, so tough shit. . . .

God. Children rampaging.

First off I had this mom and kid tearing shit up. To her credit, the mom was always pretty much on top of the kid, but it didn't stop her from doing some very bad things and then almost doing a half dozen other very bad things. For instance, she kept trying to climb stacks of product (like stacked Monopoly games) and didn't STOP when her mom told her to. She tried to put her foot through a box that contained a book and stuffed animal. She kept hollering that her mother should open things for her, and when her mom said no trying to do it herself. She kept littering the floor with crap and bringing toys and books from one section into whatever section her mom was digging in, and even though Mom did her best to clean it up, it was still annoying.

But more annoying than that was the little boy. He was walking around with his eyes half open and his mouth more than half open. I watched him looking at a book, and when he was done with it he walked over to whatever shelf was nearest to him and THREW the book--I don't mean just tossed, I mean he wound up and threw it--onto the shelf, where it lost its balance and fell off the shelf and clattered onto the floor, and the kid just kept walking like that was, like, okay. I just kind of stared at him and put the book back, and continued to observe him. While I was putting books back that he may or may not have pulled out, I heard a slight crash, and with a silent groan I looked over to where the kid was standing and yes indeed, he'd pulled one of the J-hooks out of the wall and was standing there dumbfounded. He picked up the J-hook, looked at it, and honestly tried to put it in the wall like every possible way except for the way it actually fit, mostly positions that were upside-down. I don't know what the deal is with people like this--I mean, I'm not a particularly practical person and the first time I looked at a J-hook I knew how to insert it into a wall that was made for it, but not this kid. After trying a couple times and giving up, he threw THAT on the floor too and walked away.

A kid and a dad wanted school reading stuff and asked my manager. My manager made me help them instead. Having told the manager what they wanted, I guess they figured that they had done all the informing they needed and I would not need to also be told what they wanted, so that was fun, them expecting me to know what we were looking for already. But anyway, I found them all of their books except one we were out of, and asked them if they wanted to order. They said no and said they'd check around, and I was like, "Okay, let me know if there's anything else you need," and they were like, "Okay." I started walking back toward my kids' books to put out and I noticed the kid was following me. I didn't figure he was following ME, I figured he just happened to be wanting to go in the same direction, but then I noticed the DAD was following HIM, and the kid was like practically on top of me. So when I stopped in front of my kids' books there was the kid, stopped in front of me looking at me expectantly, and I'm like, "DO you need something else?" And they both realized that OH, they're supposed to go to the CHECKOUT to buy the books! Okay yeah that makes sense, get someone to help you in the store and then follow them to a register--do you know any place where that's how it works? I mean, even small stores with two or three employees usually have a separate place to buy and a separate person up there to ring you up or whatever. I don't ask for help finding cream of tartar in the grocery store and then follow the stock guy around hoping he'll go to the registers. Why did they BOTH follow ME???

A woman came in to return I Spy books because she wanted something appropriate for a little younger, but she was calling the ones she wanted "The I Spy books FOR KIDS," and all I Spy books are for kids, so I was trying to clarify for her which ones she wanted; did she want the large ones with paper pages, or the smaller ones with cardboard pages? She told me she didn't understand but she wanted the ones for KIDS, not these ones FOR ADULTS. Lady, I don't know what your threshold of difficulty is but those books aren't for grown-ups. Anyway, I took her to the section and she was like, "OH yes this is what I want," but we didn't have a very good selection of the board books and she didn't like that so she figured asking me several times whether we had more somewhere else (up my ass, perhaps?) was a good idea, and then she informed me that she and her three-year-old son and two-year-old daughter were on a twenty-two-hour car trip or something and she wanted something to keep them entertained. After expressing again that she wished we had more board book I Spy, she said, "So you don't have ANYTHING that will be good for their age?" What are you talking about? This is the first time you asked that question and you're acting like you looked at all! I took her to Baby and told her to browse through there, but she never made it that far because Nickelodeon caught her eye and she and her kids were entranced by SpongeBob. All right. Oh yeah, and the thing about this lady was . . . she kept getting in my way. I was trying to show her various things and twice I was taking her somewhere else in the store and it had to be six different times I moved to do something helpful for her and she got in the way. She moved. Into my path. Constantly. It was like she was afraid I was trying to get away--it really felt like that--like she thought I was done helping her and was going away to help someone else so she'd step in front of me and get really close like she needed to corner me in. It was really, really, REALLY weird.


6/28/05

Banner day for assholes.

First off I had the lady who yelled at me on the phone. :( She informed me that she wanted to know about a book she'd ordered two weeks ago. (Later in the conversation it became two and a half weeks, because if you exaggerate how long you've been waiting then somehow I feel worse about having absolutely no control over what happened and yet getting an earful about it.) Anyway, book she ordered two weeks ago, and "this is the SECOND time I've ordered from YOU GUYS and YOU said you'd call and you didn't." Well, I told her I'd check on it and she goes, "Oh, I'm sorry, I just realized I don't have any of the information in front of me." I wish I'd let her go there, but see you don't really need "the information" to look up a book or whatever, I told her as long as she knew who SHE was I could probably find her order. Anyway, so I'm at the desk trying to dig her up. (And incidentally I've got two customers standing there staring at me, so this lady's indecisiveness was not helping.) She said what last name it'd be under. It wasn't waiting for her at C/S (which means she didn't just miss the call) and it wasn't waiting in the to-be-called pile (which means she didn't just have an unworking or busy number).

So I asked her what phone number she gave us so I could look her up. "I don't know," she said, followed by silence. I had to prompt her since I couldn't help her if she didn't give me some way to look her up, and she complained, "But I don't know if it was my cell number or my home number!" So I said, "Well, let's try them!" She gave me the cell. It came up with nothing. "But I thought SURE that was the one I gave him," she said, and I'm like, waiiiit, a second ago you had no clue and now it's a distinct memory? She started hemming and hawing about how much of a pain in the ass this was and then, "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, "am I BITCHING?" Huh? I kind of stammered out a reply that went something like, "Well, it's certainly a situation where you're entitled to DO so, but let's see what we can find here . . . " Anyway, we tried home number to no avail and then her name, also to no avail. She said that her SUPERVISOR had placed the order, and when I suggested she get back with HIM and find out what information he used, she just started whining about how we keep doing this to her. "Well it looks like I've wasted another TWO AND A HALF WEEKS," she said, and I told her that if I had no way of even locating her order by information she would have given, I have no way of telling her what happened to the order. She just muttered about how this just sucks that we made her wait two and a half weeks for nothing and then hung up. What I don't understand is where she gets the idea that she just innocently placed an order and the bad old bookstore keeps losing it. Lady, our computer doesn't just eat things. If we don't have your name or either of your phone numbers in the system, then either BOTH the number and your name were typoed, or YOU NEVER ORDERED FROM US. Maybe you should call your supervisor and ask him what store he actually placed the order at, huh?

While I was helping the above lady, the computer was being horrifically slow, and there was a lot of waiting going on. One of the customers waiting at the desk for my help tried to butt in by saying, "EXCUSE me, can I just ask a question while you're waiting?" I just kind of looked at her and she rattled off the book's title that she wanted. I told her I'd have to look that up and she goes, "Well that was what I was HOPING you'd DO!" Lady, what part of "it's not your turn yet" don't you understand? I told her I'd help her as soon as I was off the frickin' phone. Jeez! I found out later that she was already in a shitty mood because my café manager was at the desk when she got there and she got pissed off when she wouldn't help her. She called me to the desk and everything, but I think the lady's perception was like, "Why is this bitch not helping me???" Because she's in charge of the COFFEE SHOP and she doesn't know how to help you, nor is it her job to do so. So wait your ass in line for my expert services, ya arsebag!

Some dude called on the phone and asked me for a certain book, and it was one we carried so I told him I'd go check the shelf. Apparent confused or stunned silence, followed by "You have to GO and physically CHECK?" Well yes, because I don't have a remote monitor that allows me to zoom in on that section of the bookstore from where I'm standing. C'mon, even if we had perpetual inventory to tell me how many I'm supposed to have, you know it would be a good idea to go check and make sure. And then we had a small misunderstanding because he didn't understand why I wasn't putting him on hold and going to check already when it turned out he didn't understand that I had him on the portable and was taking me with him to check. Har har.

I was helping a woman in the kids' section when this man started following us around, obviously camping me to make sure he would get me next. He followed us pretty closely, so I was surprised when, after I told the woman I would go check for her book at the desk, the dude swooped down and said, "Excuse me, I need your help?" Hmm, oh what a surprise! I told him I was still helping that lady and he got a surprised look on his face and said, "Oh really? I thought you were done!" Well, it's in the Rude Customer Camper rules that if you're going to follow the associate around to make sure that makes you next in line, you at least also eavesdrop on the conversation so you know when it's your frickin' turn. C'mon now.

Other people were having a hard time of it this morning too. My café manager had some dude come up and ring up a newspaper and then ignore her when she asked if he had a discount card, and then when she responded by charging him full price, he held up his keychain discount card and said, "THIS doesn't count for anything?" Umm, you're supposed to GIVE it to her, jerk.

Also when she went to open the door this morning some woman said, "You're LATE!" to her. (She wasn't. She had been there an hour opening the café before the store was opened and she unlocked the doors at 9 on the dot like usual.) She responded to the lady by saying, "YOU'RE late." Neither of them knew what she meant by that. It was just there.

One of my coworkers was looking at a magazine holding it sideways like he was enjoying a centerfold. He was making approving noises and stuff, and when I looked at the picture IT WAS A HAMBURGER. Har har har.

Here's our annoying person of the day (well, besides the one who ranted at me about not finding her order when she didn't know anything about it herself). This woman asked for help finding a book and told me she'd already looked where it would be but she has trouble looking at the bottom shelves so she wasn't able to look very thoroughly. I was already annoyed at this because it meant she was just wandering around looking at shelves and skipping the bottom ones because they were hard to look at for her, when the bottom line is IT'S ALPHABETICAL and it's not difficult to figure out where to look.

I looked up her book. It was a biography, so I took her to Bio and she started complaining that that wasn't where she'd thought it'd be, it was supposed to be the Christian section. Well, last time I checked I'm the one who works here and you're the confused bookstore patron, so shut up and let me help you. I went to the right spot and there were no copies, so I told her it was likely we were just out. She didn't like that answer and thought it would be prudent to insist again that it should be in the Christian section because it was about a Christian family and she found another similar book over there. Well, my computer categorizes it as a biography, and that's where it goes. But feel free to wander around Christian Living some more not looking at bottom shelves.

Finally she told me that she'd already asked about the book from someone else once and "they told me it was in." But she wasn't able to explain to me when or how this had happened and she said she hadn't asked them to save it. "Then we have no reason to believe it has to be here," I explained gently, and she said, "Well he was able to pull it up and see that you had one on the computer." Uh-huh . . . well if any of that actually happened outside her head, it happened at a different store because no one in OUR store looks up books on the computer and says "yes we have it" sight unseen, sorry.

I told her we could order it but she didn't want to and made her way elsewhere . . . to do guess what? Yeah, you got it. She found another person to ask! (In this case it was my manager on duty, who had seen that she had already been asking me questions for a while.) The woman approached her as if she hadn't already been helped, and was like, "I'm looking for this book, it's supposed to be in the Christian section. . . . " My manager wasn't fooled by this and asked for details as to what I'd already told her. "Oh, well she looked it up but she didn't check in the Christian section." My manager explained the whole "well if she helped you and didn't find it then we don't have it" concept, and the lady kept pressing her to try to get HER to start helping her RIGHT, and my manager just kept saying if we're out we're out. The lady gave up finally and left. (She ended up calling back the next day and asking us to order it for her. Fun.)


6/27/05

Older woman customer arrives at customer service desk. Cute female associate (who could it be?) arrives to help her. Cute female associate (CFA) smiles and says, "Good morning!" Older woman customer (OWC) just smiles tightly and pushes items toward CFA. CFA thinks, Oh, a customer who does not realize she cannot check out here. CFA says, "Can I help you with something?" OWC replies by making the smile a little less friendly and pushing the items again. CFA says, "I'm sorry, are you trying to check out? You can't do that at this desk, we have no register." OWC does not seem to understand and just stares. Daughter of older woman customer (DWC) notices her mother's actions and calls, "Mom, you can't check out there." OWC suddenly begins to get the idea and says, "But--but WHERE do I go?" CFA tells her it's up front, and DWC tells her it's near the front. OWC gathers up her stuff and begins squawking about how absurd it is that either of us could have expected her to know where to go to check out: "How would *I* know?? I've only been here twice!" DWC is reading the customer service sign and the checkout sign to OWC as they walk away. Doesn't that sound like a play you'd want to watch four times a day?

And apparently in a fit of anger one of our managers broke a piece of the fax machine in half because it wasn't working properly and she threw it on the ground. We're getting a new fax machine next week.

Heh--so brilliant--some dude came in and wanted to give his application to the manager, and I told him the only person who looks at the applications is not in 'til tomorrow night. He was gripping the paper kind of protectively like he was afraid *I*, a lowly non-manager, would try to take it when he would only give the sacred document to the MANAGER and make his all-important impression. Heh, I love those people who think those go-getter strategies actually work in dumps like depressed-area college town retail stores.

Some woman wanted to buy "nursery rhymes, set to music," so I went to take her to Kids' because I have a Mother Goose section and one of the series has CDs, but she clarified that she didn't want CDs, she wanted sheet music. Hmm, different story altogether. (Oh, it's so great when our customers are so specific!) So I take her to Music and start showing her kids' song books and she likes them but then she's like, "How much is this? How much is THIS?" The two she liked were both $14.95. After I told her the second one, she goes, "They're ALL so EXPENSIVE!" Actually that's cheap for A BIG BOOK OF SHEET MUSIC. I guess she hasn't bought any lately. Maybe she expected them to be a nickel like they were when she was a kid.

That wasn't nice. :)


6/26/05

Today a couple of people were taking tests in the café and some of the testing involves making drinks, so the café auditor was asking people around the store what we wanted to drink from certain choices. As a result I drank part of a mocha, a raspberry mocha, and a frappé of some kind. I was wired and I couldn't even sleep for my nap. It made for a very interesting day.

A woman called me about a book and there were none left on the shelf. Then she informed me that in fact she had already reserved one. I was like, okay, that's nice, then why are you calling me? "Because I want to get another one put on hold," she said, and then she asked me WHAT NAME SHE HAD PUT IT UNDER. I was like, "I don't know what name you had us hold it under!" She made a couple suggestions and I found her book being held, but then she's like, "And you don't have another one?" I think that's what this was all about in the first place. Why is it that I had to find the book you're holding in order to have another one spring forth from the ether? I just didn't get her.

A woman wanted to know if we had either a VHS or a DVD of a certain thing, and I told her we didn't do movies. "So you wouldn't have a DVD of it?" she asked, and I'm like, what the hell? Is this a trick question? "We don't carry DVDs." "So do you have this particular DVD?" WHAT?? Anyway, then she wanted to know if the book this guy had made came on audio, and I said I could order it, and then she's like, "But no DVD, huh?" ARGH!

I was talking to a friend and a woman walked up and interjected, "I need your help." Not excuse me, not can I ask you something, but "I need your help." OH YES MA'AM! I asked what she needed and she wanted a Cliff's Notes math book. I asked what subject and she's like, "Math." Oh how specific. I took her to Study Guides and showed her what Cliff's titles we had, and she informed me that the one she wanted "looked different" and was by a certain author and had little numbers in circles on it. "Well, if it's a Cliff's guide for math, this is where it would be if we had it," I said, and told her if we didn't know what it was CALLED the computer wouldn't be much help in ordering it. I asked what math subject or level it covered and again she insisted that it was just math. "So this is the ONLY place in the store it could be?" she said with attitude, and I'm thinking, oh yeah, 'cause we like to hide math study guides in several places just for maximum annoyance and to give our patrons and employees lots of exercise. I told her that was indeed the only place and she's like, "So I'll have to get it somewhere else then, huh," and as I'm agreeing with her she just starts strutting away.

With these kinds of people I often wish I could be updated on their progress as they go store to store and slowly realize that telling an employee they want the math book with the circles on it that looks different from these is not going to yield results. Maybe then they'd realize they don't have enough information.

A guy wanted a book he claimed was called Slow Burn. He said he didn't know who wrote it but that turned out to be a problem because three different authors wrote books with that exact title. I asked if he'd recognize it and he said he would, but when I read off the three authors he said it wasn't any of those people. He said, "Tell you what, just take me to the section." Oh yeah, because I have no idea which one of these it is but there's just "a section" for them. Only one of them was carried by the store and it was a romance book and I told him so. He's like, "NOOO, it's not ROMANCE, it's a fitness book!" I scrolled further down and found an exercise book that had "Slow Burn" as PART of the title, and we figured out it was probably that one but I showed it as being a book we'd have to order. "Just show me the fitness section then," he instructed, and I took him back there. But then--THEN--he said he'd just browse through and see if he could see the book. "We don't carry it," I reminded him, "that is a book that is never ordered and stocked by our store. It's available to order only." "REALLY?" he asked, "Well I wonder why that would be??" He went on to inform me that someone or another had told him that it would be in any bookstore. Well, I guess they check every week and make sure, too!

A woman wanted a book about teaching; I'd heard of the title she wanted but didn't think we carried it. A quick glance through Teacher's Resource confirmed that we didn't have it, and she goes, "Well it would be in the nonfiction." Oh yeah, well let me look for books about how to teach in the NONFICTION section now since I obviously must have thought it was fiction at first glance! That makes sense! And of course we have a "nonfiction" section. Jeez. Anyway, I asked her if she was interested in ordering it and she instructed me to make sure that it was available to order before ordering it. Oh really? So I brought up the title and it turned out there were two books by the same title but different authors. I told her I was going to need more information because of this situation and she said, "Well, what are they called?" I told her they were both called the exact title she asked for, and she replied incredulously, "But how could that BE? How could two books be called THE SAME THING??" I told her, "Be . . . cause . . . there's no rule that you can't do that?" She was flabbergasted and told me she'd get back to me once she found out more info. Har.


6/25/05

In an act of mindless assholeishness and pointless resource-wasting, some dipshit turned the water on in the bathroom full blast and left it that way. What a prick.

Today was a One-Day Sale. That usually means more than your average amount of Assholes perceiving that they are deserving of more discount than any sign or flyer actually said, and more people in general in the store. I didn't really have a bad time, though. Pretty much everyone (except the above) who made the work log today did so through ignorance, not through meanness. I prefer ignorance to meanness in dealing with customers.

Some woman with a James Patterson audio book asked me where on the CDs it shows the "ratings" for children. I was confused and asked her what product she was talking about, and she told me she wanted to know where they would say what the CDs were rated, whether this James Patterson CD was appropriate for children. I told her it wasn't a kids' book so it wasn't going to have some kind of age indicator on it for kids. She kept at it, expecting me to be able to point out like a system of rated G, PG, PG-13, and R or something like it's a movie--she listens to audio books with her kids in the car, she said, and wanted to know how she could find out if it was appropriate to play in front of children. Okay, see you aren't going to find ratings for CHILDREN on an ADULT book. Sorry! I told her it was likely to have language and situations that wouldn't be good for her kids to hear and that if she wanted kid-friendly stuff she should stick to kids' stories or music. ::shrug:: They don't make rating systems for grown-ups' books with kids in mind, ya know?

As I was walking by an aisle, I saw some books falling near a dude who was shopping for coin folders. He started grumbling and pulling them into a pile, and since he'd seen me go by I thought it would be taken as like rude or something if I didn't go help him, so I did. I asked him if he was okay and picked up the fallen coin holders, at which point he started sulkily explaining that our shelves were not appropriate for holding such materials. I went to put the books on the shelf again and he put them back on the floor and said, "There's no point in you doing that until you guys get shelves to hold these better!" Okay, yeah, let me get right on that--I'll get them to buy different bookshelves, that sounds like a great idea, and until then these will just sit on the floor. It always irritates me that people who don't anticipate the laws of physics and get smacked by gravity act like it's entirely the fault of the bookstore for not inventing shelves that will make it impossible to cause a book avalanche on yourself. "Hey you didn't protect me from my own ignorance!"

I answered the phone with my usual spiel (which includes the name of the store) and this girl replied, "Yeah, um, I don't have my social security card? I can't find my card so would it be okay if I just send my W-2?" After a pause I asked her what she was talking about and she goes, "Um, well . . . who did I call?" and I told her she called the bookstore. "Oh, sorry," she said, and hung up. Okaaaay. . . .

A woman wanted two books. The first one made sense; she knew the title and when I asked if it was by a certain author, she was able to identify him: Omar Tyree. The second book was a little harder: She said it was called "Sister Souljah" and some other mumbled stuff, but said she didn't know who wrote it. It turned out that the mumbled stuff was the title and the author was Sister Souljah, and we were supposed to carry both in our fiction section. I told her we'd take a little walk to Fiction and they'd be close together since we'd be looking under S for one and T for the other. "So they're in order by title?" she replied, and I just didn't know WHAT to say. . . . Especially since the Tyree novel was Flyy Girl and the Souljah book was The Coldest Winter Ever. . . . THOSE DON'T START WITH S AND T. . . .

A kid with a blank look on his face was standing at the desk when I came back from greeting to help someone. Since I was already with someone, it didn't matter that he was standing there waiting; he'd have to be next, that's how it works. I helped the couple I was engaged with, and while I was doing so the kid kept trying to move into my field of view, changing sides on the desk and then moving around again when I had to come out of the desk to help the couple. When I came back again he was where I left him and he pounced. And of course, the book he wanted was Eldest, which means he not only has bad taste in books (it's the sequel to Eragon, and everyone already knows how I feel about that book); he also doesn't pay attention because that book isn't out yet. I got to delight in telling him he could not have that shitty book because it isn't out.

Speaking of which, someone asked me today whether pre-purchasing Harry Potter 6 would mean they'd get to receive it before it was released on July 16th. NO asshole! I don't know where your brain's at, but a release date is a release date. It's not like you get it early because you paid already. And she was acting like it was weird that she would have to wait to receive it even though she paid the money. That's how it works doofus!

And to wind up, I'll just say that while I was greeting I saw an older couple who matched. They were both wearing vertical blue and white stripes. I wonder if that was intentional?


6/22/05

Okay, so some lady called and wanted to know if her book was in yet. She said she'd been told it'd be in on the 19th. I'm sure someone actually told her that because the 19th is what the computer would have said last week on any customer orders, even though they actually came in on the 18th. Anyway, problem was, there was nothing on hold for her, and when I told her I'd check and see if she was in the pile of people we couldn't get a hold of, she's like, "NO, no one's called me." Okay . . . so I asked for her number to look her order up, and she gave me a phone number but there were no orders listed for her, and when I told her that she said, "Ya know, I don't think I gave anyone my phone number." The way it had gone was that she had wanted three school reading books and we'd had two of them, which we'd put aside and she'd already picked up. The third, we'd told her, would be in on the nineteenth--but apparently she hadn't ACTUALLY ordered it. Now, what happened next was what bothered me. She asked me if we'd gotten any and I found a copy to put on hold for her, and then she started whining about how come we hadn't put one aside for her before. "That wasn't very nice of him!" she remarked of the associate who helped her, though of course she also couldn't remember his name. She complained that she'd TOLD him she NEEDED this book for school and it was just awful that he hadn't put it aside for her. What I ended up wondering is why she was told "the nineteenth" but then didn't actually order the book. One of three things could have happened: One, she got the new guy or something and he'd talked out of his ass and told her the books would be in on the nineteenth without knowing he was supposed to actually order it; two, she could have thanked the person and hung up too quickly to actually order the book, misunderstanding the person who was telling her "it would be in on the nineteenth"; or three, she got my assistant general manager who has an androgynous name and a somewhat low (though not, in my opinion, male-sounding) voice and mistook her for a man (or just misremembered), and was under the impression that we were going to save her a copy when the manager was only telling her that we're receiving a shipment of them on the nineteenth (she's the only one who would have known they were coming already). Who knows?

And finally I had a woman with a very dotty disposition looking for low-visibility bridge playing cards. I started looking for said item in my selection of playing cards on the game display, and she babbled about how they looked, what their brand was, and that hers had been stolen. I asked her how recently she had bought the cards, and she replied, "Oh, it was just last week!" Drat, can't use the "guess we no longer carry them" excuse. I looked near the register too (since they also display cards), and there was an empty peg next to some cards labeled "jumbo," so I told her that it looked like we were out. She replied, "Well, maybe you just don't have them anymore. I did get them a very long time ago." Uh-huh. I replied, "I thought you said you got them last week," and she said, "NO, honey, they were STOLEN last week!" Oh gee, my mistake, I should have automatically assumed that you'd misheard my question. ::shrug::


6/21/05

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE BOOKSTORE WORKER?

Maybe you're a long-time reader of this log and you think it's entertaining to read about my Assholes. Maybe you think it would be kind of hilarious to always be surrounded by such stunning examples of jackassness--that there would be never a dull moment. Well, I've decided to let you have a rare peep into my world: A Day In the Life of the Bookstore Chick. You'll interact with every customer I interacted with on this particular day, and you'll get to see what never makes it into the log and what percentage of my clientele is actually Assholes. You'll get to read a play-by-play and think either Hey, I could do her job! or Holy McDonald's, how does she stand it? I hope you enjoy.

And if you really aren't interested in anything but reading the Assholes files themselves, I just went and bolded them so you can find them easily, read them, and skip down without embroiling yourself in my pathetic life.

Here we go.

Get to work: 9 AM. Ooh, new guy in the café, training. Get coffee and go to Kids' to begin the daily torture cleaning of the section. Notice many weird Danny Wuerffel flyers stuck on shelves and on the floor--they are Jesus ads about how Mr. Star Quarterback was blessed enough to be born into a Christian family and you should live your life the way he was indoctrinated to do so. Toss Godvertisements on the bottom of a cart to recycle later. First customer approaches.

* 1. * Grade-school child with nearby mother wanted How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found. I asked the kid if she knew the author's name while going to the computer. Child's mom called out author's name to both of us, which child repeated for me in case I avoid listening like most of my customers, because ya know Mommy was talking to HER. We didn't carry the book, as suspected. They didn't want to order it. Next.

* 2. * Lady wanted "the Oprah section." I told her we didn't have a display. Her slack face spasmed in surprise at this apparent travesty. She asked for the new thing Oprah's hawking, which she claimed was a box set by Steinbeck and I informed her it's actually Faulkner. "I didn't think it was FAULKNER," she said, "MAYBE," but when I put it in her hand and she saw that reassuring "O" logo, she calmed down. After that she couldn't find Checkout and that annoyed me.

* 3. * Nice lady wanted Sink Reflections, and seemed to think it was bad manners to have forgotten to bring the author's name. If only she knew how often people have much less information and yet are much less understanding. Joked somewhat about how the author calls herself "the fly lady" and that sort of thing tends to make people not remember your real name. The lady said she was on vacation and had computer withdrawal. I sympathized.

* 4. * A lady wanted the Horrible Harry books and happened to be standing right in front of them when she said it. Heh.

The cashier comes and delivers a ton of kids' books that had somehow been sorted into her Fiction shipment. Have to put them away.

* 5. * A polite dude wanted books on fossils. Took him to Natural History and let him browse.

Went in the back room to organize books for the buy 2 get 1 free sale we're having soon. Proceeded to sort, stack, and get interrupted.

* 6. * Phone call. A lady who had ordered sixteen books and only picked up fifteen wanted to know if her sixteenth was in. I checked and the reason we hadn't contacted her was that her phone number had since rotted into oblivion, so her book was sitting there on the "tried to contact and couldn't" shelf. Put her crap on the shelf for pickup instead.

* 7. * A lady asked for Secrets of the Millionaire Mind and of course as soon as I stepped away from the desk, got her book, and put it in her hand, she decided that was the time to tell me we needed to look up ANOTHER one, Tapping the Healer Within. Telling me all the lookup stuff while we're at the desk is really helpful, lady. Committed several pet peeves: Asked me how much the book was while SHE was holding it and didn't make any move to hand it to me; told me she's going to the library rather than buying something so expensive, et cetera.

The dude I helped earlier is still in Fossils, browsing. Hmm.

Oh, it's time for the visit from the intellectually disabled adults' field trip group. Today's game appears to be Loud Noises In the Bathroom; they are screaming a lot. The caretaker isn't doing anything about it. Ho-hum. Screaming grown-ups are something one gets used to.

Potty break.

Dude's still in Fossils. Creepy.

Coffee time.

* 8. * Had a lady who wanted some special edition of O Magazine--what's with the Oprah people today? We had sent back the old ones when we got the new and I went through a long period of helpfulness explaining to the lady how to get a back issue through the magazine's services and showing her where in the magazine she could get the address and phone number. She opted to write down the phone number. Guess where she wrote it? On the magazine. The magazine that had the phone number in it. Then she bought it. Okay, so that made no sense. She also noted the flower behind my ear and asked if it was part of that Hawaiian custom of putting a flower behind an ear to signify whether you were single or taken. I've never heard of such a thing, but have since learned I was advertising as single if that's the case. One learns something new every day.

Some tall dude striding out of an aisle almost mows me down walking a mile a minute. I stop and say, "OH, exCUSE me," and he doesn't look down or acknowledge or anything, just keeps on stomping. Dick.

* 9. * I helped what was probably a mom and daughter with reading list books. They picked two Newbery Award winners and rejected the book The Pigman because it looked too long. Oh, those nasty teen novels.

* 10. * Phone call: Lady looking for a book called Best of Basics which was out of print. 'Kay.

* 11. * Some woman wanted me to show her where to find books about where to go to college. But not just college--only architecture schools. Uh-huh.

* 12. * Someone wanted Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I got her the last copy. Yay.

Potty break!

* 13. * I came near the customer service desk and some woman sort of standing vaguely near it gave me this "hey you, get over here" smile. She wanted Brave New World for her kid's reading list. Such joy.

Woo-hoo! I find a quarter on the floor.

I find out that the new dude likes one of my favorite authors: Francesca Lia Block. That's pretty unusual for a guy. I call the café and ask the girl there to deliver the message to the guy that he is cool as all hell because of this.

Hang out in the back room yakking to my assistant general manager about the uselessness of certain employees and her future plans in getting said people fired so we can hire people who actually do work and aren't jerks.

* 14. * Phone call: Someone wanted to verify that someone who listed us as a past employer really did work here. It was so long ago that we don't have the record loose anymore. Our manager told them to call our damn home office.

* 15. * I had to help some lady who was going to get a grant for books for her environmental science teaching, and wanted to know my opinion on various books. I hadn't read most of them but ended up getting her to buy Ishmael for her older readers and Hoot for the young'uns, because both talk about environmental science. She thanked me for being so helpful. Aren't I wonderful?

* 16. * Some lady on the phone who was just annoying in a way I can't explain wanted the South Beach Diet and then wanted directions to our store. I think she was just being a butt not understanding what I meant when I told her there were two paperback versions of the book and one was cheaper than the other but no different in content, just book size and print size. This boggles some people's minds, especially ones who don't read.

* 17. * Had to give someone an application. Ho-hum.

* 18. * Then some lady wanted to talk to our general manager. No dice! He doesn't work mornings!

* 19. * And a guy called wanting our café manager. I put her on. So exciting!

* 20. * A phone call came through while I was really busy and this lady was really nicely patient 'cause I had to put her on hold for a while at one point. But it was just a long drawn-out hoopla where I was able to find one of the books she wanted--something on Florida camping--in the system but not on the shelf, so I ordered it for her, but unfortunately she also wanted one for Georgia too and I had none listed.

* 21. * A woman at the desk found these collectible lightsaber things--small versions--and complained that she could not figure out if they actually light up because we have been so callous as to place the price sticker over part of the words on the back. Okay, well first of all, THOSE STICKERS ARE NOT FUSED TO THE BOX, so MOVE the sticker for a second, ya know? And secondly--why would there be a lightsaber replica that costs like forty bucks if it didn't light up?

* 22. * I was at the desk and some guy being helped by my manager referred to Candide as "Candid." Brilliant.

Finally finished sorting the damn buy 2 get 1 books.

Lunch break! Tomato soup and crackers. Wahoo!

And . . . it is FREEZING in the back room. Absolutely arctic.

* 23. * Some dude was filling out an application for employment while standing at the desk. I went up to him while clocking in and pestered him by asking if he was sure he wanted to be an "inmate" here. He seemed to find it amusing.

* 24. * While I was in the kids' section putting some stuff up, I overheard a mom and daughter looking at the Hello Kitty stuff and the girl picked up one of the HK Poodle items and made an observation I'd never made before: "Mom, how come she's a CAT walking a DOG??" Her mom referred to that as an "oxymoron." I don't think she quite understands what the word means.

* 25. * ::yawn:: A woman wanted books on culinary school . . . next. . . .

* 26. * Then some girl wanted books on the MCAT . . . man, everyone wanted test prep stuff today.

* 27. * A mom shopping with her young son wanted the book Supernanny. I took her right to it without having to check the system because I'm familiar with it. And then her son started being extraordinarily cute. He said, "Hey 'scuse me?" to me and when I gave him my attention he replied, "Can I buy a train?" I'd overheard his mom already telling him he wasn't getting a train today and I was like, "I think that's up to your mom." Heh. Then later I was putting more stuff away and the kid was still being cute, looking at a book about hermit crabs and informing me that his hermit crab, Hermie, had died recently. We had a short conversation about hermit crabs. Then I was putting away a misplaced chunky book and it didn't have its author on the side, so I turned it over to look at its back cover and the kid goes, "THAT'S not how you read that book!" Heh. I told him I wasn't reading it, just figuring out where to put it away, and put it where it was supposed to be--he asked why I'd chosen there and I said because I was in charge of this place and decided to. Then he held up the train he was still carrying and said, "Can you pay for this?" Hehe! I told him I didn't have any money, but though I had found a quarter earlier I needed it for the bus. "Good LORD," he replied. Hahah cute kids!

* 28. * Some girl wanted a nonexistent book: SAT II: Physics for Dummies. Well, if it does exist it's not in my system, they have SAT II books for three other subjects but not physics. Sorry!

* 29. * A dude walked up and snapped a newspaper at one of my coworkers, obviously expecting to pay for it. "Sorry, you can't check out here," said my coworker, and directed the man to the checkout. "You guys are always changing things around," he said brightly as he stalked off. Yeah, 'cause when we built the store we put the checkout in that corner and the customer service desk in the center but one day we just decided we didn't like it and picked them up and moved them. Or not.

* 30. * A woman wanted The Zack Files and I told her they were in Chapter Books. I took her there and she said, "Where are we?" so she could remember where to come next time. ::giggle: Also, I got to recommend Artemis Fowl to her and her son and she seemed enthusiastic and bought it. Yay.

* 31. * Some frickin' lady bathed her goddamn baby in the bathroom sink and got water all over the place. Ever heard of baby wipes?

* 32. * A woman asked for the DSM-IV, but we only had a size she didn't want. Boo.

* 33. * Some woman wanted a book for a school and it turned out it was only available as a long-term special order, and then she wanted Bill Bryson books. I was out of almost all of his books. Blah.

* 34. * I knew I was dealing with a winner when some girl called and asked for books by the Marquis de Sade--and pronounced it "sayd" instead of "sahd." Oh well, some people are ignorant. She wanted some book we didn't have by him, though we listed something that mentioned one of the stories she wanted and was labeled "and other stories." I checked for it on the shelf and it wasn't there. There was also another book that mentioned the other story she wanted, but it would have had to be ordered. After I told the girl this bad news, she replied, "Okay . . . so . . . WHICH one were you going to order?" Being that that made NO sense because I hadn't said I was planning on ordering one, I was confused; I would have to have her request that if she wanted it. I was basically like, "What huh what?" and she didn't answer me, just said, "Well . . . I'm coming there. Which store is in Gainesville?" Which store? We have two in Gainesville and I don't understand this question. After I again told her that her question was phrased in such a way that I didn't understand what she wanted me to tell her, she pretended she was having trouble hearing me on her cell phone--I could tell that wasn't the case--and excused herself to go be one of those jerks driving on the highway and leaving no brain left for a conversation.

* 35. * "Where's the bathroom?" Oh, it's my favorite question.

A child is dragged out of the store screaming by his weary mother. The chase and capture of the child took about five full minutes as he alternately pretended to cooperate and then ran back to the train screaming about not wanting to leave once he was set free. When Mom finally got wise and would not let go of his hand, he repeatedly claimed that she was hurting him, and--of course--screaming his head off. When she finally left, my manager remarked to me that it was NAPtime for that kid. I told her I know how he feels.

* 36. * Another call for the café manager.

* 37. * A weird man with his little daughter kept behaving in strange ways. He wanted the Clifford book that had wheels and we were out of it, and I tried to find it in the computer but we weren't sure what it was called, but I eventually decided it must be Go, Clifford, Go! because even though the wheels weren't pictured it looked like the book I remembered seeing and mentioned plastic wheels in the description. I offered to show the dad the cover and he responded by walking into the employees-only area and just strolling up to my computer to look. It was weird. As I ordered the book for him he still didn't leave and his little daughter was running around behind the desk too. She kept doing so after he left the desk, and I said I was going to get her an apron. Then he asked me weird questions about like what kids are into these days and stuff.

* 38. * Oh yay, a phone call about school reading. Imagine that! This woman wanted a special version of The Yearling, a book called Bud Not Buddy that I held for her, and a book we didn't seem to have. She was one of those "I'll send my husband to pick them up in the morning, now what is YOUR name?" type people.

* 39. * A wandering dude wanted one of our managers who has recently defected to another store. He looked shocked. Which isn't so surprising considering she had been with our store for like six and a half years. (Her leaving has caused ME to be the person who's been at the store longest. Am I proud? NO. But I still want my gold five-year pin.)

* 40. * A girl at the other store called for a customer at her store and wanted school reading books (The Handmaid's Tale and The Invisible Man). We had the first one. I put it on hold.

DAY OF HELL OVER! YAY! GO HOME!

And that, my friends, is a day in the life of a bookstore worker. As you can see, only 6 out of 40--15 percent--were Assholes. That's probably about average. Not that another like 80 percent of them weren't annoying in some fashion just because I ended up having to work because of them. Oh horrors!

Hope you enjoyed that.

If you didn't . . . bite me! I'm not gonna do it again.


6/20/05

Here an Asshole, there an Asshole, everywhere an Asshole Asshole. . . .

My favorite annoying person was this woman who came in and stared at me pointedly while I was talking to someone else. Nevertheless, I started helping her--she had a long list of kids' books and just needed to get something on it for her son for AR points.

Here's the problem.

The higher the amount of AR points the kid gets for reading the book, the HARDER THAT BOOK IS. It's just how the system works.

Therefore, trying to find a high-AR-points book on the list that is not very long is not a very solid strategy.

So the woman's criteria was that the book couldn't be too long, but somehow EVERY book on her list that I found for her she had some fucking reason why it wasn't good enough.

We found the Dive series. I had book one even. "It's just about diving?" she asked, looking annoyed. I told her it was about some kids scuba diving for this treasure hunt. "Hmm, oh," she said, and without explanation put the book back on the shelf, stood up, and complained, "THIS is gonna be HARD."

The next book we found was "way too big." Charlie Bone was too long (and on that one she acted offended, like "how could they think kids will READ that?"). I explained that the kids who like Harry Potter seem to like Charlie Bone and obviously they aren't intimidated by its length.

Next was The Rope Trick. Oh no, not that one. THERE IS A GIRL ON THE COVER. "It's an adventure story," I explained, but she just wouldn't have any of it--her son isn't going to read a book about a GIRL! "This is gonna be HARD," she said again, and acted like it was just a travesty that I could not take her to something on her list that her son would read.

I pointed out that some of the books higher up on her list were smaller books, but she whined that they were only one or two AR points. Hello! Finally I saw that Spiderwick was on there and I showed her those. "It's a small book AND highly illustrated," I said, showing her, "and its main characters are twin boys." She picked it up, turned it over, looked at it, and sighed deeply as she put it back on the shelf. "Ohhh, this is so HARD," she said again. Well of course it's fucking hard if you reject every book I give you on completely ridiculous grounds! I still don't know why she had a problem with Spiderwick--maybe because there was a girl on the cover of some of those too. (The twins have an older sister.) Finally she said she'd just look around, with this like hopeless sound in her voice like this chore was just overwhelming her.

Two suggestions: Either buy every one- or two-point AR book and make him read those and make for damn sure your son isn't made uncomfortable by having to read a longer book, or else bite the bullet and get a slightly longer book and forget about whether he whines about its length or its population of GIRLS. Make him read it. His teachers sure as hell will.

AR points my ass.

Helped an older couple who wanted to retire. As I was trying to go to the computer to look up their stuff the woman got real close to me and stood right in my way and when I tried to go to the computer she just kept being in my way like she expected to have to stop me from escaping while I looked for the answer in my brain. Eventually I made it to the desk.

They wanted "best places to retire" books and I knew that I'd seen them in the travel section, so I mentioned that but also looked it up in the computer to try to find titles and authors. "No, it wouldn't be TRAVEL," the lady said pointedly, like I didn't understand that they weren't just going on vacation. I told her I had indeed seen some back there and then when the computer's information staggered onto the screen it backed me up--there was one supposed to be there, and a couple in the retirement section in Personal Finance for some reason (even though that's supposed to be about money).

So as I'm walking them to Travel the lady starts in again! "It's not a TRAVEL book, we want the books about the best places to retire. I don't think it's TRAVEL." I had walked pretty fast and they weren't near me so when I said, "Oh, but *I* do," they didn't hear me. I got over there, combed the shelves, and found one. I handed it to the lady and then said there was one more section that might have a couple.

Only the husband followed me this time and while I was looking in the right section he decided to stand to my right and stare at the shelf with his mouth open, pretending to be looking. I always wonder what is going on with these people. Are they just staring hoping it's going to fall off the shelf on them? I mean, he didn't even realize that he wasn't looking in the right section just because he was sort of standing near me. It's not hit or miss, it's an exact alphabetical order and YOU'RE IN THE TAXES SECTION.

Finally I found a couple books--one of them hadn't even been in the computer, presumably because it was a Florida-only book--and when I found that the dude was like, "Gimmeh that one tew." You're welcome, brat.

An Indian couple came in and they seemed to be of that special breed of folks who don't speak English, attempt unsuccessfully to communicate in English, and then act like it's the English-speaker's laziness or incompetence when they don't understand. (Like "I totally just said something that makes sense, and YOU KNOW IT, so STOP BEING DIFFICULT." I'm sorry, but I literally don't understand what you're saying!) Both the husband and the wife were like this. They hit me up for help in the workbooks section and the guy was trying to explain to me what he wanted. What I eventually got was that he already had a third grade math book just like one that we carried, and he wanted another one carrying the same material but by someone else. What he was saying was "This--now second? Second author. Hoddadotcom?" That last word came out a lot and I still don't know what it is, I think it was an author or a company, and maybe since it ended with "dot com" (or something that sounded like it), it was a website. He did a lot of angry gesturing and saying, "This. We have one, this. Now second? We have. Therefore, we want second author. Hoddadotcom."

I told them this was the right place to look and to just look at any math third grade that they wanted to. The woman kept pulling books out and trying to assist her husband in speaking to me, and then looking like she wanted to hand me the books and eventually not doing it but laying them down on the shelf. I'd always snatch them and put them away right away. I was getting very angry because they were both giving me this attitude of "why the HELL don't you understand me? I'm speaking English!" Well, because you're asking for HODDADOTCOM and I have no concept of what that is.

After dealing with the man suffering from a misconception that any and all McGraw-Hill workbooks were therefore the same book since they were "by same author," I gave up and left them to it. I found out that later they went to the register with a stack of workbooks, battled the cashier who tried to sell them a discount card, repeatedly pointed at the register readout and asked questions that made no sense, and eventually put the books down and said, "No thank you," and walked out. Jeez.

A woman wandered up and wanted the school reading list for some private academy. It wasn't in our book, which meant that they hadn't responded to a fax we sent out about how we wanted copies of their school reading list. The woman was very perplexed about this and wanted to turn the pages herself even though I explained to her that it was in alphabetical order and would not be anywhere other than between the two letters it was supposed to be between. Finally she wanted to find the school her son had GRADUATED from--an elementary school--and see if that school had printed the required reading for the school they were going to. Oh brilliant, yes because once they're going into sixth grade the elementary school still prints their required reading at middle school. Noooot. That was another fun one, she paged through the book again asking, "Did I pass it?" when I'd already explained it was alphabetical. I guess I shouldn't expect anything more from a person who goes shopping for books without bringing the slightest idea of what she wants.

I helped a lady with Suze Orman books. We went back to Business and they didn't have the one she wanted, but it was on sort of a specialized subject that might not have been with just regular personal finance books where most of Orman's material is. So as we're going to the computer to look it up she goes, "It's Suze Orman, spelled S-U-Z-E." I knew that already, but even if I hadn't we had just been in front of a bunch of her books and I would have seen that. But regardless, I guess she was just saying it in case I needed to know. Problem is, when we got to the computer she said it again. ::sigh:: (There was no book in the database by that author with that title either. Oopsie.)

I love how people don't read unless you don't want them to. Every other time I have to explain to customers that the price is on the book or that the discount they're asking about is explained on the sign above where they got the book, and yet then there are these people who read the damn price label and see that it says "1 of 2" or "2 of 2" on it. Since the book doesn't mention anywhere else on it that it is part of a two-book set, this confuses the poor customer and makes them seek us out and ask, "Where's part two?" Now, if you were thinking, don't you think you'd realize that maybe if the book had another part, the actual BOOK would say so? That's just something printed on the label. And it's for US, to let us know how many of the book was ordered and whether they all came in. C'mon y'all!

A guy wanted books by a woman with a strange last name, and since the first name was Mary Ann (or Maryanne, or Mary Anne, or Marian, or Marianne, or Mariane--well you see my problem), I just typed in the last name. I got a listing of about five authors with the last name, and none was a Mary Ann or anything of that variety. I told him this and said there was a Mary RUTH and that was as close as it got. And Mary Ruth wrote God books so the dude said that wasn't it. "So . . . no Mary ANN?" he said pointedly. Yeah because even though there is a Mary Ann I decided to tell you about Mary Ruth and other unrelated things. We wouldn't be having this conversation if I had a Mary Ann.

A woman wanted a certain magazine and I didn't find it in the system and told her so. "Well it never IS in the computer, but you carry it," she said. Uh-huh. So she hadn't seen it on the shelf, I looked it up and told her it wasn't in the system, and she said, "Well, it never is." I checked for her just to be sure by looking at the shelf but no dice. I wonder why she thinks we carry it if it's not in the computer at all?


6/19/05

A lady on the phone said, "I'm looking for a book for websites. You know, like an address book." I told her I didn't think we would really have something to put Web addresses in; we only carried a few address books as it was, and probably wouldn't have something so specialized. Nevertheless I told her I'd check, and indeed all the address books were for addresses--the land kind. She replied to that by saying, "Well, I've heard about this book . . . and it has websites in it?" HAS websites in it? "So it's like a book that lists websites, not something you put your own sites in?" "Right." "Um, well do you know what it's CALLED?" "Huh-uh." Oh brilliant. Some book with listings of websites, but no idea on the title. I told her I needed more info if I was to look for the book and gracefully got off the phone and screamed.

A guy wanted like a kindergarten recommended reading list. I told him there wasn't a section for that but if they were looking to learn to read he should start with First Readers and if he wanted to read TO them we should go to Storybooks. "Can you recommend anything to read?" he continued. "Like . . . books?"

Sorry, sir. I recommend your kindergartner read THE NEWSPAPER.

Shit.


6/18/05

PEEVE OF THE WEEK!

I haven't done one of these for a while but here's one. I hate when people expect us to do something about not having a book and treat us as if it's OUR PROBLEM, like, "Well, what are you going to DO about this for me then?" The people who own the copyright on the book Roots have let it run out or something and now the new owners of it are not allowing the old one to be sold, only their new anniversary edition which a) isn't out yet and b) is a hardcover that costs like forty bucks. Anyway, the translation of that is that all the people who got assigned it for summer reading are fucked. And that means that every parent who comes in asking for Roots gives me bug eyes and sometimes rude treatment when I tell them there is not a way I can get it for them. I don't have it. I can't order it. You probably can't even find it USED. And when all the kids come back from summer reading explaining this to their teachers, I'm sure arrangements will be made. What I DON'T need to hear is, "Well, they ASSIGNED it at the high school. They HAVE to read it." Followed by a pointed look. All right people, listen. I don't care if you wave hundred-dollar bills at me, I DO NOT HAVE THAT BOOK UP MY ASS, and I have NO reason to KEEP it from you if I had it or had any way to get it. Believe me, trying to get it would be a lot less trouble than dealing with your snotty ass if you think I'm just trying to get out of doing work. But I don't feel so bad when I remember that if they're acting this way we're obviously the first place they've hit, and they're going to go around to Borders and Barnes & Noble and Book Gallery West and Goering's and Omni and Waldenbooks and Books Inc. and they are going to hear that same thing. If they don't start to believe me after hearing it two or three times, that is. Anyway. On to today's Assholes.

My favorite was the Transformers people. A mom and a maybe teen daughter were standing in First Readers trying to determine which primer reading level was appropriate for Li'l Brother. Mom picked up a Level 4 DK reader and browsed it; it was a Transformers theme. "This looks like about his level," said Mom, "but . . . here and there it has these hard words, like . . . Depticon." Yup. Depticon. For the Transformers-impaired in my audience, I'll explain that the bad guys in that thing are called Decepticons. I don't blame Mom for thinking it's too hard for Junior if SHE can't even read it.

And we had the animal rights people. This couple stormed in the door and started demanding to the cashier that we make an announcement that someone in this store left their poor dog in the hot car with the windows up. The girl checking out at the register happened to be the person to whom the car and dog belonged, and she was almost out of there. Ya know, she was at checkout. She told them she had run-in-run-out and the dog was fine, and besides that her windows were NOT rolled up. The woman of the couple replied that she needed to go out there RIGHT NOW--forget completing checking out--or they would call the police, and she started to go on about how her husband here is on some wildlife committee. And that blah blah the dog can die in a matter of minutes.

I'd like to interject here that when I was a kid I used to get cold in the house (my mom has always liked the temperature much cooler than I do) and I used to go outside and sit in the car with the windows rolled up and read. For half an hour or more. In summer. It got toasty but it certainly didn't kill me. So, yes it's cruel to trap a dog in the heat for an obscene amount of time, but I doubt she was being particularly cruel.

Anyway, the couple kept on while the girl kept checking out, and it got nasty--obscenities and threats were uttered on both sides, with the couple following her out to her car screaming at her as she yelled variations of "fuck off!"

Oh the drama.

And speaking of when I was a kid, I was talking to a customer about golf today and I let it drop that I used to go with my dad when he was golfing. She asked if he taught me to play, and I admitted that actually I was uninterested in golfing or even in driving the golf cart. What I used to do is strap myself in on the back and pretend to be a second set of golf clubs.

I'm not kidding.

Yeah.

So I gotta tell you about my travel book dude. First off, he had a weird way of getting my attention. I was standing about four tables away from him and suddenly he started muttering into his chest without looking up, "I was wondering. . . . " Then he stopped. I looked at him and finally he looked up at me and, well, his mouth kinda opened like he wasn't sure what it was for. I prompted, "I was wondering?" and he decided to finish the sentence and ask me for books on Alabama. I took him back to Travel and would you believe there were NO travel books on Alabama! There was one that paired it with Georgia and a bunch on the United States south, but no single Alabama book. I told the guy it seemed surprising but I didn't see any. He replied, "So I should just look in this area?" NO, I'm telling you there AREN'T any. He ignored me and kept looking (with his mouth open indignantly) so I figured I was not going to get out of this one and offered to go to the computer and look up things that could be ordered. That usually changes the scene; either they want that and follow you, or they say they don't want that and dismiss you. He opted to follow me, so I got to have more fun. Indeed, the computer yielded nothing that was supposed to be in the store--guess no one but him wants to go to Montgomery--and I read off a few titles. He didn't respond, so I kept going, and finally when I got to the end of the list he was like, "Yeah, what was that one . . . ?" Oh, he actually was interested I guess. I figured out what the hell he was talking about and read him a little synopsis, and he decided to order it. "And maybe that one of Off the Beaten Path too," he said, and I replied, "My computer doesn't like 'maybe.'" He opted to turn that into yes and let me order both for him. Ones and zeroes you know. And then it became sort of insane. He asked where I had been born and I said New Jersey, and he's like, "Oh, it's nice up there, how do you like it?" and I was like, "Umm . . . well they have HILLS." You're gonna love this. His reply: "There's this place called Tallahassee in Florida. They have some hills up there." Oh, this place called Tallahassee. Ya know, our capital city. Gee, I've never heard of that. Jesus. That's about it, he went away after I told him we'd call him.

Okay, and this is a fun one. My manager sent me an e-mail last night with a sample of a movie pitch he wants to present. It wasn't so much a pitch as a first scene, sketchy. I found out that was on purpose; we talked about it when he got to work and he said some radio show was having a movie contest and you have to call and sell him your movie based on a quick description, and the guy really wants you to paint a picture. But at first, when my boss was describing it, he was making it out like this weird first scene he sent me was "a movie pitch," and movie pitches aren't really like supposed to be your first scene, they're more like an introduction of yourself and your idea to your intended producer or whatever. So before he told me that that's really what the dude doing the contest wants, I asked him, "Well, have you done any research as to what constitutes a pitch?"

When I said that a weird silence descended and I had two cashiers and a customer looking at me. My boss figured it out before I did.

"NO, no, she said 'PITCH.'"

You hear what you wanna hear.


6/15/05

I had a woman ask for help with school reading books. I took her to a school reading display first, but neither of her books were on there, so I started to go check where the books would be if they hadn't been pulled for a display in case there were copies left there. The lady didn't follow me, preferring to stand there and stare at the shelf expecting them to appear, so I wandered around to grab them and came back. She wasn't there anymore. I found her wandering around looking for me. I just felt like saying, "Hey, why didn't you stay put?" Dammit.

Some woman who was an avid fan of some popular author was upset to find that she could locate one book but no others in the series. But after I did some research with the computer (going one by one through FORTY-THREE titles), I determined that there seemed to be no others in the series, which leads me to believe that's the first one. I read her all of the titles and she said "no" to them because either they were part of another series and she had read them or they were some offshoot thing where the author had contributed stories to a collection with two other authors. Anyway, by the end of the list, she was annoyed because she was adamant that there existed other books in the series, despite the fact that my computer was unaware of them AND there was no listing of such inside the book. (And you know, those things are usually very, very helpful, since ya know they want you to buy shit.) So I told her that I just couldn't find any more clues as to what they might be called, and then . . . she started asking about another employee who had apparently told her that they existed. She was like, "I don't know her name, she's a cashier, young, dark-haired girl. . . . " That brings to mind no one really, but definitely not anyone who was working at the time, and I told her I didn't know. But apparently her whole case of "there are others in this series" was based on a cashier telling her about them and asking if she'd read them. Okay, someone please CHOKE me if I'm wrong but I venture to say that nothing in the computer and nothing mentioned in any of the author's books kind of indicates that the books don't exist and maybe you just misunderstood. Maybe the cashier was talking about another author. Or maybe a different series that you'd read but didn't recognize. Oh, also the book she was trying to find "the next one" of was the newest thing the author had on the list of things she'd written. So . . . okay, conclusions? But no. Find the other cashier who knows what she's talking about, seriously.

This dude wanted a book that wasn't in the system. I found plenty of other stuff by the author, but no reference to a book with this title. So I said that maybe it wasn't out yet, but then he informed me that YES it WAS out because--get this--he saw it on TV. And they HAD a copy, so it must be out. (Of course they have a frickin' copy. It's THEIR book!) AND he said that the dude was selling it on TV. Gee, ya think? When someone's hawking a book on TV it's actually pretty rare that it's available in retail stores. They want to gouge their captive audience.


6/14/05

So I got paged to Customer Service, and as I was approaching from the back (where the customer couldn't see me), I heard that she was yelling, "Hel-LO!!!" Okay, look, I know exactly how long you've been waiting since the page and it sure as hell isn't long enough for me to have to witness an adult temper tantrum. Anyway, when I arrived, the lady was like, "Oh hi, there you are, you know you guys should combine this desk with your register up there because there is NEVER anyone here!" I just kind of good-naturedly informed her that we all just wander around as free birds and help everyone when we see them needing help, and she whined about how she knew it would be BORING to stand at the desk but people need to be able to find help. Well, I regret to inform you that we're not ALLOWED to stand at the desk. We have to be doing a project or whatever. Nobody ever "lives" at the desk, just all free people can help anyone. But whatever. Finally she pitched her question: She wanted a magazine but didn't know where to look because she'd looked where she thought it'd be and it wasn't there. I looked it up and it was indeed a magazine we carried, but of course the computer was not very helpful and just said "this title should be on the magazine rack at the rear of the store." Yeah, that's specific. Anyway, I tried a few likely prospects for where it might be and I could tell as soon as I tried a second one that this lady was convinced she was dealing with a buffoon--I mean, the very IDEA that I could be unsure of where to take her! The very IDEA that I can't walk right to this obscure magazine title without any help when we carry over 5,000 titles! So I at least told her my computer didn't give me any hints as to where to look either and she backed off with the attitude a little, but after we didn't find it and she thanked me, I could still smell it on her: "She doesn't know her job!"

I got scolded by some woman for having a shitty kids' audio section. "Some children are not readers," she informed me disapprovingly, clucking at the lack of choices. I told her that actually we'd more than doubled the number of titles we carried in that section in the last few months, but ya know, SOME kids do not READ and thus need to find a substitute for reading. Some people are dyslexic, yes, I know. And generally when I talk to people who need accommodations for legit issues they tend to be, like, really understanding, and willingly work with me on how to get what they need ordered! It's different when some parent just decides her child should NOT be exposed to the indignity that is READING and I should understand that even though my store specializes in products for people who do read.

So I had some fun with some boys today. Some teenage boys had covered a table with "how to draw manga" books, drawing paper, and doodling materials of many kinds, and samples of their amateur artwork lay helter-skelter all over the table. I observed that they were working nice and hard on their manga drawings but there was nothing amazing going on or anything, and I decided to tease them.

I doodled an anime-style girl and wrote on it, "HEY THERE! From the Bookstore chick." Then I walked by their table and dropped it and kept walking.

Behind me, in stereo: "WHOA!!!"

"Hey, come back!" one of them yelled after me, so I kind of crept back and talked to them and listened to them try to talk me into helping them make their comic. Hehehe. I don't think they were quite serious but they were obviously impressed with my half-assed doodle. "I feel like a piece of poo," said one of the young artists. Awww. Anyway, I left them to their chaos and continued my duties, and later they approached again and this time they had something for ME.

[help us!]

Hmm, maybe they were serious about me helping them with their comic. . . . Hehe. One of the kids who'd been drawing said this doodle took him an hour. Well, if they keep working, they'll get faster!


6/13/05

Okay, I don't remember the name the guy said, but let's say it was "Melvin." He came up and said, "I'm looking for a book . . . Melvin?" I asked him if that was the author, and he replied, "Oh, um, it's by . . . " and gave me an author, so I figured "Melvin" had to be the title. When I went to clear THAT up with him he told me he didn't remember the title and started hemming and hawing trying to dig it out of his brain. At this point I was a little confused about what "Melvin" was, but one of my coworkers said, "Is it something you ORDERED?" and he said it was. And there under "Melvin" was his book. I was like, "OH, you just said you were LOOKING for a book, you didn't say it was already on hold--" and he gives me this "Oh, it's okay that you're incompetent" look and said, "That's all right, it's Monday!" and walked off. Gee, I'm so glad you forgive MY incompetence! ::ahem::

Had a recurring problem with people not frickin' listening to me today. I was in the back room (about as far from the computer as one can be) and I got a phone call asking for a book by some news anchor. She gave me one of those roundabout rattlings of information where she told me what she THOUGHT the author's name was and when I told her I didn't know offhand who that was she gave me the whole "Well she's ON channel 54" or whatever, obviously expecting me to recognize her once she said THAT. I told the lady I was going to the computer to look it up right now, but that I didn't know the author. I explained that I don't watch TV so I don't really have that kind of name recognition, and apologized for not knowing offhand. She replied, "Okay, so you don't think you can help me then?" WHAT? I said I hadn't SAID that, that I was on my way to the desk to try the author's name on lookup, and then I just put her on hold for the rest of the journey because I didn't really feel like listening to her yammer. Finally when I got up there the woman's name didn't show up in the system of course, and she said she'd "check around." Uh-huh.

Part two of People Don't Listen: A guy had a mysterious author and title, neither of which was in the computer. "You guys are about the biggest bookstore in town, right?" he asked, and I said that I didn't know about that, but that I thought Borders and Barnes & Noble were comparable to us. He replied, "Okay, Borders and Barnes & Noble have it. Thanks!" and started walking off. I called after him that I didn't SAY they HAD it, but he didn't seem to hear me. . . .

A lady gave me a really garbled title on the phone, "Do y'all have *&%$#%^ Guides?" It sounded kinda like she was saying "Archibald Guides." I told her I didn't understand what she was saying, what kind of guides? You guessed it: She replied, "The *&%$#%^ Guides," in no way clearer than the first time. I told her I hadn't heard of those, and she clued me in that USUALLY you pick 'em up at the Baptist bookstore. Oh, it's some weird Christian junk. I told her I had never been asked for those and certainly hadn't seen them in five years of working at the store, but did she have a title?" She replied, "How am I to know? They're *&%$#%^ Guides!" I'm so glad we're being so specific here. ::sigh:: I told her to try the Christian bookstore.

And lastly, I was visited by Satan's children today. Four kids hanging out in the children's section, parent missing in action, and one of them came up and asked me to put on a movie. I was delighted because it meant they would probably stay glued to the TV and not screw up the section. I got over to the train and some of them were seated and others were dancing around, and the train benches were already filled with stuff. There were baby toys and a Klutz "Books-In-A-Cup" thing, and a whole stack of Cheetah Girls books. I didn't know if they'd put them there (I suspected so) but I pretended to be utterly dismayed and was like, "Well I can't get in here if there's all this JUNK here already! OH who could have PUT this here?" and that kind of stuff. On that cue, the boys started I guess trying to help and cleared out some of the train by randomly distributing the clutter onto other shelves where it didn't belong. I sighed and popped in Misty for them. Then I had to go away for a while to eat carrots and do some other stuff.

When I came back, it really looked like a hurricane had hit. I am not joking. I'm talking, I cleaned the section this morning like always, but somehow it looked much, much worse than WHEN I'VE BEEN ON VACATION FOR A WEEK. And not only was there the basic shelves rummaged through/random junk lying in the train and on the floor . . . there was some more destructive evidence as well. Here's my inventory of the worst:

And the worst thing about this is that I actually tried to save the puzzle by putting everything back together and slipping the plastic coverings on them again (ya know, the things that are supposed to prevent fucking kids from DOING this crap). After spending twenty minutes putting together Dr. Seuss puzzles, I found that three pieces were missing and I had to damage it out anyway. Beyond all that crap, pretty much all the shelves in the whole section had been molested with shit falling over and other shit from other sections just like slopped on everything, and Beanie Babies and Thomas the Tank junk all in the floor--the only untouched section was (guess what) Education.

I will be projecting astrally to these children's house tonight and remotely kicking their fucking asses and taking a spiritual crap in their parents' fridge. Or at least giving them bad dreams. ARGH!!!!!


6/11/05

First off, it was a cold day in Hell today, because I was about to finish cleaning up Kids' and the last on the agenda was the Baby section. Baby has the weirdest-shaped books you've ever seen in your life, and normally the cute little books with WHEELS attached are the bane of my existence. I put them on the shelf in anal alphabetical order by the name of the vehicle the book is supposed to be, and someone always destroys it and invariably leaves the little toys in the middle of the aisle. But today, after cleaning for a good hour and a half or so, I came to the end of the line and . . .

[holy shit!]
Holy shit! Are they possibly . . . IN ORDER???

What????

Some dude came up asking for the section of books on conducting surveys. Yes, such a popular subject. After a quick search I ascertained that there was no such book in the store, though there were a few that could be ordered. The man then replied, "Okay, how about books on evaluations?" Because see, if you change what you're looking for to a synonym of that word, then suddenly I will be able to help you. Guy! We still don't have a section on that! It doesn't matter what you call it!


6/8/05

A lady was looking for books by some local author and after I was unable to find either of them OR the author in the computer she started being really adamant about saying the titles and the author's name again very CLEARLY, as if that had been the problem, like I'm too incompetent to turn her words into typing to put in la computadora. No, actually, the problem is whoever your local writer friend is did not get published through a large publishing house and consequently he is probably having to go everywhere and hawk his book personally, and corporate bookstores are difficult to break into while doing that. Oh wait. No, it's not that the books are unavailable, it's just that you got the incompetent salesgirl. Next!

A dude wanted help finding Doreen Virtue's angel books and came up holding the oracle cards she made, which means he went to like the Tarot section or something. He told me he couldn't find anything else by her and "Is it at all in order back there?" I said it was in alphabetical order by author within each of the small sections of New Age. I tried to explain to him how New Age has individual SECTIONS, like Feng Shui, Afterlife, Witchcraft, Spiritual Healing/Inspiration, stuff like that, but he didn't seem to be processing this and kept telling me the section was "outta whack," and when I told him again that they were in order within smaller sections within New Age, he said, "Now there's no other sections back there, it's all just 'New Age.'" He again claimed that they weren't in order and told me, "I think you've got them arranged by TITLE or something." No. No. I told him I'd show him what I meant and gladly help him find more Doreen Virtue, and we went back there and I pointed out the little signs that attach to the shelves to tell you where the subcategories begin and stuff. And then I made a point of my previous claims by finding the Spiritual section I'd mentioned and going, "Okay, here's the beginning of it . . . let's see, V, V . . . AHH here she is!" Surprise, there were four books by her there. Argh. Yeah actually I do know what I'm talking about and I don't really like arguing with customers about shit like that. I'M IN A POSITION TO KNOW AND YOU ARE NOT, so just hush and let me help you without complaining that there's no rhyme or reason. You just have to know what the rhyme or reason IS and in that situation it helps to listen to the person who's explaining it to you.

I was walking toward Customer Service when I saw a lady approach and start hitting the desk, so I just kind of resignedly walked up there. AS I was walking she started yelling, "HELLO!" and yes, I kept on coming, and I straightened something on a sale table on the way and she started screaming again. When I got there I said, "I'm HERE," in a sort of "um, stop having a cow" voice, and she was like, "I saw you coming but I didn't think you saw ME!" Oh, you mean, like, you thought I was walking toward the desk but I was just gonna walk past you or something if you didn't keep cawing like a hen? Anyway I said, "I saw you, I was coming," and then asked her what she needed. She and her husband wanted some obscure Bible thing and it was a collection and all I had in my system were individual volumes, so they did that brilliant thing where they tell me what they want two more times, and then they muttered between them about going to the CHRISTIAN bookstore and went away. Yes, it's probably a good idea to go to a Christian bookstore to get religious specialty items. Have fun!


6/7/05

A man came to the desk and ordered a book, and I kind of gave him the LONG version of the speech about "this is the toss-up day"--meaning the computer's telling me your book's not gonna be here 'til NEXT Saturday but in my experience sometimes it comes early if you order this early in the week so it MIGHT be THIS Saturday, but they give me the later date so I don't lie to you, et cetera. He seemed totally comprehending of that and kept telling me that was fine. Then when I finished the order he said, "So, this weekend?" ::sigh::

Okay, so this lady wins a prize or something.

A customer wanted help picking out a book she would like. I had helped her find true crime books earlier so I figured recommending something slightly gritty would be no problem, and I asked her if she'd ever read Chuck Palahniuk, the guy who wrote Fight Club. She kind of withdrew into herself and was like, "Ewww, NO!" Okay, so she reads gruesome true stories of people being dismembered but she doesn't like the idea of Palahniuk. So I started recommending a couple other favorites, after she revealed that we have the same opinion on Faulkner (ugh) and Patterson (sooo predictable). She said that Anna Karenina was the best book she ever read, so I thought hey, literary type person, and recommended Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible. She seemed skeptical, and I put it in her hand anyway and she just kind of turned it over while blabbering about how "there's got to be SOMEthing for me out there" and then she set it down again. I was like ohhhhkay. So I recommended The Secret Life of Bees and she asked what it was about and I told her, but she lost interest when I said it was not a true story. Next my recommendation was Life of Pi and she goes, "What's it about?" and I said, "Well, it's about this boy. He's from India--" and she cut me off and goes, "OKAY, no thank you." What the HELL? He's from India so it can't be any good? After wandering back to Kingsolver again and rejecting it because I told her it jumped between perspectives of different people, she did more of that "Well there's got to be something. There's got to be SOMETHING out there for me!" After I recommended Carl Hiaasen and she gave the books a passing glance and moved on without reading any backs or asking me anything and resumed her complaining, I just stood in one spot and decided to stop helping. She kind of wandered around me and looked at the shelves whining more and talking about how much she liked Little House on the Prairie when she was little, and after I said nothing for a good deal longer she was like, "So can you think of anything else to recommend?" I replied point blank, "Well, I've recommended a bunch of things and you're just saying no without giving any reason why, so I don't have a lot to go on here. I don't know what to tell you." She replied to my request for feedback with, "Well, you know, there's got to be something somewhere that I'll like!" ::sigh:: "What was that . . . Poison Bible thing?" I told her she already rejected that because she doesn't like multiple perspectives. "Well . . . well there's just got to be something here for me. There's got to be."

I got her to get The Secret Life of Bees and she also bought some Little House books.

We have a brigade of mentally challenged people who visit the store with a chaperone sometimes, and this time they brought a pervy one.

I was helping someone and the lady left instructions to order her these ten books, so I was processing the order when the guy with an intellectual disability walked up. "Hi," he said, and I was polite to him. I was talking to another associate at the time and we were talking about the books the lady was ordering, and the guy kept inserting himself into the conversation. He noticed my hair and said, "Your hair fell on your arm." I said that indeed it had because it does that because it is long. Then he said, "I bet it gets blown by the wind a lot, huh?" I said that was the case, sure. Then he said, "Has the wind ever blown your dress?"

Hmm. Okay, that could be innocent. I said the wind had blown my dress.

"Has the wind ever blown your dress UP?"

I told him I wasn't going to talk to him about that and soon enough the caretaker collected him.

Weird.

A woman had a very general-sounding title and no author, on the phone, and she described the cover of her book. I couldn't find it at first and so she described the cover again, "It's that one with the big yellow daisies on it," et cetera. I was in the middle of searching one more time when she said, "I have the ISBN." Well! I think that's a little easier to search by than THE EFFING COVER.


6/6/05

A lady wanted her son's school reading list books but of course neither she nor her son had the reading list WITH them. Luckily we have planned for this sort of crapitude, and we have a binder where we have collected some school reading list books. Unfortunately, after paging through, the kid's school wasn't one of the ones that had turned in a sheet, so we were out of luck. The lady seemed confused that we didn't have this information--'cause ya know, there's only about thirty-eight schools in the district and they only each have about nine classes with school reading lists each and somehow it's our job to keep up with what they all need. So anyway, she ended up calling the school and letting herself get put on hold to talk to the media specialist or something. And when the person came on, all I heard was the lady saying, "Yes, I was hoping to find out what books were on my son's school reading list this summer. Oh, they are? Okay. Thank you!" And she hung up. And immediately I knew what she was going to say and do. I steeled myself.

And here it comes.

"She said they're on the website!" [Expectant look]

Because first of all I know what your school's frickin' website is off the top of my head and secondly yeah sure I have Internet access. Except, like, NOT. When I explained to her that we did not have Internet access I thought sure that her "my-expectations-have-been-blown-to-pieces" expression would lead to her calling the school back, but fortunately for everyone involved she decided to just get the list and come back later. Whew.


6/4/05

Just a funny something for today. I was trying to make some extra room in Intermediate Series, so as I started shifting books I ended up leaving a hole and getting called away to do something. When I came back a father and daughter were standing near the hole, and as I approached it and started to resume the project, the father came up and was like, "WE didn't DO that!!!" I told them I knew they hadn't because *I* had. Heh . . . if only everyone was so horrified at the idea that a bookstore worker would think they made a mess. . . .


6/1/05

Totally Dotty Woman from 4/20/05 reappears!

Nothing really of note except that she did the exact same thing that she did that day a couple months ago, and my coworker got her this time. She was rambling about not knowing what order to read these series books in and being EXTREMELY floored by how DIFFICULT this was to find out, since the author does this bizarre thing called writing more than one series and she just doesn't know what to DO with herself when a new book comes out and she doesn't know what she has to read in order to understand what's going on in that book. I went up to the desk and observed the other associate having problems dealing with this lady, and when she saw me the lady was like, "OH, I think YOU helped me before." Boy oh boy, so I'm not the only one who remembers our interaction! Anyway, I went and did the exact same simple-ass thing I'd done last time to figure out what order the books in the series went in: I GOT a copy of the latest BOOK and showed her the list on the inside cover. Really, publishers are often quite helpful that way. It turned out she was being so batshit that the other coworker couldn't really even figure out what it was she wanted until my previous experience with her helped me iron it out a little quicker.

A woman came up to Customer Service and said, "Do we check out here?" I told her you don't and the funniest expression of "MY WORLD HAS COLLAPSED" blazed across her face. "Then where IS it??" she shrieked, just befuddled all to hell, and I gently pointed out the huge Checkout sign. Um . . . let's get this lady a spa day to calm down.


On to July!


Backlinks:
MAIN PAGE
WRITING PAGE
JOURNALS PAGE
WORK LOG PAGE