6/26/02
Today I had a lady at the Customer Service desk who wanted a book. I found that the book would have to be ordered. At the time that I told her this, two people were standing behind her, a guy and a girl, who weren't together and were waiting their turn to ask me questions. The lady, however, even though she had seen them there, found it necessary to launch into an explanation of why she wanted this book; apparently she didn't really want THAT book, she wanted to look in that book to find a recommendation for ANOTHER book that she remembered seeing, and blah blah blah blah, this long drawn-out story of why she wasn't going to order it and how it was frustrating not to remember the name of the book she wanted and blah blah blah. The girl waiting snottily asked the boy waiting if this was the ONLY place in the bookstore to ask a question, and rolled her eyes when she saw that it was. I made it pretty clear that I understood the lady's point but she kept just droning and droning, and finally I guess she ran out of words because she thanked me and went away. ::sigh::
6/25/02
This wouldn't have made this list except for the last question this woman on the phone asked. It was a fairly normal call, my first of the day, asking me for books on Orson Welles. I looked it up and there were none we carried but a couple we could order, and I told her so. She said she'd be leaving town before it could have a chance to get here, so she thanked me and seemed about to hang up, when she uttered her question that got her on the goofball list:
"Well you don't have even one?"
Yes, lady, we had one or two, but I decided not to mention it to you, because somehow I figured you wouldn't want THESE ones. Unless there are about sixteen books we carry, I just tell customers we have none, yeah that's it. What could she have been thinking?
I saw a woman standing at Customer Service so I went to help her. She just looked at me and didn't say anything, so I prompted her, "Do you have a question for me?" She made a disgusted face, like wow, how incompetent you are, and said, "NO, I want to pay . . . ?" (The question mark there is an attempt to describe how she said it, in this condescending way as if I'd missed something really obvious.) So of course I was rather amused when I directed her to the place where you're supposed to pay. I love it when they get all rude and hoity-toity and then you get to politely undermine them just by pointing a finger. . . .
And finally, a woman and her daughter looking for a book. We didn't carry it so I said I'd have to order it. The only version available was a paperback and it was like 25 bucks for some reason. So I told them that we could order the paperback and get it likely by Sunday, and the lady said to go ahead and do that, and how much was it please. I told her and she informed me that she'd rather get the paperback. I said that WAS the paperback. She said, "No, that's too expensive to be the paperback." I told her that sometimes paperbacks do run that high, especially if they're academic. She told me, "Well, I'd like to get it cheaper, please." I told her that was what the book COST. She didn't seem to understand that I wasn't trying to sell her the most expensive one; I don't make any extra money if she buys a higher priced book or anything, so it's not like I was trying to trick her. She went over the title with me again, several times, as if she was completely in denial that it was the right book, and then finally accepted that this was her option and ordered it. But not before she asked me if another bookstore had it. Well yes lady, I keep a running inventory of other stores' products in my head, but have to look up my own store's on the computer. . . . Man, I hate being asked if another bookstore has a book. Why do they think I would know?
6/24/02
"Which of these is the 50% off table?"
I got the strange question today, and since we have no such thing as a 50% off table right now, I asked her where she got the idea we had one. She informed me that there was a sign somewhere, and I asked her to show me. She walked confusedly around the tables until she found an endcap with a bunch of memo boards on it, with a sign saying "FRENCH MEMO BOARDS, 50% OFF!" But of course, she just saw the big 50%, and assumed it applied to everything near it. ::sigh:: Read, people, it's a bookstore so I assume you're literate. . . .
"Yes, do you know any children's storybooks that have dachshunds in them?"
Err. I didn't happen to know off the top of my head if any of the thousands of storybooks I have in my section happens to have a particular dog breed in the story. I told her so.
I received a miffed sigh and a condescending, "Well, you're no help." Yes, lady, I've read every book in the section and my database brain should know immediately which books have dachshunds in them. Now I could understand her being annoyed if I didn't know which books were about potty training, or books involving a little kid's first day at school, or even dogs in general, but it's not fair to judge me incompetent because I don't know off the top of my head which books have specific breeds in them. I told her we had nonfiction books talking about different dog breeds, but that was about it. I received more condescension and a list of books that did involve dachshunds that her friend had given her, none of which I had ever heard of. (Of course, more evidence that I'm incompetent. . . .)
One of my co-workers called asking if we had a certain book for his nephew. I told him I'd check. When I found we were out and told him so, he replied, "Well, do you know if the other store would have it?"
Now this man has DONE my job dozens of times, and he KNOWS I don't know whether the other store has a copy on the shelf. He knows how the system works and should have known I would have no idea. Yes, I just happen to know that this particular book is on the other store's shelves, but I had to check OUR shelves to see if WE even had any. Come on, man!
"Do you have a Star Wars section?"
I answered the girl and her mother truthfully, saying that some of our Star Wars stuff was adult fiction so it was with adult fiction; some was for kids, so it was with kids' books, and the comics were with comics, graphic novels with the graphic novels, et cetera. Response?
"Well do you like have like a Star Wars, like, section?"
Agh! I just effin' told you the whole explanation of why all the stuff wasn't together! So you just ask me again in case the answer changed?
6/23/02
A lady on the phone today wanted the blood type diet book. I know the book very well because my grandparents are on the diet and they love it, so I've heard quite a bit about it. Within the first two sentences, I knew what book the lady meant and told her so, and proceeded to try to find a copy for her. As I was doing so, though, she kept describing it to me! She wouldn't stop! "And I think it has a few recipes, and tells you what foods you can eat if you have this blood type, and . . ." wah wah WAH, and I told her again I knew, I knew, and she kept on telling me about it. We didn't have any so I had to order her one, and she kept expressing doubts that she was getting the right one and trying to clarify which book she wanted. I FREAKIN' KNOW.
A fairly nice lady wanted to know where health books were, so I pointed her. She went away for a while and then appeared back at the Customer Service desk when I was across the aisle in the Kids' section, and she hollered across the store, "MISS!!!! I found what I wanted!" My first thought was, does she want a cookie? But I realized she might have another question based on the way she kept just standing there, so I went and asked her if she needed anything else. She said no, and then just kept standing there. So I said "great" and started to go back to my work, and she got all foamy and was like, "Hey . . ." and I'm like, "Uh, what?" and she informed me that I shouldn't go away because she needed to pay for it now, in an annoyed way that told me she thought I was hopelessly incompetent. Therefore I took great pleasure in pointing out the giant "checkout" sign and telling her that was the only place they could take her money. She went away.
A guy had a very vague idea of what he wanted today. He said it was a business management book about the same size as Who Moved My Cheese? (except he kept calling it "Who Stole My Cheese?"). That only describes roughly one eighth of the section, so I told him so and he was content to look. Somehow he managed to find the one he wanted, and was so excited by this that when I was in the middle of talking to another customer at the desk, he walked right up and started talking! "I found it, it was right there, see, it's the same size as Who Stole My Cheese?, ain't that somethin', okay, thanks so much for your help," and I was like mid-sentence to another customer! I kinda told him "o-KAY" and looked pointedly back to my customer because that was just hideously rude, but he didn't appear to notice and went on up to the cash register. Blah.
6/22/02
A lady came up and asked me, "Do you have any books that are kinda neat?" I asked her to define neat. She said, "Ya know, like books for a young child, ones that are, ya know, kinda neat." I asked for an example of neat. She took a book off the shelf in the activity section and said, "Well, ya know, like this one's pretty neat," and started paging through it. I said I still wasn't sure what satisfied the requirements of "neat" but that most of our books that did things or were specialty books were right there in the section where she was standing. Then she immediately asked me if any of the books on the sale tables were "neat." I gave up.
6/19/02
A lady at the register was very perturbed that the 30% off sticker was covering Dr. Phil's face on the little audio cassette version of his book. She told me that she didn't think Dr. Phil would appreciate having his face obscured by the discount sticker.
"Why do they do that?" she asked. I told her that there wasn't really any other place to put the sticker, because on the little box if it was anywhere else it'd obscure the title. She told me that it would have been better to put the sticker on the back of the box. I explained why that wasn't possible because to let people know that the products are on sale, the sale sticker has to be visible, and we can't turn the product back side facing out. (Not to mention then someone would surely complain that the sticker was obscuring the blurbs on the back as to what the thing was about.) The lady remained unconvinced, refusing to live up to my challenge to find another good place for the sticker, and informed me that the people stickering these things should take more care and that our managers should take this important matter into their own hands and set up a stickering seminar to teach us how to properly sticker things.
I wonder how this lady would have reacted if something that actually mattered was wrong?
I was approached at the desk by a teenager. She looked kind of sullen and annoyed, like coming to ask me for something was beneath her, and she just said, "Yeah, I need the books." I asked her what books, and she said, "I need the books on the school reading list." I said we don't have any lists for particular schools but if she knew which books she needed, I could help her find them. She made a face and said, "They're the ones on the GHS reading list!" I told her again that I didn't have any lists of what schools required what. Does she have any idea how many schools are in the district and how many separate classes there are in each? I really don't think coming up and asking for "the books" is being prepared.
6/18/02
This isn't really a work issue, but on the way to work my bus driver tried to change lanes before we got to my stop, so I had to remind her that there were a couple stops left and I needed one of them. She apologized and we were both good-natured about it, but then I told her that it's hard to get back into the other lane so I was sorry she had to stop over there, and she was like, "Oh that's all right, honey . . . THE LORD HELPS ME DO EVERYTHING!" And then some guy on the bus said, "Yeah!" and gave her thumbs up, and they exchanged a little God-Squad look or something. Amusing.
Today a girl and her boyfriend asked for dictionaries. I pointed them to the aisle, and after a while of being in there they found me again, dictionary in hand, and asked me how to spell "ecstatic." I told them, and then the boyfriend started muttering, "I'm tellin' you, it ain't a real word." Turned out she was trying to prove to him that "ecstatic" WAS a word, and couldn't find it in the dictionary. I informed her that that might be because "ecstatic" is an adjective form of "ecstasy," and it might only be listed that way. The boyfriend started gloating when she was only able to find "ecstasy," saying, "SEE, I TOLD you, if it was a real word it'd be in the dictionary now WOULDN'T IT??" but then I pointed out that "ecstatic" was listed at the end of the entry as an adjective form, just like I'd said, and the girl was like, "Look, honey," but he was already TAKING OFF! He refused to look at it, walking away, chanting like a mantra, "It ain't a word, it ain't. . . ." She chased after him, going "LOOK! It's right here! LOOOOOK!"
I wonder sometimes if we are the same species.
6/12/02
Today I had a customer who made me wish natural selection was a bit rougher in human society.
First off, she asked her question in the wrong place, and she had the wrong title for the book. I found the book she actually wanted--a book on parenting boys--and managed to convince her that it really was the book she wanted despite the fact that it didn't match the title she had, and she began leafing through it.
"Oh, this looks pretty dry," she commented, not actually reading anything. I looked at her, puzzled, and then she said to me, as if it was a sensible comment: "You know, I don't like it when books have just pages and pages of writing."
Gulp. . . .
So, at this point, my eyes were tearing up with laughter, but she still had a question: "Where are the magazines?" Oh yes, they're under the giant sign across the whole back wall of the store that says magazines, and I pointed. She thanked me and went in the opposite direction to where I pointed. I caught up to her and turned her around, and she laughed like "Oh I'm so scatterbrained" and reversed directions.
I went up to the Customer Service desk, took a deep breath, and laughed. For probably twenty minutes I kept bursting out in fits of giggling that brought tears to my eyes.
I really wish I could have taken "I hate books with writing" lady to the First Chapter Books section and told her that was where she could find books more on her level, but I doubted they would teach her how to raise children, since they were aimed at people who ARE children.
6/9/02
Our district manager called our new magazine guy by the old magazine guy's name today. She didn't even notice he was a different person.
An old man came up and asked me if I'd seen his wife anywhere. I joked that I couldn't find her because she wasn't listed in the computer. He said, "Well, you just look for the purtiest girl you ever did see, and that'll be her. That's how I find my wife, just look for the purtiest lady and there she is." It was kind of sweet. He also asked me if I was married or happy. I'm not sure I get it.
A lady who insisted on mispronouncing the name of our store came in asking for videotapes on instructional typing. I told her we do not sell videos. But she kept insisting that that was what she wanted. I told her we had a few books on how to type, but that there was no video attached. She just kept telling me that it existed and she wanted this random video that will teach you how to type. Okay.
I have a habit of carrying books on my head to relieve boredom. A little girl saw me and tried to copy me by grabbing stacks of books off the shelves, putting them on her head, and then scattering them. She did this several times, never once picking up the books, and her father, watching her, didn't do anything about it when she left them there. (Of course, he also left me a nice stack of unrelated books and magazines lying on the floor. Because "they have people to clean it up," I guess.) This is such gross behavior that I can't believe my body has to breathe the same air as people like them. THESE ARE NOT PEOPLE. THESE ARE WILD ANIMALS FORAGING.
6/8/02
A woman asked at Customer Service if her discount card was out of date. Considering the fact that her card said "EXPIRES 3/21/01" on it, I felt pretty sure that it was out, and told her so, but she was like, "Well could you check?" I explained to her that I DID check; that it having its expiration date written on it is HOW I check. She was like, "Oh. Well do you think you could check to see if my card for this other store is expired?" She pulled out a card for one of our competitors. Okay. (That one I guess slides through a machine because it has no writing or barcode on it, just a magnetic strip--and even though she wasn't at that store, she somehow thought I'd have the ability to check it.) Okay then.
Another very interesting customer asked me if there was actually a BOOK for Harry Potter. I thought he was kidding. Are there really people out there who think Harry Potter is only a movie? It only made a giant splash because so many kids started reading because of it.
6/4/02
Some poor girl calling today seemed very embarrassed by the title of the book she wanted. She kept hedging around saying it, and was like, "Well, the title's kind of funny. . . ." Eventually she admitted that the book she wanted was Knocked Out By My Nunga-Nungas. I happen to know that book because I read the first one in the series, Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging, so I told her that was great and we started talking about the book. We both like the part where Georgia shaves her eyebrows by mistake. Heh.
6/3/02
My district manager called today and insisted that I interrupt the manager from paying the newspaper guy because she was more important. Those were her exact words. "Well the newspaper guy can wait, I'm more important."
A girl of about eleven years old came up to me and asked, "What books are good?" Heh. So I asked her what books she's read that are "good" so I could make a good recommendation based on her interests. She gave me some, and I suggested a few she hadn't read, and then she's like, "I don't know, the books I like are . . . the GOOD books. I like books that are GOOD." Jeez. Actually, I prefer to read books that suck, myself.
A lady picking up her ordered book began peeling at the easy-remove sticker with her name and phone number on it, and asked me, "Do these come off?" No, lady, when you order a book it comes to us emblazoned with your name and info forevermore.
I got a phone call for a book, so I put the guy on hold and looked it up. It was one of those weird ones that isn't stocked by our warehouse and could possibly be ordered from the publisher, so I got back on the phone to tell him so. BUT HE WOULDN'T STOP INTERRUPTING ME!
"I pulled it up on the--"
"Do you have it?"
"I pulled it up on the computer, and it says that--"
"Do you have it?"
"The computer says your book has to be ordered from--"
"Okay, thank you." [click]
What an ass!
And finally, a lady brought her child to the bookstore looking for the newest Junie B. Jones book. I told her we didn't have it yet, and she just took her daughter's hand and said, "Okay, honey, they don't have it. That's all right, we should have just gone to a better bookstore in the first place." What the hell?
6/2/02
My boss has gone to the brink. She yelled at me for moving the First Reader books when I had more important things to do. Thing is, I hadn't touched the First Reader books. At all. And she was really whiny about it, like "You've got a billion things to do and instead of doing any of them you sat there and fiddled with the First Readers!" When I told her I had not been over there at all, she replied, "Well, they're DIFFERENT than they were yesterday!" as if that was proof that I was lying. Then she stalked off, her own superiority proven in her own mind. It's not possible, of course, that the First Reader books looked different because customers picked them up and put them where they didn't belong. I think now she is inventing reasons to yell.
6/1/02
My manager acted like he was shocked and appalled that I was on time today. That bugs me. I'm usually on time, but sometimes on Saturdays it's hard because the bus only comes every half hour and it seems not to have a particular time that it comes, so sometimes I am about five minutes late. Screw him!
A lady's record got stuck today. She kept saying the same phrase over and over again, even though it really wasn't interesting or important; for some reason she just found it necessary to tell me at least eight different times that "Usually bookstores have like three shelves of Danielle Steel in audio, but you guys only have like SIX BOOKS." You know, now usually, there are, like, three shelves. But did you know we only have like six of them? That's so surprising, because usually, there are like three shelves! And we only had six books, can you believe it. SIX! When there are usually three shelves! Um. What's even funnier is I heard her repeat it to a guy who was with her too.
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