![[exploring the tit]](explotit.jpg)
7/31/02
A woman scared me today. She didn't know the name of the book or author she wanted, which is very common. But after we'd taken a few unsuccessful shots at nailing down the book title, of which she remembered fragments, we decided to try the author. She said she thought his name was Valinti or Valenti or something. She said, "I have no idea how you spell that . . . try 'Valenti,' spelled V-E-N . . . oh, this is horrible, you must think I'm so stupid, I'm a teacher and I don't even know how to spell the author's name. . . ." What floored me was that the name "Valenti" is pretty easy, and she tried to spell it with a V-E-N at the beginning. How does "Valenti" sound like VEN-anything? Hmm . . . guess oral spelling isn't her forte.
A lady wanted something she thought was called The National Guide to Taking Great Pictures. I didn't come up with such a title and she didn't have an author. I told her I tried "Taking Great Pictures" and "Guide to Taking Great Pictures" and even just "Great Pictures," but nothing came up. So I asked if there was anything else she thought I could find it by. (Sometimes they suggest good alternate titles, or come up with a strange notion of what the author's name might be that actually helps.) Her response? "Oh, try 'National Guide To.'" I explained that that would bring up any national guides to anything and probably wouldn't be of much help. Her response? "Okay, well maybe it would be under 'Photography!'" Triumphant grin. (In my mind at this point I am throwing the computer at her.) I had to explain to her that it's very unlikely a search for "photography" would bring up her particular book if the actual title had not. I would just get a useless 2,000 or so titles of books on photography. So I offered to take her to the photography section. That seemed to work. ::sigh:: Why don't people realize it when they're saying really silly things?
7/30/02
A lady wanted to know if they made a storybook to go along with the Harry Potter movie. I thought maybe she was asking if they made like a little kids' book, since I figured it was common knowledge that they were already books long before the movie was made, but it turned out she didn't know that. When I asked her to clarify what she was looking for, she was like, "They did make a book, didn't they? I thought sure they'd make a book of that, my son loves it." When I assured her that it was not only a book but a series of books, and took her to the section, she was quite surprised and pleased, and told her son that they had enough material there for bedtime stories every night until he could read by his own little self!
E. Lynn Harris came out with a new book today. I found this out when someone called asking for it, and we hadn't received it yet so I told her so. She freaked out. "But it's OUT TODAY!" she insisted. "WHY WOULDN'T YOU HAVE IT?" I explained that usually if the book's gonna be a big seller they'll send it to us to sit in the back until the actual release date, but that wasn't one of the ones they sent (either through a mistake or because it wasn't a big enough deal), and that we'd have to wait for it to come in on our Sunday shipment. She freaked out some more about why wouldn't we have it if it comes out today. I wanted to say, "Well, we try and release books way after their release dates because we dislike making money." But that would have sounded rude.
While covering a break on register today, a woman all but accused me of stealing her credit card. She swore up and down that she'd already given it to me--this happens a lot at the register lately, and I don't know what's causing the increase in this mistake. Anyway, I'd taken her discount card and given it back already, but had never taken a credit card. I make a point of not taking cards until I'm ready to put them through the machine, because there's really nowhere to put them that they might not get dropped, hidden under a book, or demagnetized by landing on our magnet. Anyway, when it came time to pay the lady said she gave me her credit card, and I said she didn't after a quick check around. She said she *knew* she gave it to me and if I didn't have it where could it be since it wasn't in her wallet? I maintained that I didn't have it, and lifted up her stack of books to make sure she hadn't maybe thrown it on the counter when I hadn't seen. No card, still. So, giving me positively seedy looks, she began to go through her wallet, and found a different card to put it on. She said, "You can put it on this one, then, but . . . I really need to find that other one." I gave her card back after the sale completed, and it wasn't until after she'd signed and given me a few more dirty looks that she found her card snugly in her wallet. I'm afraid snatching your credit card at the register would be a really bad way to commit credit card theft, ma'am. Have a nice day.
Since our Customer Service desk is not within view of our checkout, the checkout person usually calls a customer service person to the desk whether they're there or not, because the cashier can't tell if they are, and doesn't want to send someone who's asked their question in the wrong place to an empty desk. So there I was standing at the desk already helping someone when I heard a page calling me to the Customer Service desk. I was still helping my customer when the man the cashier had called me for arrived. I had to take my first customer to a section to browse around and find a book, so we left the desk . . . and the second customer FOLLOWED us. One thing I can't stand is being camped, as if the customer thinks if he does not POUNCE on me the second I am free, I will do everything in my power to avoid helping him. So this guy was doing that, hovering, kind of trying to draw my attention. As soon as I was done helping my first customer, the guy did indeed pounce: "EXCUSE me, I need your help too . . . see *I* was the one she called you over *for*." HAHAHAHA. He was hovering that whole time because he thought I had mistaken the first customer as the ~*~special guy~*~ I was summoned for. Wait a minute. I help everyone who comes to the desk. In the order they arrive. What's especially funny about this is that this guy didn't even know what he wanted. No title, no author, and really no idea of the subject matter, just wanted to ask me if I'd heard of some book that had been in the media lately, on the off chance that I had seen the same program. Okay, guy.
Some lady was confused about the booster packs for the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game. I got it through her head that what you do is buy a starter deck, and then you can buy more booster packs to make your deck better. She asked how many cards were in a booster pack, and I said there were nine in each. When her son wanted to get like a whole fistful of them, the lady confusedly asked why he'd want to get repeats of the same nine cards. I explained that booster packs don't have the same nine cards in all of them (what the HELL kind of sense would that make?), but she still thought buying more would be a waste of money since "how would you know if what you're getting is what you need?" Gah. That's the POINT, lady! It's a gamble! That's how the trading card companies make their money, and how rare cards end up worth so much! If the Pokémon kids knew ahead of time what cards were in each pack, they'd all get the one with the Charizard. But no . . . it just "doesn't make sense" that you don't know what you're buying, what a rip-off. ::sigh::
7/29/02
A pair of dudes wanted Hank the Cowdog books for one of their nieces or something. He said he wanted "numbers forty through forty-five." Well, we only had up to forty, but when I took them to the section they freaked out. "WOW!" one of them said. "Lookit all of 'em! There's so many! I had no idea there were so many of this series!" But . . . but you CAME IN thinking there were at least forty-five!!! Why is it surprising that if there is a number forty book, there are thirty-nine that came before it? AGH!
7/28/02
One of my first customers today came up grumpy, saying, "I coulda SWORN your sale was supposed to be today." (It was yesterday. We always have them on Saturdays.) The guy took out his discount card when prompted and I ran it under the machine, and listened to him gripe. Then when I told him the total, he just looked at me blankly. So I looked at him and repeated the total, and he said, "Well I gave you my card." I told him he'd given me the discount card only, and he said, "NO, I GAVE you two cards." I told him I did not have his credit card, and so he opened his wallet and lo and behold there was his credit card, which couldn't have been there if he'd already given it to me. Well, his response? "I gave you both cards. You must have given them both back to me." Okay, whatever dude. I guess you gave me both cards just like the one-day sale is today.
Very funny thing happened. A guy had a couple copies of a directory of some kind that was published in 2001. He wanted to know if he could find out if it was the newest version, and I said I didn't know but he could check with Customer Service to see if they had any info. He did, and later came back with the same books. He said he was fine with getting this one since it seemed pretty up to date, and said he even called the 1-800 number on the front cover. However, it seemed when he called, he got a PHONE SEX LINE. (Guess they must've changed their number!) What was funniest about the exchange was that the guy kept talking: "Yeah, it was phone sex, 'Thank you for calling Pilgrim Entertainment' or whatever . . . must've been pretty softcore stuff, though, 'cause she said it was only $1.95 a minute. If you want the hardcore stuff it's always at least $4.95 a minute. . . ." Blah blah blah. As I laugh.
Also, according to my coworkers, I am too cute to curse. People always seem surprised when I curse, and today when I said "fuckload" in the back room, a coworker was very surprised that I'd cursed. I asked everyone why it was that people think I have a clean mouth, since obviously that is soooo far from the truth, and the consensus was that I look too much like a little kid (our café manager said "a pixie") to have that filthy a mouth. Well, fuck that.
7/27/02
One day sale madness. People generally didn't know what the hell the special deal was, and when we explained it they either didn't believe it or didn't understand it, or thought they were owed something else. Whatever. They kept asking, "And did I get my discount?" Actually no, I forgot--I stand up here all day and I'm afraid I still don't know how to do this monkey's job. "Did you give me my discount?" Actually no . . . I was going to ring you up for full price, then give you the difference in change. ARGH!
I had a kid telling me how weird a cat was, using the words "An annoying little freakin' cat!" It sounded funny coming out of the kid's mouth, that's all.
I also dealt with a guy who had a discount card with the expiration date clearly marked on it: 7/1/02. Well, that was earlier this month, as you can see. But he informed me that the last time he was here, they'd told him it expired in August. I told him that was wrong--I assume someone probably just did their math wrong and thought the 7th month was August and not July, or something like that. So I asked if he wanted to renew the damn thing and he said he didn't want to because it would be more worth it to renew it in August.
???
I don't know where he gets the idea that it matters when you renew it, since whenever you renew it it is good a year from that date. Which I explained to him right then. But he said that he'd changed his mind and would just come back to buy the book in August, when it would be better to renew his discount card.
Assholes are running the planet.
Someone informed me that one of our sections was in order by the authors' first names. She was appalled by this. I was appalled by the fact that she'd drawn that conclusion from seeing it wasn't in order by the authors' last names. See, people get weird ideas when they see a section that has even one book out of order. (Granted, she was probably looking at a section that had more than one book out of order, but that is beside the point.) They see a book that isn't where it's supposed to be, assume it's completely out of order, and therefore feel justified in messing it up more. Other people have insisted that a section is in order by titles. That is utterly not so. Sections have an order based on one of four things: Most commonly, a section is in order by author. In a few sections, it is organized by series title. In Biography, it is organized by the last name of who the book is about rather than who wrote it. And very occasionally, something will be alphabetical by the subject. I must say that there has never in the history of our store been a section that was in order by title or an author's FIRST NAME.
7/22/02
A lady came in with a paperback book, claiming she hadn't received a discount she deserved. Her story was the following: "I bought this only a couple days ago, and now I come in here and I see that it's on the top ten paperbacks and should have had a discount on it." Well, I explained to her that if it didn't ring up in the computer with a discount, then at the time she bought it it WASN'T a bestseller, so she had received what she was supposed to. She countered with "But it was only a few days ago." I told her we change them once a week, and she reiterated that it was only a few days ago that she bought it, not last week. Apparently it doesn't make any sense to her that she might have bought it before the bestsellers changed this week (which was the case). Then she said, "Well, even if that's what happened, I'll just return it now, and then buy it again at the discounted price." ER? I told her I have to call the manager for any returns anyway, so I would let him decide what to do. And he let her do it! The whole time she was kind of maintaining that she had been wronged or cheated by being charged full price only days before it went on sale. Please! Sales have starting and ending points. And being that it was a paperback book, she probably saved around seventy cents for her trouble.
A lady wanted a certain book. She'd taken the book out of the library and damaged it so she was having to replace it, and asked me to look it up, so I did. I found no books by that name, and told her so. Her response was a blank stare. I decided to see what would happen if I just met her eyes and stared back at her. She just kept looking at me like she just couldn't believe my answer. Finally she said, "You didn't find anything?" I told her I didn't, and asked her if she had any other info on the book. She said no she didn't, and then promptly volunteered the author's name. (At this point I want to bang my head against the desk. You don't have any other information, but you know the author? Waaaiiit.) So I looked up the author and the only books we had access to by her weren't that one. I got the blank, shocked stare again! "Why wouldn't you have it?" I explained that a great many of the books at the library can be out of print and no longer available. This was too much for her poor brain and she went away dazed.
I had a rather clueless family ask for help today. They were all kind of rude in a way I can't pinpoint. But what was amusing was that the girl didn't know how to spell the name of the author her mom wanted, and so when I told her I got no results, the mom corrected the spelling (having just walked up) and explained to me the author's name was spelled "U-Z-Z-I, like the gun." Umm. I wished I had an Uzi about then.
7/21/02
People are so damn helpless. This one guy asked me for crossword puzzles, since they had been moved from where they were. He had just been standing there looking forlornly at the magazine rack where they used to be, maybe expecting them to reappear there, or expecting to be able to spot them if he stared long enough. He asked where they'd gone and I just took a look around and told him they moved them and where to, and he was like, "Did you find them?" GRR. I showed him AGAIN. And then later after he bought one and tried to leave, someone had forgotten to unlock the "out" door (we had just opened) and so he tugged weakly on it for a second and then just stood there staring at it in disbelief, completely blown away by the fact that the door wasn't opening. So I came over and opened it for him. He was like, "OH, thank you sweetie, I thought I was going to have to walk all the way over to the in door!" BLAH. It's not that difficult to figure out that the lock needs to be twisted, but whatever.
7/20/02
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
When they print out the stickers for the books' price tags, usually the whole title doesn't fit. That makes for some interesting and ambiguous book title fragments sitting around on stickers. Here's my favorite, found today.
Yeah, it's supposed to be for Exploring the Titanic, but hell, this is funnier.
7/17/02
Sometimes people do silly things that are not quite so silly that they need to be mentioned. But when they do five or six of them in one encounter, they get mentioned. So here goes.
A lady knew only the last name of her author, and didn't know the title of the book she wanted. This is usually a very big problem, but the author's name wasn't too common, so I tried it. As a plus she also knew that the author was a woman. So I came up with a list of eleven or twelve authors, only half of whom were women. I started reading off the female and ambiguous names to her, hoping she'd recognize her author, but she didn't, and asked me to read off the list of books they wrote. Well, I'm not sure what she thinks, but until I nail down which author it is, I don't get to see which books they wrote, I don't just have a big giant list of every book written by a Smith if I put in Smith as the author. But hey, she doesn't necessarily have to know how my computer works, so I just explained it to her. She didn't seem to understand and decided she needed to come around behind my counter and look at my screen. She asked if she could, but was already doing it before I'd had a chance to answer her. Ho-hum.
So, I went through each female author and about halfway through we found the name of the book. The lady was looking at the screen, and though it was pretty clear on there that it was a book only available to order, she asked, "Well do you have it?" I pointed to the screen, since she had made such a point of being able to see it, and said, "It says we can order it, but that's it." Still looking at the screen, she asked, "Well how much is it?" I pointed to the screen again, and told her it was $17.95. So she asked me, "What does 'Club Price' mean?" proving that she WAS looking at the screen and reading it and just had decided to ask me to answer questions that she already knew the answer to. So I explained "Club Price" and she went back to her side of the counter. She decided to go off and look on her own for other books, but then came BACK. Wanting books on a really obscure subject.
I said I didn't think we carried any books on that subject, but she didn't believe me. I suggested a couple of faint possibilities. Then she said she knew a book on the subject and asked me to search for it so we could find where others of its kind might be. Well, I found it in the computer, as another book we'd have to order. "Well, I didn't want that book," she reminded me. "Just tell me where it would BE so I can find others!"
This is where I shoot myself in the head.
If we don't carry the book in the store, why would my computer show where on the shelf it'd be?
After I'd explained that to her, she finally went away for good. Whew.
Another girl made my list for a fairly minor offense, but I put her on anyway because . . . well, maybe I was in a bad mood. "Where are the college books?" she asked. I asked her to clarify what "college books" were. She told me she wanted "the book" that lists all the different colleges you can apply to.
Well, as you might imagine, there are at least twenty books on that subject right there in the store, with hundreds more that can be ordered. Yet when I said that to her, she reiterated that she needed "just the book that tells you all about the colleges you can apply to."
I hope she can get into one of them.
7/2/02
At the checkout counter I was waiting on a customer when a man waiting for his turn to pay took out his cell phone. He called someone and when whoever it was picked up, his first words were, "Hi, are ya dressed?" Pause. "Well can ya GET dressed?" Okay.
If only that was the only ridiculous thing that happened today.
Some lady wanted five twenty-dollar gift certificates. Unfortunately we only have fifteens and twenty-fives, so I told her that we could add five dollars to each of the fifteens and MAKE them twenties, but it would still SAY fifteen on the front of it so it was kinda tacky. I said SOMETIMES they keep blank ones around but I wouldn't bet on it, and asked the lady if she wanted me to call the managers in the back to see if they had any. She asked me to please do that and then if they didn't have them she'd settle for the fifteens with five bucks added.
Long story short, I called them and they said they didn't have any. So I told the lady that, and asked if I should go ahead and start making the fifteens into twenties . . . and then she changed her mind. She said that she as a customer wanted to file a complaint and that I should tell the manager on her behalf that customers should be able to choose their own gift certificate amounts. Well I for one agree with her, which I told her, and I said I would deliver the message. She told me I should tell the manager also that because he "didn't look hard enough," we'd lost a $100 sale. I said that it didn't have anything to do with looking hard enough, we don't usually have many blank ones, and I told her I would deliver her complaint. Then she told me, "No, actually why don't you call the manager up here and I'll tell him. Because I don't believe you're going to tell him."
I told her that I had been planning to call the manager and relay the message as soon as I could, but she said, "Okay then, go ahead, right now while I'm standing here." That's just rude, saying she doesn't trust me to deliver the message. At this point I've begun to think badly of her because she automatically assumed I didn't think her opinion was important. So whatever, I get on the phone and call the back room and I get the general manager. I explain the situation to her.
Her response? "Yeah? Well I don't have time for this BULLSHIT." And she hung up on me.
I love my store.
One more fun bit: Some lady looking for Deepak Chopra books got frustrated today. She didn't know what the book was called, but expected that when she got to the bookstore all his books would be together. Not so. The man is probably one of the most diverse writers in the history of the world; he has books on business, inspirational books, religious books, self-help books, philosophy books, new age books, and probably a few others I can't think of. Anyway, since this lady didn't know WHICH Chopra book she wanted, it was kind of impossible for us to ascertain which section to look in, so we checked Self-Help because it seemed that was the section that had the highest percentage of his books. She got annoyed quickly as I explained that this wasn't all his books, and said, in a condescending voice as if we were very incompetent, "Well wouldn't it make more sense to just put all his books together under his name??" Of course, lady. If you had your way, the entire store would be organized not by category, but entirely and exclusively by AUTHOR. So that Colbert's Bible Cure books would be right next to Collie's books on sado-masochism, and you could find The Little Engine That Could in its rightful place beside The Nude: A Celebration of the Human Body. Let me just say, in the immortal words of my friend Fred: "That could ruin somebody's life."
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