Open Diary Entries

. . . Your shoes are on fire.


Yesterday there was picture madness at work. Recently a lot of new people started there and my boss actually got his shit together and bought film for the camera so he could take their pictures for the employee board. (The employees each get a picture of themselves plus a little factsheet about where they're from, what books they like, what their favorite sections of the store are, and so on.)

I may have mentioned at some point that Neil, one of the guys I work with, has been wearing snazzy clothes and primping himself up, then inquiring about whether we've got film yet. See, his original picture was really terrible, and so he wanted a new one. He wanted to make sure that when they were ready to take it, he was wearing his tie. You know, because we all care so much what he looks like.

So, Neil was wearing a nice blue shirt and his tie, with his sleeves stylishly rolled up. He actually went around soliciting compliments from others and answered himself, saying, "Yeah, I look good." Good for you, Neil. So I said to my manager, "Hey, could someone just make Neil shut up and take his picture already?"

So, "someone" (my boss) did. But not before Neil scurried to primp in front of a mirror and acquire the correct prop to be holding. After the picture was taken, he pored over it and adjusted some flaws with a marker. Then he went out to sit down and fill out the information card in his best handwriting, taking an extra one with him in case he messed up.

This morning I came in and Neil's picture was sort of defaced. The first thing I thought of was, "Oh no, he worked so hard on getting his picture taken." His eyes were blacked out and he looked like a soulless staring demon. Then I started to chuckle. I read over his little information card and found two misspelled words and one sentence that made no sense. Funny, only one other person (our café manager) has any misspelled words on theirs. And he took such great care to make it impressive, only to have his eyes blacked out and list one of his favorite sections of the store as "Referance."

When others came into the back room, I pointed out Neil's picture. It was then that I found out that Neil had done that to his own picture. He'd been trying to correct a small case of red-eye and ended up coloring in his entire eyeball. Apparently he is being good-natured about it.

The three of us (me, my boss Stephen, and the back room guy Michael) pored over the board, looking at people's pictures. I pointed out that one of the employees who is black looks white because of the bad lighting in the picture. I pointed out my district manager PJ's extremely shiny legs. And so that no one thought I was too critical, I pointed out the way that my own picture makes me look like I have no eyes, because my bangs are long and of course it was taken from above (since everyone is taller than I am). Stephen disagreed.

"Actually, you look really mischievous in that picture. Like you're up to something."

"Think so?"

"Yeah. It's like you just played a prank . . . it's like you're saying, 'Ha ha, while you take this picture YOUR FEET ARE ON FIRE.'"

I almost died laughing at that.

Then we read over some more of the information cards, and I pointed out Neil's silly mistakes. I mentioned that it was surprising that Stephen's card contained no spelling errors, since he is famous for bad spelling. (He once sent out a memo, and I took a red pen to it and gave it back to him.) He mentioned that he was surprised he had been able to spell one of the titles of the books he liked, and then attempted to spell it aloud. He was not successful.

"If the book is one of your favorites, you should at least bother to learn how to spell its title," I scolded.

He called me a little bitch.

"Little Bitch" is also a song by the Specials. I doubt he was making reference to it.


A harsh comment on his spelling, truth be told, but NOBODY has the right to address you like that. I've walked off the job for reasons similar to yours. First time, shame on them, second time, shame on you. Nip it in the bud!

People in general are stupid. But you already knew that :) [wunderkont]

I could come up and kick some neal ass only for you baby hehehehehe love baleboy [bale]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Basically, that is it. [katqueen]

previous entry * open diary start * next entry