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The biggest dork


Neil is a jerk; that said, I will continue and explain WHY this time. See, he used to be magazine specialist, but he requested to be taken off magazine duty, and I think he did that because in his fucked up little universe that will free him up to do more important things or to be put into management. (He has this weird delusion that he's qualified, when they don't even want to give him a red badge, which is what I have.) Guess what they did with his ass? You guessed it. Register boy.

Now he keeps acting like this is temporary, but Stephen said he likes him up there. That way, we don't have to talk to him and have him annoy us. I've been trying not to talk to him because every other sentence out of his mouth either makes no sense or is offensive or ignorant. The only employee I've worked with that is worse than him in this aspect was that asshole Kristoffer, about whom some of you have probably heard stories.

Anyway, I found a Garfield calendar stuck on one of my children's displays so I took it back to where it belonged: The calendar display, you guessed it, near the register. Which of course made Neil think this was a good chance to talk to me. He asked what I was doing (because nosy brat needs to know it all), and I said I was putting the Garfield calendar up. I noticed then that the calendar said "25th Anniversary" on it, and I commented that I was going to be 25 myself next week, wow I'm as old as Garfield. Neil argued that he thought Garfield was much older. I said that it said "25th Anniversary" right on the calendar, and was in the middle of speculating that it may be his 25th calendar not his 25th birthday, but Neil was already being a jackoff: "That's just a skit." "Huh?" He explained to me that I was misinterpreting the "25th Anniversary" line on there as fact when it must just be in one of the comics, boy how misinformed I must be for confusing that with real life. Too bad he couldn't even see the calendar. I showed it to him, pointing out that the "25th Anniversary" was on the box, not as part of some Garfield joke, and finally he accepted that I wasn't misreading it.

Incidentally, I looked it up, and Garfield really is only 25. Whatever.

Sometime a couple weeks ago I came in and there was a screen left on the computer from the night before, and weirdly, it was a record of Neil trying to order a book for himself. He misspelled his own street address. Not once but in two places. He spelled "University" as "Unvercity." There's something ironic about that. You should be outlawed from living on University Avenue if you can't spell "University."

Here's another couple of reasons Neil's annoying: He assumes other people don't know anything. See, we close at 9 on Sundays, and historically, people who close at 9 come in earlier than normal closing days and then get out much earlier also. But Stephen decided we'd catch up on some things we're behind on and start keeping closers until midnight as if it's a weekday, and he built the schedule as such. Neil, upon looking at it, saw that people were scheduled until midnight on Sunday and, instead of asking about it, just ASSUMED--that's right, just assumed--that Stephen had forgotten we close early on Sundays, and came in early that day on the assumption that that was when he was actually wanted. Genius, Neil. Too bad when you already clocked in and started working, you found out you really were supposed to stay those extra three hours. Oopsie. And here's another one: He's sleeping with some girl, and the other day he was complaining to me about how "females" always think you're in a relationship just because you're fucking. He was all whining that she thought he was her boyfriend and he straightened her out by explaining, "No, we're just friends with benefits." And of course the entire reason he brought it up was because he wanted to make sure I knew he was getting laid. Yes, Neil, you're hot shit. No, wait . . . I just remembered that there are plenty of women whose standards are as low as yours.

He also opened the door for some woman, and she kind of got cross (you know, some older people don't much appreciate having doors held for them because they think the person who's doing it is doing it because they think elderly = handicapped or something). She was like "You don't have to do that" and he protested that it was "just a courtesy" and that he didn't have anything better to do. Neil, seriously, you're not giving them great customer service. You're ANNOYING THEM.

He doesn't like the picture we have of him in the back room. So he took it down and demanded another one, and Stephen said he'd take one as soon as they get more film. Now Neil keeps wearing a tie to work, hoping that he'll have film so he can take his picture wearing the distinguished tie. Ties are not required and he kind of looks like a schmuck wearing one when he's not a manager or anything. But whatever. It's just annoying because it's SO MUCH about image for him.

Our associate Kyllie has been sick, and when she came back Neil insulted her, asking her why her lips looked so pale and whether she put FOUNDATION on them. Umm, who puts foundation on their lips?? So her response was, "No, did you put Vaseline on your bald spot?" Lovely. For some reason we think it's funny that Neil is losing his hair, but it's not because we're making fun of his lot. It's because he thinks he's this sexy lady-killer, yet he's already got a comb-over going on and thinks we don't notice. It kind of clashes with who he thinks he is.

Did I mention "No problem"? He says "no problem" to EVERYTHING. He even uses it as a way to interrupt people, they'll be saying something and he shows his agreement by saying, "No problem" and then continuing as if it is his turn to talk. Argh.

Stephen said, in the back room, "If Neil tries to make me look bad in front of one more customer. . . ." He just left the threat hanging. Neil is always doing this. Trying to make it out that any problem is someone else's fault (like the time Kyllie couldn't find something in the computer and he looked at the customer and said, "That's why *I* do customer service and not *her*"). I hope he tries this on me someday. I've been looking for an excuse to rip him a brand new asshole.


If you didn't have enough stupids to deal with as CUSTOMERS, you have them as COWORKERS too :P What a schmuck... I have no idea where that came from. [katqueen]

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