R.: just read your asexual page and was interested to learn the description of 'hypoactive sexual desire disorder', as i had previously thought without actually looking up, it meant a high desire for sex in a hyperactive, bouncy, crazed sort of way. hah, shows how dumb i am ;) :P
Annie Moose: This may sound weird, but I'm holding off on sex out of moral/religious purposes, and holding off on romantic relationships because I've never met anyone I was interested enough in to pursue such a relationship. Getting through high school and now partway through college like that is... difficult.
Even though I'm heterosexual, not asexual, and am certainly interested in guys, people treated me with the same things you got (or get). Most of your top 10 list is precisely the same sort of thing I get. "You've never had a boyfriend and you're 19? What's wrong with you?" "Oh, you don't have a boyfriend? You must be a lesbian." And so on.
Anyway, reading over your responses has actually helped me a lot. Usually I'm OK with the whole avoiding relationships thing, but because I *am* heterosexual and *do* have a very real sex drive, occasionally I get into these big silly funks about how nobody likes me, I'm a freak, my beliefs are clearly stupid because no one else follows them, etc. And this list was a nice reminder that *I* define my own sexual and romantic life, and that is *completely OK*. Other people can try to force me into their mold, but when it comes down to it, God doesn't want me to structure my life around other people's opinions, and I don't want that either!
So thanks. I know it's not the same situation at all (I only mimic asexuality in my lack of sexual actions, if you want to put it that way, I'm not actually asexual) but there are surprising similarities, especially with people constantly wanting to "fix" me if they find out. So I just don't tell people, and ignore them when they do say stupid stuff like that.
Randy Hebert: Please excuse my stupidity but who says you have to be attracted to anyone sexually and can't you be attracted to someone without it being sexually? You know like having a great conversation or just good company?
Richard: I think I love you!
You are beautiful (I am capable of aesthetic attraction)
You are very intelligent (ditto)
and you are unavailable
all of which makes you perfect for another asexual :)
Cindy Finefrock: A classic one to add to the list is: "God will heal you of your asexuality." No seriously, they say that to gays and they'll say that to aces, too. I had a guy say that to me to try to manipulate me into being his sexual partner, or as he put it, "merging with him in divine union to become an archangel," or something disturbing like that. Creepy, right? Then when I refused and told him that asexuality isn't a defect or disease to be cured, he told me that "self love is a great evil" and to only associate with other women because I would just hurt men over and over again. Since when did being asexual make a person selfish? And how is it that aces' feelings are dismissed as less important just because we're a minority? There's this "take what you want" complex attached to sex/success, and if the ace declines then suddenly (s)he's the bad guy. He said a lot of other fucked up stuff, but I'll just leave it here. Chances are, most people who want to heal you by "god's power" won't be this psycho, but psychological/emotional abuse of aces and other nonheterosexuals is unfortunately perpetuated by many religious and spiritual groups.
Kristin: Hey everyone, I'm an asexual girl, too and I know these problems really well. Most girls cannot understand why I'm just not interested in men, they think that I'm lesbian by default. Boys think so, too. I just don't get why some people are so ignorant and dump. When I say "dumb" I don't intend to insult those people, but the way I see it, it's all about logic. Just recognize this very simple equation: imagine 4 different groups. Group A are the heterosexuals, group B the homosexuals, group C the bisexuals, group D the asexuals. One can say that group A is completely opposite to group B. While group C is connected to both, A and B, group D is connected to neither. Why is it so hard for some people to get this? Let me give you another example: there are people which prefer chicken and people which prefer pork. Of course, there are also people which like both. Most of each group appear to have one thing in common: they forget about vegetarians! That's exactly how I feel as an asexual. There's no group of people, I'm sexually attracted to and nobody seems to get HOW anyone can be this way at all. First, those people made me feel like I was unnormal, insane etc... But here's to all other asexuals out there: never let anyone else judge you by your sexual orientation! Be proud of being asexual, accept the way you were born and never change for anyone! The next time, a hetero- (or homo)sexual person offends you, just ask them, why they aren't homo- (or heterosexual). Most of them will answer, that they were born like this, they never chose to be this way. That's the point. We never had a choice either.