Asexuality Top Ten

#6: "You just never had me in your bed."

Well, this is obviously ridiculous. I do get this one fairly often; these guys (yes, almost exclusively cisgender men) honestly think that I don't know what love is because I have yet to be romanced by them. For some reason, even though *they're* the ones still searching for love (or sex, whatever, sometimes they think it's the same thing) and *I'm* the one who's perfectly happy . . . they still think they have something to teach me. Bullshit. I don't want anyone around who claims they can come into my life and sweep me off my feet, changing my whole outlook on life. I like my life, and while I'm not pigheaded or resistant to change, I don't think it needs any adjustments from someone I barely know, especially not in the form of a penis with a little bit of brain attached. I certainly don't want to keep company with any man arrogant enough to think he is the modern definition of love. Or the local Don Juan.

As an aside, an inordinate number of guys see my asexuality as some sort of challenge. Most of these sorts stay away from girls with boyfriends, thinking they're wasting their time and they might get their ass kicked by the boyfriend, but lesbians and people like me who claim to be uninterested are prime targets. They think their manliness is enough to attract even the most resistant woman. And yes, in this case I'd resist. Not that I've had to struggle to do so with any one of them. :P They don't seem to get that being ultra-manly is not impressive to someone who doesn't find manliness attractive. A few of these sorts, the kind that think I'm a challenge, also have this unwarranted idea that I am playing head games to keep them interested. I've never understood the concept of hard-to-get. I mean, sure, some girls don't want to be seen as easy, but I just can't understand why guys automatically think I'm playing games when I really DON'T want to be "gotten." If "yes" means "yes" and "no" means "playing hard to get," does that mean I have to kick you in the balls to really mean "no"?

Another big problem with this response is that they're assuming asexuality means I haven't had good sex. I know this is a confusing concept for some, but asexuality has nothing to do with the sex act--at least not definitively. Asexuality is a statement of having no sexual attraction to other people. It doesn't mean it's impossible for that person to enjoy sex--and even the asexual people who aren't so repulsed by sex that they're willing to try it don't suddenly stop being asexual if they have a good sexual experience. Some asexual people actually even like sex, but aren't sexually attracted to their partners.

There are non-asexual people out there who aren't picky about sex, too; plenty of non-asexual people don't feel they have to be attracted to their partner in order to enjoy the sex act itself. Some asexual people masturbate, too; most asexual people have the capacity to physically get aroused, and some don't mind or enjoy having their genitals stimulated by other people. Sexual attraction, however, is separate from enjoying a physical feeling, just like a three-year-old child is not expressing sexual attraction if he plays with his wiener. Don't tell asexual people that you could provide a mind-blowing sexual experience for them and change their orientation. You can't, any more than a woman who gives great oral sex is going to convert a gay guy to being straight. Enjoying the sexual favor would not mean the man is attracted to the woman. That's all there is to it.

Watch me discuss this topic on YouTube