Asexuality Top Ten

#10: "You hate men."

Well, let me just say, first of all, that this is not true. I don't hate men; in fact, most of my friends are men. I actually have comparatively few female friends. I have nothing against men; I just have something against willfully ignorant people who are offended when I don't think sex is the meaning of life. It just so happens that as a whole, men are socially conditioned to look for sex more often than women, and it also happens that I am rarely approached by women for sex seeing as how heterosexuality is quite a bit more popular.

So maybe some people think that my public growling at certain men indicates that I'm a man-hater. No. I dislike people who won't take no for an answer when it comes to sex. And I venture to say that even if I was heterosexual I still wouldn't like men who behaved this way. I can't think of any single person I actually hate; no WAY do I hate half the population.

I have actually had people tell me that withholding sex from men is the very definition of "hating" them. I hope I don't have to explain why that is a disgusting perspective. No, no one is expressing "hate" of men--or hate of/shaming of their sexuality--through the act of refusing to give them sex. Access to sex with me is not something people deserve to demand as long as they've made sure I'm not "taken"--as if I'm up for grabs and must make myself available to SOMEONE. Interpreting asexuality as man-hating is similar to interpreting lesbianism as man-hating; people who do this simply can't process the idea that people's sexuality is an expression of what they themselves want, and have to take it as some kind of statement about some unrelated person. No, guys, my feelings about sex are not a punishment for you or an expression of hatred for your junk. Every man I am friends with understands this without having to be told. Oh, and keep in mind . . . there are asexual men. They don't therefore hate women or any gender. Sexual orientation is about who we find attractive, not who we're punishing by withholding sex.

Watch me discuss this topic on YouTube