Not that the book was any good -- but the reader had a pleasant voice, and we were kept alert and awake playing Name That Trope and yelling at the characters.

We were all vaguely curious as to when Stupidboy (sorry, Eragon) would figure out that Murtagh was at least his half-brother, and exactly how he was related to Obi-Wan -- strike that, Brom -- and Vader. Thanks to your essays, we can skip the books and move on with our lives.

Katy: Personally, I thought it was an excellent critique which, despite what some of its detractors have said, made logical points, supported by quotes from the text (you can tell I listened in English. Really). I actually enjoyed Eragon the first time I read it, when I was about ten or eleven, but I tried to read it a few years ago, and I could not. It was just so awkward, and I couldn't care about anyone. And I'm the sort of person who tends to bond with the protagonist, regardless of their personality. Also, it really annoys me when people claim that you shouldn't critique a novel. Why? By publishing it, Christopher Paolini has put it into the public domain, and therefore people are entitled to have, and discuss, their opinion of it. If it had been a story he'd written in his spare time, and kept under his pillow, and someone stole it and critiqued it, yes, that would be wrong, but he put it into the public domain, so personally I think people deserve to be warned of the story before they spend their money on it, although I imagine most people on here, myself included, have already read it. Furthermore, as I know has already been said, why is his age a justification for any flaws the novels may have? Personally, I think there are many, but each to their own. Anyway, if he wants to be published alongside the adults (not that he isn't an adult now, or that he wasn't one when Eragon was published), he should write at their standard. I shouldn't have to read subpar material because he is honing his craft. That's what family are for. Anyway, I'm sorry I rambled, but I thought it was a good, honest critique, which I think helped explain some of the books flaws. I often find it hard to explain exactly what I dislike about a book, and I thought this did so excellently.

Toni: I have been thinking about peasants' conditions in Eragon, and here is what I remembered about conditions in real life:
1) all my grandparents have been peasants; one of them comes from a comparatively well-off family and they had a house with several rooms. But others had single-room sized houses (at least one was from stone and dating from Ottoman times), and only ate meat for Christmas - usually chicken or smoked ham. And they lived in conditions likely better than peasants in Middle Ages.
2) in Middle Ages, wood with wattle and daub (mud, straw and manure) was a standard building material for walls. Roof was thached.
3) unlike modern peasants, peasants in Middle Ages usually slept with animals, for several reasons: first, animals provided warmth, which was important since isolation even in castles was not good (no glass windows) and peasants could not afford heavy blankets or to burn wood for entire night; second, that way animals were protected from predators such as wolves, as well as thieves; third, this also prevented them from wandering off.
4) there was also very little furniture inside the house, and what furniture there was was mostly made out of wood (spoons were likely from horn, however)
5) there was no running water, toilets, baths, washing basins, or for that matter, shampoo and soap. Bathing was done once or twice a year even for the rich. They did wash face and hands, but that was it. In any case, unless you lived directly at river source, water was likely contaminated by all trash (and dung) people living upstream threw in it. Outer clothes were never washed, but underwear was kept as clean as possible.
6) peasant children - in Middle Ages as well as in early 20th century - had to help parents with work in the field. This, and huge mortality, was a reason why peasant families likely had numerous children (though some disagree; in any case, nobility had numerous children but for very different reasons)

LotR movie did it far better even though scenes with peasants were rather short.

White Rose: I agree with you that the ancient language that is used in the books is unnecessary and would save a lot of space if it wasn't implemented in the first place. However, I will say that as a fluent speaker of Icelandic quite a few of his words come directly from the language (alfa = elf, drottning = queen for example). This might explain why he has so many "useless" accents, as in Icelandic these accents actually do influence the sound the letter makes. Just a thought...

Also, (I forgot to say this in my previous comment) the idea of elves being a fairer race than humans did not originate with Tolkein, as our legends of the elves (huldufolk) give the elves similar traits and come from way before Tolkein's time. Just a few nitpicky details. Like I said before, I do agree with the majority of your essays and they did make a very good read.

Gararar: Thanks for the review. You use humor and good reason to tear apart a sorry excuse for a novel which in some ways has sadly eclipsed the material it is based upon.

I have heard too many teenagers ask me "Are there other books just like Eragon?" As if Eragon itself was the father of fantasy - seriously, this is how some of the kids are sounding.

Soren Okenshir: I don't know whether I've written this before, but here's a funny fact:

We all know that Brisingr is ultimately the most painful read among the other books, not only because of its drag on but also because of the chapter "Mind over Metal" where readers get forced to read the most trashy and boring chapter in the history of the Fantasy (with an F) genre. At the end of the book, Christopher Paolini admitted that he got his sword-making infos from "The Craft of the Japanese Sword by Leon and Hiroko Kapp and Yoshindo Yoshihara." Now what's obnoxiously funny about this, is if you read about Oromis on the Inheritance Wiki you get this : "Oromis Thr?ndurin, known as Osthato Chetow?, The Mourning Sage, and Togira Ikonoka, The-Cripple-Who-Is-Whole, was an ancient elf, and a Dragon Rider who trained Brom, Morzan, and later Eragon."

First of all, THRANDURIN sounds like a combination of Thranduil (king of Mirkwood) and Durin, all of this from the Lord of the Rings universe. Togira Ikonoka: elvish samurai speaking pseudo-Japanese in Alagaesia? Coincidence? You tell me. I don't know about "Osthato Chetow?" but if you're going to give random names to your character that has no fucking relation with the already existing languages of your world whatsoever, you might as well give a solid explanation of its linguistic origins or it'll reflect your laziness and childish (maybe stupid?)influences that you got along the way. Also it's funny how the editors of Inheritance Wiki try SO HARD to give every place and every character a deep history as if we gave a flying f--k (I mean, hey! No one did when they read the books).

Soren Okenshir: Oh snap, folks! Look at where Paolini got the name Nasuada and "Argetlam" from, haha!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuada_Airgetl%C3%A1m

"In Irish mythology, Nuada or Nuadu (modern spelling: Nuadha), known by the epithet Airgetlám (modern spelling: Airgeatlámh, meaning "silver hand/arm"), was the first king of the Tuatha Dé Danann. He is cognate with the Gaulish and British god Nodens. His Welsh equivalent is Nudd or Lludd Llaw Eraint."

Cheap and hilarious!

Chris Herman: He might not be able to write, but he seems to be doing pretty well for himself. Instead of writing mulitple criticisms, you might actually want to your time reading literature that you actually enjoy! Even though it's been done better, (which I agree whole heartedly that it has) the only the thing you gain from writing this is showing the internet the bitter side of you that would rather criticize a 15 year old who wrote an okay book than do something meaningful with your talent

[My response is in the hatemail section here.]

Wojciech: My comments on names part:
Alagaësia - this umlaut above e usually denotes that you don't make a diphtong out of ae (read as e in latin), but you read it as two separate letters.
Draumr kópa - this one is funny. ó is read as u in polish, and "kupa" means "turd". Paolini made some other similar mistakes (dwarf name in their own language is one letter short of swedish swearword)

Callan: I agree. I watched the movie first and when I read the book I saw how bad it was. Then I started picking up on things. The dialogue was the first, something in line with what a translation of the Odyssey and the Aeneid sounds like; that is stilted. I know that the two works I mentioned before are translated and date from a couple of millennia ago, so speech habits were different, not to mention language.

Just to clarify. I don't know if you've read them, the two epics I just mentioned, but the speech just made it all sound so informed, like a flaw that has no bearing on the story, I got the same feeling with the Inheritance Cycle. All the speeches and worldbuilding were so redundant like you said.

I actually got to the point that the series inspired an idea that is supposed to be a counter-point, thankfully its moved away from that with time. But, yeah I could on

Callan: I think there might be a little stereotyping going on here with Fadawar. So much goddamned gold that it looks like tat, all he needs is a white fur coat and a stupid hat and he's a frickin' ghetto pimp in a fantasy setting

Callan: Got one for ya. I ran Paolini's Elves through Springhole.net's Mary Sue Race. The results are placed in the following brackets, 1-6 not a Mary Sue Race, 7-10 probably not a Mary Sue, 11+ definitely a Mary Sue. His elves scored 19! I did this impartially as well, so it's pretty accurate

Aaron Landes: i used to like it not anymore

Joe: Codex of dreams; I almost fell off my chair and dragged my computer with me when I read that laughing so hard. All in all a very well written rant/essay, I agree with most of it and I'll be honest even if I didn't I would still probably read it for pure entertainment value.

Sam: Hi, as an aspiring writer, I would like to thank you for the heads up on what not to do in a fantasy novel, or any novel for that matter. I must admit I did enjoy the series. Granted I was a teen when they were published, but there is one thing I realised, I have read them once, and that was enough.

Again, thanks for the help.

Mira: "I have seen things that defy belief: whirlwinds of light spinning in caverns deep below the ground" sounds a bit like Roy Batty's famous speech at the end of Blade Runner.
"I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate."

I thoroughly enjoyed reading these reviews. I read the books in my early teens, and for the most part I liked them(because I was young and foolish), but I do remember thinking "well that sounds really dumb" on more than one occasion. Now I know why I never bothered to read the fourth book.

Blake: I may be a little late on this, but I still feel compelled to respond to your essays on Christopher Paolini s Inheritance Cycle. Clearly you hate this series, and your explanation for this is well laid out in your critique of Eragon; however, I read your essay on Inheritance and it seemed more like an angry rant of a disappointed reader than a well thought out piece of criticism. Anyway, I am not hear to condemn your essays, I am here to defend Christopher Paolini s work.

The Inheritance Cycle is one of the few young adult series that I truly enjoyed. Paolini s writing style may not be brilliant or very mature, but his attention to detail impressed me. He worked diligently to create an interesting world full of diverse characters; it is only natural that he would want to over-describe it. As long as the reader has patience, Paolini s writing can be very pleasant to read.

It is obvious that Paolini used material from other works (esp. Star Wars and Lord of the Rings) but that should not totally diminish his novels. Christopher Paolini uses material from outside sources in the same manner that the late Romantic era composer Gustav Mahler used other musical styles in his own compositions. Mahler was often criticized for adopting many previously established styles to suit different expressions of feeling without truly employing a style of his own. Despite this, Mahler s work became immensely popular and is still common today. He may have not been a very influential composer because he did not pioneer any new or revolutionary ideas in music, but nevertheless, Mahler produced work that was truly delightful for all listeners. Paolini is very similar; he borrowed old ideas and didn t really introduce much novelty, but his work is still very enjoyable to read. I am not saying that Paolini is a great or influential writer, but I am saying that his Inheritance Cycle does a wonderful job of incorporating traditional fantasy themes and settings into a giant 3000 page epic.

Consider the audience that Paolini is trying to appeal to: he wants to introduce a sophisticated fantasy tale to young adults. The Inheritance Cycle does have many adult followers, but overall, the Inheritance Cycle was the first major fantasy series that many young people read (such as myself). It does a fabulous job of captivating young audiences while still maintaining mature and insightful content.

Your criticism of the plot in Inheritance really seemed a little nitpicky to me. Anyone can find plot holes if they look hard enough in any given novel; but overall Paolini avoided major ones. If I wanted to I could analyze every single page of the Lord of the Rings series and find many problems with the story (I am not saying that the Inheritance Cycle is better than LOTR, not at all). Sure there aren t really many surprises in Inheritance for example, but keep in mind that Paolini originally intended for there to only be three books so the fourth book was really only a continuation of Brisingr (I do admit thought that Paolini has a bad habit of keeping secrets or not fully explaining certain mysteries in his work).

Well, I was not as concise as I would have liked to have been and I thank you for actually getting this far in my comment, but I want to leave you with this. I concede that Paolini is not yet a great author nor should the Inheritance Cycle be considered a classic, but his series is NOT terrible; far from it. Paolini s writing style is thorough and his content is insightful (in my opinion). I know that it is extremely unlikely that my comment has really changed your view of the Inheritance Cycle, just in the same way that your essays did not really change my view of it; we are firm in our beliefs, but I thought that I would at least try.

Savannah: Can I just say as a former inheritance fan (I still like some elements), I really enjoyed your essays. They're so entertaining to read. Honestly, I think the biggest problem with this series, for me, is that, despite all the cartoon villain bullshit, I still found Galbatorix way more interesting than anyone on the good guy side. Eragon is a boring douche. Nasuada could be way too uppity at times. Some of the shit he said did actually make sense. Like how Nasuada was kind of a hypocrite because the Varden were the ones who instigated all of the war. They are the ones who killed thousands of soliders (some of which had been FUCKING DRAFTED) All for some shit that went down 100 years prior the main storyline. Hell, the kingdom seemed to be just fine. People seemed happy enough. I mean, in another light, the varden are just as douchey. I have no idea if you'll ever see this, but if you do, I would love to hear what you think.

Christian: While I agree with your position that the Inheritance cycle are a couple of really bad fantasy novels for various reasons including some you brought up in your essays, you also make quite a few rather glaring mistakes. I Just like to point out the most obvious, the bit about royalty. You wrote: "I'm still confused about how he thinks royalty works. Arya explained at one point that she's NOT a princess just because her mother is a queen and her inheriting the throne is "not how it works," and then now we've observed both human and dwarf ELECTIONS for a king or queen. Why not call them Presidents or something that's generally actually elected?" I have to point out that elective monarchies actually did exist in the middle ages, starting with the Germanic kingdoms of the Migration Period, Scandinavian Kingdoms and most prominently the Holy Roman Empire. So there is really no problem at all from a logical point of view with elective monarchies.

Kind regards, Christian

Wolfie: I was kind of actually hoping Roran would get killed, it would make the story at least semi-interesting. Kind of knew he was going to live, but tried to stsy optimistic.

Really just think Paolini doesn't understand the first thing about a story. No one is going to like a character or worry about them when you know they're not going to die or even be injured in some serious way. Tension was also just thrown under a rug, something that is supposed to reach a climax instead just fizzles. Example being the lady who has a blood grudge with Roran merely scratches him due to Eragon's magic, something that was presented as an important event just got billed as "Meh." Maybe Paolini just realized he hadn't settled that sub-plot and decided to add it in at the last second.

Entire thing was a waste of time. Dragged out (I actually quit reading the book in the December it came out because it just kept going, before mustering up the willpower to carry on reading the third of it that remained.) plot resolve was to say the least unsatisfactory.

Would actually read a book Paolini wrote if it was about Murtagh. Despite being cliche & angst ridden, he is perhaps the only character in that Deus ridden series who is actually sympathetic and (dare I say) interesting.

Bookworm: Really!! I READ EVERY SINGLE BOOK THAT I CAN GET MY HANDS ON AND THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SERIES's!!!!!! (I don't know how to do plural words with s's at the end)

lizsprinkle2: Thank for writing these essays! They opened my eyes. I read the Inheritance books in 5th grade, and I really enjoyed them. I hadn't read very much fantasy then, and all of Paolini's ideas seemed new and exciting to me. I continued to read more fantasy after that though, and sort of forgot about Eragon. I read The Hobbit (which I liked), and the The Lord of the Rings (which I didn't). I watched the Star Wars movies. And then one day in God's Word Revealed (I go to a Catholic high school), our class got into this very off-topic discussion about our favorite books. I learned that my religion teacher was a big fan of Eragon. I was going to say that I liked Eragon also, but then I started to really think about it. I realized Paolini basically took the plot from Star Wars and set it in Middle-Earth. I then stumbled upon your essays while on goodreads.com. I had realized your agruments about the orginiality by then, but your comments about the writing suprised me. It couldn't be as terrible as you made it seem, could it? Even at 5th grade, I would notice writing as horribile as that, wouldn't I? I decided to look at the Eragon books again. And sadly, the writing was as terrible as you protrayed it. I have a thing against figurative language (just say what you're going to say), and I can write better similes than Paolini. So thank you for opening my eyes to how horrible Eragon was and for writing your funny essay. "OMG I got magic powerz" was my favorite. I only had a couple of complaints with your essay. I didn't like all of the swearing. I understand you used it to show how strong your feelings are, but it kind of lessens the message. I would have loved to send this essay to my religion teacher, but I can't because of the cussing. Also, you didn't mention The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones. Paolini copies from that a bunch, alongside Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. On a side note, you like Artemis Fowl?! Total awesome sauce! I have never met anyone else who has heard of, much less read and liked Artemis Fowl. Have you read W.A.R.P.? Is it as good? I have read mixed reviews. Also, have you seen the Eragon movie? Do you know how good it is? It sort of seems like there could be no way for it to be worst than the book, but you never know.

swankivy: Oh, Liz. You've asked me a fair number of questions here for someone who didn't leave an e-mail address. Well, maybe you'll see this.

I don't agree that cursing "lessens the message," but I don't mind if someone prefers not to see it. If you want versions that don't have cursing, I'm pretty sure the short versions that I posted on Amazon and Goodreads don't have swear words.

• Amazon: Eragon
• Amazon: Eldest
• Amazon: Brisingr
• Amazon: Inheritance

As for not mentioning Diana Wynne Jones's book, I have not read it, so I'm not going to be pointing out stolen bits from books I'm not familiar with.

It's very weird that you've never met anyone who likes Artemis Fowl. It's extremely popular. No, not yet read W.A.R.P. as of this writing but it is on my to-read list. I have not seen the Eragon movie but I'm told even fans of the book hate the movie and think it doesn't "do justice" to the books. So I don't recommend seeing it unless you enjoy watching things because you love to hate them. Thanks for the comment.

kpez: I love your reviews. Seriously. I love them. I laughed for nearly 20 minutes after reading the review for Brisingr, and your essay on Inheritance is just as good, if not better. Actually, after thinking about this essay, I went back to my own writing and tried applying what you mentioned. And suchlike. Happily, my work has now risen from the Paolini standard and elevated itself to slightly cringeworthy! (The cringeworthy part is entirely my fault)

Thanks a lot for reviewing this series. I read these books when I was 10 years old, and absolutely loved them. I even got one signed by Chris himself *shudder*. Now, years later, I finally reread the books and deemed them to be awful. Luckily, Chris hasn't published any more bestsellers lately. *raises hands to the heavens* Thanks for hating Paolini's writing as much as it should be hated!

Isaac Blouin: I appreciate what you've done here, not primarily because of your criticism of the book, but for pointing out common pitfalls the budding writer should avoid. (coming from a hopefully budding writer)

Bea: Oromis is not supposed to be dying. He got tortured, yes. The spell that was cast isolates him from the energy around him so he can't do much magic. But he's an elf. Naturally immortal. They don't use energy for their immortality. His survival should not depend on his magic at all. What the hell is going on?

I love your essays, by the way!

JustAsking: I'm just curious to know why you hate these books so much you read all of them simply to write extensive essays on how bad they are. I mean, I have plenty of books I absolutely hated, but I just stopped reading them and moved on. You seem to have some sort of vendetta against the series or Paolini, to the point of obsession. Why?

[I answered this one here.]

Grrarrggh: There's something that never made sense to me and I was wondering if you could explain it or confirm that it's more of the usual from CP. Eragon is told that people would line up for a chance to touch a dragon egg with the hope it would hatch for them. But Eragon held and handled the egg quite a lot before it hatched for him. How would the keeper of the egg know which person the dragon wanted to bond with if there's a whole group moving by? Do most dragons hatch on first touch? What would that say about Saphira's choice of Eragon?

Grrarrggh: You ask: "Roran is described as always calculating the chances that someone might try to kill him. In one scene, he's fantasizing about how exactly he might be able to kill guards who are ON HIS SIDE if by chance they were to attack him for some reason. This is supposed to show what an efficient--and obsessed, I guess--soldier he has become. But what I want to know is . . . WHY ISN'T HE THINKING ABOUT BIRGIT? In the last book I noted that a woman actually walked up to him, threatened his life, and came very close to using a weapon on him, before she walked away reminding him that they have a score to settle. Roran, this woman represents a very real threat to your life. Any particular reason you're not worried about that while plotting the demise of people who haven't ever even acted like they want to hurt you?" and while this might have been a rhetorical question, but I'll throw my two cent answer in anyway, especially because I'm surprised you didn't. It's because Birgit is a WOMAN!!!

W:

I've not read Paolini's work, and nothing I've read about them inclines me too. I do, however, derive enjoyment from reading criticism of bad writing, and you've provided that in spades, for which I thank you.

Whilst reading your essays, two things stuck out to me as wanting correction, however. They're very minor, and it's very pedantic of me to want to correct them, but small flaws can sometimes bug a person. (Which I'm sure you know very well!)

1. In both your Eldest essay and your Brisingr essay, you draw attention to Paolini's use of needs must/must needs. It is not, as you assume, Paolini's way of making the dwarves talk funny, but is rather a legitimate, if somewhat archaic and uncommon, English construction. Given Paolini's seeming penchant for pseudo-archaisms, it's not surprising he would be drawn to use it, and incorrectly. (For a modern author who manages to use it well, see Steven Erikson.)

Needs must (or must needs) derives from an old saying, "needs must when the devil drives", implying something that is necessary, but that one doesn't necessarily want to do. For example, "I needs must sleep, though I wish to write inane pedantic comments" or "I must needs away from the one I love".

2. In your Eldest essay, you bring up some claim Paolini made somewhere regarding place names and their inconsistency. I can't speak to what Paolini's actual claims were, nor whether or not you properly answered them, but your response isn't in itself completely accurate. Consider the United States. I live near a city called Portland. This is a place-name obviously derived from English, and English is the de facto language of the United States. However, one of the biggest cities in the US is south of me: The Angels -- I mean, Los Angeles. I would be willing to bet money I don't have that more people in Los Angeles speak English as a first or second language than Spanish.

The names of cities and towns, mountains, rivers, geological formations, &c., tend to stay the same over long periods of times, even if the primary spoken language surrounding them is supplanted. This isn't just the case in countries like the United States, where one might be quick to simply blame colonization. This even applies in Europe: the names of some rivers, mountains, &c., are unrelated to any modern (or recently dead) Indo-European language, but derive from the languages that preceded the spread of Indo-European culture.

This is, as I said, pedantic. However, even if I doubt Paolini's ability to accurately portray the above, he may have been trying to convey that, rather than some point about different languages having different names for things. (And even then, no English speaker would refer to the city of Osaka, for instance, as "Big Hill", nor Berlin as "Bear" [or possibly "Swamp"].)

I apologize for the above nonsense, but needs must when the devil drives.

I hope, at least, it didn't prove an annoyance. Have a nice day.

swankivy: The above well-intentioned criticism was left by a person who did not include an e-mail address, so, answers:

Yep, well aware that the pseudo-archaic "needs must" stuff is an attempt to shoehorn different speech patterns into the dwarf way of talking, and I maintain that it's extremely silly because they have their own language, so if they're speaking the humans' tongue for ease of communication, why would they have a phrasing the humans don't use? I mean maybe it's possible that they held onto some phrases that the humans no longer use when the dwarf people learned the humans' tongue from each other, but nothing in the story suggests this is happening. Like the unnecessary and inconsistent apostrophes and accents, it mostly seems like Paolini is trying to emulate what he found foreign and cool about other people's fantasy tropes without realizing the world he'd created didn't support such things making sense.

And while obviously places will sometimes continue to be called what their original settlers called them even if those settlers no longer live there, in Paolini's book he DOES say the different areas have several names depending on who's talking about it. Plus there's the fact that even if the foreign name survives, the people who adopt it tend to skew its spelling and pronunciation so it makes sense in their language. The bit I included to discuss this issue was actually about pronunciation, with Paolini claiming there were no rules that could reliably be consulted because of the different roots. In reality, what would happen would be either people would adopt the right pronunciations and make them familiar or they would mispronounce them and incorporate those skewed versions into their "correct" pronunciation (the way "Tokyo" is two syllables in Japanese but sounds more like three when most Americans say it because "kyo" sounds more like "ki-o" to us). I would never suggest there needs to be phonetic consistency within a language because I know how English works, but I also know that if people want to talk about a place, they'll either take a crack at using the existing name or they'll give it a new one, not just avoid the question of how pronunciation works to mask the fact that the naming gods in the region literally pulled influences from a ton of different sources that don't actually line up with what is said to exist in the fictional cities' history. I'm sure he could make something up, but it would sound retconned, because most of his explanations for nonsense are built to hide that they weren't thought through.

Elizabeth: my brother and i were reading your essay and saw this (Women don't really count, but sometimes they do.

I also think it's odd that in a clearly patriarchal culture like Eragon's, the women are given last names that indicate them being "daughters" of their mothers and not their fathers (like Katrina's mother is Ismira and she's referred to as "Katrina Ismirasdaughter"). It's a nice change, I think, but considering how women don't get handled in this culture as if they have equal rights (Katrina even has a dowry!), I find it surprising.) my brother thinks Paolini was inspired to make the title "Ismirasdaughter" from something similar in Stephen R. Donaldson's chronicles of Thomas Covenant series " atiaren trell-mate" basically a title showing who the person is married to,is used in the exact "last name" kind of way. This is just speculation but we thought we would inform you.

Tyan Towers: Hello Swankivy
First of all, thanks for the excellent review. After I invested so much time in reading the book, it felt good to read your essay.I didn't notice all the language things you wrote about, but then I'm not an editor. The book just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. So I thank you for letting me KNOW the reason for that.

Now comes the hate portion. So its about the jealousy thing again (which many people have already commented about). Look, I know you are not really jealous, because, like you said, were you in his position, you would not have done what he did and tried to self publish your book. And I know that you know that you can write much better than him anyway.
But why do you dislike him for the method which he used? I don't think it was wrong of him to self publish. I mean, he had the means, and he used it!. I think you are implying that if his fans knew that he initially self published, they would like the book less. I don't think so, just like I would not like the book more if it was not self published. Fans are fans. Self publishing did allow for this bad piece of literature to float around in public, but I don't think this book is great enough to be remembered for too long or for other authors to draw inspiration from it. I think it will die off. The book was so unremarkable. (but I am not an expert)

This is like what people who got into college through merit feel towards people who get in through management seats. But unlike college, the world of books is not a zero sum game. Because his book becomes famous, it doesn't mean that other (worthy) books won't be famous. There are no limited 'seats'.(Again I could be wrong. I know squat about the publishing business). Plus I don't think he used unfair means, like the girl who wrote 'Maradonia'. (I came to know about it because of your youtube channel! Excellent video)

So finally what I am saying is: I agree with everything in your essay, except about the self publishing thing. I am commenting because I know you generally hate people self publishing (I got this impression by reading some other stuff you wrote also. Please don't ask me for references!) I just don't think 'self-publishing' by itself is wrong. Like other types of publishing, there will be some fans who like it, there will be sophisticated editors who will hate it, there will be some people who say 'meh. Next'.

Sorry for the personal attack. Looking forward to your reply. Be kind.

Thanks and regards
TyTo

0x277F: I found this page long, long ago and read all of the reviews. A few days ago I re-read them and found that I still enjoyed them immensely. I never noticed the comment box here, though, so cheers. Wonderful stuff.

Anya: Hi Ivy,

I was a fan of Eragon and Eldest as a pre-teen, when all a book needed to hold my attention was a dragon, but fell out of the fandom after Brisingr, which I read but couldn't get into as much as the first two. I finally decided to read Inheritance, just to see how it ends (and to tally Paolini's Said Bookisms), and I was surprised that you didn't notice this absolute gem from Angela:

"but he was too slow, and the raging, red-eyed rabbit ripped out Hord's throat, killing him instantly. Then the hare fled into the forest, and out of recorded history."

Rrrrrgggghhhhh DAMMIT PAOLINI! THE KILLER RABBIT HAS NO PLACE IN YOUR HIGH FANTASY NOVEL!

Anya: Another thing I must mention to you is that I found Inheritance's "'Sorry,' apologized Brom" in the form of "'Drajl,' swore Garzhvog." Sure, it's an Urgal curse, but anyone who makes it through all four books is probably going to know it at this point and find the "swore" tag redundant.

His characters are still growly, too; it was one of the most common bookisms. He used it 49 EFFING TIMES. It's also consistently used by male characters; the only female character who growls her lines is Saphira.

(I've noticed that certain bookisms end up being used for certain characters; for instance, the dialogue tag "he rumbled" seems to be exclusively for Glaedr, Orik, and Garzhvog.)

Departing from these, though: I noticed when the elves got taken away that Eragon used "Letta!" to try to get them to stop. This made me think back to that bit in Eldest where Oromis told him never to use absolutes, because they'll keep going until either the spell succeeds or the caster dies. Sooooo... Eragon should have accidentally killed himself right there.

Passchendaele: You've likely seen enough comments on this, but I'd just like to say I read through all your essays on the Inheritance Cycle and enjoyed them immensely. CP's mind-boggling quest to place style over substance is both hilarious and dismaying. It reminds me of a mentality I had a few years ago, where I thought that my content was garbage, so I had to fluff up my writing to keep anyone from noticing. Paolini appears to have had the opposite problem (he seems to have thought his plot had been creative enough that the writing had enhanced it), but he ultimately had strived for a similar goal of abusing his thesaurus. Unlike him, however, I grew out of the whole "trying to sound fancy" nonsense (at least, not intentionally). In any case, I don't think I'll be buying or reading any of these books in the future, given their quality. I'd like to focus on fantasy written by more experienced writers than CP. Thanks for writing these essays!

Carl: I found this very helpful for my final.I had to do a presentation to do and I used this and my presentation was a sensation. NOTE: I love the sarcasm.

Goosy: What more can be said? I agree with you wholeheartedly. I liked the cycle when I was a kid, but the older I got the more faults I began to notice. I still have a soft spot for it - mostly due to nostalgia and secondary characters (Elva, Angela, Murtagh) - but the whole thing, with the protagonists at the top, is simply too messy to be called good.

Stan: That was so far the most hilarious and accurate review I have ever read. Srsly, I am wiping tears (ok, a single tear) of laughter right now. Thank you so much for reforging your pain from reading the book into such a masterpiece.

Toni: I'm currently worldbuilding for my books, so I remembered these essays...

"The dawnless morning. . . ." Should I even say? Yes, I should. HOW IS IT MORNING IF THERE WAS NO DAWN? Why does he think this sounds cool? He is so obsessed with making things sound cool that he doesn't even think to himself, "Wait, this makes no sense. How is it a 'dawnless' morning?" Answer is: It isn't!"

I believe this was stolen (and paraphrased, and misunderstood) from Tolkien:
"The Darkness has begun. There will be no dawn." (Mithrandir)
"'It is all dark, but it is not all night.' said Ghan. 'When Sun comes we feel her, even when she is hidden. Already she climbs over East-mountains. It is the opening of day in the sky-fields.'"

So yes, there can be morning with no dawn... if your Evil Overlord had covered the Earth in clouds.

""You needs must fly there." Now, is that a typo, or is that just another one of the many attempts to render the dwarves' speech in a way that is charmingly off-kilter? Making them sound like Tarzan does not work here."

I would point out that "needs must" is an actual phrase, used among others by GRRM:
https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/needs+must
https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/needs-must.html

It indicates something that is unpleasant yet necessary.

swankivy:

"So yes, there can be morning with no dawn... if your Evil Overlord had covered the Earth in clouds."

It could be poetic if it had any atmosphere. Paolini never creates an atmosphere where you can see and sense the mood of the setting, despite all the unnecessary adjectives. It's not the the individual phrases couldn't be properly used by a better writer. It's that they weren't.

"I would point out that "needs must" is an actual phrase, used among others by GRRM"

Paolini consistently cribs from other authors but uses the cribbing inconsistently, which is why it did not feel like an actual speech pattern and did feel like an out-of-place glitch. Again, it's not that a writer couldn't create a culture where phrasing like this was typical. It's that he didn't.

Joe: I think that this review is you trying to make it look like a bad book, half the things you said hit no where near home with me and you were being just outright picky. The reason why he writes this way is because he tells it like a tale, you flow with the words not criticize everything you see. If you are too busy looking at the moon, you won't be able to see all the glory as Bruce lee says. You are looking for a moon where there are o my Stars out tonight. The thing that disappointed me most about this is that you called the scene between roran and Katrina Pervy? Have you ever read an medi-evil book or anything that takes place way back when? Back then they said that type of stuff because it wasn't as alluding or pervy as show me your tits. So to sum up your review, it absolutely sucked and is terrible, all the people I know who've read this series liked it, you looked for reasons to hate it and you couldn't even pick coherent ones, you picked petty little problems and you said you teached 4th graders? You are the real 4th grader here.

swankivy: Oh noooo, I'm a FOURTH GRADER! Burn. Wow. I stand corrected! Well, very adult person who wouldn't put an e-mail address so I wouldn't be able to respond, you get to be addressed publicly.

"The reason why he writes this way is because he tells it like a tale, you flow with the words not criticize everything you see."

Honey, his absolutely awkward way of writing made that impossible for me. You can't possibly whine about the pickiness of my essay without having realized I explained in detail why I wasn't able to get into it. The idea that "BUT HE TELLS IT LIKE A TALE" is some kind of defense makes me think you don't really read very much.

"You are looking for a moon where there are o my Stars out tonight."

The garbled language on this attempt at poetic criticism made it hard to even tell what you were talking about, but no, I'm not having trouble seeing the big picture because I'm too busy picking at details. It's the AUTHOR'S job to keep me floating in the moment so I don't keep tripping over the jagged edges of rocks on this lumpy-ass gravel pit he's trying to call a path. The way he dresses up sentences and awkwardly describes things makes it painful to read and impossible to forget I'm reading. That's not because I lack this skill. It's because HE lacks this skill.

"The thing that disappointed me most about this is that you called the scene between roran and Katrina Pervy? Have you ever read an medi-evil book or anything that takes place way back when? Back then they said that type of stuff because it wasn't as alluding or pervy as show me your tits."

Oh, really? A man is going to explain to me that men joking about rape "isn't pervy," and I'm supposed to shrug and say gee, sexism was a thing back then in "midi-evil" times (dude, it's medieval), unlike NOW when men just explain to women that they're overreacting when they feel negatively about casual threats of rape? Oh, and this is excusable because "but but sexist talk was real and also it wasn't very bad that he implied he would rape her, how DARE you!"

Let me ask you this: realism is the excuse for this behavior, and yet you're okay with dragons and magic? A book can have dragons, magic, elves, and all this other fantasy stuff stuffed into it, but he just can't take out sexism and shitty attitudes toward women because he doesn't want to be UNREALISTIC? Miss me with that. Male authors CHOOSE to include sexism and are NOT trapped by the "reality" of the times. Alagaësia doesn't exist and the time of the Riders never happened. He could have chosen to write it so people weren't rapey sexists but he decided that was vital to inventing his fantasy world. People like you excusing it is why traditional fantasy feels so hostile to so many women, and people like you saying this is the WORST thing about my criticism is a pretty scary insight into how vital sexist attitudes are to your fantasies if you're this offended when we suggest we could have done without this. BUT MUH RAPE THREATS! THEY'RE FUNNY AND SWEET! YOU'RE OVERSENSITIVE! Get out.

"So to sum up your review, it absolutely sucked and is terrible, all the people I know who've read this series liked it, you looked for reasons to hate it and you couldn't even pick coherent ones"

Oh okay. Since you have impeccable taste in friends and literature and you don't personally know anyone who disliked the series, all the people who have rated it low on Amazon and Goodreads saying similar things to what I'm saying have no point and aren't "coherent." (Good lord. I assure you that anyone who knows the first thing about literary criticism who compares what I wrote to what you wrote here would have no trouble determining which one of us is "coherent." But what do I know after all? My review "sucked and is terrible." That's what REAL coherent criticism sounds like.)

"you picked petty little problems"

Did you somehow miss the gigantic descriptions of very large problems in each book and the series overall? It's really amazing to me that so many of my whiny detractors insist all I did was pick at grammar and word choice. I did do that. I ALSO made very good, comprehensive arguments against the quality of the series at the concept and overall execution levels. The "picky" bits are EXAMPLES, jackass.

I have reviewed literally over A THOUSAND books and I assure you very few have deserved the treatment I gave to this series. It is unique in its sins and that is why my response is equally unusual. It sure is lazy of you to talk to me like I don't understand literature and must be bitter and confused when my body of book reviews is so huge and most of what I write is positive.

But hey. You got to contact someone who hated what you love and tell them their review "sucked and is terrible," so I guess you really told me. Congratulations.

Bill: "something about the feelings he has for men" LOL! "...he's killed." Oh.