I stopped reading your essay there. Since it was obvious you hadn't done research on homeschooling why on earth should I believe you've done research on anything? Seems to me this 'essay' is more like a pitiful rant because you want to be against anything pop culture.

swankivy: Angry Jess didn't leave an e-mail address (actually, just left "blah@blah.com," presumably because spewing your badly organized argument and leaving no way to respond reassures one that one will have the last word). So I respond publicly, yes?

So, Jess . . . find me the insult.

I've never had anything against homeschooled people, have never knowingly insulted anyone for being homeschooled, and in fact wish I could have had an education more tailored to my pace like that which homeschool offers. Go ahead. Quote me, Jess. Where did I diss home schooling? Where did I say that it is not equal (or superior) to traditional schooling? Oh, you're griping because I said he did not "go to" high school? Is it not true that one's education is home-based when one is homeschooled? Sorry, Jess, but in context, surely you can see that the only insult I delivered in my discussion of Paolini's homeschooling was in saying he avoided mentioning it so "graduated at fifteen" would sound more impressive. It's much more common to get through more than a year's worth of curriculum if you are a bright student setting your own pace, not tied to public school's need to set a pace for the group. Jess, if you actually do see an insult to homeschooled people in my discussion of Paolini's misleading statement, you are welcome to either discuss it with me directly or stop making assumptions.

As for the attempt at intellectualist shaming, it's kinda laughable. You had a knee-jerk reaction because you thought you were being insulted, and responded by attacking me as a person and slapping me with imagined attitudes I do not hold. If you want to talk about what makes a person's written opinion look "pitiful" or "fallacious," I'd say ad hominem attacks are number one on that list. And then these snotty statements like "take a real rhetoric course" and "you are simply a moron who does not know what he/she is talking about" . . . I think the problem here is that YOU do not know what *I* am talking about, and you felt it was better to hit and run with your misconception than to contact me and inquire. Ooh, and then you suggest that I wrote this essay because I "want to be against anything pop culture." Again, quote me, Jess. Find me something else on my page where I laboriously deconstruct my reasons for disliking a particular book. Seriously, go for it. You might find in your research that I have FIVE fansites for books and authors, long and involved lists of books and movies that I like, and . . . wait for it . . . that's right. NO other large-scale critical reviews. I venture to say the evidence is rather heavy in my favor when I say I wrote this essay because I actually dislike the book. Is that really the best you can do? I wrote this because I just like to hate popular stuff? If we're going to get into giving each other advice on how to present our ideas, I've got one for you: Argue against points the other person actually MADE, and don't jump to very silly, unsupported conclusions.

Christopher Paolini: I am shocked and disappointed that someone would be as low as to do this to the work of a fellow writer. You, sir or madam, need to take some time and think about whether or not this was truly necessary. All points brought up in these "essays" are totally invalid. I believe that you are merely venting to people that most likely don't care. Why don't you take anger management sessions? I'm sure you have time.

swankivy: Ahaha. That's hilarious. The person who wrote this (who used the e-mail "Will notbegiven") actually thinks I'm going to think Chris Paolini wrote this to me. Very funny. (Fail at trying to write like him, too.)

1. I have no obligation to give every "fellow writer" a get-out-of-jail-free card when I think they write crap.
2. I already thought about whether this was "truly necessary" before I wrote it. I concluded that I had plenty I wanted to say, so I said it. Can you argue that writing Eragon was "truly necessary"?
3. Ooh, all my points are "totally invalid"? That's hilarious. No, see, the way you do it is you back it up. If you think something I said was invalid, what you do is say why. It doesn't work to say "Nuh-uh!" (I, on the other hand, supported every point I made, usually with actual examples and sometimes with specific, cited generalizations. Debating. Learn it.)
4. Haha, I'm "venting." Well, some of it was that. Is that not allowed? I'm clearly ticked off that something this crappy got published, and I make no effort to hide that. Contrary to your suggestion that nobody cares, though, I have tons of people agreeing with me and thanking me in the comments. Go look.
5. I need "anger management" classes? Last time I checked writing a well-supported essay that puts forth a negative opinion is not an act of anger. I'd say more than anything, spewing one's annoyances--constructively, as I did--HELPS deal with any existing anger. It's not like I punched Paolini in the face, or suggested violent acts toward him at all.
6. Ooh, the "I'm sure you have time" b.s. Because if I choose to spend my time on things YOU find distasteful, it means I am a loser with too much time on my hands. Seriously, do you folks have a script? Because the "go find something better to do!" response is so disappointingly common with you people. I have FIVE fansites about books that I love and nobody has ever, ever written me to say that spending time discussing what I love about them is a waste of time. Why does that change just because I said something negative? Sorry, but time is actually something I do NOT have much of (hence my failure to post a Brisingr essay more than two years after its release--just can't seem to make time for it, ya see), and whatever fruits you see coming from my labor, you can rest assured that I chose them carefully.
7. Quit being a dumb troll. If you want to have a conversation, hold up your frigging end.

Lindsey: True, true. I always felt that Paolini relied heavily on predecessors like T.H. White and Tolkien as crutches...the "issue" with many fantasy stories is that they have simply already been written. "Adventure." Yeah, it's happened. THOUSANDS OF TIMES. "Eragon" is far from being the "first" or "breakthrough" novel of its genre. While I give major props to Paolini for achieving publishing, I still don't think he's ready to play with the big boys ;)

elladora: Frankly, I think that Paolini cant write a single book properly. I mean, its been two years since he wrote Brisingr, and honestly,other authors can turn out more books. I'd like to say to him, "Paolini, please write something with stuff. Your books SUCK!

Grace: LOL. you're essay was funny, and i guess everything was true. (i myself didn't read much fantasy before this.)

but you can't really expect a perfect writer right? yeah, eragon describes too much. some writers describe too little. maybe paolini wasn't very eloquent with his word choice and placing. but it flowed into one another and connected to make a story, and it was good enough to get a lot of attention!

and plus, you got to remember, that kids these days DON'T read. its all internet stuff and texting and facebook and myspace and shit. (sorry for my language)

i, an aspiring 18 year old writer who has been developing my story since 13, can't find anyone near my age group to even READ my book, let alone anyone else's. they'll read it when its published, cause then, that's cool. they'll know an author. OMG! but other than that, i've been begging them to read, and they can't get past chapter one. says its interesting but its too long! i'm not even 1/4th of the way through and its less than 50 pages.

so, this book probably made it cause this newer generation of readers just don't read. probably the same reason that harry potter was famous (though i loved that series) and the best example yet, TWILIGHT! meyer writes like a 13 year old. everyone READS like a 13 year old. only a minority now actually read read.

and yea, paolini probably was a cheap knock off, but hey? its hard to find original stuff now a days. everything is based off of something else. i actually liked the eragon series. fun read. but i don't really hate a lot of books. i didn't even hate twilight, though i didn't like it either. i loved harry potter, though i know the writing isn't top notch. its just fun read. if literary merits are wanted, stick with jane eyre or grendel or something. i really liked your review though. "freaking digimon!"

Grace: LOL. another funny read, though my throat hurts from reading aloud so fast. i liked this one too.

but you know, this is senseless reading. i doubt great literature can be born from stuff like eragon. great literature are stuff like classics like tale of two cities or awakening or something. so all this stuff doesn't really matter i guess. if the reader gets it, so what if paolini took 5 lines to describe a 3 word sentence?

yea we get pretty neat stuff like lord of the rings... every ONCE in a while, but i read this books once for my literature class. it stated that a real book worthy of literary merit is one with deep meaning and deep characters or something like that. prove a point i guess. (femeninism, world sucks, you name it)and with good grammer and in depth characters. (sorry for my very messy writing. its very late and cold and rainy and i should be sleeping)

so, a fantasy book can't really have a point i guess. its just fun read. like: person does this. audience: gasp. then he did this. audience: hmmmm. and now i'ma surprise you all with this. Audience: OMG. EPIC!

eldest and eragon is a fun read, hence very silly. but even the fantasy high like lord of rings didn't really have a point. the only point in most fantasy is usually good wins in the end just with different ways. but your criticism shows precision and i like that. if i ever get my book published, i would be honored if you read it/reviewed it/criticize it. most of my friends just say; "eh, its interesting. lets watch movie/anime/play games." kind of hard to improve your writing when your feedback sucks huh?

thank you for the fun and scarily accurate/precise review

~Grace H.E. Kang

AERenoir: Pardon my use of a screen name. I'm rather uncomfortable about throwing out my name, even though people might end up finding what my name is from other places.

I'm not sure if anyone ever brought this up, but you mentioned something about how the elves being graceful and beautiful is Tolkien's creation. That's not exactly correct. Elves being fair, beautiful, and graceful is something from the Norse myth, which is one of the source materials Tolkien used as inspiration for his stories. So that wasn't something Tolkien made, just something he expanded upon and made popular.

I thought I'd point that out. I loved the reveiews :)

Shayaan: Thanks for showing the Inheritance Cycle for what is really is: the pathetic crap-filled result of a badly-thought of plot. I totally agree with you on all points. Thanks again!

Shayaan: Your language's way beyond the rudeness limit.I'm not saying I like the Inheritance series, in fact, I despise it for being such a pathetic piece of crap. But, what if Paolini read it? Imagine how he would feel. Dejected. Depressed. He would feel crushed. You would also feel that if someone had written a negative essay about one of your books in the manner in which you've written yours. Sure, express your opinion, but express your opinion in a more civil manner. Don't try to humiliate a person publicly.

swankivy: I don't think I said anything that's any worse than "it's a pathetic piece of crap" (which is what you just called it), but no, I'm not interested in trying to protect a writer's feelings when I criticize his work. I don't feel anything I said failed to be "civil." My criticism wasn't a personal attack; it was all supported and literate criticism of his work, and while some of it was just plain head-shaking, there's also quite a lot of it that would be helpful in making him a better writer. Though this may be moot because Paolini's stated in interviews that he doesn't read criticism. You've misinterpreted my essays if you honestly think they are about tearing Paolini down as a person. If he wants to get paid like the big boys, he is going to have to deal with criticism, some of it vicious. Especially if he continues to churn out "pathetic pieces of crap," as you called them.

Entertainment Weekly called Eldest the "Worst Book of 2005" and did a big writeup of it, saying that it will make the reader want to throw it in a river and calling it a big rip-off and, among other things, "silly." That was a professional review in a legitimate publication. You think mine was any worse? If you would like to point out what lines or sentiments you feel are over some arbitrary "rudeness" line, I would listen, but as it stands I don't think "but you might hurt his feelings" is a good enough reason for me not to say how bad I think his work is. (Especially given the level of ego he puts forth in his interviews, suggesting he certainly could do with a nice dash of humility anyway.) As for how I would feel if I got this kind of criticism, actually I deliberately seek out criticism for my work. And I would rather someone say something critical than say only positive things but refuse to be specific. I seek this sort of thing out because I want to be a better writer. Paolini would do well to embrace such an attitude. Maybe if he did, the next thing he wrote wouldn't be uninspired, unoriginal, poorly written, and boring.

aaizah: Hi Ivy,

I'm so glad to have finally found someone who shares my views about CP's books. It's a miracle how such books can become bestsellers. Anyway, awesome work. Keep it up!

commenter: Mind if I add you to my list of role models? Your sharp perception, cool logic, and calm rationale are admirable qualities. Although I haven't read many of your pieces (though I do try out of the large amount of material), what I have read so far is quite . . . witty? Good? Well written? I know I'm searching for a complementary term but I can't place the exact one . . .
I'm quite young and just finished my first year in college so I have a long way to go before I can consider myself at a decent level but I hope to reach close to your level by the time I finish my education (if I'm lucky enough to learn that fast).