My Record of Work: The Annoying, the Interesting, and the Just Plain Weird--The Year 2004.

3/31/04

Had a woman come in asking about the next Lemony Snicket book, and was all dismayed on behalf of her son that it won't be 'til September. I figured the kid probably had good taste after she also bugged me about when the next Harry Potter book would be, so I suggested Artemis Fowl. She told me her kid wouldn't touch that even though she'd bought it for him, because "The kid's evil." Yes, Artemis is evil in the book. Sort of. He's a twelve-year-old genius with shady morals. Whee. Still an awesome book, and the series gets more and more awesome as you go on . . . but then she told me her son loved Eragon and did I know when the sequel to THAT was out . . . I knew then that it was hopeless. FEH!

Had a lady ask me if I could come check her out. I told her I wasn't the checkout person, and she goes, "Well, I've been trying to get checked out for SOME time now." I asked if she'd gone to the right place and she said she had. But then when I showed her the register we could both clearly see the register guy standing there, and she thanked me and went to get checked out by him. I later asked him about that and he said he hadn't wandered away all morning. So . . . I guess she's just on crack?

A dude came up and asked me where he could find "Technical Books." I told him I needed more information on what KIND of technical books he wanted, and it turned out he wanted some weird thing about building with steel. I told him I didn't have anything on that (and he gave me a specific type of thing to look up that the computer didn't recognize) . . . and then he went into this cross-examination with me trying to get me to give him some idea of what to do as his next step to find stuff about this crap he wanted to do. Look, man, I have no info. Look shit up on the Internet. I can help you find . . . A BOOK. If there IS one. If no one wrote one, that's not my fault.

Had a lady come to pick up a book we'd supposedly put on hold for her, but there was nothing under her name. I suggested that maybe it was the other store she called, and she said it couldn't have been because she shops this one and this one's number is the only one in her book. But just to be safe I called the other store and indeed the book was on hold for her over THERE. It's funny how people are adamant and positive until there's proof that they're wrong.

3/30/04

Had a lady come up to me in the store and ask if I was the one running the checkout. I told her I wasn't and she goes, "Well is there anyone up there?" There was. I don't get it. I don't go up to workers in the grocery store while they're unloading meat or something and say, "Hey, could you go up and run the register for me?"

The CUTEST thing happened today. A little toddly baby girl who'd obviously recently learned to walk ran right out in front of me today, I had to stop short to avoid stepping on her. She was SOOO cute, with curly little baby hair. She stopped too, and turned around and looked up at me. Then . . . she said, "Sowwy!" and went over to play with the train. I was like, holy shit, it talks. She looked too young to talk, and beyond that she had manners! Holy crap! Heheh, it was soooo cute.

3/29/04

I was singing again today and my manager said, "Oh my God, she's singing on a Monday morning. That is surely a sign of the apocalypse." Well, duck and cover, folks.

I saw some ladies walk up to Customer Service so immediately I started going over there. In the time it took me to walk to the desk they had already become confused over the lack of presence of an employee, and one of them was saying, "Hello?? Anybody home?" while the other was like saying in a bewildered voice, "There's NOBODY HERE!" I don't get it.

A guy asked me about a book and it turned out it wasn't in paperback yet. I told him so, and in response he told me he would rather get the paperback and could I please find out if there is one. Dude, the answer being "no" does not mean I just don't know. Mehhh.

Some kid wanted a certain version of Romeo and Juliet. Called "The As You Like It version." Somehow I think someone crossed his wires.

Had a guy open his interaction with me with the phrase "I need someone at Consumer Services." Funny. Then he was kind of ratty about the fact that his book's ISBN didn't bring up any results, nor did the title or the author. It's probably some self-published thing or something. This guy didn't seem to know what to make of that.

3/28/04

Today I had a song from a musical stuck in my head and I was going around humming it a lot. A couple kids who were playing with the train in the kids' section overheard me, and one said to the other, "Where's that singing coming from?" The other answered, "It's the TV." Hahah. I was mistaken for a Disney voice or something.

Had a dude try to pick up a book from us today, and said some vague stuff about how his roommate told him that someplace told him his book was in. He remembered ordering one here, which was kinda goofy 'cause . . . well, we had nothing on hold for him. I looked him up in the computer and he wasn't in there, so he gave me an alternate name and THAT wasn't in there EITHER, but when we put it in by his name we got some number he hadn't seemed to remember giving us but acknowledged as his. And that phone number was not attached to any order. His brother or something was with him and both of them were being all sort of mocking as if they were just amazed at our incompetence. So the dude started describing the woman who helped him, and "short, older lady with short curly hair" does not describe anyone who has worked for us, well, ever that I can think of. So we started trying to brainstorm who was working that day that he'd supposedly ordered it, and we came up with a full list of people (none of whom fit that description), and the brother or whatever says, "Sounds like it was just a PARTY." Yeah, kid, that's funny. Anyway I don't know how that ended because I got disgusted and went to go wash my coffee cup and talk about asshole customers with the café girl.

Nothing special, but I was asked where our music section was AND called to ask if I could order a movie, both today. Sorry, we haven't jumped on that "we sell all media" train over here at old Backwoods Bookstore USA.

Oh, and I find this amusing. Disturbing book covers? Not quite, but . . . well, you'll see.

Book title: Here Is My Heart: Love Poems. Author: William Jay Smith, Jane Dyer. ISBN: 0316197653. In our bookstore computer, somehow it got matched up with the wrong cover. It's on the public website that way too if you wanna see. But here's the cover they put with that title.

3/27/04

Our back room girl didn't wear her contact lenses today so everything was blurry to her. For some reason she went up to our cashier while delivering some boxes and said, "Hey, Blurry." The cashier misheard and said, "Did you just call me 'Larry'?" This of course was extremely hilarious and caused various people to page Larry all day. Strangely enough, our cashier would actually call Customer Service or the back office or whatever if we announced that Larry should. I guess she's accepted her fate of being Larry. Maybe we should change her name tag. (Our manager had herself paged to the back room while she was actually back there, too, because she didn't want to feel left out from being paged.)

Gah, some lady let her kid trash my section. It was by far the most annoying thing that happened all day--perhaps a punishment for me for not doing anything for the first couple hours of my shift? Anyway, the lady was returning a book about discipline because her pediatrician had recommended it for her 20-month-old and she was appalled because it suggested corporal punishment. So she was shopping for a book to exchange it for, and as she was doing so she just let her kid go around pulling shit off the shelves. He would leave it in the aisle and then when she wanted to go to another section, she would pick up everything he trashed and just put it all together on a shelf, as if that is in some way making right what he did. Of course she didn't understand that there is an ORDER maintained around here, and that's just ridiculous to let your kid do that. No wonder she's looking for discipline books. What really steamed me is she made ABSOLUTELY no attempt to stop the child. It's one thing if you don't KNOW your kid is doing stuff and you don't SEE the mess they made in some other section, but she was not oblivious--she just simply didn't give a shit. I helped her find potty books and books about being a big brother when a new baby comes (oh God, she's making another one!), and since THOSE were a wreck too (and on the top shelf) I know that she fucked up her share of the shelves too. Yes, lady, it's obvious you need books to help you manage this child, but what you need to do is find a babysitter instead of letting that kid out in freakin' public!

Some guy came up and asked us if we sell notebooks, and since we aren't an office supply place I got to tell him no. Then he wanted to know if I had any paper I could give him, extra paper. I told him we have little squares of scratch paper. He said those would do, but then when he saw how small they were he was like, "Well don't you have whole paper?" I told him we didn't, we tear the directives up when they're done and use them as scratch. "Well what about COMPUTER paper, don't you have a printer?" What makes you think we should just give you our printer paper, you buttflake? I told him our printer's in the back room. Finally he just crabbily asked if he could have a bunch of the scratch sheets, but not before he asked again if I didn't have any WHOLE sheets. Guy, I'm not gonna go out of my way to provide you with the materials you need to copy what you want out of those books, thus freeing you from having to spend money in our store. The least you could do is bring your own notebook when you're planning to use our store as a goddamn library.

3/24/04

I was all mean again today.

Some guy came up to me while I was putting books away and said, "Do you work here?" I turned to him and said yes in a kind of sarcastic way, and he said, "Oh, good!" and I came back with, "How in the world could you tell?" He said, "I just took a shot in the dark!" and I replied, "I thought maybe it was my fashion statement," pointing at my apron. He seemed to think I was just kidding around. I was actually kind of calling him a jackass for asking me if I work there while I'm wearing the store apron, but hey.

This was just an accident, but I thought it was kinda funny. At the register a lady bought a bunch of books, and after I was done bagging them and was getting her receipt and stuff, she reached over the counter and picked up the book I'd been reading, and kind of shuffled it around a little and then pushed it toward me. I didn't really take notice at first because I thought maybe she had just been interested in what book I was in the middle of, but then after I handed her her bag she reached over and did it again, picked the book up so the bookmark fell out, and told me I'd forgotten to put this in her bag. Then she realized it wasn't a book she had bought. Heh. Like I said it was just an honest mistake, but I was kinda annoyed that I had to find my place again.

3/23/04

I had to help a lady find The Joy of Cooking, and she had a lot of trouble accepting things that had just been explained to her. There were two versions of the paperback back there, one with a spiral binding and one with a regular paperback binding--the one that you can lay flat costs a couple extra bucks. I explained that to her, but then she asked me what the prices were and then, "Well what's the difference?" and I explained it AGAIN, and then she verbally wandered a moment and then asked me what the difference was. I wish I could have given up then, but then she wanted Danielle Steel books as well, and so I took her to the paperback section and showed her where we keep them. She specifically said she only wanted paperback, so I told her that was where we had all of them unless they were hardback. That didn't stop her from asking me at least three times if I had a certain title that wasn't there. And then she started talking about how wonderful Danielle Steel is--at that point I started wondering where the Candid Camera crew was--because my phone rang and my manager needed me to do something, and the lady wouldn't stop talking! I asked her, "Well, is there anything else you need? Because I'm being called--" "Have you ever read any of her books? She is fantastic. This book here? This is wonderful." "Great. Well, do you need anything else? Someone's waiting for me on--" "I don't know if I already have this one. I don't know if I've read it. Oh but this one is great, The Dating Game, this is the one I most recently bought. Have you ever read her?" Oh God. I kid you not, I dismissed myself from her three times and she just kept ignoring me or agreeing that that was all she needed and then continuing to talk. So finally I just walked away from her. She kept talking as I was leaving. I answered some thing she was saying and then rounded the corner. I wonder if she kept talking after that. I made it very clear that I was being summoned elsewhere, I did not need to shoot the fucking breeze with her about romance novels.

Okay, this is hilarious. Today I was wearing a ratty pink sweater and had my hair up in some sloppy style because the static of the sweater was making my hair frizz so I needed to get it off my shoulders, and I just generally did not look very together. It was early morning and I had not yet managed to GET to the back room to grab my friggin' apron, and I was holding a cup of coffee, but yet somehow some lady figured out I work there and asked for my help. Since I was technically on the clock I didn't feel it'd be right to pretend I didn't work there, so I helped her with some language tapes. We started discussing "which is the best" (I love how no one can make their own decisions, as if one box will simply say "Oh, this is the best one, this is the one you should buy"). But that's not the funny thing. The funny thing is some other customer came down the aisle and interrupted us . . . and asked the CUSTOMER I was helping if SHE worked there! (As I mentioned, I looked ratty, and this lady was nicely dressed and wearing some kind of pin on her dress suit.) The customer said she didn't work there, and literally before either of us could tell her that *I* in fact *did*, she scurried away and rounded the corner. Heh.

Now. That isn't the end of why this is so funny. Yes, that was the end of that particular incident. What's even funnier is I was called to Customer Service several hours later, and went to the desk like I always do, and some other lady was being helped by my manager, who went away to check something and left the customer standing to wait. Now, the customer I'd been paged for approached the desk, and walked up to the *waiting* customer and asked HER if she worked here! The lady said she didn't, and then the customer I was paged for started looking all confused and LOOKED AT ME, where I was STANDING BEHIND A DESK, and said, "Oh, well they said they would page SOMEONE, and they said they would meet me right HERE, I wonder where they are?" So, wise-ass that I am, I said, "Yeah, well, that would be me. Ya know, the girl behind the DESK." The lady, oblivious, went on to ask me where the astrology books were. I asked if she wanted anything in particular. She said, "Well . . . astrology books." Yeah, that's particular. And that kept happening to me today, but I'll tell you that one in a minute. I took her back there. "Now which one's the best?" Good God! I told her that depended what she WANTED the book to HAVE in it--if she wants to learn to calculate horoscopes herself, if she wants just one book for this year for Scorpio, if she wants a whole book on the qualities of each sign of the zodiac . . . I made it clear to her that there isn't a book that's "the" book about astrology, but she insisted on continuing to be a pain in the ass and asked me what the best one was again. So I just started grabbing shit and saying, "Oh, this one's good, this one's good." You know, Astrology for Dummies and stuff like that. I don't hate people who want me to wipe their asses for them or anything.

Oh yeah, and when she went to the register, the cashier guy happened to be taking a potty break, and she walked up there and YELLED--I could hear her in the back of the store--"IS THERE A CASHIER HERE???" Lady, bookstores kind of have a feeling like libraries. You don't yell at the top of your goddamn lungs unless someone is stealing your purse or you're having a fucking heart attack. Or maybe not having a cashier immediately there to take her stuff was actually stressful enough that it was about to cause a heart attack. The guy was coming out of the men's room just as she said that and yelled back, "I'm on my way. . . ." Some people just need to chill the hell out.

So, that thing that kept happening. Some lady asked me where the pregnancy and childbirth books were, and I asked if she wanted something in particular, and she just gave me that look like "God you're incompetent, I just told you what I want" and said, "Um, pregnancy and childbirth." "Yeah, I know," I told her, "that's what you just said. Are you looking for a particular book?" Grrrr.

And then some dude asked me if we have a section for books about finances and money and stuff. I asked him if he was looking for anything in particular. Since the question seemed to be too complex for him to answer, I started suggesting sections, "Are you looking for things on personal finance, or taxes, or managing the books in a small business, or what?" He said, "Oh. Well I don't know. Personal finance I guess." I took him back to that section and showed him where it started and told him it was alphabetical by the author's last name. He replied, "Well, I'm looking for the books by Clark Howard. . . . " Oh my God. So this didn't fall under a question you could have asked me when we were at the DESK and I asked you ARE YOU LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SPECIFIC? Luckily I know the Clark Howard books and didn't have to make a trip back to C/S to find this specific thing he was looking for when he couldn't even hold himself to a general area a couple seconds before. Dammit.

And, to finish up my day, I had a lady ask me about the whereabouts of a book in the store, and I came around the desk to help her. I started to lead the way and she turned around and started walking in the opposite direction. Then she stopped when she realized I wasn't going that way, and said, "Oh, should I follow you?" I told her she should and she said, "Oh, it's that way?" Well, you coming to my desk to ask where the book is already established that you don't know what the fuck you're doing as far as finding this book, so where did you get this idea that you should lead the search party? Yes, you follow the employee, asshole! That's like going to a restaurant and getting seated and the hostess turns around only to find you standing across the restaurant looking dazed and confused and asking her, "So where do I sit?"

WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU PEOPLE WHEN GOD WAS HANDING OUT BRAINS???

3/22/04

People scare me sometimes. I had a lady come and ask for a book that she'd had put on hold, and like most losers she decided to give me its title. My response was to ask her what name she put it under. (Most employees ask "what's your last name?" or something, but I got tired of dealing with dipstick people who respond to that question automatically while not taking into account the fact that someone else called it in and had it put under a different name or something--I need the name it was PUT under, so now I ask for that, which leaves little margin for other people's obliviousness to mess me up.) Now, THIS lady--I asked her to tell me what name the book was being held under, and she just gave me this amazingly confused look. I mean, if you wanted to take pictures of feelings based on facial expressions for a baby picture book or something, this was distilled confusion spread across two eyes, a couple cheeks and a mouth. This question was so distressingly baffling to her that she just could not figure out how to respond. I had to rephrase the question to get her to understand that the book had been held under someone's NAME and I needed THAT, not the book's name. Hahahaha. I wish I had a picture.

A pair of ladies came in this afternoon and wanted "the new book by Clarke." Well, hearing them speak of course I didn't know whether they meant "Clark" or "Clarke" and asked them if they meant Clark Howard ('cause he's the only author I know of where people just come in and demand "Clark's books," I guess he thinks he'll sell more if he's on a first name basis with his customer base). They said that wasn't it but they didn't know the guy's first name. I remembered seeing that there had been a mention on our website of Richard Clarke's new book coming out today (and I only remembered that because I glanced at the news for the day and giggled over the fact that he could be called "Dick Clarke" if he wanted), and I wondered if that was it, but I told them I wasn't sure what book "Clarke's new book" was. I was trying to explain that I'd go to the desk and check, but then they ran me over with attitude: "WELL, it IS all over the TV!" I told them I didn't have a TV. (I do, but it's not hooked up to anything but my VCR. I literally do not watch TV.) The other lady said, "It's all through the NEWSPAPER too." I told them I don't read the paper, but here's where I start getting mad. First off, when's the last time you saw books being advertised "all over the TV"? The only time I've heard of books being advertised is a) if someone's on Oprah (or something similar) hawking it, or b) if it's advertising a new Stephen King miniseries or something. And I'm so sure the newspaper today is full of ads for Richard Clarke's new book. That always happens. Anyway, I told them I could check on it. Turns out the book in our news section *was* the book they wanted, and it had been marked on delivery as not being released 'til the 30th but they moved the date up. They weren't even on the floor yet. I got the manager to bring some out to me and gave one to the ladies, explaining the situation. One of them said, "Well, that is just surprising! I thought any bookstore would just be covered in displays for this book!" All righty then. Word to the wise: If a competent bookstore employee of fair seniority (like me) has never HEARD of a book, it is *not* popular and it is *not* a big deal despite being "all over TV" (translation, you saw someone advertising themselves on a political show that only people of your particular opinion watch). People have this weird belief that if they want a book, it's therefore popular and I should know it. But considering these are the only people who asked for it all day and considering our manager (who knows books even better than me) didn't know what I was talking about at first, it just isn't the media event you think it is.

Grr. Last week on Wednesday I ordered a book for a lady, and she came in today and told me it was supposed to be here. I remembered ordering the book for the lady myself (not to mention my order code was on the order), so I *know* that I was the one who put the order in, and I *know* for a fact that I did not tell her "It will be here Monday." But yet here she was, telling me that when she ordered it "they told me it would be here Monday." First off, I hate when customers insist that someone promised them a book would be delivered when we actually have no place guaranteeing anything since we don't know how fast the warehouse is going to step on the order, so I personally make it a point to explain to every customer that the date I am telling them is a projection, there is a possibility it will not come that day. (I get sick of hearing from customers that "they said it would be here Saturday" so I take the extra time to explain that estimation does not equal guarantee.) And secondly . . . we get shipments on Saturdays. Not Mondays. I did *not* tell anyone "It will be here Monday," no ma'am. What's great is that I don't care if I'm rude, so I told her that. I explained that I remembered that I was the one who ordered it for her and I never, ever tell people any such thing. She kind of ignored me and let that one slide, I guess 'cause she realized at that point that she couldn't recall my words. I seriously am VERY specific whenever I order things for people--you'd probably laugh if you heard what I actually said and then compared it to "you said it would be here Monday." I'm especially specifically vague (if that makes sense) on the delivery date of books ordered on Wednesdays, because that's "hump day" and some orders made on that day come that weekend, while others get bumped to the next shipment. Grr, that wasn't the end of it though--nothing else weird on the customer's part, though, it was just annoying because besides the fact that she had somehow gotten it in her head that her book would be here this week, the warehouse had overestimated their warehouse quantity and now that I ordered a copy they realized they didn't have any and have to get more from the publisher, which can take a few freakin' weeks. Needless to say I don't think that lady's too happy, but she wasn't crabby or mean or anything, my whole reason for mentioning this one is that I'm insulted that with how careful I am to be specific about order arrivals I still got slapped with an expectation based on stuff I never said.

I had to check out a young couple today--the guy was approaching the register and the girl was lagging behind looking at all the candy-like attractive junk merchandise that was dazzling her eyes on the way up to the register. The guy got impatient and started snapping his fingers at her to get her to come. She did. I commented, "Wow, looks like someone's got a dog." The guy turned to face me and he was wearing a shirt that said "REAL MEN EAT PUSSY." We have some real winners in our town.

3/21/04

Peeve of the week this time is people who ask to use my phone and then ask me if they have to dial 9. No, it's not a big deal. Yes, it annoys the crap out of me. I suppose most of these people who ask that have worked in an office building where dialing 9 is necessary to get an outside line or something, but the main problem I have with this question is DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU YOU HAD TO PRESS 9 TO DIAL OUT IF YOU DID IN FACT HAVE TO DO SO?? Not to mention picking it up and hearing a dial tone should probably tip you off that you don't have to do anything to call out. Besides that, dialing 9 to get an outside line is the exception rather than the rule, and yet at least half of all the people who ask to use the phone ask if they have to dial 9. Sometimes I try to pre-empt their question by shoving the phone at them and saying, "You can just pick up and dial out." They STILL ASK. When they do that I repeat my exact words again so that they can understand that I already anticipated AND answered their question. Weirdly even children ask this question. I don't get it!

My section was really screwed up when I came in this morning. It was so terrible I had to do this thing I haven't had to do in ages and clean it with the assistance of a cart. I was loudly complaining about this to another associate, and in a moment of passion, I declared, "This place looks like someone ran around kicking the shelves!" and illustrated by kicking the bottom shelf of my Nickelodeon section. I realized it made no difference to how organized the shelf looked, pointed it out, and kicked it a few more times. My conversation partner suggested it actually looked better afterwards. Yup, that's how horrible it was.

Some lady wandered up to me and said, "Where's The Da Vinci Code?" Oh, you mean the number one bestseller of the store off and on for like six months? Well, I'm puzzled. Anyway, annoyed by the fact that she was looking for a book by Dan Brown on the M shelf of Fiction, I took her over to a display of the book and got her one. She immediately said that she wanted paperback. Okay, I don't blame you for not automatically knowing what's come out in paperback, but Jesus Christ it gets old having to explain to people that books come out in hardcover and stay only in hardcover until the publisher has decided they have milked it all they can and introduce paperback for people who won't buy it any other way. Considering this book is still so popular in hardcover that it's on the bestseller list (and I told her that, too), I don't think the publisher will be partial to releasing a cheaper option for quite a while now.

Heh. Our general manager and our assistant general manager were having a conversation, and the AGM asked her boss, "So, how does it feel to be 'in charge' of a store where someone else is in charge?" HAHAHA. Everyone knows who actually runs the show here. He replied that it's great to be a figurehead. Glad he's happy there.

3/18/04

Some guy came up to me wanting something unspecific--he insisted that the title was "Computer Internet Technology--or something like that." I really don't know what sort of fool would name their book that, but I found nothing close enough, and he had no other information except--get this--that the author's last name started with M. He thought, anyway. Well, I explained to him that no book with his title was coming up and I couldn't do anything with "well their name starts with M," so he came up with a vague recollection of what the author's last name might be. I typed it in and got two authors (neither of whom had first names remotely similar to what he'd suggested), and he said, "Yeah yeah that's it!" about one of them--which was a shame since that author wrote anthropology books that are out of print now. So he said, "Well could you maybe just look under 'computer books'?" I asked him (not nicely) what he was suggesting I type in. He said, "Well try the other author." No dice. Wrote sociology books. "Can you check under the computer books then?" he said again, and . . . restraining myself, of course, from taking his head off . . . I explained that I needed more information than a vague possibility of a title, the first letter of the last name of the author, and the fact that it was a computer book. The computer search does not understand "it's a computer book." He went away at that point. Good, 'cause I was about to test whether I can make someone's head blow up by staring at them.

I walked in on an argument between a lady customer and our newest manager. The manager was sitting on the floor pulling out books for a sale book return, and the lady was looking at all the junk displayed on the table, getting all pissed off that there were no discounts on any of it. The next table over, she explained, had a fifty percent off sign, so things on THIS table should be on sale too. "It looks like a sale table," she complained. Our manager said the fifty percent off table is fifty percent off, and this table is just stuff that's displayed. "But why is it here, if it's not on sale?" she asked. Our manager told her that we were in the middle of a store remodel and sometimes stuff is showing up in weird places. Oh God, I would never DREAM of just walking up to an employee and arguing with them about where they can display stuff! Going to the grocery store and wanting to know why there's not some special deal on a product just because they dealt with their overload of it by making an endcap! Why the fuck does she think she has any say in where we display our products? We can use tables for whatever we want, "on a table" does not mean "discounted" for God's sake! So the lady, in a mindset I CANNOT and WILL NOT ever understand, said, "Is there a MANAGER I can speak to?" With a little bit of satisfaction flickering over her face, our manager said, "I AM the manager." She just walked off and took what she had decided to buy to the checkout. We overheard her saying to the cashier, "Poor excuse for a manager if you ask ME." The manager took the book she was holding and made a gesture like she was bludgeoning the lady with it. Heh. Later I talked to the cashier about it and he said that when the lady said "Poor excuse for a manager if you ask me," he'd felt like saying, "Well I didn't ask you." You mind your business and let us run our store, clown.

3/17/04

St. Patrick's Day! Today I dressed up like a leprechaun. A few people told me it was cute. But one lady pointed me out to her son and said, "Look, it's an elf!" Umm, lady, I'm a leprechaun, but okay. The young son said, "Mommy, it's a human." Mommy said, "But look at her ears!" and the son said "MOMMY, it's a HUMAN, dressed UP, with FAKE ears!" That's tellin' 'er, son! Hahahaha. (I had to run away so I could go choke on my laughter.)

Some crabby lady walked up to Customer Service holding a card of some kind, and she gave me a dirty look for no reason and put her card on the counter. I asked her if she had a question and she said, "You don't take these here?" These what? So I asked her. She explained that she wanted to pay, and I told her where the checkout was. "You can't check me out back here?" she asked incredulously. Well, considering it didn't enter my mind immediately what you could want when you said "You don't take these here?" I suppose it's a valid assumption that I can't check you out back here. Mehhh. I'm getting to really hate people who grump all over me because they went to the wrong desk.

3/16/04

Some teenagers asked me if we have a copy machine today. I got really rude and explained to them that our store's little scam is to try to get you to actually BUY the book. Hahah. They went away. I'm mean. I shouldn't have said that.

3/15/04

This lady wins the Ass-Face of the Day Award, hands down. And I never even saw her. This comes to us from our cashier, on the front lines at the register.

Some lady appeared disturbed about the long line. She was behind a customer who was taking a long time because she had a return and then she wanted to pay separately for two stacks of books. The jerky lady poked her head around the first lady and said, "Um, is this going to TAKE long?" Our cashier explained that it was going to take as long as it took to ring her up. So then on the first lady's second transaction, she wanted to know if he'd given her her credit card back and she was looking for it. But she didn't say "credit card," she just said "card," and her discount card was lying on the counter in front of her. The rude lady (or, "the pig," as our cashier called her when telling me this story) said, "It's RIGHT THERE in FRONT of you, ma'am." Which of course was embarrassing for the first lady even though it didn't even apply--that pig lady didn't even understand the situation, yet she was trying to criticize. The first lady kind of leaned in to the cashier and bewilderedly whispered, "That isn't what I meant . . . " and he told her he knew and he did give her card back--she found it and then they finished up the transaction. He then had to ring up the pig, with no incident, but then once she left . . . all the customers in line went off on her! Started talking amongst themselves and to the cashier about how rude she was. One lady worked at Taco Bell and she said that lady always comes in and acts rude and impatient (because, you know, no one else is on a short lunch break from work but her, she needs to be served NOW!), and apparently she was all hoity-toity last week about how their ATM charges her a dollar for use, and was trying to contest it and ask what they can DO about it. (This customer who works at Taco Bell informed her that the answer was probably to pay in cash. If she knows she's going to hit Taco Bell for lunch five days in a row, she can certainly plan ahead and get some damn money out from her BANK, where it is FREE. Don't blame Taco Bell for having an ATM that charges, because they're putting it there as a convenience for YOU!) Anyway, then another customer in line said that that woman hadn't seemed to be in a particular hurry when she'd been browsing around in the back near the magazines eating and drinking and paging through the periodicals to her heart's content. Haha. Would you believe that when we went back there on our way out for the day, we found a plate and a cup from our café just left on a bench with a bunch of magazines? Gee, I wonder who did that?

Heh. I had a cool customer--eventually he made a lot of problems for me at the register, but it wasn't his fault, we were out of a free item that he had a coupon for, so we were trying to figure out what the hell to give him instead and it kept being a big hassle. Anyway that isn't what this about. The only part where he actually kind of annoyed me was when he wanted me to look up a book on Prozac and I couldn't find any evidence that the one he wanted had ever existed (it was one word different from a popular one that came up in many versions, so I strongly suspect he just had the title wrong), and then after I came up with nothing he told me how to spell Prozac. That really gets under my skin, when people tell me how to spell things. I'm an editor, dammit--I can SPELL. And I didn't like the way that the spelling was offered after I couldn't find the book, as if he was sure my inability to spell was the culprit. He also wanted a book on the program Corel Draw and told me how to spell Corel. Guess what, I knew that one too. But anyway. The main reason he is on my log today is that he told me the most HILARIOUS JOKE! "Why don't this store's customers have hemorrhoids?" I played the game and asked why. "Because God made them perfect assholes." HAHAH! I'LL SAY!!!!!

I was on the phone with a customer and this lady came over with a crabby look on her face and set down her purchases on the desk, looking at me expectantly. Well, I immediately figured she wanted to check out, but it wasn't like I could tell her that--I was in the middle of an interaction with another customer. So this lady started giving me the evil eye and shuffling her purchases around to make sure I knew she was there and not amused by my not dropping everything to check her out--which of course I can't even do at Customer Service. Finally, after rolling her eyes a billion times and making a lot of disgusted sighs, the lady made a big show of picking up her purchases and marching over to my manager, who was stocking nearby, and saying in a nasty tone, "Is this the ONLY place I can check out??" My manager told her that the Customer Service desk was not a register and that she should go to the front. And off she went without a word (of course, she is beyond saying "thank you"). I hope she felt really crappy for waiting.

Had an argument with a lady today about how our store should be arranged. We were in the world history section and she was annoyed by the fact that we had the section split up into General, Ancient History, and European History. I was trying to help her look for the book and she was all, "I don't LIKE the way you organize your books," and started telling me it'd make a lot more sense to just do it by author. I explained that they ARE by author--within their appropriate sections. She said it should just be by author, forget sections. I explained that in Pets we have the dog books separate from the cat books, for example, because we have a lot more people who ask where dog books are than people who ask for a certain title. She said she understood that instance but with history it should just all be in one section. I understood her point and to some degree I agree with her, but overall it just isn't something to argue with the company about. She wasn't rude at all, she just wanted to voice her complaints about the organization in a logical way, and somehow didn't see how our way made sense too (I guess because it was making looking for all the books by this author more difficult). Unfortunately, no matter what we do now or in the future, customers taking books out and putting them where they don't belong will ALWAYS be the cause, more often than anything else, of us being unable to find a book. Dammit.

Had a weird dude, to wrap things up. He asked for this certain book about dogs and it turned out we carried it, so I told him so and came around the desk to take him over there. He started following me, and then he said in a sort of confused tone, "Could you please take me over there?" Um. I was kind of in the process of doing that, man. So we got to the section and he wanted to know how it was organized (funny how "alphabetical by author" seems so foreign to some people's brains), and as he was standing there drooling or whatever I found the book and put it in his hand. He sort of patted it and said, "OH! Goodie goodie goodie!" Whoa. That's just creepy. I went away feeling disturbed.

3/14/04

A guy came and told me he wanted to check and see if the books he'd ordered had come in yet. I asked for his name, and there was nothing on the shelf for him, so after checking the shelf of people we hadn't been able to get a hold of, I checked the computer for his information. He couldn't remember his phone number--well, rather, he couldn't remember which phone number he'd given us, and he was one of those people who had about six of them. And he seemed to have trouble remembering them. So I looked him up by his name and started asking him if each one near our location was him. We found several orders attached to phone numbers that belonged to him, but all of them were a long time ago. Finally he said something that floored me: "I must have just picked them up already and forgotten, thanks anyway." And he walked away. Now first of all, if you ordered stuff from us even if you'd already picked it up it would BE in the computer, there would be a record of it, and I didn't have one. And secondly, what kind of weird thing is that, I must have already picked them up and forgotten? Hmm, I think "forgot" is actually the key word of this interaction, come to think of it.

From a coworker: This lady complained that she didn't like to buy hardback books because, well, "You can't bend them BACK," she said, ILLUSTRATING by bending the hardback book backwards until the spine almost snapped (my coworker said he could hear it creak). Well shit! You just said you CAN'T bend them back and then you try to do it? And you think we need an illustration, which results in damaging our products? Jeez Louise!

Had a mom and kid ask me if I knew the author of a book called Eragon. I think I shuddered a little (and I know I blinked a whole bunch, as if slapped in the face) and offered up the knowledge that the book was by Paolini. (Have I mentioned yet how much I HATE that damn book?) The mom was all impressed that I knew right off who wrote it, and as I went to take her to it, she said, "That's great. We're looking for the second one." I stopped and turned around to go back to the desk. "There isn't a second one," I told them. "But we thought it was out," the boy said, and explained to me that it was called Father and Son. I replied that actually the book is going to be called Eldest and furthermore it isn't finished being WRITTEN yet. They thanked me for my info and walked away, and I heard the mom saying to the kid, "See, THAT'S why we couldn't find it!" I imagine they were digging for the book on the 'Net or something and couldn't find out the information . . . well, that's hardly surprising, considering they didn't know the author and had the wrong title. That's unlikely to be very useful. Hehe. I'd like to mention for the record that they weren't mean or rude or anything, I just thought the notion of looking for a book with no author and the wrong title is kinda funny. And I figured I'd make fun of them for having the bad taste to like that book. Haha.

Urgh. I was cleaning the kids' section and getting all annoyed because one of those moms with her pre-verbal kid was there, and they are always a pain (and ironically usually the moms make a bigger mess than the kids, they look at house planning books or whatever and stack them up in the train bench and leave them there). Anyway, this lady kept calling her kid "my darling." Just random babble: "Hello, my darling! What're you doing, my darling? It's a train, isn't it, my darling? My darling? Where are you my darling?" Oh God. I started counting how many times she said it but quickly lost count. Then her darling wandered into the train and turned on the TV. Whoa, can't even talk or shit on the potty yet but can operate electronic equipment--they've got the kid trained to turn on the boob tube! It quickly displayed a blue screen, and Mom said, "Are you going to watch a mooooovie, my darling?" She kind of moved around so she was near where I was cleaning up and kept talking to her son asking him if he wanted to watch a mooooovie. I guess this was an attempt to make me respond and go put one on. Finally the mom figured out that if she wanted something to be done for her she probably needed to address someone properly, and did so . . . well, sort of. In the same baby voice, she got my attention and asked me, "Could you put on a mooooovie?" Good lord! I'M not your darling! Save the drooly talk for HIM! But I just told her I could see what I could do and checked the channel. It was on channel 122. I told her as I fixed the damn thing that apparently someone had wanted it to work so badly that they'd pushed the button 122 times, and I was going to have to push it 122 times again to make it work again. Quickly checking the volume to make sure someone hadn't pushed THAT 122 times also, I put in a mooooovie for her kid, though he was no longer paying attention. She dragged him away from the train set to watch the Rugrats flick or whatever, and I found myself thinking, What the hell? Why did they come to a BOOKSTORE to watch a movie? I mean, it's like "Hey! Party time, excellent! Let's go to the bookstore so we can WATCH A MOVIE!" Oh wait, excuse me. Moooooovie. Mooooooooooooooooooooovie. I'm getting it!

A dude came to Customer Service and said, "I called last night about a book and I can't find it." So, my brain farted. Illogical statement! If you called last night and had us HOLD it, why would it be on the SHELF? If you didn't ask us to hold it, why do we need to know that you called about it? Urgh. So I got his title from him, looked it up, and told him it'd be in the transportation section. I asked him if he'd already been there to look for it and he said he hadn't. Umm. Yeah. "I hadn't made it back that far yet," he explained, which is amusing because Transportation is one of the first aisles. In other words, you "looked for it" but "couldn't find it" because you had absolutely no plan drafted as to how to look for it, no concept of figuring out how the place might be organized--you just wandered around slack-jawed hoping the book would jump out and punch you in the gut. I know I wanted to! Boy, I'm intolerant!

After I finished helping that guy, I came out of the aisle and another dude stopped me to ask a question. And nothing about the interaction was highly unusual . . . except for the WAY he stopped me. "Yes," he said, holding out his hand. "I'm looking for. . . . " Yes what? I didn't ask, "Can I help you?" or anything. I've never heard that before. I think I'm going to start conversations like that from now on.

3/13/04

Okay, guess I'll do . . .

This week, I'm annoyed by people who want me to tell them what "the best" one is. That could be "the best" diet book or "the best" book on tax forms or "the best" GED preparation guide. Usually with these people, I make shit up, because if I just tell them I don't know they want me to stand there and weigh their options for them, making it possible for them to do as little thinking as possible. God forbid they should have to accept a little personal responsibility for deciding what book they want based on factors I am not aware of . . . I mean, I can recommend you go on the Atkins diet, but if you're a vegetarian you probably don't want a book that tells you your plate should be heaped with dead animals at every meal, and only you know if you're vegetarian. Maybe you learn better haptically and would thus benefit most from taking the sample GED tests yourself with the CD-ROM disc enclosed in one test book, but maybe you're a visual learner and you like the one with illustrations of the principles. I don't know! Don't tell me to make the decision for you unless I have told you I am knowledgeable about the subject, or I'll probably just pull a book out of my ass and it may or may not be the right one.

I'm not sure, but I think my #1 worst customer was on the phone with a couple of my coworkers today--they were complaining about a rude old turd and the mannerism sounded like him. The guy told the associate who helped him that he couldn't understand her 'cause she talks too fast, and when she asked him to hold on he said crabbily, "Does that mean 'wait'?" Then my manager got on the phone because the associate got sick of dealing with him, and he started complaining about her "accent" and said that our language is going downhill. Also he had the title of his book wrong but insisted that the book's title must have been changed, and went after that "the language has gone downhill" tactic again. I guess it's the English language's fault if he can't remember a book title, eh?

Some lady asked if we take debit cards, and I explained that we could take them if they have Visa or MasterCard logos. She asked if there was a place to put in her PIN, and I said no, you have to sign for it. She said, "OH, so it can only process as CREDIT, huh?" and went away. Hah. Do these people think that if it's "processed as credit" it means they'll get it on their credit card bill? News flash, y'all--it's EXACTLY the same thing, it comes out of your checking account no matter whether you punched in numbers or signed your name. The only difference is how the damn thing is routed. But why should you care?

Today a girl bought a graphic novel and a tube of beeswax lip stuff or something, and when I told her her total (twelve bucks and change), she handed me a five. I kinda waited but she wasn't looking for more money, so I prompted her with "Okay, five, and. . . . " And she just looked at me and said, "You don't have change?" Change for what? You had a discount card and all, but it doesn't discount your purchase by half or anything. So I told the girl her total again and she was like, "OH, I thought you said something else." I was struck by a large amount of confusion as to how you could buy a ten-dollar book and expect to pay five bucks for it, but especially it was strange that when I prompted her for more cash she didn't catch on, just thought it was a problem with my ability to give change (??). We all have our off days, though, so I guess this was one of this girl's. Heheh.

3/10/04

I had a couple come up and the wife had a question and then the husband had a question. I couldn't find any evidence that the book the woman was looking for existed, nor could I find any trace if its author. (That usually means either the person has their information totally wrong or else it's REALLY old and out of print--OR it's something only published locally through some other means and the person doesn't understand that when their friend self-publishes a book it doesn't appear in bookstores.) Anyway, the lady was acting real skeptical about whether I knew what I was doing since I came up with no info, and she let her husband go ahead and ask his question. He wanted to know if I had a certain title by a certain person on CD. I started looking through my listings but I couldn't find any reference to THAT either. I pulled out a few strange tricks that I don't usually use because I was *sure* if I let them go away having been unable to find anything for either of their questions, they'd just walk away thinking I was incompetent and worse yet probably just come up after they thought I was gone and ask another employee who KNOWS what they're doing. Anyway, I searched and found NOTHING, and finally it dawned on me to ask--"Sir, is this thing you're looking for a MUSIC album?" "Yes?" he said questioningly, like it had been obvious. I got to delightedly inform him that I'd solved the mystery of why nothing was coming up in the computer: We don't CARRY music. When you come up and say "do you have [this title] by [so and so]," it's not obvious that you're looking for music just because YOU know, goofy!

I was helping a dude try to find books on starting a business and running it using Christian values. The main problem was that he WAS looking for certain books, but he had forgotten to bring the paper with titles and authors on it, and seemed to be hoping I could find him "the books" without any specifics. I led him to the section on management and we looked at a bunch of books, and he asked if the type of books he wanted would be more likely to be in Business or in the Christian section, and I said probably business but there might be one or two in Christian, you never know. And after all this discussion, he looked at me and said, "Is that the Star of David you're wearing?"

Oh, no.

I cheerfully told him (while thinking oh no, please no) that in fact it was not the Star of David--my star has five points, and the Star of David has six. "Oh, really?" he said, sounding very interested and surprised. Blink blink. I assured him that that was the case, and elaborated that the Star of David is two triangles while mine is a five-pointed star--I remember telling him, "It's more of an elemental thing." I didn't go any farther, and he didn't ask anything else, which surprised me. We went on to talk about the books some more (with me assuring him that I could not, in fact, do anything else for him with no information), and he went away. It was all very nice (except that not being able to find "the books" was annoying), which was a pleasant surprise after worrying that he was going to start in on me for wearing a PENTACLE. He didn't even seem to know what one was. Yay.

A lady asked me if "fiction" meant made up or not made up. Hehehe. That was just funny. If it were me who for some reason could not remember the difference, I would hide my face in shame and anonymously consult the dictionary. But I suppose people who don't know the difference between fiction and nonfiction probably don't know when their ignorance should embarrass them.

Had two people acting like jerks when they came to Customer Service and tried to pay. The first lady just shoved her book at me when I asked her if she had a question (yeah, nice answer lady--"Do you have a question?" *dirty look, shove book* "Oh, well the checkout's over there if you just want to pay." *no response, shuffles off*). The second person was just some guy who responded to my question of "Do you have a question for me?" with "No, I wanna BUY a BOOK!" Register's over there, Einstein. Don't treat me like I'm the confused one.

One from a coworker: Some lady had been given a confirmation slip saying she ordered a book (we don't normally print them out unless someone asks us to), and was unfolding it to "prove" that her book was in. My coworker just knew the drill, "Oh, you ordered a book and it came in? What's your last name?" She gave it to him, and he spun around, grabbed the book, and put it on the counter in front of her. But for some reason, she kept unfolding the paper, "Here, I have this . . . I have this thing . . . they gave me this. . . . " And he's shoving the book at her as she's saying it. Some people. . . .

Got two people asking me (again!!) this morning if I work here. One of them seemed really hesitant about it: "Do you . . . WORK here??" Uh-huh. Then the second lady: "Do you work here?" Yes. "You DO?" YES! JESUS! Didn't the apron tip you off? Why are you acting surprised that I work there when I'm wearing the store's name?

Heh, and the last one for today: Some lady walked up to my coworker (who's a guy) and said to him, "Yes, I need you to help me find the lady who works at Customer Service?" Yeah, it has to be a lady, huh. Hehehe.

3/9/04

Some kid came up to my coworker and asked where the historical novels are. We don't have a section of novels set in the past (unless you count historical romance, and that wasn't what he wanted), so he told the kid that we didn't have a section for that. The kid replied, "Okay, so I guess it's just ANYWHERE in any of these shelves, thanks a lot man, that was really helpful," and walked off. Later the kid came up with his mom and wanted me to help them find a section with historical novels, and I repeated to them that we had no section for this, to which Mom replied, "Well, there's a SIGN that says 'historical fiction' right over there," and I informed her that "historical fiction" is a subgenre of romance. Turned out he was actually looking for a certain book, and I bet he felt pretty ridiculous when he came up with the title and I was able to show him where it was without checking the computer--AND to add insult to injury, it was shelved in the kids' section (and the kid was at that age where being told your reading level is considered "kids'" is insulting). So ha on you, hot shit.

Some dude wanted to find something on American Sign Language. And he wanted it on CD. Someone please explain to me how you have a CD that teaches you American Sign Language. He elaborated that he wanted a CD that was not on audio. I dunno, maybe he was confused and thought he was asking for a video and not a CD (or maybe he thought he was at a video store despite being surrounded by lots of bound sheafs of dead tree). But I don't see how the question "Do you have any CDs--not on audio--on ASL?" Just . . . I'm flummoxed.

I had some lady telling me that there was a Charlotte's Web number 2. She said her mother had seen it here and she wanted to buy it. Yeah, um, I've never heard of any Charlotte's Web 2, but whatever, that's not that lady's fault--she can't help what her mother thought she saw. Anyway, while I was helping her, this other lady stormed up right in the middle of me talking to her and belted out what SHE wanted, so I made it a point to look at the interrupting lady, turn back to the customer who rightfully had my attention, and say, "I'M sorry--did you have anything else you needed to ask me?" She "dismissed" me politely and I told her to find me if she needed anything else, and then I turned to the interrupting lady and said, "OKAY, I'm sorry, what was it you were asking me?" She replied, "That's all right" to my "I'm sorry"--what do you mean it's all right? I'm not the one who's actually apologizing, and plus I was apologizing obsequiously for not hearing her because I'd been with SOMEONE ELSE, not for anything I did wrong. She just wanted me to help her find a book. It's strange how many people will feel comfortable interrupting other people's interactions because "Well I just need help finding a book." What do you think the person you interrupted wanted? Help pickling radishes? Sexual favors? I was helping THAT lady find a book too. Survey says: Wait your damn turn!

This morning, a lady asked me, "Do you work here?" Whenever they do that I turn around and make sure they can fully see that I am wearing an apron with the store's name on it, and I say, "Yeeees . . . ?" I did that, and this lady said, "Oh, you do?" And paused again as if she was thinking I might still turn out to not work there! What the hell? And then, I had a lady ask me, "Do you . . . do you WORK here, by chance?" I replied, "By chance." Actually, it wasn't by chance, it was by me putting in an application here deliberately, having qualities the employer apparently wanted, passing the interview, passing the tests, and then coming to work to collect a paycheck every workday since July 2000. By chance. Heh. What a weird expression.

Ugh! So some lady called and asked me if she could speak to our "educational consultant." I mean, I guess maybe it's an okay question, but obviously she doesn't know our corporate structure (i.e., we don't have anyone who remotely comes close to holding any title of "educational consultant"), so it was weird to hear her asking as if she knew it was some official position that we employed. I explained that there wasn't a person with that title and what did she need, and she explained that she was with a school and needed to talk to someone about some business regarding book orders. Okay, I told her, I would get the manager for her. I put her on hold, and since I had just seen both our on-duty managers go up to the front to meet a cop for some reason (we'd been having troubles with fire alarms, so we kept having to talk to government people that day), so I called the register to see if they were still there. It rang about fifteen times and then the cashier answered and said they weren't up there anymore, so I hung up with her and made to page one of them to pick up line one, but then I noticed the light go off of the on-hold line. The lady had hung up.

So, in less than a minute she called back and said, "ExCUSE me, I was just on hold to speak to a manager and I got put on hold for a REALLY REALLY LONG TIME," and she started trying to explain the situation to me again. I told her I was the same person she'd just talked to and that the managers had been kind of busy, but that while I'd been waiting for them to pick up she had hung up. (Seriously--how long has it been if a phone has rung fifteen times? She was on hold for a fair amount less than a minute.) "LISTEN," she interrupted, "now I am not trying to SELL you anything, I am with a SCHOOL and I am interested in PURCHASING some books! So I just need to know how to do that and check some prices." Oh yeah! That's what happened, lady--I figured you were just some jackass trying to sell us shit, so I just told you I'd get you a manager, snickered, and put you on hold to wait for you to get bored and go away. That's how I handle phone calls, great philosophy eh? Yeah, sorry but you got it all figured out--I'll have to help you for real now. Turned out she wanted to know just plain old easy stuff like how much a book cost and what our educational discount was. I told her all that crap without blinking an eye. I wish people would open their conversations without trying to second-guess everything. "Hi. I'm with a school. I need prices and information about your educational discount--who can I speak to?" But instead I get vague questions about our "educational consultant" and a bunch of hooey where she figures the long hold time is due to my suspicion that she wants my money rather than that, oh, managers have to run a business and can't pick up the phone at the drop of a hat sometimes. Imagine that.

My coworker got a good one: "Are these in order by title or author?" Believe it or not, this alone doesn't make the Assholes page--people ask us this ridiculous question all the time. It was the next question that made this lucky customer a winner: "Oh, by author. Is it by author's first name or last name?" Good lord. Why not just sort by color?

A lady asked me what time we close, so I told her, "Every night but Sunday, we close at eleven." She said, "Oh, okay. Now . . . what time do you close tonight?" I just stared at her a second, and said, "EVery NIGHT but SUNday, we CLOSE at ELEVEN." I'm sorry for being crude but IT'S FUCKING TUESDAY. She replied, "Eleven? Oh, poor dears." Yeah, sucks to be out at THAT wee hour . . . hahahahah. I thought my head would explode after that one.

I took a lady to a section to find a book our computer said we had, and promptly found it and took it off the shelf for her like I'm supposed to. I was trying to hand it to her but she replied, "NO, I want the PAPERBACK." Um, weird. Because the thing I was handing her WAS the paperback. I told her so, and she took it, but then just looked at me and said, "Well how much is it?" I had to guide her helpless little mind to look on the back of the freakin' thing. Why do they look at me and ask me what the price is on something when it's common freaking knowledge that generally products are marked with price tags??????

A guy wanted a book called The 351 Most Interesting Colleges. I found one called The 328 Most Interesting Colleges. I told him I figured that was the title and he'd just been given the wrong number, but he said no, it was the newer edition and they'd just added more colleges for the 2004 edition. Glancing at the screen, I saw that this one with 328 colleges WAS the 2004 edition. He claimed that there was one newer than that, and even after I handed him the book he told me he was going to check around and if he couldn't find it then he'd come back and get that one. Incidentally, there WAS a book by another company called The 351 Best Colleges. I think there was a li'l mix-up there. But try telling that to some people. Hehehehe.

3/8/04

Today some woman and her daughter came up to me and told me they needed a nonfiction book. I told them that that described most of the store, did they have a particular book in mind? No. Any particular KIND of book? "No, just . . . any, any," said the girl. So. Any book that isn't made up. That kind of gives us a LOT of leeway, don't you think? Well, I explained to them that everything in the store that isn't fiction is therefore nonfiction, and if they didn't narrow it down for me all I could do is say, "Then pick up ANY book." I rattled off some possibilities: "Do you want to read about a person's life? A history book? A book about animals?" "Yeah," said the girl. ::sigh:: I wish that when teachers assigned projects they made sure their students knew WHAT nonfiction MEANS so that they don't go to the bookstore and say, "Yeah, I need a nonfiction book?"

A guy asked my coworker for the Kama Sutra, and when he said that we carried it the dude replied, "Is it here in Fiction?" Yeah, the Kama Sutra is fiction, dude. If you can find a story in that book, please tell me. . . .

Some guy asked one of my coworkers if there was a "Rich Man/Poor Man" section. What is that supposed to mean anyway? What kind of books would go in a "Rich Man/Poor Man" SECTION? Anyway, I guess my coworker figured probably Personal Finance would have something like that, so he took the guy back there and then when they were almost there the dude said, "Well I'm looking for this particular book," and ran off the title. Man, if you're looking for a CERTAIN title, just tell us so. Don't go making up categories for it and expect us to be able to help you find it by THAT--we have a computer to look up certain titles, that way we can tell you if we even carry the book and you can stop wasting both of our time.

3/7/04

Blah. Some lady just didn't understand when to give up. See, she walked up and gave me the title of the book she wanted, and when my computer came up with nothing, she started giving me slight variations on the title, which tipped me off that she wasn't really sure. Then she gave me the author, and when I looked up a list of every book available by the author, nothing remotely resembling her title was on there. So I guess in order to serve the purposes of making herself feel like she was giving me more information and wasting both of our time, she began blabbing about why she wanted it, what a good book it was, what it was about, and that she REALLY wanted it. Then she presented me with the question: "What should I do?" Well, I told her that she was welcome to try and search for it in used book searches, but that I probably couldn't be sure about its availability to us unless I was sure I had the title. At that point, sounding annoyed, she just spit back at me the first title we'd tried. Well, we already established that if that's the title, it's not showing up. She then degenerated into making frustrated and aggravated sounds at me, growling and pulling her hair and whatnot. It really was quite a sight. She left thanking me but sounding like she was at the end of her rope.

Oh great. So, some dude came in and wanted his book that he ordered. My manager looked at the slip of paper he'd brought in--the order confirmation--and told him there was no way that book was here yet because it was ordered two days ago. The guy replied, "Well, the girl SAID it would be here on SUNDAY." "She meant next Sunday," my manager replied, and the guy said, "No, she assured me it would be THIS Sunday. She led me to believe that it would be this week, I know because I wouldn't have ordered it if it was going to take that long." Well, she explained to him that we get shipments ONCE a week, on Saturdays, and if he ordered the book on FRIDAY it was not going to somehow come the next day. I mean, the truck gets packed on Wednesday night. I really don't think so. But the guy kept going on about how "the girl led me to believe it was this week," and my manager was all, "Uh-huh," obviously not believing any associate told him that, and he left telling her that he was going to have to find them somewhere else. I talked to the manager afterwards and she said she figured no one told him jack shit about it coming in two days, he just heard what he wanted to hear. Amen.

3/6/04

Had a woman call me and ask me to hold her book, and when I asked for her last name she said it and then spelled it for me. When I repeated back to her exactly what she'd said, she replied, "NO, no, it's B as in 'boy," . . . " and proceeded to "correct" me when I was saying the exact same thing she was. I wondered what possessed her to think I hadn't heard her right, or what made her hear me wrong. It's funny to be unexpectedly slapped with the right answer when you weren't wrong.

I had a guy get ugly with me about the newspapers. He asked me if I had any Wall Street Journals, and I told him we usually carried it, but before I could get any more words out he started insisting that he's already CHECKED under the sign that said "newspapers" across the back, and when I explained to him that we put some copies up by the café as you first walk in, he made this "oh my God I'm talking to an incompetent employee" expression and said, "So they don't have the newspapers back there, even though it SAYS newspapers?" I told him that we DID have newspapers back there as well, but some of the most popular ones had copies at the front of the store too. God forbid we should try to make shopping easier. That's it, buddy, try to shame me for rocking your world by not putting newspapers in what you determine to be their only rightful place.

Some lady was ordering a book at Customer Service with one of my coworkers, and I overheard her telling her about the discount card 'cause we're supposed to do that, try to sell it everywhere in the store instead of just at the register where you can actually purchase one. Then the lady got to the register and told the cashier that back at Customer Service they'd signed her up for a card. Yeah. No they didn't. It really confused our cashier, she called me all boggled about it, "Did someone sign her up back there? How?" I determined that the lady was just batshit and had the misconception that talking to someone about the card constituted signing up for one. Fun.

It drives me up the wall how usually people can't read a damn sign, but then occasionally you meet the person who reads EVERYTHING and thinks it somehow applies to them. I had a lady come up to me and show me the sticker on an SAT book, where it said real small in the corner of the price tag, "1 of 3." She wanted to know where the other two books in the set were, or if that was just some kind of code for US. I explained that it was indeed just a shipment code telling us how many copies of that book we were supposed to have gotten in that shipment. Now I think this falls under my peeve of the week. Think about it, lady--if this book was one of a set of three, why wouldn't it say so anywhere but the removable price tag? Don't you think it would say on the cover, or, say, someplace on the jacket design that had actually been produced by the manufacturer? I dunno. It just annoyed me even though it was an innocent question. Maybe I shouldn't be so picky. But still. GRR!

This kind of customer always gets under my skin. She came up looking for a book--well, at least she had the right title, this kind of person usually doesn't. I looked up her book and it was supposed to be in Biography, so I led her over to the section and unfortunately either we were out of it or someone had grabbed whatever copies we had and threw them somewhere they don't belong. I told her I'd check the computer to see if there were any clues as to if this book should be elsewhere in Biography, since biographies are listed by who they're ABOUT and maybe I had only been looking under the author. Turned out I was looking in the right place in the first place, and the lady followed me back to the desk and started doing the thing I hate. "Well, it's kind of an inspirational book, do you think maybe it would be in Inspiration?" I told her that if the computer said it was Biography, then we would shelve it under "biography," there isn't any variance to that. She seemed to understand, but then she started suggesting other possible related subjects with respect to the book, telling me to "check under" them. I have no idea what she thought I could do with these suggestions. The book was a biography. It goes under "biography," and I explained that. I didn't understand what she expected me to come up with if I took her suggestion to "look under mental retardation." Did you just say you want me to type "retarded" in the computer and maybe suddenly the book is magically shown to be hiding somewhere? Argh. I don't expect people to know how my store works automatically, but I do expect that they pay attention when I tell them how it works and why their suggestions aren't helping.

Heh. I had a lady ask for help finding a book, and when I found it in the computer as being under Fiction and Literature and made as if to take her there, she explained that she'd already been looking in that section for "the last twenty minutes." Well, as we came to find out, it doesn't matter how long you stand in a section, because if you know the ALPHABET, you can find things. I found it right where it was supposed to be. Guess just standing there for twenty minutes expecting it to fly off the shelf and hit you in the head is not a good strategy for book-hunting.

I think this lady was the most annoying today, just because of her tone of voice. She walked up to me holding an armful of beginning storybooks on various subjects, and said, "I was WONDERING if you had any books like this." I replied, "Like what?" and she said, "Well, like these, for my granddaughter. She's two." Then she waited for a response. So, I continued: "You said 'books like this.' Books like what?" "Like THIS, patriotic books." One of the books she was carrying had a flag on its cover. "You know, books about our own COUNTRY?" Yes, I know what patriotic means. And you were looking in the wrong place. So happens I have an American history section where you can dig up books and reassure yourself that our bookstore wouldn't dream of committing the travesty of not having books about our OWN COUNTRY.

3/3/04

And now it's time for . . .

Now, something that disturbs me--it may not disturb you, but it will probably make you curious.

Here's a book called Raising Your Spirited Child.

So, I was on the phone helping someone with a book and this lady just walked up to me at the desk and said, "Excuse me," and then just started telling me what she wanted. I pointed to the phone so she would understand that I wasn't currently available, and continued helping the customer on the phone. She kept talking! And said "Excuse me!" again, and kept trying to get me to show her where dictionaries were. I pointed to the phone again and ignored her. After I finished the lady's order, I hung up and looked at the customer in the store and said, "I'm sorry, I couldn't HEAR you," and she said, "That's all right," and proceeded to tell me what she wanted again. That's all right? That's ALL RIGHT? No, actually it isn't all right, you're being rude and then you act like you have the right to excuse me for my actions? Gah! So as if this wasn't enough, I got on the phone with another customer and then as if she had radar she came BACK again, this time finding me in the reference section looking for a book for someone. "Excuse me, ma'am," she said, and then just started talking. I held the phone away from my mouth and said, "I'm ON the PHONE!" and she said, "I know, but I just have one little question. . . ." I had already begun to answer a question for the customer on the phone (whose freakin' turn it was), and then this lady goes, "Excuse me? Excuse me? Ma'am?" waving her hand at me! I just turned away from her and continued to help the person on the phone. Eventually she went away. I don't get it! She was interrupting me mid-sentence with someone else . . . TWICE . . . and when I kind of chastized her she acted like she was oblivious to the idea that she wasn't automatically first in line! I can't believe anyone could be this rude!

Hahaha. This lady called me on the phone and asked, "If I order a book at home, does it come to my house, or does it come there?" I asked if she ordered the book on her own from her home computer, and she said yes, and so I told her, "Then it would come to your home." She replied, "But I ordered it like a week ago and it hasn't come yet. Could you just check and see if it came there?" Haha! I said, "You did say that you ordered it on your own, with a credit card on the Internet at your home, right?" "Yes." "Then there is NO physical way it could have come here." She gave me a sing-song "okaaaaay" and hung up with me, leaving me practically in tears of laughter. Yeah, that's right, you order stuff on the Internet and they don't feel like delivering it to your home (despite the fact that you know you put your address in), so they just figure out the closest retail store of the same name and drop it off there for ya. Wheeee!

Ugh. Some kid wanted a book for school reading today, so I got it for her and she began to complain that the cover was not the same as the one her teacher had. Her mom was right there, and she was complaining to her mom and to me that if the cover was different she didn't want it, it was probably a totally different book. And the mom actually called my judgment into question when I said that the covers didn't matter because it was the same book! She asked me if I was sure, and wanted to know if maybe the versions could be different in any way. Ugh. I know people don't necessarily understand, but why do people think that different cover equals different book?

A lady asked me if we had any chairs close by, and I told her the closest chairs were behind Customer Service. She said, "Okay," but then she kind of talked to herself as I was going away, "Well I don't really want to go that far away. . . . " (We're talking about chairs you could see from where we were standing, by the way.) She decided instead to move a bunch of stuff off of one of my step displays and sit down on it instead. I almost lost it when she knocked a bunch of stuff off of it when she stood up, then actually put it all back where it went. Most customers don't do that; they just watch things fall and then walk away satisfied that they've done their part to give someone a job.

Argh, someone asked me if we had any calendars left, and I told her we didn't (we sent them all back last week), and she replied, "You know, like, kids' calendars?" Lady, I just told you we didn't have ANY calendars. So giving me a MORE specific search criteria within the set of variables I've already excluded does NOT yield a positive result. Sorry, I guess I'm speaking Martian again. . . .

Had a lady tell me she was looking for a book that she saw last week in Christian Living. She gave me the title and the author. I looked it up and indeed the book was supposed to be in Christian Living. So I took her over to the section and found it right smack dab where it was supposed to be. The lady took it and thanked me, and said, "I tried looking for it, but I just didn't know what I was looking for." I don't think logic quite reaches where she took me on that one. She's seen the book before. Right. Last week she saw it and thus she knew what section it was in, and was not mistaken. Right. She knew the title and author. Right. The book was exactly where it was supposed to be. Right. She couldn't find it, and claimed that she didn't know what she was looking for. Right? Huh? No, NOT right. Because I can't see what bit of information she could have been missing in order to say she didn't know what she was looking for. I know I'm being picky, but when people say things that totally make no sense (instead of, say, admitting that they either don't know the alphabet or, worse yet, didn't TRY to look and would rather blame their inability to find it on our lack of organization rather than their laziness) . . . well that's when I get annoyed.

3/2/04

A couple bad things happened to our cashier on my days off, so I got to hear about them today. Both of these things made him sort of go off on customers, which is VERY unusual for him, and he felt bad afterwards. This first one was on Thursday; some woman wanted to know where more of a certain product were, and when he pointed out the table, she later returned with something completely different and expected to be given the 50% discount that applied to the first product she'd picked up, just because they were on the same table. When he explained to her that this item was full price, she got in his face and retorted that he had pointed out to her the 50% off table and that he should therefore sell her this item at half off. Well, he said he had NOT pointed out any table or item to be half off except the item she'd brought up, which was not the same thing, and they had a nice little argument about it. He was offended that she would try to put the blame on HIM for not understanding the discounts, and she also got all pissed at HIM for not just letting her have it for half off, as if it was his choice.

His other freaky incident involved a woman who probably shouldn't be out without supervision. She had her purchases rung up and whipped out a checkbook, and our cashier explained to her that we do E-check now instead of paper check processing. While she wrote our store's name on the payment to: line, she asked what E-check was, and he explained to her that the check would be processed electronically and come straight out of her checking account, thus allowing us to return the voided check to her. "Why didn't you just take my debit card??" she sputtered. He told her that she had not OFFERED him her debit card. "Well now I've wasted a whole check! You should have told me ahead of time!" "Ma'am, I DID tell you ahead of time, I haven't processed your check yet." She began to go on and on, irrationally, ranting about how HE should have TOLD her and NOW she WASTED a CHECK. He told me he had been tempted to tell her that he would go back into her sale and discount one of her books 2˘ to make up for the cost of that check. She wouldn't leave it alone, kept arguing with him, saying things like, "You should TELL people," and "There should be a SIGN!" (as if she would have walked up and read it immediately or something, or as if cashiers should immediately attack every customer with the question of whether they're planning to pay by check before the transaction is begun). She wouldn't stop berating him as if this MATTERED at freaking ALL, and finally she just muttered something under her breath while looking at him hatefully, at which point he replied, "WHAT did you say?" She muttered again, obviously something about him, and he just snapped, telling her if she was going to be like this she should just buy her books at another store. He told our manager about it later, warning him ahead of time that he might receive an irate phone call from the woman. Whatever. I wonder what was up her ass that she couldn't deal with an E-check--she had been about to use that check anyway, what did it matter?

I found out from someone in the store that some customer had been blasting my section behind my back, ranting and carrying on about how the section sucked because we didn't have the book they wanted. From the information the other associate gave me, I figured out which book they'd been talking about, which is a decidedly teenage-level book and isn't even in the children's department. Hello! Try asking someone for help and checking YOUNG ADULT before trying to blame your incompetence and ignorance on MY section. (Can you tell I take a little pride in it? Meh.)

Ugh. I had another one of those looky-loos. I was elbow-deep in a stickering project just standing there minding my business, and a woman with her child stepped out of an aisle and stood there looking at me (or so I assume--usually when they stand that still they're just waiting for me to look up and prompt them to ask me a question). When I just kept stickering, assuming that she'd realize the words "excuse me" were actually in her power to say, she decided maybe it would help if she took one step closer to me. She did so, and didn't say anything. Finally she kind of edged away and started looking at the displays around us, and then her kid whined that she wanted to go look at the train and the lady said, "We can't, we have to stay around this section and find someone to help us." At that moment our cashier walked by and she jumped out and said, "Ahh, there's my buddy, we can get HIM to help us!" Oh, apparently you can use your voice to proposition some associates but not others. I just don't get why she couldn't say "excuse me" or just greet me instead of just standing there expectantly waiting for me to drag her question out of her. I know I'm supposed to be proactive in helping people find books and whatnot, but I have no delusions that I'm not a model employee sometimes.

Our Harry Potter lady was back this morning, ranting again. Last night she came in with a receipt that was eleven months old, and claimed she'd been going through her receipts and was horrified to discover that Neil had "cheated" her royally. Apparently the receipt said she'd bought two Harry Potter calendars and an "American pen." She claimed she'd never bought any "American pen" and had only bought one calendar, and that Neil (a cashier that hasn't worked for us in months) had wronged her. Now there are a couple things wrong with this. One, she has historically always been really tight with her money, specifically saving up just to buy what's been in her hold pile for weeks or whatever. Somehow I doubt that she would have happily shelled out more than twice the amount of cash she'd expected to, since every other time she's checked out, she's scrutinized the receipt and looked for ways that we screwed her over. Secondly, it's not like we sit there and sneakily wait for people to be looking away so we can deliberately add charges to their bill that they didn't authorize. And lastly . . . THAT WAS A FREAKING YEAR AGO. We can't do anything about it now . . . how do we know you're telling the truth about not buying two calendars? The manager wouldn't give her anything for the situation last night. Anyway, so she was all upset about how she was having such a bad day and proceeded to go to Customer Service and wail about it to another associate and me, and try to badger my coworker into giving her his Harry Potter pin that he wears on his apron. He claimed that he "couldn't" do that since it belonged to the company (which it doesn't, but who cares? It's his!) and that it was his favorite and whatnot, but she kept asking for it, and when he repeatedly said no she just kept beadily staring at it and asking for it again, repeating "please??" and talking about what a bad day she's had and how she "needs" it. Later we decided she had been acting like Gollum looking at the One Ring. Horrific.

Some jerk lady was wandering around Customer Service never going more than a couple feet beyond the desk--if you've been to the store, you know that that means she's only passed the hardback fiction section and a whole bunch of sale tables. But when my coworker went over to help her, she claimed that she'd been walking all around and just couldn't find the home section. Yeah, it does tend to be difficult to find sections if you don't look in the rest of the store. He had to lead her to it, and when she was in the section she grabbed a book off the shelf and confusedly scanned its front and side, and asked, "Now HOW do you know how much the books ARE?" He told her the prices were on the backs, and she turned it over and just stared blankly at the back cover, finally saying, "Where?" He had to physically POINT to the giant price tag sticker. ::sigh:: Then later she was an ass at the register; she had some catalog and she wanted to return it and use that money toward the purchase of this new book. I was called to do the return and we couldn't find a bar code on the magazine, and when I looked it up in the inventory of the computer we found nothing under the product's title. I suggested to the register associate that he call our manager, and as I was walking away, unable to do anything, I overheard him ask her if she had indeed bought the product in our store (since, well, we don't normally sell things without barcodes that don't appear anywhere in our system), and she said, "Oh, I don't know where I got it." Jeeeez. Guess she just got it in the mail or something and decided, hey, it's a book, I don't want it, I'll see if I can get some credit for it, a bookstore will probably take it. Whatever.

Here's a hilarious one! A woman called and had a magazine put on hold for her, and told us to hold it under her husband's name at the register. Well, Hubby showed up and asked us if the magazine was there (which it was), and asked us if we'd heard "the story behind this one." We said we hadn't, and he informed us that the reason he was here picking it up was that his wife had given up shopping for Lent, and therefore she decides what she wants, gets it reserved, and then makes HIM go buy it. HAHAHA! That is not giving up shopping! Jeez! I wonder if Jesus is cool with vicarious technical violations of Lent promises? If she gets struck down in the next few days, we know why. I have to say I've rarely heard anything so absurd.

3/1/04

A couple women were looking for the exercise section and had not been able to find anything back in Health. There's a good reason for that; our exercise and fitness books are in Sports. When I was in the middle of walking these ladies over to Exercise and Fitness, one of them said that they were looking for a video, and wanted to know if we carried videos. I told her we didn't, but a second later she was asking me again if we might have any videos on a particular subject. I reminded her that we did not sell videos. Then we got to the section and I showed them what we had, and this lady said, "But no videos, huh?" No. NO VIDEOS. They started looking through the books and the lady said, "Well, what we really want is a video. . . . " ::sigh::

I had a woman show me an ad for a book and ask if we had it yet. I had never seen the book so I replied, "I don't think so, what's its title?" so I could look it up. Ignoring my request, the lady replied, "Well, it SAYS right here that it's out March ninth!" Pausing a moment to let that sink in, I finally told her that today was March first. "I know that," she said, "but since it says here 'on sale March ninth' I thought you'd already have some." I explained that "March ninth" was an on-sale date and even if we physically had them in the store before then they wouldn't be available to sell until the on-sale date. "So you don't have it, huh?" she replied, and left looking miffed. I think next time there's a movie I really want to see I'm gonna go to the movie theater and tell them I *know* the movie's not out 'til next week, but since I figured they'd already HAVE it would they mind just letting me watch it? Yeah, I bet that'd be a big success.

Heh. It just boggles my mind sometimes how people can get their information so muddled, like this customer. Here's this woman's track record: She wanted me to find her a book called "Rumsfeld's Army." The real title is Rumsfeld's War. She wanted me to find her a book called "My Grandfather's Wisdom." The real title was My Grandfather's Blessings. And the above book was supposed to be by a woman named Rachel Ramen. The author's real name is Rachel Remen. And she did this really annoying thing: She asked for the first book and let me walk her to the section and help her find it before alerting me that we would be looking for another title as well. I was giving her my "Well if you need anything else" speech and she was like, "Yes, I do, where's such and such?" I prefer that they tell me up front that we're looking for more than one book so that I can look them all up at once without going back and forth and back and forth between the computer and the rest of the store. Grr.

Grr. I had a guy call me on the phone and ask for the other store's phone number. I rattled it off to him and he said, "Well, I think you should know, that store's number has been BUSY for approximately THIRTY MINUTES." I had just been on the phone with the other store (for less than five) discussing customer orders with an associate, so I guess maybe their manager was on a long call with our district manager or something--it HAPPENS--but when I told him we both only have two lines and are generally very busy on Saturdays, he felt it was necessary to inform me that it being busy for half an hour is "not good." Well, let me just go over to 13th Street and spank their little fannies for not letting his call go through for thirty minutes--how dare they do business! By all means, call the help desk girl and chastise her company by trying to make her feel like she's somehow responsible. Very constructive, guy.

A dude walked up to Customer Service and looked at me expectantly, so I walked over and asked, "Hi. Got a question?" He waved a book at me and replied in a sort of sarcastic tone, "Got a book?" before throwing it on the counter. I determined that he wanted to check out and directed him to the register. I love my job.

I was over in the religion section helping a woman who wanted a certain book, and ideally she had wanted to get the version of the book that came in leather hardcover, but I told her we only had the regular hardcover and that was cool with her. We found it, but her husband walked over and vetoed the purchase, saying he would really rather have the leather. He was kind of gruff with her and with me, and then he demanded, "Well do you know the PRICE of the leather one?" I told him I didn't know off the top of my head but could check if he wanted to wait or come back to the desk with me. He just gave me a withering look and walked off without a word, motioning for his wife to follow (which she did). I hate it when people act like I'm incompetent for something like not knowing the price of a book we don't even carry. Fuck you! Yeah!

We got asked by some weirdo where the "nonfiction" section is. I think next time I am in the grocery store I am going to go up and ask them where the food section is. I mean, yeah, they sell a small amount of products that aren't edible, but generally speaking most grocery items are food. That's the way it is in a bookstore. MOST of the store is non-freaking-fiction.

Grr. And I have to give a special nod to the card specialist who came in to stock our store. He wanted to sign in on some nonexistent sign-in sheet--we haven't had a real policy on store sign-ins forever, so I just told him he didn't need to sign anything--and then he said, "Okay. So . . . are they right next to it?" I repeated back to him, "Are THEY right next to IT?" "Yeah, the product, is it like right next to it?" I told him I didn't know what he was referring to by "product" or "it," in fact I had no idea who he was or what he wanted, and was disturbed by the way he was talking to me as if I already had full knowledge of his situation. He clarified that he was looking for the card products so he could see what needed replenishing, and wanted to know if they were "right next to it." I just gave up and told him I didn't really know. He walked right over to what he wanted anyway, so I guess he just likes to hear himself talk. Heheh.