My Record of Work: The Annoying, the Interesting, and the Just Plain Weird--The Year 2004.

This page should be in frames. If it is not and you want it to be, please click here. If it is and you don't want it to be, click here. Both versions have all the information.

JUNE!


6/30/04

Look out, y'all, after today I'm on VACATION. No work log for a week!

I helped a guy at the desk and he had to order his book, so I asked him if he'd ordered anything with us before. "I don't know, my wife might have. Is she in there?" he asked, and then just looked at me like this was a reasonable question. It wasn't the question that was ridiculous. It was the fact that he had not given me a name or a phone number yet. So how the hell was I to tell if his wife was in the computer, and why was he staring at me as if waiting for an answer when he had to know he'd given no information?

A lady had a book title and its author written on a piece of paper, and wanted to know if we had it. She handed the paper over to me and saw me pull it toward me and type off of it, and then she for some reason decided to tell me, "Oh, it's by Hall, H-A-L-L." Guess what? A) You gave me the paper already, so I know who it's by. B) With the name written down on the paper, you'd think you didn't need to spell it for me. And on top of that it turned out she had the author's name wrong. Irony anyone?

A lady wanted to know if we sold music, so I told her we didn't. She looked disappointed, so I told her Borders sold music. She started grilling me about where they were and I gave her the best directions I could, and she ended the conversation with "And they sell music?" I wonder why we would have started having this conversation if that wasn't what we were talking about all this time??? Anyway, after I confirmed again that they do sell music, she just turned around--giving me no "thank you"--and walked off. Right after she left there was a bad smell. So you thank me for my task by walking rudely off and farting on me. You're welcome, lady!

And I had ANOTHER ONE today, one of those people who was sprinting in the wrong direction around the desk and consequently almost ran into me when I ended up needing to go in a different direction to show them the section they wanted. Next time someone does that I'm not coming out of the booth. I'll just watch 'em and see if they start power-walking down the aisle without me, because obviously they have a pretty damn good idea of where their destination is for people who asked me to lead them to a book.


6/29/04

I must have dealt with every person in Gainesville who sucks at shopping today.

First I had this weird old lady who just wasn't in the same universe as the rest of us. I was helping a man, walking along talking to him as we were going toward his book, and this lady leaped out and said, "Can you help me?" I had to explain to her that I wasn't just in the middle of a fun chat, I was actually helping someone else and I would help her afterwards. She accepted that. When I came back through that way she was still there, having circled the same table about four times looking for what she wanted. (And the table's about 3 feet by 3 feet. You do the math.) She explained that she'd had this little book on yoga and had lost it and wanted a new one, "But you guys used to have the little books over THERE, and now they're not THERE, and it was oh about this size. . . . " She was indicating the size of a minibook, so I took her to where the minibooks are now located, on the carts near the register. As I was digging through for stuff of that description, she must have told me four times how big it was and that we used to have them over THERE. She kept holding minibooks up and saying, "About THAT size. Or maybe about THIS size." They were all about the same size. I think I'll do my best and look for something that says "yoga" on it rather than trying to scan by size when you're not even sure.

I got sick of hearing "And when I found it before it was over THERE," and explained that we'd remodeled the store. "You've remodeled this store since Christmas?" she asked skeptically. Oh, now what would give you that idea? Could it be that I have given you that explanation because it would explain why the books are no longer where they were? YES, we've remodeled since fucking Christmas! That's why I goddamn mentioned it!

Anyway, the books' previous location notwithstanding, I found a copy of the book she wanted. She looked through it several times before proclaiming, "This is it!" but unfortunately the book was coming loose from its jacket; the gluing hadn't been done properly (or someone was really rough with it in the meantime). I took her around a couple places (gift tables, a yoga book display, the actual yoga section) but we didn't find any more of the minibook version.

When she found in the yoga section that a large-size version of the book with a CD existed, she asked me if they cost anything different. Oh, ya think? I showed her where the price was and explained that the big book was $12.95 and the minibook was $4.95. "And how much is this one?" she asked, holding a book from the same series. Since she'd seen me look on the back for the price of the first one, I don't know why she didn't just look at the back for the price of the second one, but it was even more surprising that when I reached to take it from her to turn it over, she wouldn't let me have it. She was just holding it and didn't seem to want me to move it. Finally I turned it over and told her it was the same price. "But they'd only end up being about five dollars," she said, "because they're 30% off."

Which, in case you didn't know, is the case in all the stores on fucking JUPITER. But not on this planet!

"They're not 30% off," I said, very confused, and she informed me that they were because she had a discount card and she got a coupon in the mail. I told her the only coupon we'd sent recently would have been the one-day sale coupon and that was on Saturday, but even that would indicate a misunderstanding. Finally she said she wanted me to order her three copies of the minibook version of the yoga book, and since I really didn't want to walk up to the desk with her and give her more opportunities to ask me fucked up questions, I just took her information while standing there so I could plug in the order myself. She corrected my spelling of her last name even though I'd written down what she'd said correctly.

THEN. . . .

Wait, are you READY for this?

THEN, she said offhandedly, "So, about this broken one, do you think I could have it? Maybe just 'til my books come in?"

Yeah lady, the glue is coming off so you get to borrow it until your replacement arrives. Because we're the ones who caused you to lose your first copy and we want to make it up to you.

OR NOT.

"Sorry, no, if a book is damaged we just send it to our damages department and they send us a replacement at no charge to us."

Anyway, she left off, and before I got away she asked me where we have "cards to send to children at camp." As you can imagine even Hallmark doesn't have a section of "congratulations, you're at camp!" so I took her to the kiddie cards and pointed out the ones that were like "thinking of you" and "just for fun." Next to it was kiddie birthday cards and since she seemed a bit easily confused I pointed that out and said not to look there, to start in THIS section while browsing.

"Is this birthday cards?" she asked.
"THOSE ones are, yes. These ones aren't."
"I don't want birthday cards!"
"I know. So you should start looking at this part."
"And those there, those are for birthdays?"
"Yeeeees. . . ."
"Well I don't want a birthday card."
"THEN DON'T LOOK OVER THERE."

(Yes, that is actually what I said.)

Finally I got away and put in her order, and I found out later that the lady had gone to the register and forgotten to get an envelope for her card (which caused someone to have to go on an errand to get her one), and then on top of that she also asked at the register if she could have a discount off the broken yoga book and expected her discount card to save her 30% (giving them a big lecture about how it's supposed to be 30%).

Good lord what fun I have at my job! I LOVE IT HERE!

But this next lady was just the life of my party! Right after I dealt with Ms. Senior Moment, I had this vague-ass lady who came to the desk with no rational thoughts in her brain. First she wanted to know if the book she was holding was the South Beach Diet's paperback version. It wasn't, because the South Beach Diet HAS no paperback yet. She was holding the companion book that tells you all the good carbs and bad carbs or whatever. She said she thought the South Beach Diet was thicker so that was why she was asking, and I agreed that yes, it was thicker, and not out in paperback (that last being a reiteration). "Well my doctor have a copy," she said, and I said that if he did indeed have a paperback copy it wasn't something that was available through retail--maybe large print or promotional or something? After this I don't quite recall the flow of events because she was just acting so bizarre. She kept asking me questions I did NOT understand (like "And where do I go to get it?" when she wasn't making clear what "it" was). "And do I have to come back here to pay you for it?" she asked after I told her if she wanted an exact dollar amount on the hardcover she could find out at the register which was over THERE. "No, you pay for it up there," I explained, and she was like, "And I gotta go up THERE to get it?" I just don't know where she was getting confused, and I offered to go get her a copy of the book and walk her to the register but she just kept asking weird questions and (this is the best part) giving the other customers who were waiting for my services (of which there were quite a lot) these exasperated looks like "oh my God, child, will you LOOK at this incompetent retail girl, lookat her giving me such a hard time, she's got no idea how to do her job! LORD have mercy!" After she left to go seek her fortune, my other customers were weirded out--it was obvious THEY didn't know what the heck her deal was either.

All I can say is I safely assume that losing weight on the South Beach Diet is unlikely to be one of the urgent issues of her life.

A kid came up and asked me if I had books on collecting video games. I mean what the hell? A book on collecting video games? Anyway I looked up the subject in the computer and told him the only things I was finding was video game guides.

"Sorry, there's nothing in here on collecting them, just books on how to play them."
"Yes please."

WHAT are you people allowing your children to smoke???

I helped a teacher today. She was pleasant and her only "crime" was that she ended up taking up a lot of my time, but I found one thing amusing about her way of talking to me. She wanted to find out if a bunch of the books she was getting also came in orderable audio versions, and as she asked about each book she propped it up facing me in a display style that reminded me of an elementary library. "And now I'd like to know if you can get this book on tape." [Props up book.] "It's called Ender's Game. The author is Orson Scott Card." It was seriously--seriously--like she thought she was talking to a fourth grader and needed visual aids and complete, exactly spoken diction to allow me to understand what she wanted. By the time we finished she had five books propped in a cute little display around her. I just . . . I don't know, I found it funny.

Ahh, yes, this guy. A dude called me on the phone and told me the title of a book he wanted. Then he gave me all this information about his "buddy" who had a copy and how it was amazing. When I couldn't find the title in the database he also gave me the author. The author wasn't in the computer either. He reacted with the usual confusion and protests (which somehow, in their minds, is supposed to make me go, "OH, that book your BUDDY has, oh yes definitely we have that"), and then finally said something that floored me, "I even have all the information. I have the ISBN."

And you didn't think to mention this before? Especially considering that he knew ISBNs are important, he should have known that would be a very convenient piece of information. Anyway I used the ISBN to ascertain that it was an unavailable book, and sent him on his way. Yay.

I dealt with another lady who wasn't in our plane of existence (maybe she meant to go to the sale on Jupiter?) but I had to help her, being a retail slave. First of all she approached me by saying, "Um, she was going to look up a book for me," gesturing vaguely at the cash register. No, she wasn't going to look up a book for you. She called me to meet you at this desk so *I* could look up a book for you. After I prompted her to ask ME her question, she asked for a book on audio and it turned out we were supposed to have it, so I pointed out where we were going and then came around the counter only to almost run into her because she'd gone the opposite direction of where I'd pointed and assumed that I would be continuing to go toward the back of the store since I had to temporarily move in that direction to come out from behind the desk. She really almost smacked into me because she was power-walking like she thought I would run ahead and she'd lose me. Anyway, when that happened she said, "OOOOPS--oh, you're leading the way!" Yeah really, ya think? Want me to show you where the fuckin' thing is? Then we play follow the leader, seriously!

We got to the section and the CD wasn't there. I explained as I was looking that it would be in THIS area if it was here, and then told her since it wasn't there or around there I assumed we were out. Her response (delivered while standing in a different section) was accompanied by helplessly spread hands and a tone of desperation: "I don't know where to look!"

I told her I'd just LOOKED where we should look, and it wasn't there. She started in with that crap they always say, "But didn't the computer say you had one? Can't you tell if you have one? Where would it be?" when I'd already explained IF IT'S NOT THERE IT'S MISPLACED OR SOLD OUT. Everything was fine once I got the other store to look and hold her a copy, but still. . . .

Then actually while I was on the phone on hold with the other store for this lady, another lady walked up and stood at the desk and just kind of looked everywhere but at me. I was looking at her, and finally I prompted her to return my gaze by asking if she needed help. She nodded and kinda pressed her lips together and looked away. It became obvious to me that she thought I couldn't help her because I was on the phone. "What did you need?" I prompted, and she goes, "Oh, I'm just looking for a book," and then started her staring off everywhere but at me behavior. ::sigh:: If I initiate the interaction with you, I've made it obvious I'm ready for your input, okay? I ended up being able to help her completely with her request before the other store came back with their answer, but man, it was tough prying the questions out of her!


6/28/04

Okay. This is REALLY drop-dead ass-kicking funny!

Apparently someone FREAKED OUT in the café last night. She was buying a kids' drink and a book about how the apocalypse is happening soon. And then it turned out that her change happened to be . . . $6.66.

Yes, she flipped right the fuck out. She was like, "NO, my change CANNOT be that," and wouldn't take the change and said she would buy something else to change the total because she didn't want it on her receipt. All righty then! When discussing this one of our other associates joked that it was Satan's message to her for trying to foil him by buying that book.

All I can say is, if you can foil the devil by adding a pack of gum to your purchase, he's really not that scary.

Anyway, we all got to talking about shit like this, and one person volunteered a story of other people having similar problems with the number 666 in the café. A couple of women were making a purchase over there and their total came to $16.66, and the woman who was paying gasped. Her friend reassured her, though, by saying, "No, it's okay if that's your total. It's only bad if that's what you get BACK." The lady was appeased and paid her total. Because, see, there are all these special little tricks to make sure the bad ol' devil can't get you, and it's only a bad sign if the devil's number is being given back to you. This I don't get!

I shared my Molly story with the group, talking about how some guy used to wander around on campus with Jesusing literature, which he tried to give to my friend Molly. "You look like you need Jesus," he said consolingly to her, and she replied, "Jesus? SHIT, I need HEROIN!" He told her to repent, walked away, and proceeded to put a Godvertisement onto the chest of a sleeping person.

My manager shared a story of one of her transvestite friends, a gay guy who likes to go out in full-out drag. He was thus clothed when a Christian came up to lecture him, and the guy replied in a sweet Southern accent, "Oh, yeah, I know all about how Jesus loves me, and I love Him too. But . . . I kinda had something a little more physical in mind for tonight." That got rid of him quick. ::giggle::

Godvertising annoys me. If you wanna talk religion, respectfully, cool. But don't act like your personal beliefs are some kind of wake-up call. I digress. I've already written a rant on that.

Here's a fun little conversation which made me realize that people aren't listening to me even if they've specifically asked me to answer a question.

"Do you sell the music discs here?"
"No, we don't sell music."
"No-no, the MUSIC discs?"
(pause) "We . . . don't sell music."
"OH, I thought you said 'movies.'"

Yeah, because "movies" sounds a lot like "music." Anyway.

While I was doing the register break, someone came up to check out and asked, "What time do you all close?" I told her it was eleven every day but Sunday, nine on Sunday. "Oh, eleven?" she said. "Eleven at night?" Yeah, because you're physically in the store checking out here at close to one o'clock in the afternoon but actually we close at eleven o'clock in the frigging MORNING. These people who just let words fall out of their mouths without thinking about them really annoy me.

A lady had a purchase order and we screwed it up (sort of). It wasn't her fault, but our manager had told her she would be allowed to do a purchase order when in fact she'd never done a purchase order with us before and in order to get the deferred payment deal you have to already have an approved account (and approval takes up to 4 weeks). I understood why she was pissed. BUT. I really got annoyed at her behavior when she started chewing out the manager (who, incidentally, was NOT the one who had anything to do with telling her the wrong information). She went on about how she was here on her day off and how she was now going to shop at Wal-Mart, and "YOU can just put this cart of books away," and just on and on. I heard my manager apologize a thousand times but I guess that lady wouldn't feel right unless she tore a new asshole in SOMEONE'S butt. As we all know, it's the asshole-tearing that makes it right, not the actual tearing of the asshole in the person responsible. Next time my soccer team loses a match, I'm gonna yell at the kids who didn't play, okay? Long as I got to yell everything'll be okay.

I had a lady think I was lying in the checkout today. My manager was up there for some reason and she overheard it, so she tried to stick up for me. This mother and daughter wanted other books in a series and they'd found where it went on the shelves and picked up what I had, but when they asked, "Do you have any others in this series?" I told them if it wasn't there it wasn't anywhere else. (And what the fuck kinda sense would it make to put, ya know, #1 and #2 and #5 in the kids' series section but then just decide, "Hey, we're gonna put #3, #4, #6, and #7 in the religion section"?) Since I happen to also be the kids' specialist I know those aren't shelved somewhere else in another format even, and I just told them so off the top of my head. See, if you answer someone because you are so competent that you KNOW without checking, then you are automatically suspect because they didn't get to watch you check and therefore you must be lying because you don't feel like looking for it. Because, you know, I really like to try to avoid letting people spend any money in my store if I can help it. You could see that kinda look on the lady's face like "oh what a jerk she's making it up," and that's when my manager stepped in to say, "She's the kids' specialist, so she's the one who would know." The lady just told me that they'd found it before in Religion, and I replied that if it was there it's because someone put it down there, not because it actually goes there. Problem is, they think we have shit hidden away in boxes in the back. Guess what? We don't keep anything in the back. Any books that are in the back are books that have just been delivered to us, and they are on their way onto the shelf in the next couple days. So hold yer damn horses. Or go to the library and deal with their wait lists, I don't give a shit!

Speaking of competence, I heard from another manager that she got called "incompetent" by some twenty-something girl at the register. The girl had come up with books and then wanted to use a coupon on something she didn't even have in her hand, so she went to get it and expected her place in line to be held or something. Problem: We were having a one-day sale and had three cash register lines going and tons of people in them. If you're lucky you'll get to step back into line and pick up where you left off, but you can't expect the whole dang line to wait while you go resume shopping! So when she came back and found my manager in the midst of another transaction, she butted in front of the woman and handed my manager her book and got pissed when she wouldn't help her first and said she was in a hurry and called her "incompetent." So she just called HER manager to help her because she wasn't going to wait on her anymore. In a hurry, asshole? Deal with this: I'm not going to check your ass out!


6/27/04

A lady came up and asked for the book Michael Moore is a Big Fat Stupid White Man. She said it right but I had not heard of the book and I thought she said "Michael Moore's Big Fat Stupid White Men," because Moore has a book called Stupid White Men. Yes, of course, they have to add "fat" to help insult him, as if that has anything to do with his ideals (though the other side did it first, I think, when someone called Rush a "Big Fat Idiot" in a book title). Anyway, I was like OHHHH, it's a different book, not Michael Moore's book but someone making FUN of Michael Moore's book. It was a big production to get the book because my manager happened to walk by and say, "Yeah, we've got that!" but then I checked the shelf and NO. Turned out she'd SEEN it while sorting the new books into their boxes, and made the mistake of saying, "Oh, it must be in the back" in front of the lady, which obligated us to dig through plastic boxes to find it for her. Oh well. It only took two boxes before we found copies though. Michael Moore's picture was on the front, depicting him eating the White House or something. I gave it to the lady and kind of kiddingly commented on how they've got him eating it, and she said, "Oh, well he eats everything in sight, I wouldn't be surprised," and started talking about how he's fat and stupid. "Not to attack him on a personal level," she said, like she had to for the record, "but he IS." Yeah. Turned out when she got up to the register our cashier thought it was a Michael Moore book too, and said, "Oh, I like Michael Moore!" and the lady gave her bug eyes and was like, "YOU DO????" Hahahah.

Then some guy came to Customer Service and paused for a really long time after I asked, "Can I help you?" Right when I thought he wasn't going to talk, he burst out, at the TOP of his lungs, "INTERNET DUMMIES!"

Okay, Internet Dummies . . . guessing he meant "Would you please show me where you have the book The Internet for Dummies?" I took him to Computers. There were two Dummies books about the Internet. He looked at the bigger one and was like, "Ahhh, what's this, why're they different, ahhhh!" and I explained that it had all these expanded sections on different Internet-related applications. Finally he decided he just wanted the simpler one and proceeded to pick up the book next to the one he meant to grab. ::sigh:: I had to put the right book in his hand. Some people. . . .

Some large family with a small child walked by my register (I got stuck up there for three hours this morning). The child walked over to a toy endcap and unceremoniously tossed a religious book onto it and started waddling away. The older girl--maybe early teens?--who was apparently watching over him called him back and said, "No, not there, don't put it there," and the kid ignored her and toddled off. This is the fucked up part. The girl glanced at me, seeing that I had seen the business that had just happened . . . and in response to my raised eyebrow, she just ran away and left with her family. Sorry, kid--it's worth double bad karma points if you did something shitty and you KNOW it and don't fix it.


6/26/04

PEEVE OF THE WEEK!

People.

Yeah, that's it. This week I just don't like people, in general.

So, today was a one-day sale. That usually means hordes of dickfaces traipsing through the store messing shit up and misunderstanding the discount. Oh, such fun! Such a joy! Plus normally a large number of them are the club members, meaning they have a discount card already, so we have a MUCH bigger number for sales but roughly the SAME number of people without discount cards (which makes it look like our percentage for discount card sales is abysmally low). So usually the sales make the higher-ups happy but they act all surprised with the low numbers on percentage of discount cards. Yes, you can tell they've really got it figured out, eh?

So. People are just generally rude on one-day sales. Fortunately for me, I was not chained to the register except in rare cases; I was third resort for backup. So I had to go to the register to help a long line only twice and had no major jerkass people. I did overhear an unpleasantness, though, directed at one of the other cashiers:

She was applying the one-day sale discounts as per usual, and the man patronizingly said, "Um, is there a PROBLEM?" She didn't understand and it turned out he thought it was taking too long. "No, sir, I'm just applying the proper discounts to your transaction," she explained, and he acted all ungrateful about it. Fine, ya dick--leave without your discount, get the fuck out of my store.

I had to deal with this lady who basically wanted me to wipe her ass for her. This was fun. She wanted a nice atlas, and said she'd already been to "the atlas section" and "they just had NOTHING!" Well, I figured that she must have been to the reference section already (because that's our "atlas section"), so I took her to the second most appropriate place to find maps: The travel section. Turned out THAT was where she'd already been; she hadn't even actually been to the atlases. I took her there and left her to browse, but it wasn't long before she was back again.

"Which atlas would you say is the BEST one?"

I explained that there is not some consensus on what book is the BEST. Again she wanted to know what the "best" might be, completely ignoring my response. I changed tactics and asked her what, to her, constitutes a "good" map. She said she wanted something good, something nice, you know, something with good maps. Let's see if we can get a little more vague don'chaknow. So I prodded her for more info, asking if we were looking for physical or political maps, or--"What's that mean?" Um, what? "What's a . . . POLITICAL map?" Well, I had to explain to her the difference between physical and political maps even though I seem to recall learning that distinction in about fourth grade. Physical maps show physical geography, like rivers and mountain ranges. Political maps show country lines and usually don't have physical features written in. She still didn't get it and then finally posed this question: "Well let's put it this way. Which atlas would YOU get?"

::sigh:: I told her it would depend on what I needed the maps for, and finally I went over there with her and started paging through atlases with her, which was exactly what I didn't want to get roped into doing because I figured I'd be there a good long time. What's weird is early on she latched onto a certain Hammond world atlas that was $75--probably the swankiest one in the section--and even though I kept picking up others and showing her their pros and cons she kept saying, "Well THIS one's really nice, don't you think?" Lady, I'm not the one you need to convince. If you already know you like that one then WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL HERE? Anyway she decided she did not like the condition of the nice book since it was a little shelf-worn, so I ordered her another copy, and ya know, I was nice to her. It just really taxed my nerves. Especially since I came in on the one-day sale morning and there was a buy 2 get 1 free promotion that I hadn't finished setting up and I was in the process of doing that when my boss told me it was my job to arrange lunch for everyone today--oh fun!--and so for most of the day I was rushing to get stickers on everything that applied so I could, ya know, SELL stuff, and then I get hit with this lady taking so much of my time. ::sigh::

That last lady was just annoying, but now you're about to meet Queen Asshole. Seriously.

I came to the desk because I saw my manager had two customers. I asked the unattended lady if I could help her, and she said, "No, he's helping me." My boss said, "Oh, no, you can help her, I'm helping this lady," and I turned to her and asked what I could help her find. "No, no," she said, "he spoke to me first." My boss had to persuade her that it was okay to talk to more than one person. I found out later that he had offered to help her while helping the other lady--said he could multitask--and she refused, saying, "I'll wait." God, and then I get up there and she won't accept help from me either . . . I have to wonder whether this lady just prefers dealing with the man in charge instead of the perky pigtailed girl (and my pigtails were rather perky today, I must say, despite the black clothing I wore to protest the horror of the one-day sale).

Anyway, she had two undiscounted hardcover books and asked whether they were part of the 44% off sale. (On the postcards we sent out, one of the many listed discounts was "44% off top ten hardcover bestsellers.") I explained that the books she was holding were not part of that sale because they were not in the top ten. She said, "Yes they are." I replied that they were not because they would have a sticker on them. "But they do have a sticker," she said, showing me obviously unstickered books. I explained further that there would be a sticker ON the book. "Oh, but a sign ABOVE them said thirty percent off, and then with my discount card and the one-day sale discount. . . ." You can see where this is going. I explained that both of those books were NOT top ten titles, they were from further down on the list. Finally she began to accept that and wanted to know how much the books would be with just her club discount plus the one-day sale discount.

"You'll get ten percent off the retail price, and then another ten percent off that price," I said, but she wanted numbers. She handed me one and I approximated, and then said "Well how about this one?" and handed me the other, which was the exact same friggin' retail price. So I approximated again. "And how much are they together?" Oh good lord. "You're asking questions that I'd need the register to give you the exact amount," I explained. "Okay, that's fine," she said, and waited. I explained that there was no register at Customer Service, and she was like, "That's all right. Now how much are they?" So. I had to explain that in order to find that out we would have to GO to a register. Finally I asked her where she would be waiting for me and ran off to the register myself to get her an exact total.

Ringing it up as if it was a real customer, applying the appropriate discounts, and voiding the transaction afterwards, I found that it came to just over $40. I came back to her with a printout of it and told her the verdict was in, and gave her the exact dollar amount. "Okay. And how much after discount?" What? I told her that WAS the total--discounts, tax, and all. "No, that's the undiscounted price," she said, sounding like she thought she was talking to an incompetent employee. I repeated that I had applied all the discounts she would get, and she did the most horrid thing. She leaned closer and said, "Now why don't you go back up there and ring them up for FULL price, and you see what you get!" And then she WINKED. Ah-hah, yes . . . I'll see the error of my ways when I go up there and process it without any discounts and find that she is the math whiz. Actually, no. I immediately showed her the retail prices of the books again and said, "No, this one's about thirty and this one's about thirty, adding tax here you're looking at over sixty dollars . . . that's kind of a big difference, about fifteen bucks or so." With that, understanding dawned, and she left me alone. Go me.


6/23/04

Some dude was wandering around the customer service desk looking like he was looking for something, but he wouldn't actually stop at the desk so I didn't know if he needed help. But he kept hanging around there so I walked over to ask him if he needed anything. Somehow just as I got there he wandered away and started looking questingly all around as he walked, seeming like he had to be looking for an employee to bug. Urgh. So finally he found me and asked me, "Where's your religious books?" I pointed them out to him, thinking that with all the wandering he'd just done looking for an employee, he could have just as easily been actually looking at the surroundings to see if they were religious books. Anyway, it didn't matter . . . he was back in a few minutes, this time with a specific request. (I hate that. Why don't they just ask me when they've got me if they're looking for a specific book?) He wanted to know where the Left Behind books were, because he wanted the newest one. "I don't know what it's called," he said, and I replied, "It's Glorious Appearing." Every bookstore worker knows that crap. He continued to say he wasn't sure what it was and I repeated it to him again, and said Glorious Appearing was the newest one. When we got to the section I pulled one out for him and he said, "Is this the most recent one?" As in, is it the newest one, like I just said it was? Grr. Then he proceeded to ask me whether it came in paperback. ::sigh::

Some lady asked me for a book about Oprah's show. Then through further discussion I figured out that a) She didn't know of a book that existed about the subject, she just wanted the information, and b) She expected to find a publication that listed "everyone who's been on Oprah." DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY GODDAMN PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ON OPRAH?

Some lady came up and wanted "the book for the service?" Turned out she wanted a book for the ASVAB, and so I took her to Test Prep. Then she saw how many there were and wanted me to tell her which one was "the best." Ugh. As if there's just gonna be one book that is indisputably "the best" book. I explained that she could take into consideration the format and price of each book, but that didn't faze her . . . she basically just wanted me to put "the book" in her hand. I ended up recommending a couple and leaving her to it.

Some dude called wanting the phone number for our online site. I told him I didn't have that, and asked if there was something I could help him with in the store. He said no, and that he needed to track an order made through our website. I told him again I couldn't help him; we are not them, and I don't have the number, nor do I have a computer that allows connection to the Internet. I told him the website would definitely have a number but he wasn't anywhere near a computer. When I told him I couldn't help him then, he just kind of paused and finally said, "I'd like to speak to your manager." I gave him to the MOD and apparently she got rid of him. I asked her later and she said she'd given him the number on our computers (it's taped to the monitor), but I was always told that was our warehouse's number. Turns out that's true, it's AWBC's number, and furthermore there's a big warning that says "do NOT give this number to customers." I can only hope that a) no one gets in trouble for giving it to him and b) that they told him they were not the number for his tracking and gave him the right one. I don't like the idea that I told him we don't have a number and then all he does is ask for the manager and he gets it. So I hope they were clear about how "this is not where you call." Urk! I hate when people unfairly think I'm a jackass.


6/22/04

My coworker got this one lady being a dick: She was demanding that he look up a book by an author who wasn't coming up in our system. Thing is, this author's doing a book signing in Jacksonville sometime soon, and apparently she had a radio spot so people here are bugging us for the book. But sometimes when an author vanity publishes or publishes locally, their books are not available through conventional outlets right away (or ever). This lady got HUGELY upset with my coworker--saying things like "But she's DOING a BOOK SIGNING in JACKSONVILLE!" while making frustrated little fists--and just not listening to what was being said. I always think it's amusing how people make these little protests and think that will change anything. "Ohh, she's doing a book signing? That's different then, let me get you the book right now." It's like when little children are told they cannot have a cookie and reply, "But I want it!" How often do you see the parent say, "Oh, so you WANT it? Here you are then, that makes all the difference." What's funny is right after this lady got done getting really frustrated (and ending her interaction by saying, "Well *I* guess *I'll* just have to go to *Jacksonville*"--BINGO, lady!), some guy came up right behind her and asked for the same book!

Encountered something WEIRD in the bathroom today. I was on my usual like third pee break in an hour--damn that coffee goes right through me--and this lady came in talking on her cell phone. She just went to a stall, plopped herself down, and started shitting noisily while still talking on the phone. I think my jaw hit the floor. She was just like making really horribly loud farts and everything, and just continuing to talk on the phone. I wonder what the hell the other person thought? Or maybe they're just used to it? Weird.


6/21/04

I hate days during which I have to deal with "Do you work here?" when I'm taking books out of plastic boxes while wearing an apron. I really wanted to tell her "No" and continue working just to see what she'd do. Honestly, I don't see why it's so difficult for them to find a legitimate way of soliciting my help besides asking a question to which the answer is OBVIOUS.

Some jerkoff apparently doesn't appreciate jack. Today I found a stack of twenty-one pieces of paper shoved onto a shelf in Kids' Activity, and when I opened it to see what it was it turned out to be a printout of a bunch of drawing books for kids. So basically, I imagine the interaction went something like this: Jackass unprepared customer approaches the desk, demands help finding "I can draw" books for children but doesn't have an author or an exact title and isn't satisfied with what we have in the store, rudely requests printouts of all fifty-one titles, and thanks the associate who provided said printouts by throwing them onto the shelf and leaving. You're welcome, asshole!

A lady told me she wanted books by a certain author, and I asked if she was looking for any one in particular. She said she wasn't, so I pulled up a list and we were supposed to only carry two books by the author, the rest we would have had to order. I told her this and told her what two books we were supposed to have, but when I offered to take her to them she was like, "Well no, you don't have such and such?" (A particular title, of course.) I said that was listed as a book we'd have to order, and she replied, "Oh, well I was really looking for that one, so never mind." I don't see, then, how the answer to "Are you looking for any one in particular?" ended up being "No."

One of my managers was in rare form today . . . she told me she'd gotten out of bed on the wrong side, but I didn't witness her snapping at anyone. She did say some rather amusing things to me, though. When she was complaining that it was really hot (she'd been working hard), I commented, "Not back here!" (It was positively frigid in the back room where I was having my lunch.) She replied, "Well, maybe to those of you without a fat layer." Ha ha. Another manager agreed with her on that point: "Right on!" Ahh, what fun to work with menopausal women who like to crank up the A/C. Then she walked over to the plate of confections I'd brought in for Midsummer (I made buckeyes) and said, "What are these abominable things you've made?" For being abominable, she sure liked them. ::giggle::

A lady asked me, "Do you sell maps?" I asked her what kind and clarified that I was asking her whether she wanted big world map type things or road atlases or what. She said she wanted "Maps of Florida." That does not help. Finally I got that she wanted fold-out maps and I directed her to Travel. She didn't move, and continued to explain, "Well, but I want MAPS, the kind that fold out!" So I told her again it was in Travel. "Do you have those?" she persisted. Yes, Jesus! Why would I tell you to go back there if we didn't have them? "Oh, no, we don't HAVE them, but I thought you might wanna visit Travel anyway." Come on now.


6/20/04

I had a lady who was just really aggravating to talk to. She wanted books by a prominent kids' author on her daughter's reading level, and kept asking me and prompting me with the same information over and over again. The author had written books in both the Newbery Award section and the kids' fiction section, and so I took her to Newbery first, where the author had three books. Each one she picked up in turn and asked me whether it was on a sixth grade reading level. When I examined the book and saw it to say "Ages 8 to 12" or whatever, I'd point it out and she'd say, "Well, does this author write any books for sixth grade?" and I'd explain that we were trying to DETERMINE that, and then "But is this where they'd be?" Lady, I have explained to you a billion times that the books are in two locations, and I am in the process of going over every book with you trying to determine whether it fits your needs. SO STOP FRIGGING PROMPTING ME!!! We went to the other section and I kept showing her books by him and she'd pick them up, look at them, and say asinine things like "And this is by him?" even though the author's name was on the cover, you know? Finally she said she had a list of books that fit the bill but she hadn't brought it with her. Peachy. I mean, why would one bring the list of books when one is shopping for books? Why should one be bothered to actually come prepared? The daughter was cool, though. I could tell she's used to putting up with crap from her mom. Anyway, Mom asked if we had any lists for schools, and told me what school her daughter went to. We checked the binder of reading lists that the schools happen to have given us, but her school wasn't in there. "It's mostly high school," I commented at one point, and she goes, "You don't have middle school?" Lady. I said. MOSTLY. High school. But that's moot because your school isn't in here. (Which could have been a problem avoided if you'd, ya know, gone book shopping with your list.)

My manager had a doozy too. He was standing at Customer Service and a vague-looking young guy approached and just stood there staring at him. "Can I help you?" my manager asked finally, and the dude was startled into life long enough to ask, "Can you help me find a book?" "Yeeees . . . ?" he answered, at which point the guy resumed his staring. My boss told me later, "Well, I'm usually very helpful, but I was thinking, 'I'll be damned if I'm going to ASK him what the title is.'" The dude just continued to stand there, waiting to be prompted, until finally my boss asked him if he was planning to share the title with him. He did, at which point my boss lied to him and told him it was a book we didn't carry even though there was a good chance it was on our shelves. He told me that the guy was just the one in a thousand people he just decided not to deal with. Guess his money could not outweigh the frustration of having to play with him any more.

I was also amused by this: Some dude was sleeping in the store. Not just sleeping, either; SNORING MIGHTILY. It was so comically loud that it sounded like it couldn't be real, like you'd see on a cartoon. Luckily before it got too disturbing my manager walked by and tapped him and said, "Hey buddy. No sleeping in the store, okay?" Heh. I like having a manager who doesn't tolerate crap.


6/19/04

I'm not sure how to take this one.

A lady came in and told me her book was supposed to be in today. We get shipments of books on Saturdays (and today, of course, was Saturday), but our shipment hadn't arrived yet. We tell the customers we'll call them when their books are in. I explained to the lady that YES it was supposed to be here today but NO we didn't get our delivery yet. This provoked a "but they SAID it would BE here." What part of my sentence didn't you understand? So I explained again how it works, and she responded with a sort of shocked-looking "Oh. ExCUSE me!" and hurried away. From her tone of voice it was actually an "oh crap I made myself look like a jackass" type "excuse me," but I couldn't tell for sure whether it was that or the sarcastic respect. It was strange.

We had kids coming to play Yu-Gi-Oh! today and there was no organized league set to happen. They had told the kids last week that it wouldn't be happening, but of course you can only tell the kids who show. This week a bunch showed up and they were all bugging me for the signup sheet, and I didn't know anything about what was happening. So this one kid came up and demanded the signup sheet and I told him there wasn't one, and he asked if it was going to happen today but I didn't know at the time, and told him I didn't have anything to do with it. "Well, you USED to," he said accusingly, and when I looked at him he continued, "You used to do Pokémon League." Yeah, like three years ago. I reminded him of that and he said, "I know. I used to be into that. But not ANYMORE. I'm past that. God, that was STUPID!" and walked away. Yes, now that you play Yu-Gi-Oh!, a much better and more mature card came, you are no longer a baby. Pokémon was silly, but Yu-Gi-Oh! is for MEN. Or something. Whatever. Hahaha.

And in other news, my manager told me he dreamed a fairy came to him and then upon closer inspection of the fairy it turned out it was actually me. Uh-oh, the boss is dreaming about me . . . hahaha.


6/16/04

Had an . . . interesting customer. He was highly respectful to me, which tipped me off that maybe he has worked in retail himself. He asked me sort of a prompting question at one point (which usually annoys me), but then kind of cut himself off and said, "Oh, never mind . . . you know what you're doing." Problem was, my computer was telling me that I didn't have and couldn't get some item that he said he'd seen on the shelf the week before. Well, either he was mistaken or my computer was being evil, but either way I could not see what he wanted, and he accepted that and added that it wasn't my fault. (Nice to see that acknowledged!!) Anyway the one thing I thought was kinda weird was when I was explaining the situation to him, he stuck his lip out like a disappointed kid. Hehehe. Cool guy. I bet he would be a good person to have a random conversation with.

I had a lady tell me she wanted a book and I told her it wasn't available. She just countered with a really annoyed "Well, why NOT?" I told her I didn't know--I mean, they're not telling me, they just have no ordering button--and I could tell that she thought I was just brushing her off. I suppose just telling people we don't have and can't get things is my form of entertainment.

This next guy came up right after the previous two people, having waited in line and watched people ask me questions. When he got there he had money out and a couple greeting cards, and didn't say anything, so I asked him if he had a question. "Well, no, not along the lines of the previous ones," he said. When he elaborated, saying he just wanted to pay, I sent him to Checkout and apologized for not having a register, and he's like, "OH, under the big sign that says CHECKOUT." I love when people make fun of themselves this way. Haha.

Speaking of making fun, this lady at the register was chatting with me and another associate about asshole people, and it was really fun. We were talking about how some people get unnecessarily upset about our E-check policy and threaten that they will never shop here again (and WHY????), but this lady said that they'll be out of luck soon because checks are on their way OUT as a form of payment, everything's getting digital. See, then she related a story of being behind a customer at Claire's Boutique and the lady was arguing with the sales clerks about gift certificates. Apparently this lady she was talking about wanted to get a gift certificate for her granddaughter, but wouldn't accept that it came on a CARD. She was insisting that she wanted a PAPER GIFT CERTIFICATE, and they explained that it's the same thing but this lady would not accept that it was not a credit card they were giving her. "I don't want a CREDIT CARD, I want a GIFT CERTIFICATE," she kept saying, and these sales associates just didn't know what to do with her. She ended up leaving without getting the gift card.

I had a lady call and say she wanted me to send her a catalog. "A catalog? . . . Of what?" I ventured. "Of children's books," she said matter-of-factly. I had to explain that we don't "send catalogs." We're not a book club. We carry and have access to . . . ALL books in print pretty much. Heheh.

And lastly, I had a guy continuously interrupt me when I was trying to answer his questions. I don't understand why he bothered to ASK the questions if he was not going to listen to the answers. BOO!


6/15/04

Got a nice story from the other store! Apparently a woman who'd had a book for six months came back in with the receipt and started getting all ugly with the manager when she wouldn't give her cash back for the return. It was nice to even let her have anything at all after thirty days--jeez, this was half a YEAR--and the lady demanded cash. Well, the manager wouldn't give in and issued her a gift card, and then the lady tried to say she would now turn in the gift card for cash. NO, it does not WORK that way asshole! And then she was saying she would buy a book with the card and then return the book for cash, and just would not understand that YOU CAN'T GET MONEY FROM US. The only way we can give cash back on a return is if you have a receipt that says you PAID us in cash. So . . . GIT!

Speaking of returns, I had a woman return three travel books that she'd had for two days shy of a month. I performed the return, but I just found myself thinking, "Yeah, RIGHT." She claimed her reason was that she'd found basically the same books at the library and hadn't ended up needing to use these books to plan her trip. I'm so sure they sat unopened on your kitchen table for twenty-eight days. She used them to plan her trip and then decided to return them. But what're you gonna do? Everyone thinks we're a library anyway.

My manager had a nice one. Some lady had not enough information and she was trying to help her anyway, and so she was waiting for the computer to pull up a startling number of hits on this huge vague search she was doing and another customer came up to the other counter and was asking an associate how to get to Books Inc. As she was waiting, my manager offered a couple of clarifications on the directions, and then her own customer just kind of looked disgusted and turned around and walked off. My manager called after her, "Ma'am?" and the lady said, "NO, never mind," and stalked away. I guess she just couldn't handle thinking that someone else got her attention first, even though she was just waiting for the computer to return the results. I hate it when people are whiny when they just don't understand the situation.

And lastly, one of my own. Just this lady was annoying. She kept interrupting me, or contradicting what I said (like "Okay, and I want to order that one you said you didn't have" when I already said we DID have it). She'd prompt me with shit (like "And when they come in will you CALL me?" when I just hadn't gotten to the screen where I take her number yet--gee, why didn't I think of that, that's a great idea, we'll call you!), and was just generally obnoxious. She was also one of those people who butted in with "So do you have it?" or "So you don't have it?" when I just haven't GOTTEN an answer yet. You don't have to prompt! I know how to speak and I know how to find books and I know how to handle myself gosh freakin' darnit!!! ::pant pant pant::


6/14/04

I dealt with a woman and a young girl who might've been grandma-trying-to-get-sulky-preteen-to-read. Apparently she wanted me to show her where books were that would "give her points." (Schools make kids read books and take tests to get points. Apparently even though we are not affiliated with the school we are supposed to know which books give points.) Anyway, I showed her the Newbery Award section and told her pretty much anything in here would probably work. And then later Grandma came up and asked me where I keep the "books like Huckleberry Finn." Books LIKE it aren't near it except in the case of the ones also being by Mark Twain. ::sigh::

And I had a lady inform me probably six different times that she didn't like the fact that we'd rearranged, because now she can't find anything. Well, that's what I'm here for. When she told me for the third time that she didn't appreciate us rearranging things, she said, "Well, just in case you're taking a survey or something, I don't LIKE it." Yeah. We're taking a SURVEY. And we're going to submit it to Home Office and they'll see our customers don't LIKE how we've chosen to arrange the store, and then they'll say, "Okay, everybody, change it back!" There wasn't a reason we remodeled or anything (like, ya know, we needed more ROOM and we have it this way). Grr.

Had someone call on a very hard-to-hear cell phone and ask for a manager who works at the other store. I told her he didn't work here and she's like, "I know, he's a manager at the OTHER store," and she wanted ME to give him a message. I asked why she didn't just call his store and she said they weren't answering. I explained that if they weren't answering then why would they answer for me? But she wasn't accepting this. Apparently he had some mail at her house--I guess she was a relative?--and I was supposed to call him and tell him to drop by and also invite him to their Father's Day dinner. Ohhhhkay. And somewhere in the middle of me telling this lady for the fiftieth time that I couldn't hear her, suddenly the noise stopped and she's like, "Is that better?" Turned out she'd been standing right by the BATHROOM. What, with the hand dryers going? What in tarrrr-nation? Anyway, in the middle of this one of my managers walked in and when I got off the phone she made me explain to her what had caused the strange conversation. At that point she forbade me to call the other store and try to give him the message. "We're not his answering service. That's just asinine," she said. And that was that.

I was helping a lady find kids' books on a fairly obscure subject. I knew of a few in the education section and set her to browsing, and then later she came up and said she'd found a book on the subject in the first readers section too, which I hadn't thought about. When she mentioned it, I remembered that there was another book in that section that might have some stuff about that subject, so I went to the section . . . and there wedged on the shelf where it didn't belong was a book from the education shelf on that same subject. Haha. What that meant, of course, was that she'd thrown the book wherever she pleased when she decided this other one suited her fancy more appropriately. But I was determined to take another slant on it. I called to the customer that there was another book here, and when she came over I showed her the book that I KNEW she had put there. "It isn't supposed to be here," I said, "So I have no idea why someone just dumped it on the shelf in the wrong place, but isn't that funny how there's a book on exactly what you want just sitting here. Must be fate, huh?" She actually didn't even take the book and look at it, just said she'd already found what she was looking for, and tried to pretend like she didn't know what I was getting at. Hahaha. Busted, lady!

Oh, what now? Someone on the phone asked me if they could speak to the manager of the café or the manager of the store. Neither was in so I told the caller so, and she said, "Well can you tell them I called?" I said, "Can I tell them WHO called?" because, like . . . seriously, I don't know who you are. "Can you," she said, "tell them I called!" Heh. I had to explain that I didn't know who I was talking to, and I actually never got to find out who she was because the phone connection started going bad and I had to keep telling her I couldn't hear her, only to catch exasperated little clips of something resembling her yelling at me. Still have no idea who it was 'cause she didn't call back after I hung up.

Some lady on the phone wanted me to find out for her how much a book cost and all this junk. After I found the book and all that, she told me she thought she had "a card," and proceeded to dig for it. I told her that if she had a discount card it'd save her ten percent, but then she clarified that it was a gift card and she thought it was around somewhere. She then for some reason decided she was going to dig in her purse to find this gift card while we were on the phone. Considering I wasn't in any position to take any kind of payment from her, I didn't know why she was telling me "hang on" and going to great lengths to have me still on the phone as she searched for something that wouldn't matter 'til she was actually buying the book . . . maybe she just wanted me to be with her for spiritual support? Anyway. As she was searching she started coughing RIGHT into the phone. My ear was ringing for like five minutes. Coughing is LOUD.


6/13/04

I didn't have any Assholes today! Just one guy who said something funny! He was a good customer and had a long order (had to order something to his house, so it took a while to process), and after it was over he thanked me and told me I was nice and quick about it and that I'd done a great job. I guess maybe I looked surprised as I thanked him for the compliment, because he started justifying it: "Usually customers just bitch and complain when stuff is wrong, I like to tell people when they do something right." w00t!


6/12/04

PEEVE OF THE WEEK!

I hate when people can't spell or pronounce the names of their favorite books and authors. I mean, I don't really care if kids come in and ask me for "Anna Kara-NEE-nuh," because if they've been assigned to read it who says they have to like it, but there's nothing more annoying than hearing "Oh yeah, I'm a huge fan of Stephen Hawkins!" or "That's right, I've read everything PEN-uh-lope Green has written!" It's "Hawking," and "puh-NEL-oh-pee." God. (Both of those are real examples, too.)

I had a lady wanting a book we were out of. "When are you going to get more?" she asked me. I explained that if we were out there is no telling when we will get more; it depends on when they were bought. However, I told her, if I ordered her one it'd be here in a week. "Oh, so it'll be here in a week? I'll check back then," she said, and walked away before I could explain the difference between ordering something--ya know, specifically asking the warehouse to hey, send this to me--and just normal store replenishing. I think she thought I was going to go order some for the store because she wanted it. Oh well. If she comes looking for it in a week and it ain't here, it's not my fault.

A girl came in and told me she had a book on hold. I asked what name it was under and she just told me her first name. Sometimes people DO call and ask for a book to be held "just under Katie" or whatever, and that's fine. But there was nothing under her name so I asked if she'd by any chance put it under her last name. And when I checked, the book she had on hold had been ordered for her. Which means they used first and last name. I just find it funny when people come into a bookstore where hundreds of books are ordered for customers every week and they think they can waltz up and say, "Hi, I'm Laura?" It'd be different if you called me twenty minutes ago and had a book informally put aside, but if you ordered a book you know you gave your full name and everything. ::sigh::

Some lady who'd apparently bathed in her perfume wanted to know about a book today, and we didn't carry it. "Will you check and see if your Ocala store carries it?" she asked, and I had to explain that every one of the stores in our chain does not keep this book on the shelf. "But I live in Ocala," she said, as if that was not obvious. I explained it again. She told me again that she lived in Ocala, like this made any difference. Turned out she wanted to order it to that store, and was like, "So does that mean I have to go THERE and order it?" I just put aside my annoyance--all you have to do is CALL the store and ASK them to order it for you, it's not a big deal--and told her I'd have them order it for her and took her information. She proceeded to write down her name, telephone number, and the full title and author of her book (despite the fact that I already had the info on my screen), and managed to spell Joyce Meyer's name wrong. (Ahh, it's another author who fits into the "fans all spell her name wrong" genre. Everyone calls her Joyce Myers or Joyce Meyers.) Grr.

And lastly, a really cool customer. He was nice and I was in a weird mood so while I was walking him to the fiction section I was humming "Waitin' For My Dearie" from Brigadoon, don't know why. After I found his book, he told me, "You know, you're gonna have to watch it with that humming." I asked him why, and he said, "Because with the air you give off, people will want to pick you up and hug you, and make you part of themselves." ::giggle:: Well, I always thought I was an above-average singer, but I never figured it was cause for someone to want to incorporate me into his very soul. Wonders never cease.


6/9/04

Some dude called and asked for three different books, and even though he was nice and cool through the whole interaction I thought this part was a bit funny. I completed looking up the books and he said, "Okay, so, I'm buying three books . . . what can ya do for me?" It turned out he thought I could do some kind of special discount since he was buying several books, and proceeded to tell me that some sort of break would be nice since he could get them so much cheaper online and was instead planning to buy them from us. Haha. I explained, first of all, that with the exception of a discount card there are no special discounts that we can randomly apply to books just because customers ask us to, and beyond that online books are ALWAYS going to be cheaper; the advantage in buying from a store is that a) you don't have to wait and b) you can look at them beforehand. (And sometimes you have to pay shipping on online orders, though a lot of times beyond a certain price you don't have to pay it.) I didn't bother to tell him, "Hey buddy, did you know that three books is NOT a lot of books?" People buy that much all the time. Hahaha. Anyway he was a cool guy, like I said . . . just a little amusing right there.

Some lady at the desk asked me for a book her husband had picked up at our store before. I couldn't find the book's title in my computer, nor could I find the book listed under the author's name (even though he was in my computer with 67 other books). But see, because her husband "picked up two of them" and said he got it here and she could not possibly be mistaken about the title or author, I must be the one in the wrong. Because, you know, I can't figure out how to do complicated things like look up books despite having perfect title and author information, even though I have been at the store for four years. Yup. It's got to be my fault. "I ASSURE you that's it," she told me derisively when I suggested she check on the title. Oh well. (I checked it later on. She had left words out of the title. Surprise.)

I helped a lady today for whom everything was a giant crisis. First she wanted to find a magazine, and when I looked up the magazine she clarified that really she just wanted to find out the name of one of the writers in the magazine because that author had a poetry book out. I showed that we carried the magazine and asked if she wanted to go look for it with me, and she goes, "Well unless you know the book." Yeah, I happen to know some poetry book written by some editor of a magazine just by that description. Anyway, we got back there and the magazine wasn't there, and so she just looked at me and said, "Well do you carry it?" I explained that we wouldn't have gone to look for it if my computer hadn't said we carried it. (I told her when I found it on the computer, too.) At that point she kind of stamped her feet and made a weird moaning sound. Yeah. So then she wanted some crossword book and we went to the crossword section before she revealed that she had an author for the book. We went back to the computer. The author's name was "Jacobson," and she spelled for me, "That's J-A-C-O-B." I wondered if I'd misheard and asked if it was just "Jacob," and she said "No, Jacobson." Well, considering that the name could have ended in "S-O-N" OR "S-E-N," THAT would have been the part I'd need spelled, but forget it. I found we didn't carry any of that lady's books, and she started going, "Ohhhh, Goddddddd . . . " and stamping her feet again. Wow, you'd think someone told her her son died. We went to the poetry section to look and see if maybe the poetry book by the magazine writer was there, and she said she thought it was "Altman or something," but there was nothing like that under A. Then we come to find out that Altman was what she believed his FIRST name to be. Urgh. She kept saying stuff like "Ohhh myyy GODDDDDD . . . " and stomping her feet around in frustration. It was really, really weird.

In the café, a suspiciously NICE cookbook was marked $5.99. Our café manager was running the register over there and inspected the sticker closer. It had the wrong title on it, which meant that either the warehouse had accidentally stickered it wrong or else someone (ahem) had switched the stickers. She charged the right price for the expensive cookbook and told the woman it'd be $31.50 or whatever, and the lady was like "But that sticker said $5.99!" The manager replied, "That's because you switched the stickers." The lady either didn't understand her or just chose not to acknowledge it, because she just replied, "Well, I thought it was on sale. I don't want it then," and strutted off. Haha.


6/8/04

Grr. I had the misfortune of observing these ladies as they were walking around the kids' section. My first clue that they were going to be jackasses was that the older one was messing with the plush animals--I hate when people do that--and just kept knocking shit onto the ground and glancing down as it landed near her feet, and then just not being concerned with picking it up. I mean, why should she pick things up? They have PEOPLE to do that.

Anyway.

So they wandered and ended up in First Readers, and at one point they were standing right in my way--they could see me coming, but even though they weren't using anything on the shelf they wouldn't get the hell out of my way. So I just turned around and walked around the other bookshelf to get to the other side. That just annoyed me. I've spent a good portion of my life in semi-oblivious states, but it still bugs me when people are in my way and they just don't care.

Finally I had some personal interaction with them, not that I enjoyed it. Ugh!

The older lady had a question but she phrased it really vaguely: "Did that book come out, Dick and Jane, through the years?" Of course, the way she said it it sounded like maybe she was asking for a book called Dick and Jane Through the Years, so I asked for clarification. In response she got really close to me and repeated her question. Lady, it wasn't that I couldn't hear you, it was that you didn't make any fucking sense. Anyway, what she wanted to know was whether the Dick and Jane books I carried were the same books they'd been printing forever, and as I was trying to explain that they were reprinted but the same words and art, she kept interrupting me. "Because you know I remember those books, from sixty years ago," and just wouldn't let me answer the question. I began my answer three different times with the same words before I gave up and just waited until she shut up and then said, "Yes. They're the same." She seemed to accept that but then the younger woman just said, "And how much is it?" It. Yeah. "How much is what?" I asked, and she gestured at one of the collections of Dick and Jane books. I told her the price was on the back, and she said, "Oh, I didn't even look." Well obviously. 'Cause if you had looked, you woulda seen the price there. Honestly, in Wal-Mart or whatever do you pick up an item and go ask an employee how much it is without even looking for its price? I wouldn't. But I guess people do. I don't get why they ask me without checking for it themselves; do they have any idea how this shit works? Any concept of "Hey, maybe they don't know the price of every book off the tops of their heads"? Nah. They're in a shopping daze. Probably they just put on different types of dazes to go through their whole lives.

Speaking of which, some people just ooze ignorance. You know? You can just have them walk up and see the look on their faces and just KNOW whatever words they're gearing up to say are going to be ignorant or vague or plain pointless. That happened to me today, I saw this lady going to Customer Service and the first thing I thought was "oh GOD, one of THOSE." So I met her at the counter and I asked if she had a question and all she did was lift her stack of books at me meaningfully. That doesn't answer anything, sorry. So I repeated my question, "Did you have a question? Something I can find for you?" "Uhhhhhhh . . . " mental drool, "no I just wanted to get these?" I love pretending to have no idea what they could have possibly wanted. "OHH, well Checkout's over there, I thought you had a question, sorry." Hahaha.

Ooh, here's another one. I noticed there were people waiting at the desk, so I went to help them. The first lady had this disturbedly confused look on her face, like it was really just blowing her mind that she was waiting at the desk and there was no one to help her. (If you work in retail you've probably seen this look. It is not fun. Believe me. Especially if you're the one who has to help her.) Anyway, I guess looking floored by the lack of help took up too much of her brain to use the time wisely, because when I got to the desk and asked what I could help her with, she had to dig around looking for the title of the book she wanted, flipping around in a magazine. It's like those people who have the audacity to tap their foot and look at their watch while in line at the café, and then when they get to the front of the line you ask to take their order and they're like, "Uhhhhhhhhhh. . . . "

Anyway, so eventually she found her book to ask about, and in the meantime asked me if we carry "tapes." I asked what kind of tapes, and she started giving me titles and stuff but I was like, "No, what KIND of tapes"--we can get you a book on tape, but if you're talking music or video the answer's no. I was saved a bunch of annoyance, probably, by the fact that she wanted videos and we don't do that. (It didn't stop her from asking a couple more times, "And you said you don't carry videos?" "And you can't order videos?")

It turned out I'd have to order her book, so she said to go 'head. I asked her the questions but we kept getting stuck. She'd changed her number recently and couldn't remember it, so she gave me the old number, told me she didn't have it anymore, and then . . . seemed to think that was settled. She just leaned on the counter and stared at those pictures in the air that only the incredibly oblivious seem to be able to see, and I rattled her out of it by asking her what she wanted me to do. "What?" she asked, and so I explained that if we had no way of getting in touch with her, I needed to know what she wanted to do to receive notification . . . was she going to give us an alternate number, or call us later with the info, or what? I ended up having to offer her another option because she couldn't think of something to do; I put our store number and a special note that she would call to check. (Turned out she called us back later and looked up her new phone number and gave it to us.) Anyway, she said she'd call us and asked me for the phone number. So I said, "Are you ready?" Blank look. Considering you want the phone number but have not bothered to get out paper or a pen, I imagine you're going to memorize it. ::sigh:: I finally rattled off the number to her as she copied it down. She wrote it down wrong and I had to correct her. (Does "three" sound like "six"? I mean, people make mistakes, but I thought it was weird.) Maybe I was on Candid Camera--it seemed that real people can't be this vague.

And two interesting incidents. One: I had a really nice customer who was very cheerful and pleased with my efforts to get him the book, and just generally he was a really nice guy. He even introduced himself at the end of our interaction and liked my "flair." (I have a lot of junk on my apron.) The other was a man who asked me a question by talking to my tits. I thought at first he was just trying to look at my name tag, but he kept doing it, talking directly to my breasts. That's tough to do to someone as little as me, but he bent down to do it. Wow, it must have been a sight worthy of close inspection! Yeah.


6/7/04

One of my first customers today came up and said, "Honey, can I have your help on something?" I agreed but then she came up and instead of asking for help on a book she wanted me to help her figure out how to work her cell phone! I kind of bewilderedly offered my guesses, but she shot me down and told me THOSE buttons didn't do that, they did THIS, and I just said okay, fine--I've never had a cell phone and I don't know how they work. She managed to stand RIGHT in my way in front of a bookshelf, not allowing me to finish what I needed to do, while she just stared at the phone and tried to figure it out. ::sigh::

Some lady came up as I was talking to another associate in front of Customer Service, and she said, "Is anybody helping here?" Heh, well yeah, if you ask us a question. She asked about a coupon and my coworker told her the answer, and then it turned out she thought she could pay us at that desk. She had to be steered to the proper place. Heh.

I was talking to the cashier (I did a lot of talking today, didn't I?) and this lady came up to check out. She was snotty about us not having something she'd wanted, and then she looked at us and said, "I bet you girls don't even READ, do you." We both contradicted her. Then after she left we talked bad about her. That's what you get when you make jackass assumptions. No, contrary to popular belief we are not jerky young punks who are just here for a job and work in retail because we're not literate. Thank you, drive through!

Some lady came up while I was still talking to the cashier and said, "I'd like to ask you a question," and I agreed, and then she just looked me over and said, "Um . . . well do you work here?" Dude. I am wearing an apron. And I am STANDING. BEHIND. THE. CHECKOUT. COUNTER. And I just agreed to answer your question! I do not understand this!!!!!!

And the annoying-est lady today:

This lady wanted this sort of historical book on the Jews, and I looked up the title and we were supposed to have it in the Judaism section. I told her so and as we were on our way over there she started going, "Oh, well I don't think it would be there, it's more of a historical book, blah blah," and this just makes no sense because if you know so well where it will be why did you ask for my help? Anyway it's not like I'm on a wild goose chase or like I'm guessing. I looked it up in the computer and it told me where to look. There is not room for interpretation in that. There is not more than one place we stock that thing. It goes there! If it's not there we don't have it! She continued to blab about how she thinks it's somewhere else, right up until I found a copy. It was the only one. For some reason I find it amusing when people get all tickled that they got the last copy, so whenever that's the case I always point it out, and did so this time too. "Oh, you got the last one." She was happy until she noticed that the front cover had a little snip in it, like someone had sliced it while opening the box.

"Do you have another copy?" she asked. OMG. We just discussed this didn't we?? Anyway she wanted something else about music, so I took her back over there and she was acting all grumpy about how we didn't have quite what she wanted there either ("So you don't have what I want?")--and she came to this conclusion without actually LOOKING at what we had. Anyway she kept whining about how she lives far away and doesn't want to make this trip again to get this book if she orders it in, is there any way I can send it to her house? I told her that was possible with a credit card, but she'd have to pay shipping. When I asked her if she wanted to do that, she asked about the shipping costs and I told her what they were and she was like, "So it will cost me MORE money to have it delivered to my house?" She said this like this was some kind of surprise. Um, yes, generally, when you want something delivered to your door instead of coming your ass out to get it, it costs more! So she decided not to do that and not to take the cut book either. She bugged me about whether we had "book tape" for it--no, if a book is DAMAGED and no one will buy it we get a replacement--and then finally she left in a cloud of dissatisfaction. You know, it's all our fault--I must have cut that book on purpose and arranged specifically to be out of classic song fake books in honor of her visit. Mnyeh.


6/6/04

First off, let's start off with a good comment: Some lady wandered up to me looking all starry-eyed and said, "How do you keep this place so clean?" She was in awe that my kids' section wasn't constantly a wreck. Heh, that's what happens when *I* take care of someplace! So there!

Some guy wanted to pick up a book he ordered and gave me his name. I asked him if it was his last name since it sounded like it could be either first or last, and then he said, "Yes." And then when we got to the counter, he told me something entirely different, and clarified that THAT was his last name. I don't understand why people answer me when they obviously haven't listened to the question.

I got called to the register for backup, so I was hurrying up to the counter. Just as I was past I heard someone back at Customer Service kind of disgustedly saying, "Hel-LO!" like they were yelling it after me. Oh, excuse me--I know you don't have any idea what my obligations are, nor do you have any clue how we run our store, but sarcastically shouting at me because you don't know I'm not the person who's supposed to help you is totally unacceptable. You don't know the situation, so shut up. Anyway, I didn't pay any attention to them--THREE other people in the store were available to run the desk--so I did my backup at the register and all was well. Except then the people came to my LINE. They told me they had books they needed to pick up and I told them that the place to do that was Customer Service. Unfortunately they interrupted me before I could tell them I would call someone to meet them at the desk, barking that they would just come back later, and then the guy of the couple made this snotty exasperated noise as they haughtily walked out the door. God, can you believe the shitty service at this place? After all, it's not like they're busy with one of their associates gone on lunch break or anything, I won't bother to understand what's going on in the store because all that matters to ME is that I get immediate service. Dorks!

I was called to Customer Service to help some woman and as she was going to the desk she kept stopping other customers and asking if they were Customer Service! Hahaha. Lady, just do what the cashier said: GO to the DESK and someone will be there to help you. I think there must be something wrong with people's perception, considering how often I get asked if I work at the store despite wearing an apron with the store's name on it, yet other times it's the other extreme and people are asking other customers.

This one lady was just dotty, but I found her amusing anyway. First off I signed her up for a discount card (go me!) and she spelled her name for me, and after I wrote it on her card she corrected me, saying I'd put an E where she'd said an A. I looked at the card and it was spelled the way she said it. I pointed out that it WAS an A and she just corrected me again. Finally I showed it to her and she was like, "OH." I don't like being corrected on my spelling, especially when I'm not wrong. But whatever. I noticed she had a pretty vague disposition so I took care to explain our E-check policy to her when I noticed she was writing a check, and she nodded and even had a conversation with me and a companion of hers about how it was better to process such things electronically so that college kids don't rip you off and bounce checks. (That's not why we do it--the company as a whole implemented E-check, not just because this is a college town, but I digress.) And then when I handed her check back to her as per the policy I'd already explained, she said, "Oh, wait, you need to take this," and I re-explained it, but then she came back with "NO, look here, you didn't take my check," so I had to explain it AGAIN. I was really nice about it and stuff, because I could tell she was just vague, not a jackass, but still, it was kinda goofy that she just wouldn't listen to me.


6/5/04

PEEVE OF THE WEEK!

I am currently particularly annoyed with people who ask another employee for something after I've already given them the answer. They find out from me that we don't carry something, or that we're out of it, and then they just thank me and go on to ask the exact same question of one of my peers. And they act like they're totally starting fresh, like they didn't already get the same story from another associate. It really irks me when customers think that I'm incompetent just because I didn't give them the answer they WANTED. I wish I could tell them, "Hey, I can hear what you're thinking, buddy, and I know you plan to ask 'someone who knows what they're talking about' as soon as you think I can't hear you. Nice try, asshole . . . I know all!"

Just a bunch of plain old annoyance today. Nothing major, just people being pains in my ass.

It was funny, my first three customers this morning, boom boom boom, they all went on the list. I was beginning to wonder if it was an epidemic. Perhaps I should wear a sicky mask around asshole people? Anyway.

First off, this lady wanted a pocket-sized version of a reference book for medicine. I knew what she was talking about, but there was nothing in the section to give her, and no way to search for something so general without an exact title. See, I have no way of telling my computer that I want the book to be a certain SIZE. However, when I explained to the lady that a search like she wanted wasn't possible on the computer, she just kept suggesting ways I could do it, like saying, "Okay, well try 'pocket size pill book' or something like that." Lady, you're just . . . not . . . LISTENING. I ended up having to take her to the section and pull out a paperback book that said on it "Pocket Size" that was nevertheless a regular paperback size. "THAT'S not pocket size," she said, and I told her I knew that, that was exactly what I was trying to illustrate; typing in "pocket size" is no guarantee that it actually is smaller than this, because this big old paperback says "Pocket Size" on it. The biggest problem with this whole interaction was that she kept holding onto this perception that the problem lay with my not knowing what she wanted rather than my inability to give it to her.

The next one was made into an Asshole file by a combination of factors. First of all, my cashier was trying to help this lady, but she didn't know how to spell the title (it was Cyrano de Bergerac). However, when I got to the desk she indeed had the book on the screen, so I assumed she had been successful. Then she walked away. I thought she was going away to find the book for the lady, while really she was just going back to the register and passing the customer off to me without telling me so, thinking I understood. Anyway, the lady sort of crabbily informed me that she didn't think the cashier was coming back, so I called after her and asked her, which she confirmed. At that point my phone rang so I ended up talking to the girl who does our Yu-Gi-Oh! tournaments while I was walking over trying to help this lady find the book. Now, our front has just been remodeled so I had to quickly find where they put Drama. I wandered down one aisle too soon while I was finishing up talking to the girl on the phone, but I quickly corrected myself and went down the next aisle, looking for Drama. I got off the phone with the girl and stopped being so distracted, and slowed down as we passed Poetry because Poetry is right next to Drama. This is where the lady just got annoying.

"It's NOT poetry," she protested, and I told her I knew that, I was familiar with the book. I found Drama and was poking through trying to find the R's (for Rostand) as she informed me that SHE thought it would be in Fiction/Literature. Lady, if you have so much information that you think you need to tell me how to find it, then why are you asking for my help? Let me just work here. I quickly found a copy and plucked it from the shelf, and handed it to her. That pacified her and she went away. Thank God.

Next I helped a lady in the kids' section. She did that lovely thing where instead of saying "excuse me" or trying to get my attention in a normal way, she just sort of started standing behind me and waiting for me to pull her questions out of her with a rope. Finally she said "Excuse me?" and I offered to help her, and she wanted a kids' book I've never heard of. So I looked it up on the computer and all I got was a kids' book with a similar but not identical title. At this the woman launched into an explanation that her son wants it because he wants to read it to his kid that his wife is now expecting and he said oh mom I can't find it anywhere and blah. Well, I repeated for her that the only book I could find that was close was this other one with a slightly longer title that didn't sound familiar to her. So she asked me, "Well, would any other bookstores around here carry it?" Why do they ask that? I have NO information on this thing, if I had any other info I would have told you. Yeah, I have no info, but somehow I can tell you that other bookstores have it. Gah! So I told her I didn't know what other bookstores have. I think I came off annoyed because she started getting shirty back at me, and was like, "I know you don't know, do you THINK they would?" and I calmed down a little and told her it was possible, there was no telling why we had no information so it was entirely possible that they only distribute through a warehouse we don't have access to. (That's kind of a lie. Generally if a book is in print and in normal circulation we can get it. Books that don't show up at all in the system are 99% of the time just out of print or only published at a small press.) So then she started asking me if we were the only bookstore locally--come on, use your head, of course we're not!--and started asking me where they were. That's just tacky, I think. What you do is you discreetly ask to borrow the phone book and look up the address, it's just bad manners to ask for directions to someone's competitor. But that's just me being picky. Sometimes I don't mind, at least when it's for something I can't help them with like DVDs or music, we don't carry that junk. Anyway. I gave her vague directions as to where the nearest one was and she went away. She seemed like an intelligent and generally amiable person, for the record, but it bothered me how all her questions seemed to insinuate that I was screwing up rather than there just being no information.

A woman came up to me while I was doing remodel chores in Kids' and told me there was no one at the customer service desk. "Do you know who's running that desk?" she asked. I told her no one in particular runs the desk and she can ask anyone, and said, "I can help you, what's your question?" She just kind of ignored me and glanced at the desk, and repeated that there was no one there and was there someone she could ask? I said, "I said any employee can help you, what are you looking for?" "Well I didn't see anyone at the desk." Argh! I always wonder why people make getting help so hard. I explained that *I* could *HELP* her, and she told me she was looking for a certain pregnancy book. I told her I knew offhand that we had it and started walking her in the direction of Pregnancy. "I already looked all through Parenting," she said. Well, parenting is a little premature for a fetus, wouldn't you say? How about we try the pregnancy section? And how about when an employee tells you they have a book, you don't contradict them by telling them you already looked where you think they're taking you? Anyway, I just don't understand why people ask for my help and then just don't seem to want me to help them. Was I supposed to stop and say, "Oh, you already looked? Too bad then, I'm sure you did a good job," and walk away? Of course I found the book and gave it to her. Mission accomplished. Ugh!

A lady told me she'd been ALL through the games and puzzles section and could not find the next volume of this omnibus crossword thingie. I told her that we probably didn't have it if she already looked there, because we don't put them anywhere else. Well, the lady told me that she might have just looked right at it and not seen it, so I accepted that and said I would help her look a second time. But before I did, I said, it might be a good idea to make sure we even carry what she's talking about. She had with her the ripped-out cover of volume 2 that she had already completed, and gave that to me as a reference to find volume 3.

Well, come to find out volume 3 hasn't been released yet. It's slated for release in September. The lady was absolutely floored by this and asked me, "Really? September? It's not out yet? Isn't that three months from now? So I just have to wait? REALLY?" As if this wasn't strange enough, she followed up by saying, "So I'm guessing that the one after that isn't going to be out right now either?" I just kind of stared blankly until she picked up her speech again, "Volume 4? Volume 4 won't be out either, I imagine?" I couldn't really hold back the laughter, it came out a little as I reminded her that if freaking volume 3 was not yet published it would be kind of tough for it to have a sequel that's already out, huh? She didn't seem to even care that I was amused by her dipshitosity and told me she'd better find herself something to tide her over. Because, you know, crosswords are really important.


6/2/04

I had a lady ask me for help in magazines; she was looking for a certain magazine that had something to do with NASCAR and had a certain person on its cover. I didn't know anything about that particular magazine (and she didn't have a title), but she was in fact standing in front of the only NASCAR magazines in the store, so I told her so, following up by explaining that I didn't know which particular magazine would have that guy on it but this is where it would be if we had it.

She looked at me and said, "YOU don't know much about NASCAR, DO you." I replied in my usual quick-as-a-whip fashion: "Nope! But I DO know that any magazines we have on the subject are right in that area. They're not hanging out in the craft section or anything." She seemed satisfied by that, but then informed me that she had not looked at the cover of one of the ones in the back yet. "Could you get that for me?" she said, and I just kind of looked back at her, somewhat dumbfounded. She noticed that I was not speaking and turned to look at me, and then realized aloud, "OH, you're even shorter than I am, aren't you?" Imagine that! Believe it or not, I have no special way of reaching the highest shelf of magazines just because I work here.

I helped a lady who was asking for books from several different lists. What bothered me is that in order to turn a page, she licked her finger and used the spit to help her traction or whatever. I don't like that anyway, but what made it worse is that every time she opened her mouth to lick her thumb, it made this sticky dry mouth sound. I don't know if you people know about me and mouth sounds, but I am utterly disgusted by them--I hate when people chew really loud or when movie scenes don't cover up the moist kissing noises with romantic music. Ugh, ugh, ugh. So I had to stand there and listen to this sticky mouth spit lady flipping pages. UGH!

A guy wanted a book whose title was not anywhere in my system. I couldn't even find anything related. As I was showing the man where he might find something on the subject, my boss started talking over the intercom as he often does, advertising the discount card and all that junk. The guy gave his attention to the overhead voice and said, "Oh, well I guess he would know, huh?" "He would know what?" "Well, he said he's the general manager, so . . . maybe HE would know where to find my book?" Gah. Yeah that's right guy, he hired all of us dimwits, but we're useless, we can't plug a title into a computer and find books or anything. Somehow it would be different if the MANAGER looked for the book. Thppt.


6/1/04

I love how people come in "just to check" if their book is in yet. This lady ordered a book at a time last week so recently that it wasn't POSSIBLE for the book to have made the order in time to be shipped on our weekend truck. I dunno. It just bugs me when either employees don't explain that there's no way it "just might" come before the date we give, or else the customer just hears what they want to hear.

Some lady asked me for medical reference books, and as I was taking her over there I uttered the fateful question, "Were you looking for anything in particular?" She told me she was looking for some pill reference, and she thought it was called PDR or PRD or something. I have heard of PDR and told her so, and then maybe I just felt like showing off because I told her it stood for "Physician's Desk Reference." When we got to the section I found her a couple different ones and for some reason this did not sink into her brain. You know, the fact that I FOUND what she was LOOKING for. "It's called like PRD or something," she said, and I corrected her by saying "PDR" again (wondering why she wasn't paying attention to the fact that I was holding one), and she just looked me square in the face and said, "Well, it's about the size of a Bible. . . . "

Oh my frickin' GAWD.

At that point I just wanted to take her by the hand and lead her over to the Bible section. I wanted to gesture around at all the sizes of Bible, from pocket to giant family heirloom size, and wave my hands frantically and yell, "ABOUT THE SIZE OF WHAT BIBLE, PRAY TELL?" This lady's comment has to be competing with some other real zingers for "least helpful comment ever made."


On to July!


Backlinks:
MAIN PAGE
WRITING PAGE
JOURNALS PAGE
WORK LOG PAGE