Uncle Avery's Garden
© 2001
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Review #5: Reviewed by: Mikey Comments: Again a great job with the internal dialog and the dialog with the uncle. These lines really stood out Of course I could he said," but I don't want to. I don't like the thought of them sitting in that unnatural package, waiting to be put into their rightful home, a seed unplanted is worse than a dead flower, because it never had a chance to bloom." Those lines really gave so much emotion. the last few paragraphs with the frame and the picture, makes this writing so visible to a reader and the last lines really summed it up awesome. a very beautiful story that was for some reason given a 3 star review. I do not see it that way I would say a high 4 star rating. ( and yes when I read the word bloom I did I thought of Kamber for a second. Very well written
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Review #4: Reviewed by: Dan M. Comments: Here's my opinion...
Here is a cute little piece, with a cute little ending lol. I found it to be well written, fairly interesting, and slightly touching. "My biggest question really is why is she so broke? Did I miss something crucial? This isn't something extremely major, and could probably be fixed with some minor tweaking of the story, but it did make the story a little hard for me to believe."
Now I can think of at least 100 different reasons why this person would and could be broke, despite whatever finacial aid and what-not they had arranged throuh the school. It makes me think that this person has maybe never lived in poverty or had any major unexpected expenses come up, and it just blew my mind that they would say something like that.
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Review #3: Reviewed by: Jeaux Comments: I found this to be a most enjoyable story. Very touching. You use very effective methods to enhance the emotion of the events. For example, the dream allows you to get to know her Uncle Avery to see what kind of a person he is. You get a sense of why it's possible that he could have touched her so much to make her keep her promise for so long, even at the expense of being broke. Also, after she decides to buy a frame, you mislead the reader into thinking it's for the dollar. Anybody who understood the symbolism of the dream would get mad that she missed the point. You then switch it so the frame is for the picture of her Uncle. The fact that she used the hundred to buy it (not that she had anything else to use, but still), also seems kinda like a tribute to his memory in two ways, the frame, and spending the money like he wanted. After the dream, you also have to wonder if maybe her uncle was disappointed that she refused to spend the money. I know i would be, you give them the money hoping they'll use it to get something to enhance their lives, and they just keep it. So instead of him up in heaven making fun of her, he was thinking "it's about fucking time" (of course i doubt they let them say cuss words in heaven). I don't know if you intended this, but i like the concept of her getting the meaning of his words so long after. And in the form of a dream no less. She kept her adult mind so was able to catch it this time. I also have to wonder if the first time that happened, he was trying to hint at the hundred dollar bill. Maybe he was hoping she'd catch on and spend it then. I guess better late than never! I know i'm reading a lot into it, but that's how i am. I really like to think of characters i read about as real people, so i have to think there are always little hidden intentions in there :)
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Review #2: Reviewed by: blink Comments: In some ways, this story reminds me of Hello Dolly (the part where Dolly says, "Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow.") Now, on to the critique. I liked the story; I think I must be one of those people susceptible to having their heartstrings tugged :) The only thing I didn't quite understand was why she was *so* broke. I never knew anyone who had much trouble getting student loans for school. I'd have thought if she was really that strapped for cash, she'd not only have sizeable student loans (probably pretty large since it sounds like she had great need of them) and on-campus employment..maybe in the cafeteria or library. The story mentioned something about getting another loan from the bank, but generally, students don't get loans from banks, they get them from the government/Department of Education/or wherever student loans come from. And I think you do reapply for it every year, but if there's need for the money, they give it to you. Is she not a fulltime student? Why is there only this one book she needs? How does she pay her other expenses? My biggest question really is why is she so broke? Did I miss something crucial? This isn't something extremely major, and could probably be fixed with some minor tweaking of the story, but it did make the story a little hard for me to believe. Aside from the not really understanding why she was so broke, I really liked the way you incorporated her dream into the story, to get her to use the money. It's beautiful :) and it sends a good message. You tend to use parallel imagery a lot, and it works really well in this story; I like the parallel between the sunflower seeds and the 100 dollar bill.
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Review #1: Reviewed by: The Author Herself Comments: This idea just kind of came to me, and I did very little thinking on it before I scrawled it down, which is unusual for my short stories. I think it came off pretty good considering that. I think it makes a good point, and may touch some people who are susceptible to having their heartstrings pulled. :) It could have been smoother and probably better, but I didn't spend much time on it and am reasonably satisfied with it as is.
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