Women Are From Venus

Men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus. WE ARE FROM EARTH.

Men and women are different in a lotta ways, but let's face it, we're also 99% the same. People tend to make a REALLY BIG DEAL out of those differences, trying to make them into these fundamental principles that prevent us from understanding one another. What is that all about?

I don't pretend that there aren't some differences. I mean, it seems true that men think about sex more than women, women like to talk more than men (and are better at it), men are more aggressive and strong, women are more passive and good with relationships . . . we all know the stereotypes, and we all know there are exceptions as well as people who totally fit the bill.

But none of us come from another planet! I really, really hate being expected to act like "a woman" because I'm female; I don't like it when guys assume that since I'm a chick it means I must "play mind games" and that I must like sales and shopping and dressing up. There are definitely things I've been socialized to do because I'm a girl, and that's fine and good; I'm okay with being partially a product of my culture. But some guys expect that since I'm a girl I must think completely differently from them. That since I'm female I can't be "figured out" and that I do "illogical" things. If you'd ask me I'd tell you why I'm doing it! It's not because I'm biologically programmed to be confusing to men.

"What do chicks want?" "Hey, what does my girlfriend mean when she says this?" "What do you look for in a man?" These are all things I've been asked with the attitude of "You're a girl; you know this stuff." Well, I've got news for anyone who asks this sort of thing. "What do chicks want?" All "chicks" want different things. If you're talking about a specific one, you'll have to ask her. "Chicks" in general do not have a consensus on what they want. We're people. Ask us. And don't expect to be able to generalize our answers. If you ask ten of us you're liable to get ten different answers. "What does my girlfriend mean when she says this?" Unless I know your girlfriend very well I'm not qualified to answer that. Chances are if I *do* know her very well I might be able to answer if she's talked about it to me and not you. But I'm not going to be able to answer for her just because we're part of the same gender.

"What do you look for in a man?" Same thing I look for in all people. Understanding. Humor. Someone I can get along with. Someone who shares my interests. Someone who'll listen and also contribute when we talk. Believe me, it's not your car, your money, or your muscles that attract me. If you think I'm b.s.ing you can shove it; that *really is* what I'd like to have in a friend. Of any gender. But that last question is a bit moot since I don't "look for" people in general.

Okay, so if you still don't believe me that guys and girls aren't from different worlds, at least accept this: some people are atypical. If you have to keep your little schemas for what's boyish and what's girlish, go ahead . . . just don't categorize everyone automatically based on what they look like. Go to Venus and I'm sure you'll find some guys hanging out there. Mars has a sizable chick population as well. But there's a whole universe out there: Plenty of planets with no particular god of old assigned to them yet. Soon as I claim one and name it, I'll let you know.

Any comments left here are PUBLIC. If you are not comfortable with that, mail me directly.

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Comments from others:

Mikey: This is perfection in words I myself find it an insult to be called a man by today's standard of what people call men (them there's fighting words)!!!!

Nathicana: I love this rant, it is so true. I hate that sexism (both towards males and females) is still mainstream, even in this day and age.

And Mikey, that comment was beautiful *wipes tear from eye*. My husband also believes that the modern, mainstream definition of "man" is insulting to men.

synesthesia: A. I hate that guy's stupid simplistic books. If folks need relationship advice, they should talk to their partner, not assume that that book is a manual on man or female behaviour when every man and woman is different.
B. I never fit into those gender stereotypes, and I will not try to in the first place. What does a woman want? Why not ask her? I know what I want. Such as more moth cocoons and butterfly crysallises.
And an axololt. As the key to my heart is not diamonds, but critters. Communication is needed nine times out of ten more than squeezing people into these tiny boxes. I could go on, but I must open this mail.

Pedro: Even though I'm not your 'typical guy' (more to come in a private e-mail) I definitely am 'such a guy' about certain things, and I do it unconsciously - it's just part of my worldview. Also most girls I know, even the cool ones, are 'such girls' about certain things. So yes, there is stuff that is innate to an X chromosome, or a double Y.