There is no need to HONK at me.

I am supremely annoyed by the fact that I can almost never ride my bicycle without having people HONK AT ME! I have come to the conclusion that people honk at me for one of three reasons:

  1. The person in the car knows me.
  2. The person in the car thinks I should not be on or near the road.
  3. The person in the car is a pig and thinks I am hot.

I will now explain why none of these honks are necessary, and demonstrate why some honkers should be shot.

If you know me and you see me riding on my bicycle, DO NOT honk at me. First of all, it generally scares the shit out of pedestrians and bicyclists when a car horn is unexpectedly honked near their heads. This intended friendly behavior could easily cause an accident. And furthermore, it is VERY unlikely that I can even see who you are unless you lean out the window. Most of the people who I have later found out honked at me for the purpose of a friendly "hi" did not know that I didn't know it was them. But here it is, folks, the news: I CAN'T SEE YOU. You're going too fast, and your car windows are either too dark or too reflective for me to be able to discern who the hell you are. So, DON'T DO THIS.

Secondly, I have a right to be in the bike lane. That is why it says BIKE LANE. Bicyclists, contrary to popular belief, are not blocking traffic when they are riding on the road; they ARE traffic. Do not honk at me because you think I am an insane weirdo riding down the road when I should not be or crossing the road in a crosswalk when you want to turn! I make use of bike lanes and crosswalks that are put there for the purpose of being MY place to ride, and I do not appreciate getting scared half to death by an ASSHOLE who doesn't understand this concept. In case you haven't read a driving manual lately, pedestrians--which includes bicyclists in this situation--have the right of way, though we usually understand that we can't enforce it unless we want to be run over. DON'T DO THIS.

And lastly, I'm sorry if you think my ass is cute, but your car horn does not express your approval appropriately. This annoys me quite a bit, and it does not improve my mood when you lean out the window and yell "WOOOOO BAYYYYYBEEEEEE!!!" In fact, the only purpose this accomplishes is ascertaining for which of the three reasons I've received a honk. DO NOT DO THIS. I WILL BEAT YOU INTO OBLIVION.

Thank you.

Any comments left here are PUBLIC. If you are not comfortable with that, mail me directly.

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Comments from others:

Mikey: Well this is one thing that I 100% agree I think that horns have their place as well as anything out there but I in general can't stand them, and certainly hate them when they are not being used for the right reason.

Akira: I've got a simple yet elegant solution for that: just get yourself an airhorn. When they honk at you, just blast 'em back with it. And if some pigs pull up to you, honking and wolf-whistling and such, nothing says "I'm not available" like a good 10-second blast of an airhorn to the face.

If that doesn't work, there's always Mallet Space! :)

Synesthesia: Honking is bad enough. Especially during a snowstorm, and since I do not have a car and probably will not get around to learning how to drive anytime soon I have to walk.
In the street.
Because people here do not shovel their sidewalks.
But what I hate more than honking is people yelling at me from their cars. Why do people do this? Do they have no home training?! It's RUDE!
Yesterday on my way home 3 people yelled at me from their cars. One time some girl was death metal growling on some sort of microphone as she passed by in an SUV. She scared the beejeesus out of me!
Usually when I'm walking down the street heading home I'm thinking. I'm trying to tweek and world build with these stories I've been struggling with for years. I do not appreciate being interrupted by people's stupid screaming and shouting because they have nothing else better to do. This along with popping gum in public and at work needs to be banned.
Or at least people need to have the sense and manners not to do such things! It makes me want to go all Iorek on some people and rip them out of their cars and just shake them a few times before putting them back in their cars.

Hehariot: I hate pervs. An old man tried hooking up with my sister once...