Asking for a Picture
YOU DO NOT NEED TO SEE ME TO TALK TO ME.
I don't mind sharing my pictures; I mean, there're like a billion of them up on my website, right? Why do I get so uptight about this subject, you ask? BECAUSE MY PICTURE IS FREQUENTLY REQUESTED BEFORE MY NAME! What kind of crap is that??
I've heard all kinds of excuses for why it is not dippy to ask me to send my picture immediately upon meeting me. A lot of people insist they believe it's somehow about honesty, or explain condescendingly that they DESERVE to see the person they're talking to and they're entitled to ask anyone they please. And yet somehow they act like they're offended if I suggest that their real motivation is "to see if you're good-looking enough to waste my time hitting on you." Sure, not everyone who wants my picture would necessarily stop talking to me if I turned out to be ugly. But I still think they shouldn't be asking for my picture first thing . . . or even in the first five minutes. It's acceptable if I mention something related to my appearance, like that I am really short or have very long hair, and they just want to see. It is different when they come out of nowhere going "hey, u got a pic 2 trade???" Here are statements I've been given by guys who've asked for my picture regarding why they want to see me.
So, in short, I'm tired of people obsessing over the sense of sight and considering knowing what I look like a necessary part of getting to know me. Sure it would come up eventually but "eventually" is not the first five minutes of knowing me. Leave me alone.
- I just want to see who I'm talking to. [In cyber-dork language: i jsut wanna c who im talkin 2] My beef with this one: How the heck does seeing my picture help you get to know who I am? What I look like is not "who." I understand that in normal conversation you see the person you're talking to, and that a lot of people are obsessed with vision, but why is it that these people seem physically incapable of carrying on a conversation with me unless they can see my picture? Is it impossible to talk to someone you can't picture? I have literally had guys talking to me for over fifteen minutes begging periodically for my picture, refusing to talk about anything else except said picture until either they find my website or they give up. IT IS RIDICULOUS.
- In real life, I'd see you before I spoke to you. [In cyber-dork language: if i saw u 4 real off the comptuer id c wht u look like 1st] Um . . . so? One of the things I really like about the Internet is that they DON'T see you first, so I can be reasonably sure that people aren't striking up a conversation with me because they really enjoy looking at my chest or something. Why do they feel this need for our Internet chat to mirror real life in this respect?
- I just want to make sure you're really a girl! [In cyber-dork language: i jsut wanna c if ur realy f] All righty, then. Now, how does my picture prove that I'm "really" a girl? I could just as easily be a guy sending out a girl's picture. I had a guy tell me once that he would be able to tell if it was a "personal" picture, at which point I informed him that it is very easy to send out personal pictures of girl friends even if you are a guy. I'm not sure who he thought he was fooling with this one, trying to make it sound all noble or something, but I'm pretty sure he just wanted to know what I looked like. (He said so in so many words later, saying "i just get curious.")
- I don't want there to be any surprises. [In cyber-dork language: if ur a freak i wanna kno now so i can go hit on the sexy chix insted of u] Yes, they don't want any "surprises" . . . in other words, they want to know if you're ugly, disabled, a midget, the wrong race, whatever, before they waste their time trying to get you in bed. I don't know what they think this line sounds like when they deliver it, but it's obvious they're very interested in the physical presence above all else and want to make sure you're not damaged goods before they waste precious brain cells trying to have a conversation.
- I like honest girls. If you won't show me your picture, it makes me think you have something to hide. [In cyber-dork language: lol then that means u r a dog or somethin] Well, this is hands-down the most psychology-riddled attempt to collect pictures that I've come across. Somehow they think if I'm made to believe only ugly girls hide their pictures, I will cough up the goods. What's sad is a lot of the time they really believe that if a girl won't send out her picture it must mean she is hideous. If I am hiding my picture, it means there is something wrong with me. The more intelligent ones attempt to shame me into giving it out, thinking they're really all that . . . oh, no. I really don't think so. I see through this easily . . . if I'm pretty, I'll be hurt by this and send my picture, and if I'm ugly, they haven't lost anything anyway.
- I'm just curious. What, is that a crime? [In cyber-dork language: cmon i jsut wanna c!!!] No, it's not a crime, and no, it's really not all that bad. But if I say I don't want to send you my picture, FRIGGIN' LEAVE IT ALONE and shut up about it! Why is it so important that you see my picture anyway? Just talk to me and maybe I'll have a reason to show you what I look like later! Grr.
Any comments left here are PUBLIC. If you are not comfortable with that, mail me directly.
Comments from others:
Mikey: Looks are not important it is what is inside that is important, but it seems that our sex drenched culture hasn't seen fit to find that to understanding as of yet so unfortunate.
D: Now I took a minute to look, and I see why your friends call you Pixie ^_^. But anyway. Not the point here.
The point is, I have gone YEARS chatting with people before ever seeing a picture of them. And you know what? I don't care! I love people's personalities. I love talking to them, and listening to what they have to say. So seeing what they look like isn't important. I have solid friendships (and have had relationships) with people that many people don't consider good looking. And I don't understand what looks have to do with friendship. Am I supposed to have pretty friends or I'm not a good person? Or if I dont' have pretty friends I'm just a bleeding heart. T_T Yes, I have gotten that before. I think it hurt me more than it hurt my friend...
Nyasu: Damn. Seeing all these rants about the idiots you come in contact with on the internet is startting to make me doubt the collective intelligence of humanity yet again (not that I wasn't misanthropic enough as it is ;)
I must ask though...how do you find yourself contacted by morons of that sort? As it's never happened to me, I really don't get how it happens in the first place. But then...pretty much my only online interaction is message boards of a certain topic where perverts are *very* unlikely to flock. I even remember one time a guy made a thread complaining that his girlfriend wasn't putting out for him enough, and immediately all the guys on the forum started whailing on him. =D
Oh well, in the immortal words of Foamy: "May your days be bright and your contact with stupidity limited."
PS: Chatspeak is idioic. I can understand the occasional "wtf" "zomg" and "lol" but seriously... o__O;
Austin: I actually like to chat with someone for a while before, if ever, I do see their picture, because you get to know them and not what their physical image would make you think they are. If everyone met someone first and saw them later, people would no more about their friends and enemies.