Kerasa: Very good, but then again, it was more of a list than an essay... But then again, you're only 14, so i should feel sorry for you.

[My public response was the following:]

swankivy: I have no idea why this person thought I was 14 since I'M TWENTY-SEVEN, and it's a bona fide essay, not a "list" at all . . . but then again, the author of this comment doesn't seem to have her facts straight at all, so perhaps I should return the pity.

[And then I addressed her directly by private e-mail:]

To: Kerasa
From: Ivy

Hi Kerasa:

You left this comment on my page for my Eragon essay:

Very good, but then again, it was more of a list than an essay... But then again, you're only 14, so i should feel sorry for you.

Okay, so what do you mean by this?

My essay kind of rambled on in a very NON list-like format, so I don't know what makes you call it a "list" instead of an "essay."

And I'm not 14. I'm 27.

Regardless of my age, why should you "feel sorry for" me? Did I do something deserving of pity in your opinion?

I see you really don't seem to have your facts straight, so maybe asking you to justify or clarify your claims is unfair if I'm talking to someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, but I'm offering you a chance to at least TRY to explain. . . .

~*~ivY

[And she wrote back! Surprised?]

To: Ivy
From: Kerasa

For someone who's 27, you are offended like a 14 year old. If your going to act like that towards observations, why do you have a feedback bar at the bottom of your essay. Not everybody in your life is going to love your essay, just like you hate eragon. I do not hate your essay, and i was only trying to make an observation/suggestion. But if your going to tell me i'm stupid and you are perfect, you are acting like a 14 year old and i do feel sorry for you. I'm not going to tell you why i said those things, because you will be even more offended.

[Wow. Can you say "has NO ability to form a coherent argument"?]

To: Kerasa
From: Ivy

For someone who's 27, you are offended like a 14 year old.

Astute observation! Yes, "offended like a 14-year-old." I think you're going to have to give me a little clarification on this one, even though being verbally clear does not appear to be your strong point . . . how exactly did I seem 14?

If your going to act like that towards observations, why do you have a feedback bar at the bottom of your essay. Not everybody in your life is going to love your essay, just like you hate eragon. I do not hate your essay, and i was only trying to make an observation/suggestion.

I have a feedback bar on the bottom of my essay because I like feedback. Good or bad. Your response wasn't feedback. It said two things and both of them made no sense, so I asked for clarification.

1. You said my essay was more of a list than an essay. It isn't a list at all. So before I can have any kind of understanding of your comment, I have to have a better explanation of what in the world that could mean. There's nothing remotely list-like in my essay. If that's a criticism, be clear.

2. The other thing your response said was "but you're only 14, so I should feel sorry for you." I'm not 14, so that part made no sense, but if I was 14, I still don't see how that means you should feel sorry for me. What did I do that you think I need pity from you?

I don't have a problem with it if you don't like my essay. Lots of people who like Eragon don't like my essay, though sometimes (like you) they can't express themselves very well to say why. Usually it just boils down to "you hate something I like, so you suck." Now, if you have more to say on the subject, you can explain to me why "your essay is more of a list than an essay" makes any sense, and you can explain to me why you mistook me for 14 and deduced that I was deserving of pity because you thought I was 14.

But if your going to tell me i'm stupid and you are perfect, you are acting like a 14 year old and i do feel sorry for you.

I didn't say "you're stupid." I didn't say "I'm perfect." I said your response didn't seem to make any sense.

I'm not going to tell you why i said those things, because you will be even more offended.

No, I'm offended if you throw "criticism" at me and then can't explain it when I don't understand it. I don't get what your criticism meant, so this is not born out of my not liking to be criticized. It is born out of my wanting to know what the feedback MEANT. The offensive thing is you saying it and then not backing it up when I'm very clearly asking you to.

You know what I bet happened? You didn't pay any attention when you were looking at the Eragon hatelisting, which is run by someone who's not me. We're very clear about not being each other, but she has a link to me. HER hatelisting is more of a list than an essay, and SHE states that she's 14 (though she needs to update, she's 15 now), but I still don't see how you went to a whole separate page and then still thought it was the same person's stuff. Everywhere she posts the link, she says "I'm not Ivy," and on my essay I mention that the hatelisting isn't mine but Cara's. If you couldn't figure that out even though we stated it very plainly, I'm going to bet that your feedback, good or bad, isn't going to be very well-thought-out or useful to either of us.

Now, if you can just write back to me in a civil manner and explain to me what you meant by your supposed criticism, I'd be glad to listen--indeed, that's why I have a feedback bar, because I do like to know what people think even if they do not agree with me. But if you're just going to tell me I'm "acting 14" WITHOUT TELLING ME WHY or throw more pretend pity at me, I'd just as soon not hear from you. If you can't back up your responses with any clarification, I'll just assume you can't communicate and perhaps pity you in return, because you're going to have a hard life if you sling accusations without being able to give good reasons for them.

~*~ivY

To: Ivy
From: Kerasa

i liked your essay, but i am not going to be interrogated... goodbye

[Oh no, drives a hard bargain there! I feel PUNISHED!]

To: Kerasa
From: Ivy

i liked your essay, but i am not going to be interrogated...

I would hardly call it an interrogation if I didn't understand your critique and asked you to explain what it meant--and asked you to justify your random unexplained pity for being 14 (even though I'm 27)--but since that's how you respond to being asked to actually back up what you say, I'll leave it at this and hope you never join your school's debate team. . . .

~*~ivY

To: Ivy
From: Kerasa

Next time you would like somenone's clarification, i would suggest the "may i ask you what you meant?" method instead of the "scrutinizing every word in the email and telling them how they're wrong on every word method." You'd be amazing how much more successful you'd be... but if this will end this email rant about how i'm wrong let me tell you:

Your essay was justly made in every possible way

I'm a total eragon freak and dont know what i'm talking about

You are 27 and a misconepted of age was on my part

now GOODBYE

To: Kerasa
From: Ivy

Next time you would like somenone's clarification, i would suggest the "may i ask you what you meant?" method instead of the "scrutinizing every word in the email and telling them how they're wrong on every word method."

Interesting you should say that. My first response to you was this:

You left this comment on my page for my Eragon essay:

::Very good, but then again, it was more of a list than an essay... But then again, you're only 14, so i should feel sorry for you.::

Okay, so what do you mean by this?

My essay kind of rambled on in a very NON list-like format, so I don't know what makes you call it a "list" instead of an "essay."

You'd be amazing how much more successful you'd be...

As you see above, I tried that already. It didn't work.

If you thought I smacked you with an attitude you didn't deserve, look at your original response to my essay. You said "you're only 14, so I should feel sorry for you." Does that sound to you like a polite statement at all? You're not going to get civil, nice responses when you make statements you don't want to explain and then say "I feel sorry for you because of your age for no apparent reason."

if this will end this email rant about how i'm wrong let me tell you: Your essay was justly made in every possible way

Ahh, cue sarcasm.

Breakdown: You complained about its being a list, and it wasn't. So I said "what do you mean by that?"

I'm a total eragon freak and dont know what i'm talking about

I don't know about the first part, but when you said you thought I was 14 it clued me in that you probably got your wires crossed. More reason to ask for you to explain. Which was met with unwillingness to answer and sarcasm. Fun!

now GOODBYE

I'm not writing you to be annoying, but if it is annoying you and you don't want to have any more conversations with me, you can stop replying. I reply whenever I have things to say, and as long as there are unresolved issues, I still have things to say.

My issues weren't with whether you like Eragon, whether my essay was perfect, or whether I'm 14 or 27. My issues were with why you gave me the critique you did--I don't know what made you say it was more of a list than an essay, and I wanted clarification--and I ended up having to assume that you probably ended up believing me and Cara (the creator of the Eragon hatelisting) are the same person or something. I can only assume if you won't tell me directly, I'm afraid.

That's about all I've got to say on the subject, so if you decide to either come around and clarify the stuff at the root of this whole discussion OR just ignore me, either will suit me. . . .

~*~ivY

[Surprise, she had nothing more to say.]