Azriel: lookin for meaningless sex?

SwankiVY2: Actually . . . you couldn't have asked a less appropriate person.

SwankiVY2: Um . . . were you serious? I hope you were joking.

Azriel: of course.

SwankiVY2: Odd way to start a conversation, mister. . . .

SwankiVY2: I've seen weirder, though.

Azriel: sorry, i'm really horny.

SwankiVY2: I tend to feel that people should keep that to themselves if nothing admirable can be done about it. . . .

SwankiVY2: What in the world are you doing on AOL if you're horny?

Azriel: looking to have phone sex or hook up with someone locally.

SwankiVY2: I think that's weird.

Azriel: i guess so.

[For the record . . . I certainly don't think sex, even meaningless sex, is bad. But since this guy should have been able to see that I was not interested, he clearly wasn't interested in approaching me respectfully. Badgering an unwilling party for sex is the crime I'm reacting to here--not the concept of him wanting sex at all.]

SwankiVY2: What do you get out of phone sex? I swear, I'd start laughing if anyone tried that with me.

Azriel: i know, but i tried it nad if both people are into it, it is really good.

SwankiVY2: Oh. Well, that would explain it. . . .

SwankiVY2: I wouldn't be able to get into it. I'm nonsexual.

Azriel: what do u mean?

SwankiVY2: I don't have any sexual feelings.

SwankiVY2: I don't have, nor have I ever had, those particular impulses.

Azriel: why not?

SwankiVY2: I don't know. It just never happened to me.

Azriel: i'd like to talk to you, and see if we can't get you to cum out of your shell.

SwankiVY2: Um . . . you don't seem to understand that those kind of things aren't appealing to me. It's not a "shell"; it isn't as if I'm too shy or embarrassed. It's that I'm simply not physically interested.

Azriel: why not?

Azriel: have you ever kissed a guy?

SwankiVY2: I told you, I don't know. Sexual arousal is a physical thing, and it has never happened to me.

SwankiVY2: Yes, I have kissed many guys.

Azriel: have you ever received head?

SwankiVY2: Received head?

SwankiVY2: I'm not sure I know the definition of that.

Azriel: been eaten out?

SwankiVY2: No, I haven't.

Azriel: i love doing it. I hear I'm real good.

Azriel: i'd love to try it on u if you don't mind.

SwankiVY2: Um . . . how much more bluntly can I say it? NO?

SwankiVY2: I am not aroused by that.

Azriel: i know, but if you let me try, i will arouse you.

Azriel: what do u look like?

SwankiVY2: I doubt that. There have been guys who have tried for two and a half years.

Azriel: i'm the one.

Azriel: trust me.

Azriel: where do u live?

Azriel: i make housecalls.

SwankiVY2: Do you honestly feel that you are that important? You must be nothing but ego.

Azriel: actually, i am really cute, for real. I just like pleasing women.

SwankiVY2: Well, I've been told I'm cute too, but I don't use it as a conversation piece.

SwankiVY2: I also don't begin conversations with requests for "meaningless sex."

SwankiVY2: What makes you think you could possibly be "the one"? [ . . . ]

Azriel: i know, i'm sorry, it was crude and insensitive.

SwankiVY2: Yes, it was . . . and you're still trying

Azriel: you just have to trust me. I know that you would walk away feeling wonderful.

SwankiVY2: I'm not sure whether to laugh or throw up.

SwankiVY2: I think I'll laugh right now.

Azriel: if u do not want to meet, bye.

SwankiVY2: Are you serious? Are you SERIOUSLY trying to hook up with someone on AOL for meaningless sex?

Azriel: yes.

[ . . . ]

SwankiVY2: I wish you love and luck. I'll leave you alone now so that you can get on with your activities, whatever they may be.

[What's really sad is that a couple nights later, this happened.]

Azriel: hello, i'm scott

SwankiVY2: Hi there.

Azriel: what's up?

SwankiVY2: Nothing. . . .

Azriel: me neither, i'm a lil horny, u?

SwankiVY2: Bwahaha!

SwankiVY2: Wait a second, let me send you something in the mail. . . .

Azriel: huh?

Azriel: ok

[At this point, I sent him a copy of our previous conversation in his email.]

SwankiVY2: You've got mail . . . *giggle*

[And he checks it.]

Azriel: YES, that is my brother, he will love that. thanx a million

SwankiVY2: Shuuuuure.

SwankiVY2: *giggle* You sure are pathetic, dude.

Azriel: whatever, but thanx, for real

Azriel: bye now

SwankiVY2: Seee ya! Hope you get some sex and don't end up with the bathroom sink again!

[You'd think that would be the end of it. You'd be thinking wrong.]

Azriel: hi

SwankiVY2: hi

Azriel: what up

SwankiVY2: not too damn much. You?

Azriel: just real bored and lonely

SwankiVY2: Yeah, I know.

Azriel: so, what should we do about this?

SwankiVY2: Well. You're bored, right?

Azriel: yes...

SwankiVY2: Well . . . I got an idea that might amuse.

Azriel: what?

SwankiVY2: How about you start keeping a log of which people you've already IMed for sex, so that you don't IM some of us three times?

Azriel: ok

SwankiVY2: This is I believe the third time you've propositioned me . . . isn't there anyone else online, and have you just not gotten enough?

SwankiVY2: I mean . . . If you like I could mail you our conversations where I told you off, if you don't remember them.

Azriel: no, sorry

SwankiVY2: Please don't IM me for sex again. It's really starting to get pathetic, if it's possible for you to become even more of a lowlife.

Zei-kun: OMG This guy is so pathetic...i feel sorry for you that had to put up with this guy three times ¬¬