5/31/04
I was stocking and this dude came and stood at the end of my aisle. I dunno, maybe he was hoping I'd finish what I was doing and walk his way and he'd be able to intercept me, but . . . I wasn't exactly planning on moving anytime soon since I was arranging stuff. Anyway, I only vaguely noticed him and figured that either he was standing there waiting for something or standing there looking at the displays, so I just waited for him to say something if he wanted me. Finally he did: "Can you HELP me??" in this sort of exasperated way. Dude, it wasn't like you were standing there tapping me on the shoulder and I didn't respond. Anyway, I said sure I could help him, and he just continued to stand there. Maybe he expected me to help him with whatever I wanted? I could help him get this really nice kids' book. Oh wait. So I prompted him to ASK ME A QUESTION. And he did. After all was said and done I went back to my work, only to see him pass by me later and call out, "Where do I pay for this?? At that desk over there?" pointing to the wrong one. I told him where to go. ::sigh::
I overheard this one: Some lady wanted a book and we didn't carry it. My coworker told her that, and she decided she didn't want to order it, but demanded, "But WHY don't you carry it?" I love these people who think that there must be SOMETHING WRONG if we don't carry a book. Fact of the matter is, MOST books that are in print, we don't carry! News flash, huh? If we carried every book in print, the store would be . . . let's just say a LOT bigger.
You ever talk to someone who thinks you're completely filled in on their situation in the first sentence? I had a girl come up and say, "Don't you guys sell newspaper newspapers?" I repeated back to her, "'Newspaper newspapers'?" and she was like "Yeah, like The New York Times?" I pointed out where we kept it, but I did wonder what we had that classifed as just "newspapers" which made her specify that she wanted newspaper newspapers.
Some woman with a bad hip reamed out one of my coworkers today. Haha. She came into the store and went where she usually goes to get her paperbacks, only to find that we've remodeled and paperbacks are in the front of the store now. So she went into a ranting fit about how we should have warned her with a sign on the door! What? A sign on the door? Well, we do have one that says to pardon our dust because we're remodeling, though to be quite honest I can't remember if it's still up. You're telling me that you think we need a sign "warning" you that things have moved? Because, you know, a quick glance around would tell you that. Not to mention that she probably wouldn't have read the sign anyway.
On a related note, I'm very amused by these people who come in and ask me where the travel section is. I show them and then they righteously inform me, "Well, it SAYS 'Travel' over THERE." Yes. Because that's where Travel used to be. And we're REMODELING. Actually I don't know if the company is going to ever fix it, because they're fucking cheap and they don't want to buy the paint they'd have to buy to fix the wall if they took down the letters, but . . . I digress.
I helped a lady find something in Biography. I looked it up and told her who it was by, then quickly added that Biography is arranged by who they're about, not who they're by. But in this case it didn't matter because it was an autobiography. Anyway, we got to the section, and she goes, "Well, I can't make heads or tails of how you have these organized." I already told her that it was by who they're about, and it says it on the signs above each section too. But some people won't let you help them no matter what.
Some dude was waiting at the customer service desk. I saw him from afar while I was busy helping someone else. He saw me too, and kept standing there. After I finished with my customer, I came to the desk only to see him sort of quickly walking away from the desk. I just shrugged and went back to my work, and he walked by me a couple more times, but just as I put stuff down to go talk to him because I was sure he wanted my help, he'd glance at me and then WALK AWAY again. It wasn't long before he went to the checkout and I heard my name paged to go to the desk, so I met him there. Finally, he gets to ask. . . . JERKNESS ABOUNDS. He asked for a certain book and it rang a bell because someone from the other store had called me and asked me to hold it. I asked him if he'd had it held and he was like "Oh, yeah well I think so, someone at the other store. . . . " Yeah. Dude, you KNOW they held it for you because otherwise I wouldn't have known what last name to put it under--you GAVE it to them. I got him his book and he went away. If he'd gotten someone else at the desk besides the person who'd happened to have taken his call, they would have taken him to the section and found no copies because he'd had one pulled for himself, and that was the last one. I can just see it now: "Oh, but the other store called and you said you had it!" "Did you have them hold it?" "Oh yeah. . . . " Blah de blah.
Similar thing happened with some lady who called my coworker to reserve a book only to find out that we didn't have twenty copies in stock for her class (gasp!). So she said she'd order it and thanked him, then came in and wanted the book on hold under her name. Lady, you didn't ask for anything to be held. Her response: "But I did want to take a look at it!" Yeah, well. Just learn to say what you mean, people.
Ooh, this one was fun. Some lady called and said she didn't know if she ordered the book at this store or the other one but wanted to know if it was in. I asked if she'd gotten a call and she said she hadn't; that was why she was calling because we'd told her it'd be in on Saturday. So I checked under her last name on the hold shelves and didn't find it, and then found her book at my next step, the pile of people we hadn't been able to reach. I told her I found it, and in the notes it said that we'd tried to call her on 5/29 and there had been no answer. "But I have an answering machine and it picks up on the first ring. Nobody tried to call me!" Well. I told her that that was what the person wrote on there, that they tried to call on 5/29 and there was no answer. "But I have an answering machine!" she insisted. "How can that be?" I said, "Well, I can't answer that, I'm not the one who tried to call you." You think we just decided, tee-hee, we just won't call THIS one lady, and it'll be a gas, she won't get her book and for some reason this will benefit us! No, we're not persecuting you. And it doesn't matter anyway because I just told you we have your goddamn book and it's sitting here waiting for you. Get over it.
Some girl wanted an audio book, so I showed it to her. "Is this going to be cheaper?" she asked, and I asked her to clarify because I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean. "You know, is that the price? Or is it going to be cheaper?" So I asked her if she was meaning to ask if it was going to go on sale or something. . . . She said no, see the online price is different and she wants to know if this will be matched. No dice, lady. Am I the only person who knows that THINGS ARE NOT SOLD AT RETAIL PRICE ONLINE??
And my favorite for today: A lady called and asked me what time the Oaks Mall opens today, being that it's a holiday. "I don't know," I said, "We're not them, I don't know what their hours are." "But I guess the shops are open?" she persisted, and I said I didn't know; she could call the Oaks Mall information desk. Still she kept on trying to get the mall's hours out of me, and I didn't understand why until suddenly it clicked. . . .
Shit. She thinks we're IN the goddamn mall.
I informed her that our store was not part of the mall--we were just next door to it--and that she could look them up under "Oaks Mall" in the phone book and call their information desk. I was just waiting for her to tell me to poke my head out and look at their hours, but she didn't. That woulda been hard, since even though I said we were next door, it's actually like a ten-minute walk and across a busy road. Nope. We're not the mall.
5/30/04
Some lady five or six aisles away from where I was stocking said, "Hi." Pause. "Hi there." I figured she couldn't be talking to me . . . she was too far away and hadn't gotten my attention, and was talking to my back. But then she said, again, "Hi. Hi there." She was closer this time. I turned around and she was still really far away, but then finally she got in my space and said, "Hi." Then asked me for something.
Am I picky for wondering why this woman didn't just say "Excuse me"?
Or even just "Hey you." Not just "Hi. Hi there. Hi. Hi there." That's not a demand for attention. That's a greeting. When you're talking to someone's ass, you don't use a greeting.
Some dude wandered up to me and asked if we sold magnetic letters. I told him we didn't. He went away. Then I got called to do the cash register break, and that guy came up to me to check out. "You don't sell magnetic letters, do you?" he asked. Hahaha. Not only did he think my answer had not been satisfactory--and I hate that, when customers just ask all the associates hoping maybe they'll get that ONE who'll give them a different answer--but he couldn't even tell I was the same person. I'm not used to that, I'm used to being pretty recognizable. So I was understandably rattled by that. Anyway.
5/29/04
It drives me up the wall when people just expect that I know what they're talking about when I actually need to hear the rest of the sentence to be able to answer the question. Coming up to me and saying, "Do you have books for, like, you know . . ." and making vague hand gestures that could mean anything . . . sorry, no dice. All right, next!
I had to do returns for two people that deserved to be poked in the eye.
First up was a mother-daughter team, or so it seemed. They wanted to do a return and they had the receipt, so I asked, "Do you have the credit card this was charged on with you?" "No," answered Mom, and just continued to stand there and look around. I told her that if she didn't have the card for me to charge it back to, I couldn't perform the return. "Okay," she said, and just continued to stand there. I determined that she must not be listening to me, because if she had been, she would have figured out that my statement was basically a very VERY nice version of "Now fuck off." I repeated to her that without the credit card there was nothing I could do, at which point she asked if she could just do an exchange then. I said she could, and the pair went to shop.
I saw the couple walking around the store and they asked me one more question: "Hey, do you think we could just get cash instead?" Yeah right. We just give cash on credit card returns, sure . . . and as if I wouldn't have offered that as an option if we could do it. Jeez. . . .
Eventually I was called back to take care of them when they found the stuff they wanted. Problem was, the items they'd picked out only ended up being half the price of the returned book. I told them so. They started moseying around looking for other crappy items to throw into the bag, and the woman came back with a Burt's Bees tin and a little bookmark, both of which were around four dollars. She had eleven bucks or so to spend. "But ring this up first!" she insisted, and since it didn't MATTER, they STILL didn't have enough stuff, I ignored her and rang up the bookmark first because that was what I'd grabbed, and the lady repeated that she wanted me to ring up Burt first because "I definitely know I want that." Well, I rang it up and told her how much more she had to spend. At this point the daughter chimed in that she doesn't read; she only reads what they force her to read at school. Brilliant.
Finally we got to the point where she got over the limit and owed me some change. "Now I owe you money," she said, and I said that was the case and told her how much. I already had my piece of paper out to write down these things for later posting on my evil website, and started scribbling my notes . . . but I looked up to see she was just standing there looking at me. Dammit, you're supposed to be fumbling for change! So she's like, "I owe you some money right?" and I said the total again, and she's like, "Sorry, I didn't hear you. . . . " I guess she realized I was kinda annoyed. We finished up and I gave her the return slip to sign. She signed it on the line marked "Manager." ::sigh::
My second return came immediately afterwards, which of course was a strain on my poor Asshole-saturated brain. The woman had a couple Atkins diet books and I asked what the deal was on the return. She said, "Oh, I'm returning these." Really, I wouldn't have guessed. I asked for clarification. "What is the reason they're coming back?" "Oh, I juss. . . ." She didn't finish the sentence, despite my continued stare. "You just?" I replied. "Well, I juss. . . . " A helpless hand gesture later, she still hadn't finished her sentence. I told her I needed a REASON. She told me she "juss didn't wan' 'em." Uh-huh, I can see that, 'cause you're bringing them BACK.
Anyway. I saw from her receipt that she had bought them with a discount card, so I asked if she had it with her. "Naw, I din' bring all that," she said, so I told her that was no problem and said I could look her up. She began spelling her name, and I couldn't find it in the database, which prompted a repetition of the spelling. Finally dropped the bomb and told me, "Oh, and my last name is. . . . " Thunderstruck, I was like, "You've had me looking under your FIRST name?" Ugh. She didn't seem to realize this was ridiculous and just kinda shrugged.
I told her I was glad she had such an unusual first name because there were a lot of people in the database with her last name. "No," she said. No what? "No, there's not." Um, yes, I'm LOOKING AT THEM. "There are about thirty other people in here with your last name, and that's just at our store," I said, and she replied, "No, couldn't be." Dude! Not like it matters, because I FOUND your entry, but what the fuck do you think I'm looking at here? Rugby scores? Anyway I completed the return and got her out of there. And then I went in the back room and blew up. They cleaned my guts off the lights the next morning.
A funny thing: Some guy asked me for "toddler recipes" today. I found out he meant books for cool foods to feed to toddlers, but my first thought was Barbecued Baby. . . . Sure would like to try that one with some of these little shits who keep fucking up my Thomas display.
5/25/04
This one was sometime last week actually, but I only just discovered that I'd forgotten to mention it, so I'll detail its crappiness here!
A woman called, immediately showcasing her vague disposition by being unsure of how to begin her sentence. (Yeah, folks, there's nothing like picking up the phone to help someone and being confronted with "Hello, uhhhhhhhh. . . . ") Anyway, her story (once it was out) went something like this: "I THINK I got a gift certificate there once. I don't know if I did though, or how much is on it, or where the card is. Can you look it up?" Look it up, she says. First off, have you EVER given name and address information (or in fact ANY information) to a cashier when purchasing a gift certificate anywhere? Of course not, because no one logs such things, people just make purchases. Secondly . . . what next, shall I "look up" your bank account and see if you have enough cash to cover your purchase? In what universe can you pay with a gift card and not actually have it with you? "Um I HAVE a credit card, but I don't have it with me . . . can you look it up?" C'mon.
A woman came up and opened with "Do you work here?" so I knew I was in for a great interaction. "I'm looking for a book called Rainbow Fish," she said, and of course considering that's a very popular children's book I knew it immediately. I said, "Okay," and was about to ask her which version she wanted when she volunteered, "It's a children's book," still with this attitude like she thought she might be speaking Martian to someone from Jupiter. I said, "Yes, I know. I know what it is. Now do you want--" and she interrupted me again, "Now I don't know the author. . . . " Jeez, lady! "I know the book," I said, "and I know exactly where it is. But first I need you to tell me what version you want." Blank stare, which isn't entirely unexpected. But I launched right into explaining that there was a board book version and a paper-page hardback version. Which did she want? Her response was actually a very funny "I have no idea what you're talking about" blank stare, with her mouth slightly open and her eyes squinted, like she figured I knew I was just being funny asking her such a complex question. So I said, "Do you not know what I mean?" She's like, "NO idea!" and so I explained again to her that there was a board book version for little kids and then for bigger kids there's a hardback with paper pages. After that she STILL didn't know what I was talking about--she seriously was acting like she couldn't believe I was expecting so MUCH from her--so being that I was standing right next to the baby section I grabbed one of the board books off the shelf and showed her, saying, "See, there are books like THIS, with cardboard pages, in case Baby still tries to eat his books. And then for when he's older and doesn't try to eat books anymore, there's a regular version with paper pages. Which one are you looking for?" Finally she figured out what I meant and I showed her the book in the storybooks section. But one was a large size version and one was a small size version. I didn't stay to watch her deliberate.
5/24/04
Back from a three-day weekend! (I was at an anime con if you care. JACON 2004.)
So. Monday, Monday . . . just a few Monday Assholes. I heard some woman complaining in a loud voice to my manager that there was no one at Customer Service. "Well, she's helping a customer," said my manager, "can I help you?" Snottily, she replied, "YES, I need to buy a gift card!" Well, good thing you went to Customer Service, where they don't deal with money, huh? Actually lady, where you're standing (the register) is about right.
One of my coworkers was doing a lunch break on the register, and I went up to talk to him about something. Meanwhile, a lady came up to check out. It turned out that some goofy trinket she wanted was broken, and she said something about how she'd just get another one. "Do you know where they are?" she asked my coworker, and he replied, "No idea." So she started giving him directions! It was at this point that we both realized she thought she could send him over there to get her another one. Um, actually if we're running the register we're not allowed to go out of sight of it. (I could have gotten it, or watched the register for him, but I was doing my best to be invisible, being a jerk. I was just so frozen by this lady's casual attempt to command employees like her troops that I didn't even think of trying to help her.) He explained that he had to stay up there, and she was like, "OH, okay, well I'll just walk over there and get one," but then she changed her mind and said she wouldn't get one after all. I know, boo-hoo.
5/20/04
Pretty much today all my annoying customers did the same thing. It was weird, like an epidemic. They were determined to give me information I did not need, and then when I asked for pertinent information, seemed to think I just wanted the useless information repeated. Observe.
A woman calling on the phone was pretty clear right off the bat that she wanted two copies of this week's issue of Newsweek. She gave me the date on the cover and what the front pictured and everything. I told her I would check. When I couldn't find any, she started repeating herself, telling me again what she needed, and asking me what issue I DID have. Well, problem ended up being that something else was in front of the magazine I was looking for and I checked it on a whim, and told her that I'd missed it my first look-through but now I found some. So. "Is it the May 24th issue?" "Yes. I have four copies." "And does that have the guys who wrote Left Behind on the cover?" (How many this week's issues does she think there are?) "Yes." "Now how many copies do you have? I need two of them." We've established that. I just wish that people would tell me what they want when I prompt them to, and then shut up and let me ask questions if I need more information. It isn't that difficult to find an issue of Newsweek, and though I understand why she'd want to ascertain that it was the correct issue, I don't understand why it had to be said four separate times!
A woman approached the desk and this was her opening: "You're holding a book for me. Beverly Lewis?" She actually addressed this question to my manager, who was also standing at the desk, and my manager automatically looked at me since I'd been taking the phone orders all day, and said, "I dunno, do you remember a Beverly Lewis?" Actually, I didn't, but it rung a bell because that is an AUTHOR. So I told her, "That sounds like it's the author's name, what name did you put it under?" "Oh, well I don't know what the name of it is, I forgot. The other store called and had you hold it, it's a Beverly Lewis book. . . ." I just let her ramble, standing there staring at her. Finally, when she stopped talking, I said, "I need to know the NAME it was HELD under," and apparently this was one of those stumper SAT questions because she just didn't know how in the world to answer me. My manager blurted out, "Could you give us YOUR NAME??" "OH," she said, and gave me what name she'd held it under. (I tend to not ask people what their names are because they always seem to have had it held under something else, but don't think to tell me that, they just answer their name because that's what I'm asking them, and they don't see how it makes no sense.) ::sigh::
I had a lady call and tell me she had a book ordered and wanted to see if it was there yet. She said she ordered it on the 13th. I looked up her order by her phone number first to make sure she remembered it right (which she did), and then I did some quick calculations to see what day of the week that had been. The 13th was a Thursday, last week. We get shipments on Saturdays. Thursday is too late in the week to get a book to us by that same Saturday, so anything ordered on Thursday is bumped to the next week. The reason I'm telling you all this? Because I want you to understand why it is completely impossible for this lady's book to have been here yet. I explained the above to her, and all that resulted in was her frequent interruption of my explanation to give me useless information like the fact that she had put other books on hold at the time but already picked them up, and her name, and the name of the books and what they looked like. I explained the situation to her a couple different times, finally laying it down clearly that the time she ordered them indicates that we do not expect to see them until this coming weekend. Finally she left me alone. ::sigh::
And lastly, some dork stopped me, "'Scuse me, ma'am?" I stopped what I was doing and faced him, and he goes, "Y'all packin' all yo' stuff up?" I didn't know what he was talking about, so I hesitated in answering him, and he used the pause to clarify: He was wondering if we were putting all our stuff in boxes and closing our store down. Um, NO. I told him we were remodeling. I'm not sure what it is about having lots of empty shelves and carts and boxes and stuff that makes people think we're shutting down--normally when such things happen there are large sales and advertisements and stuff. The only thing we have are signs everywhere asking customers to pardon our dust because of remodeling. Argh.
5/19/04
Some woman wanted me to find for her a book on Eleanor Roosevelt--not any particular one, just some gifty thing. I didn't really have anything but I had a small paperback about the wisdom she dispensed, and then it became clear that she wanted like nine copies. So then she started asking if maybe I had a section for books on "women learning." Uh-huh. I told her that's just too general. She didn't seem to understand that I couldn't find something for her when she had no specifics. But anyway I told her she could come to the inspirational section and see if any books suited her needs, but I warned her that unless it was a bestseller we generally didn't carry nine copies of ANYTHING. This really appalled her, that we don't keep like a dozen copies of every random book. It didn't seem to make any sense to her that we'd only have one or two, and they HAD to all be the same book, and . . . well, she gave up since I kept telling her there was nothing I could do to help her to get nine copies of something immediately.
A guy was disappointed when he called and found out I didn't carry a book and couldn't get it. He protested, "But, well, I was told that you might have it." In my typically rude fashion, I replied, "Well, I don't know who told you that or why, but *I'm* telling you that we DON'T have it." I got an "oh, okay" and a dismissal. Score one for me.
Update on the Mr. Wise thing! I asked the manager how the incident with Mr. Wise played out yesterday--if they ever called him back or whatever. She said that she did call him back, and told him he'd already picked up the books he was talking about. (She'd handed him the books herself!) Instead of being a giant dick like usual, guess what he said? "Oh, really? Well. I'm sure they're around here somewhere then. I guess I better clean my house." What? Mr. Wise actually accepted that his problem was HIS FAULT????? No!
Some asshole stripped my Olivia dolls yesterday. I noticed it but figured their dresses would turn up; Olivia was sitting on my shelf in her underclothes, three of her. Well, today I found the dresses. They had been forced to the point of busting the stitches onto these large-size Beanie Babies we carry. And not only that, but they had taken the three Olivia-dressed Beanies and thrown one in the hobbyhorse bucket and two on TOP of the back row of bookshelves. (I had to knock them down with the hobbyhorses. They were covered in dust.) Jerk kids were left alone long enough to strip three Olivias, put their clothes onto other animals, and hide them in screwed-up places. WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS???
5/18/04
Some lady wanted a particular travel guide type book. I couldn't find it in my computer, only similar things. When I told her so, she decided that describing the book would help. (God, I hate when they do that. Oh yeah, that's peeve of the week. Sure.) I told her I understood that she wanted a travel guide specifically for this place in this size, but my computer was showing that we didn't carry it. Of course, that spurred her to explain WHAT she wanted again. Finally she accepted that I couldn't help her, and I asked if there was anything else she needed. She said no, so I started walking away and she looked distressed. So I slowed down and just kinda looked at her (ya know, invitation to tell me what the hell is wrong with you) and she's like, "Well do I pay for this here?" Oh yes lady. That makes perfect sense, you can pay for that at the Customer Service desk but somehow the girl just walks away after asking if she can help you with anything else. I think I'd get the hint that this WASN'T Checkout if the girl walked away even if I'd put down my purchase and my credit card. (I directed her to the registers. Yay.)
I knew I was in for trouble when I answered with my usual phone spiel (the one that says which store we are), and the girl replied, "Yes, is this the one by the mall?" I repeated the part of the speech that gave our location, and she accepted that. She wanted books on taking the CLAST, so I went to the section to see what we had on the subject. I found two books on that test, and answered all her questions about them--she wanted to know prices, and whether they covered all aspects of the CLAST or just like one part of it. I assured her that both books I carried covered the whole test, and then she said, "And . . . so are they for the CLAST?" Oh my frickin' gawd. What were we talking about this whole time, then? Did you think I was just telling you the attributes of just any random book in the test prep section? I don't get it. Of course they're CLAST books--that's what you ASKED for. So then she's like, "How many copies do you have?" and I said I had one of one and two of the other. She asked me, "Well I can't come in 'til tomorrow, do you think they'll still be there?" I'm rude, so I responded with the outright truth. "If someone buys them between now and then, they won't be here. If they don't, yes, they'll still be here." 'Cause what kind of question is that? I can see into the future and use that ability to predict whether someone buys CLAST books? I ended up holding them for her. Come on, girl.
Heh, I randomly burst into song in the middle of the store today. (Not that that's that unusual.) My manager said something that ended with the phrase "something bad." I jumped right on the song cue and started singing "Something Bad" from Wicked. Hahah!
Some lady wanted help finding a couple books her grandson had told her to pick up. There were two different series, and so I took her to the first one, and she picked out what she wanted. Then I went to take her to the second one, and she looked all distressed and planted her feet and was like, "WAIT, I need you to show me this one too. . . . " I know. So follow me 'cause I'm GOING there. She'd told me right off the bat which two series she wanted, though she completely mixed up the name of the second series. Anyway, I got her to follow me after some cajoling and reassurance that I wasn't scurrying away from her, yes we are in fact going to look at The Spiderwick Chronicles. We got there and I told her we were out of number one but had the others. So, looking AT the books, she said, "Well then which ones do you have?" I pointed to each volume as I said, "We have #2, #3, and #4." "So . . . you don't have #1?" she asked. Oh good LORD! I told you that, and you're LOOKING at the blank space where it would have been, and you can SEE that only 2, 3, and 4 are there . . . what does it TAKE?
My manager had a funny one today. A lady called and wanted a book, and it came up in our system as something we can't even get. "I can't even get it," she told the lady, and the lady replied, "Oh, well so you don't have it in the store?" "I can't GET it," she repeated, and so the lady replied, "Well, if I come in, can I order it?" What is it about "we can't get it" that you don't understand? (And why the hell do people think coming in solves anything? Yes, because you're in front of me, I now have more powers. . . . )
One of our new associates came to me looking sort of shaken, unsure of what to do for a customer who'd rattled her chain. "He called and wanted to know if his books are here, and I can't find them, and I don't know what to do," she explained. "I just told him I'd find out and call him back, I couldn't deal with him yelling at me anymore." She held out the piece of paper with the guy's name on it.
Well, I couldn't help bursting into laughter. Mr. Wise strikes again!!!
Turns out the genius ordered three copies of a book, and he's actually already been in to pick them up (because that, too, was memorable--we KNOW he came and got them). But now he doesn't remember that he's already bought them, because he thinks they should be on hold here still and he wants to come get them again. But he hasn't placed any orders since March, not that we can see anyway. When on the phone with him, our new associate asked him when he placed the order, and he said, "I don't know when I did. That's YOUR problem! I trust everything to that infallible computer." She asked him if it could have been anywhere else and he said that he only deals with us so it couldn't have been. (Yeah, sure, Mr. Wise . . . that's why that one time you hung up on me after telling me you could get a book cheaper at Borders.)
So like a crowd of us were in the back room discussing what to do with Asshole here, and the new girl was kind of like, "Well I *have* to call him back, what do I *tell* him?" and our manager's like, "Screw him, don't call him!" and one of our other associates pointed out that he'd programmed in a message on the guy's last order saying to keep calling him until he got a personal answer, not an answering machine, because . . . get this . . . he doesn't understand our messages. I can so picture that! He gets this message he can't understand because he's hard of hearing and refuses to admit it (the problem is that no one speaks clearly enough, you know), and so he deletes the messages and then yells at us later claiming we never called him. So. Summary: What a dickweed!
5/17/04
I got a phone call from Borders asking if a certain customer's order was on our shelves. It was funny, 'cause the guy was like, "Well, our customer is positive that she ordered a book with us, but . . . we don't have her in our system, so we thought we'd try you." Her order was sitting right on my shelf. I can just see her being ugly to the Borders people about how she KNOWS where she ordered this book. Hahah.
My coworker had a genius come up to him and point at the price tag of a book, and say, "Now, are your prices indicated right here?" Of course not. That's our secret bookstore number for tracking your purchases so we can start an FBI profile on dangerous people. And Assholes.
YES IT'S A PRICE TAG YOU NUTSACK!
Some woman called and wanted a book about a star diet. It was third-party information of course, and when I found nothing in the computer she called her friend on the other line to see if the book was called that or if she was misremembering. Apparently they figured out that it really was called that (or so they thought), and I reiterated that it wasn't a book I carried, so she just kept telling me, "the star diet, the star diet," again and again like the problem was that I didn't understand. Remember, it's S-T-A-R!
Some lady asked for a book. I found several books with the title she asked for, and asked if she knew the author. She did, and I found one with that author for her. I said we'd have to order, and she's like, "And is it the one by so and so?" No, I figured that even though I already asked you what his name was in order to find out if this was the right book in the first place, I'd just order you a book by a totally different person. I do this because I'm brilliant.
5/16/04
I overheard this dude yelling from halfway across the store, so I came up and got this story out of my coworker later. Turns out some dude FREAKED OUT about our remodel, demanding that my coworker explain to him WHY we had mystery books in two separate places. (Um, it's in the middle of being moved? Like everything in the store? Sorry?) "It's a mess!" he shrieked. (That's the part I heard.) She said she knew it was disorganized, we were remodeling (and it says so on all these signs everywhere, not to mention it's obvious). She offered to look up whatever he wanted and help him find it--that's what we're HERE for--and he started hollering, "NO, I don't have TIME for that. This place is a MESS!" and then he stormed out. Well, apparently he had time to come back to Customer Service specifically to ream out the employee. What a dick.
I also got this one from the trenches--um, sorry, the register--some woman was buying a Harry Potter book and seemed all sour about it. She told the cashier that her son really loves the series and she wants him to read, but she really hates that the books are about witchcraft. Yeah. I dunno, lady . . . I practice witchcraft myself and I have NEVER seen a wand strung with unicorn hair or drunk a polyjuice potion. IT'S PRETEND, ASSHOLE.
A man and his wife were milling around near the customer service desk but not actually going to it to wait for help, so I continued putting away my stuff. Finally I decided to go ask them if they wanted help, because maybe they were the types who hang around in sight of the desk only to eventually get fed up, have associates called to help them, and then whine that they were "standing there waiting for fifteen minutes." (If you'd actually go to the desk and make it obvious that you actually need help, an associate would come, really.) So I walked up there and the man approached me--I thought, okay, good, here we go--and the guy yelled over to the wife, "Did you ask her?" The woman came over and stared at me, and said, "Oh, well she wasn't THERE before." Well, neither were you! I helped her and it was annoying. She had a piece of paper with the author's name on it that she wanted, and she kept showing it to me for a split second and pointing to it, then taking it away and trying to spell it out loud for me while I was already trying to type it, so it messed me up (plus she was spelling it wrong and correcting herself). When I asked to see it she'd do that again. It was just annoying. Anyway the author and the title were both not in our system, so I told her so, and I heard her saying to her husband later that they should try such and such a section . . . gonna be tough to find a book we don't have, it's not a question of finding the right section if we DON'T HAVE IT.
I was wearing my hair in little butterfly clips on either side of my head today, and some lady told me I looked like a cocker spaniel. Thanks lady, I needed to hear that I look like a fuckin' dog. Next please.
This is a weird one, I was walking up the aisle and some lady stopped me and asked me for Billy Crystal's new children's book. I shit you not, when she asked me that she had stopped me RIGHT in front of a cardboard display in the middle of the aisle that was holding that exact book. Weird!
5/15/04
A lady wanted help somewhere in the store, but she found me in the kids' section and assumed that therefore I didn't know anything else. "I realize you may work just this section," she said, and then opened up with her question. Weird. She coulda asked me if I only work Kids', or just asked me a question and if I couldn't answer her I could direct her to someone who could. I find it amusing when people build reasons I couldn't help them into their questions.
A lady called and said, "I'm calling to see if you have any books." Hah. So, standard answer: "Yeah, we have a few." She didn't get it, she thought that I didn't understand! "Well, I mean I'm looking for certain books on a list." I asked her which ones. Didn't quite get through to her: "Well, I need to talk to the person who can help me find out if you have them." So I told her that was me, and she goes, "Oh, so I can just ask you?" What I don't understand is why she thought otherwise. I mean, okay, she's calling the bookstore, and someone answers. She immediately says she wants books. If I WASN'T the person who could help her, I'd know immediately that she needed some other desk or whatever. Considering I asked her what books, she should kinda figure that I can help her. Why would I invite her to give me information only to say "Okay, you want those books. Let me get you someone who can find them for you." But whatever.
5/12/04
Some lady came up to Customer Service wanting a certain book that wasn't coming up in my database. She kept making the usual crappy comments that customers make when they think you're making a mistake, and finally she said, "Well, it IS a book." Lady, even if it wasn't, we've already established that you think it is. No one is going to come up to Customer Service and be convinced that their book doesn't exist just because the girl couldn't find it in the computer. "Hmm . . . maybe I'm just asking for something that isn't real! Maybe it's not a book after all!" I told her that if I can't find a book in the computer, either she has wrong information or it's out of print or otherwise unavailable. She accepted that and went away for a while, then came back and asked me where another book was, this one a famous one. I told her it was in the fiction section, and she said, "Okay, where? Because the book I was looking for, it'd be with that one." No, lady, it wouldn't. Because Fiction is done by author, not by "books that are about this stuff." You are not going to find all the fictional crime books near The Godfather. She went away confused again. I found out later that she returned a third time to the desk and my manager helped her; she asked again for the book when he asked if there was something he could help her find, and when he looked in the hard-to-find and used book searches he found he could conceivably order it (though that's an in-depth process that requires ordering with a credit card straight to one's private residence). When she found out it could be ordered she said, "WELL, she didn't TELL me THAT." Nah, I didn't . . . she'd indicated to me that she wanted to get it today, so I didn't bother offering home delivery type things. But when he explained the situation, she agreed that she didn't want that and left. Whee!
5/11/04
I found out that a shithead from yesterday--the guy who rudely asked if the café would check him out--COMPLAINED about me to the café manager! He was all griping about how "that little girl over there" made him wait FIFTEEN MINUTES and never checked him out, and WHY does it take FIFTEEN MINUTES to check someone out, and why did he have to wait to get service, and the LEAST I could have done is told him it would be a while, and we'd be losing business from this. I wonder what his deal was. He never even came to my register, and he could see that I was helping people at a different counter than the one he was standing at. I think he must have thought that I was just TALKING to that lady instead of checking her out. One of my managers witnessed the encounter, it turns out, and she said, "Oh, that guy? Yeah, he was an ASS. He had ASS written all over his face." Hah. (So you see it wasn't my fault.)
My general manager had to wrestle someone today. There was a freak in the store who likes to walk around and run his fingers through men's hair, and he did it again today. One of our customers told our manager that this guy was doing this, and it's the third time he's heard this complaint, so he called the cops to get this guy trespassed. But before the cops got there Hair Guy tried to leave, and so the customer raced outside after him and tried to start a fight. My manager ended up in the middle of it and tried to stop them from fighting--the customer was ready to club Hair Guy or whatever. They ended up immobilizing him and getting him to agree to wait for the cops. When they got there the police actually said they'd received many complaints about Hair Guy and actually knew him. Turns out he's in counseling for this. Weird.
I had some lady being all pushy with one of the other associates about kids' books, so I took over and answered her questions. Turns out she has some book that came with a CD and you put it in your computer and it does stuff. We don't sell software, but maybe sometimes books come with CDs, I certainly don't know one like this that does though. She said she wanted something new but the same kind of product, and I told her I didn't think we carried what she was talking about, at which point she got pushy again and said stuff like, "I KNOW you carry it because I SEEN it over THERE," and so I said, "OKAY, then show me!" and she took me to a fairy tale book that indeed had a CD in it. She was like, "See, and you put that in your computer." I had to explain to her that it was a music CD. After that I showed her a bunch of other books that had CDs, but none of them said they were software. Then she started bugging me about if we have Jump Start (which is also software), and I said we carry the workbooks and flash cards but not the computer stuff because WE DON'T CARRY SOFTWARE. Damn.
My coworker was being slow about going on his lunch break because he was munching on pecans, and I wanted him to get started so he could come BACK sooner, so I was like, "Hey, so are you going on break or what?" He goes, "Okay, let me just put my nuts away." Then he looked at me and said, "That sounds bad, doesn't it." Well, I wasn't going to say that, but since HE did . . . HAHAAHA!
I had to check out a lady who was buying a bunch of Magic Tree House books, and she said now she had collected them all. I asked if that included the three that are only in hardcover, and she said she had those too. I just sort of started thinking out loud and told her I wondered if those would ever be in paperback, and so she started explaining to me how books come out in HARDBACK first and then go to SOFTCOVER later. Um, I know that, I work in a damn bookstore. I told her I thought these volumes were a special case because in that series I never got hardbacks except for those three "special edition" ones, and despite the fact that I've gotten newer books straight to paperback in that series, these ones stayed in hardcover. But she wouldn't comprehend it. She started explaining to me how it usually took a couple years to come out in paper, and THESE ones are NEWER . . . well, I told her I'd been here since 2000, and that I'd seen Christmas in Camelot in hardcover my first Christmas at the store, which is why it's weird that after that I saw the series's #26, #27, and #28 come out in paperback after that but no paperback for this really old one. I don't think they're ever going to make those in paperback, but even if they are it's some kind of special thing. I don't know . . . I think she still went away thinking I didn't understand that books come out in hardback first; I know she went away not understanding that I think this is some special case.
A lady came to the customer service desk and asked me for a book put on hold for her. As I was looking for it on the hold shelf she kept describing it and telling me its title and stuff. I told her it wasn't there and she answered me by describing it again. Then she gave me an alternate name to look under. It wasn't there either. Then she took out her paper and asked me if our address was such and such and such. I said it wasn't, and she was like, "But you're the only one on that road, right?" and I confirmed that. Then she looked at her paper and it turned out the person who wanted her to pick up the book had written down our address--incorrectly--but crossed it out and written the address for the store across town, which was where the book was really being held. ::sigh::
A couple wanted books on the states, so I helped them find some. Then the woman came up to me later with a stack of them and asked me if she should just put them on my cart. "Those are ones you don't want?" I asked, and she didn't understand but finally got it, and confirmed that she didn't want them. I just took them from her and went to put them away, slightly annoyed that she would pull a bunch of shit off the shelves and then just think it's fine to hand them off to an employee to put away. But then I got to the section and it was all fucked up! Books had been taken off the shelf and turned backwards and put back that way, and they were falling over and tipped on their sides and laying face out on top of other ones. What the hell? Why even bother giving me the ones you couldn't figure out how to put back? Why not just kick the shelf so everything falls out, so that I notice it sooner and put it back in order? It just strikes me as really odd that there are ADULTS who cannot touch something without fucking it up.
5/10/04
Okay, so, first of all we didn't have a register person scheduled until eleven, so I had to be on the register for two hours. Because of a SNAFU with the power going out last night and never coming back on, we had to deal with a bunch of stuff like wrapping crap up from the night before and then immediately starting a new day as far as the records go. Long story short, I had to be on Register 4 since it was the only register that hadn't been screwed up when the locks got picked at the end of last night, and Register 4 is the one that's way in the corner. Mix faraway corner register with abundance of high-stacked impulse buy displays and one very short cashier. Bingo! Assholes.
Because I knew I was not very visible, I made it a point to greet all the customers who came in my general vicinity, making sure to receive back a "good morning" from them so that I could be sure they saw me. Many of these people would answer and look at me, and then STILL go to a different register, put their stuff down, and look at me like I was supposed to come to them. I'll say it again: Do you do that at the damn grocery store? No. That's right, you go where the cashier is standing, there's a good sheep. Now, to amuse myself, I decided to keep a tally of my customers. One list for people who went to the wrong register and uttered unreasonable comments like "All the way down THERE?" or "Should I come to YOU?" when I told them I was open. One list for people who weren't confused by the situation at all. And one list of people who didn't count as Assholes or not because they just got in line behind someone who was checking out with me.
So. According to my tally, I had twenty-one customers in the slow first two hours of the day. Five of those were discounted from the list because of being in line behind someone who'd figured out where to check out, with or without my help. Seven of the customers came to me without complaint and didn't make a jerk comment about how I shouldn't be in the corner. And that leaves the nine who DID do something like that. As you see, the majority of my customers did.
One was especially obnoxious. She walked up all wandery-like, and when I said good morning to her she said, "Good morning!" but didn't look at me. She wandered up to Register 2 and put her stuff down, but then seemed enthralled with the impulse buys, so I thought, hey, maybe she's just looking and she'll come down here in a sec--I know she knows I'm here because she answered me. I figured I was right when the lady picked up her purchases again and began to move . . . but then I realized she was going to Register 1, even farther away from me. She put her crap down THERE and then started looking around all confusedly, and uttered a soft and bewildered, "Hello???"
Well, I responded to that, and she jerked around looking everywhere but at me. I had to jump up and down so she could see me. Finally she did and she's like, "OH, down THERE?" I told her yes, this far register, and then I apologized to her (well, sort of)--"I figured you were just looking at the stuff down there, I knew you knew I was here because you answered me when I said 'good morning.'" Her answer? "Well, no I DIDN'T, but that's all right." Oh, so I guess the air said good morning to me. (I suppose she probably just said it automatically and wasn't even thinking.) Then I asked to see her ID because her credit card prompted me to ask for it, and I said my usual silly joke: "Just have to make sure you're you." She replied, "Well, yes, of course I am you." And she didn't seem to understand that she'd said something totally illogical. Under the pretense of getting her a bag, I ducked behind the counter at that point to smother my giggles. Hahaha.
Another annoying one was when I was checking out some lady, and some guy was standing at Register 1 with his stuff laid down there. He was watching me and the lady. Toward the end of our transaction, the dude yelled over at me, "HEY, do you know if I can pay for this in the café??" I told him he could, and he kind of shook his head and picked up his stuff and started strutting over that way. The lady I was checking out looked all bewildered and was like, "That guy didn't even come DOWN here." Like me, she thought from his reaction that maybe he thought I was supposed to check him out and wasn't doing my job. Well, come to the register and I'll check you out, ASS.
Another lady did something kinda like that when I was with another customer. She went to put her stuff down at the wrong register and then saw the customer I was checking out and asked HER, "Is there anybody working here?" The lady pointed out that she was checking out with the cashier right now. "She's tiny," she added helpfully, and then the lady realized there actually was a very little person behind all the crap. Yup. Hey, they let short people work!
HAHA, and this was amusing too--some lady was waiting for her mom to stop shopping and meet her at the register, and so to amuse herself she looked at the nature sounds display we have. It has demo buttons and she asked if it would bother me if she pushed them. I said it wouldn't, and she immediately tried to get it working. I glanced up and noticed it was unplugged--perhaps because of the remodel, perhaps because it's annoying. So I pointed out to her that I didn't think it was working right now. (I didn't want to say "it's not plugged in" because then she might take it upon herself to plug it in.) She proceeded to mostly ignore me and keep punching at the buttons, over and over and over and over and over and over again. I don't think I'll ever understand people who do that. Thought process: Hmm, it's not working. Let's push it again! Didn't work. Again! Didn't work. Again! Didn't work. Again! Hmm, I'm sure if I just do it enough, it will work. Again!
Some lady really early in the morning tried to go out the side door and no one had remembered to unlock it when they unlocked the front door. So she pushed against it, looked at it in bewilderment, and then pushed on it again. Then she looked at me, WHILE pushing, and said, "Is it locked?" I told her it was. She asked if she could open it and I said yes and she left.
Oh yeah, and someone's discount card was coming up in the computer as having been activated in 1801. It wasn't a surprise that the computer thought it was expired.
Later I finally got off the register and got to deal with Asshole people in the store. Some girl told me that now that we'd started moving everything around she didn't know where our calendars were. I told her we didn't have any calendars. She said, "You don't have wall calendars?" Oh, wait, WALL calendars, yes we have THOSE. Wait, no. We sent them back in February. She went away with that decided air about her that told me she thought I just didn't know where we moved them to.
I had a lady tell me that she was looking for a certain author but now that we'd moved everything around she couldn't find anything. I looked her author up and it was a romance author, and we haven't moved Romance yet. So I asked her where she already looked. She said she looked in Fiction but it stopped at the M's (which told me that she'd been in the back of the store--we're in the process of moving that section for the remodel). And then she said she ALSO looked in Romance but it wasn't there. So. I took her back there and immediately found her author in Romance, and she said, "Ohhh. I checked here, but on the OTHER side." As in . . . you looked for an author whose name starts with G in the A-F section. Yeah.
This lady wins my prize today. She came up to the desk and said, "You're holding a book for me under Lisa Jackson." I checked the shelf and there was no Jackson. I told her so, and then immediately went for my computer to get more information, but unfortunately the next thing she told me--"The other store called and had you hold it"--meant that it wasn't IN the computer. I turned around to check and see if maybe someone had decided to stick it under Lisa instead--sometimes people do that if a customer tells them to put it under their first name--but nothing was there either. Then I heard her call over the counter, "Actually, try checking under 'Gardner.'" Yes, Jackson, Gardner, so much alike. I tried Gardner and NOTHING. I told her so. She started to look REALLY perplexed, like oh my GOD, I CALLED, and they said you HAD it and would put it ASIDE for me, what in the WORLD is going ON? You know, that kind of "oh shit my world is being rocked" look. Anyway I told her I was going to call the guy who'd been running the desk this morning, and ask him if he remembered putting the book on hold for her. She told me what it was called, and the customer service guy came and said he remembered . . . "It's right there, under Sweeney." I turned around and there was a book under Sweeney. The lady then helpfully added, "Yes, it's under Sweeney." Okay! I got the book and handed it to her, and said, "Well, you told me Gardner and you told me Jackson, no wonder I didn't think to look under Sweeney." She didn't comment and just asked me for some other books too.
Turned out Lisa Jackson was the author, and Gardner was a name of a similar author that she was thinking maybe THAT was it since Jackson didn't work. Sweeney was HER name. Now what strikes me as the weirdest about this interaction is that if the book was under her name, she had to have given it to someone at the other store in order for them to have told it to us. Yet her world was being rocked up there and she had NO idea why we didn't have this book on hold for her. If she'd been asked for her name, don't you think maybe she might have considered it a possibility to tell me that information? When we ask for your name in order to hold a book, it's likely that we're going to ask you who YOU are rather than the book's author's name. Blahhh!
I had a dude I wanted to backhand over in the coin collecting aisle today. He wanted special three-ring-binder insert sheets that would hold paper money. I had individual dollar bill protector sleeves but didn't have what he was talking about. But because we didn't have it, the man felt it necessary to describe over and over what he wanted, as if our lack of carrying it just meant that I didn't know what he meant. He kept picking up binders and showing me that what he wanted was something to go in one of THESE, and picking up the individual sleeves multiple times and telling me he wanted THIS but in a three-sleeve sheet, and picking up coin sheets that were like that but telling me many times that he wanted it for paper money. I don't get people like this.
This girl who's sort of my friend came into the store today and asked me why we're moving everything around. I told her that Home Office decided we don't really have enough space for everything we need to carry, so we're rearranging so we have more room to get more fixtures in. "Well," said the girl, "that sucks. Why don't you just get rid of some of the crappy books?" HAHAHA. My answer was pretty smart if I do say so myself: "Probably because there isn't a generally accepted definition of what constitutes 'crappy.'" Yes, that's the answer, just take out all the books that suck and our space problems will be solved. Genius!
5/8/04
I helped a nice guy find a book, and after I was done doing so he asked me if I was the customer service manager. I said I wasn't, not by a long shot--and apparently he had held that position himself at another store once upon a time. He said he was surprised I wasn't the manager because . . . well, in his words, "You're good. Every time I come in here you always know exactly what you're doing." I told him I'd better, after four friggin' years, you know? He asked why I wasn't a manager and I said I'd turned down the position twice--if I'm going to have to do something degrading to make money, I'd probably rather do something that pays more while it eats my soul. Anyway, he replied, "Well anyway, you're really good . . . always very aggressive, it's great." Uh-huh. I'm aggressive. I'm certainly not up in people's faces trying to get them to buy stuff from our company, I'd really rather they just leave me alone, but I'm happy to make a sale, you know. I just thought it was funny that that guy used the word "aggressive." Anyway he seemed really cool.
A lady on the phone wanted to know if her books were ready for her to pick them up yet, so I checked the shelf and there was nothing ordered under her name that had come in. She replied that she had gotten a phone call telling her they were in so they must be there. Well, rather than try fruitlessly to dig all over my customer service desk and look under other people's names in the event that an associate didn't know the alphabet . . . I played a hunch. I asked for her phone number and looked up her order. BINGO! The books were ordered at the other store.
This would not have been such a big deal if the next thing hadn't happened. When I told her it was the other store's order, she argued with me that it had been us. I was kinda dumbfounded by that. "Um, no, it says on your order that they were ordered at store 397. That's the 13th Street store." "No, I called you guys, I ordered them at the Newberry Road store, I know I did." It was only after explaining to her that we physically CANNOT order books for each other's stores that she began to believe me. We hung up after she apologized and said she'd call the other store. Hehehe.
Okay, now THIS is funny. So, some dude, he approaches the desk and tells me he ordered a book and wants to see if it's here. "I never got a call, but it's got to be in by now," he said. I checked under his name and nothing was there, and I asked him how long ago he ordered it. "Two, three months ago, has to be." I explained that if we order a book, we call, then hold for a couple weeks until we think maybe no one's coming, and then send it back. If it was that freaking long ago, it's probably been sent back already. He said he never got no phone call (heh), and so it should still be here. I decided to look him up . . . and his phone number pulled up no records. "Well, sorry, but nothing has ever been ordered under that phone number from us. Were there any other numbers you could have given?" He said there wasn't, and I said that therefore nothing had ever been ordered by him at our store. I told him that I didn't really know what to tell him, obviously something had FUBARed. He didn't seem inordinately upset, but he just kinda made a sad face and said something I'll remember for the rest of my life.
"Well, poopy-doopy."
I just burst out laughing right then, with the guy and his two tough guy-lookin' friends looking on. I managed to reply: "POOPY-DOOPY?? That is definitely the first time I have EVER heard that one." He kind of laughed with me and then made me show him the coin collecting books. HAHA!
5/5/04
I made flan for my coworkers. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some lady asked me to help her find a book. I looked it up and it was something we carried, so I told her to follow me. She was like "WAIT!" and I thought, oh, maybe she has a bad leg or something, but no, she was hurrying along after me, and she goes, "But where is that, can you show me where to go?" Lady, I said follow me. I wasn't just going to say, "It's in the self-help section," and then walk away, I know that if you had to ask me to help you find a book it probably means you don't know where to look. So . . . when you're asking for my help, friggin' listen to what I tell you, okay?
Oh no, I'm not disgruntled or anything.
Some lady wanted the second two books of a popular trilogy, having only found the first one on the shelf. Unfortunately there are a billion different versions of the trilogy, and to make sure that I had the ones that matched the set she wanted, I had to go through a list and check their pictures and prices and publishers before ordering, just to make sure. I found the second book without too much trouble, and then while I was looking for the last book finally I found it and said, "Oh, good, that's the last one." The lady suddenly got bug-eyes and leaped forward like she was very upset, and she said, "WHAT? The LAST ONE?" And apparently she didn't hear/didn't understand what I meant because suddenly she started ranting about oh NO, what was I SAYING, there were no MORE? You can't GET IT? I just looked at her sideways and said, "Okay, WHAT are you talking about?" "When you said 'that's the last one,' do you mean YOU'RE OUT and you can't GET the third book?" I kinda leaned forward and said, "No, I said I found the last book. I'm ordering it for you now." "Oh," she said, and calmed down. I have no idea what could have caused such a reaction, quite honestly. Especially since if you couldn't get it it's not like that would mean doomsday. OH GOD I can't get this book! Someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery! CAN'T GET BOOK! CAN'T GET BOOOOOOOOOOK! I'm a-gonna die!
I have to say this very strongly. DO NOT EVER ASK AN ASSOCIATE FOR HELP IF THAT ASSOCIATE IS RUNNING. This lady was at the register and she told us that a cashier had charged her $24.95 for a bag that was on sale for $9.95. The cashier told me straight up "I didn't know it was on sale, so I rang her up for the wrong price." I figured it had been checked out and confirmed already, and "fixed" the lady's balance by returning her the difference, but then I thought, hey . . . didn't we just get those bags? Why would they be on sale? So I was kinda running over to the display to see if I could see why she might have thought they were on sale when they weren't. On my way trying to get there before the transaction completed . . . yes. Some lady jumped out and was like, "OH! Excuse me, do you work here??" Seriously. Do not stop people who are running! They are in a hurry! I do not jog the store for pleasure!
Long story short, the lady got away with her $24.95 bag costing her $9.95, and there was no sign for her to misinterpret; it was just that there were large bags and little makeup-size bags, and the little bags were $9.95. Why she decided in her own little world that that meant the big bags were the same price is beyond me, but with two cashiers who accidentally misled me and my failure to check instead of taking their word for it, I lost the store fourteen bucks or something. Oh well. And it's too bad, too, because usually I *do* take customers to displays that they think indicate they've been wronged, then rub their noses in it when they realize that the problem arose from the fact that they decided not to read the sign.
Another annoying lady came up to the desk and said a name. I HATE when they do that. Because when people just come up and say a name not in context, they could be asking for books by a certain author (I've had people just come up and say "Grisham" or whatever), or the rest of the time they're saying their last name because they're here to pick up a book. I always call people on this. To this lady I said, "Are you saying that's your last name and a book's waiting for you?" She ascertained that that was the case, and I got it. Next time, lady, give me a complete sentence, and I'll complete your service.
5/4/04
Some dude asked me, "Do you work here?" I replied with my usual somewhat bewildered "Yes . . . " and he said, "Ya do?" I replied, "YES, I do." "Well," he said, sounding all merry and amused at my situation, "sounds like you regret it!" Oh God. Go home, I haven't had my coffee yet.
Grr. The customer service associate was on break, so I was covering the desk and then I got backed up. Some lady who didn't want to wait was trying to break into the line and get my attention, and finally she said, "Is there anybody ELSE working customer service?" I told her I was the only one at the moment, and she said, "There's NOBODY else?" I told her someone was on break, I was sorry but it wouldn't be long. I went back to helping the PATIENT customer, and this lady kinda hustled herself away, in the direction of the register. Well, it wasn't long before I heard the cashier's voice calling my manager to Customer Service. Either she'd gone up there to try to force the cashier to help her, or she'd gone to make him get the manager so she could complain on me. Whatever. Anyway, my manager showed up while I was still helping someone else, and the lady snagged her . . . and just asked her where the SAT books were. "You don't have to take me there," she added, "just point." Okay, so she could ask me TWICE if there was anyone else working the desk, go bug the cashier, and make a trip back to the desk, only to ask someone to point her? Lady, you could have asked ME that, and I could have pointed just as easily, if you hadn't been asking a different question that actually amounted to MORE WORDS. (I found out later that she hadn't been able to find the aisle despite being told the aisle number, and then when we didn't have the particular book she wanted, she tried to make the other associate call other stores to find it for her. ::sigh::)
Some dude called on the phone and asked me for the newest book by some author. I found it in my computer as a book I'd have to order, and told him so. He replied, "What? But you always carry her books!" And then silence, like I'm gonna change my answer now that he's found me out. What the hell. So I told him again what the book costs and that we can get it by ordering it. He replied, "Okay, well that's all right. I'm just gonna call the one on Newberry Road and see if THEY have it." I told him to go ahead, have a good day. Hahaha. Because . . . well, first of all, if you mean to call the other store to see if they have a book we don't carry, you're going to get the same answer, but I don't want to talk to your ass anymore because you annoy me. And secondly . . . WE'RE the one on Newberry Road. OOPSIE.
Some jerk lady was looking for books on her list and kept asking all kinds of annoying questions, I can't even remember them all. All I remember is this one that made no frigging sense at all: I told her the book she was asking for came out in March 2004, so it definitely wouldn't be in paperback yet. She replied to that by rephrasing my answer for me: "So I guess you wouldn't have it because it's a current book, I see." Um . . . just . . . WHAT? Well, we HAVE the hardcover, and there AREN'T any other versions yet, so . . . WHAT?
5/3/04
Some lady stopped at Customer Service and just started looking at me, holding a pile of books. I asked her if I could help her and she goes, "Yeah, um, where do I do this?" ::eyeroll:: I can't even go on here. DO WHAT, lady? You mean, CHECK OUT? Form a complete sentence please.
I had a lady come up and ask for scratch paper and a pen. Then while I was pulling it out from under the desk (we have torn up old directives and stuff for scratch), she noticed that there was a stack of book club forms that people can use to submit ideas for book discussion topics to us or whatever. She amended her request to just asking for a pen since she'd found "scratch paper." I handed her a pen and some of the scratch sheets and asked her not to use those because they're forms and we need them. She just replied, "Oh, no, that's okay, I found some!" and just walked off with my pen and the forms. God.
A customer just tickled herself with her own wit today. I was putting new products on the shelf for my kids' section, and this lady walked up and said, "WOW, I bet yer findin' stuff in THERE that you didn't even know you HAD!" Then she started just laughing as if there were gnomes in her underwear. I explained that the boxes contained things we actually didn't have until two days ago, but she ignored me and walked away. And then she came back my way with her husband, pointed me out to him, and said to him, "I just told that girl with those boxes, 'I bet yer findin' things in there you never even SAW before!'" And they both laughed like this was incredibly amusing. Wow, I'm unpacking the shipment! It's stuff I ain't never seen before, boy howdy, woo dogie! Tar-NATION!
I was supposed to do the lunch break for the cash register, but on my way up there a customer jumped in front of me (I swear, they think I won't stop unless I'm physically barred from walking past them) and said, "Hi, can you help me find a book?" Um, I think you've left me little choice, lady. I replied, "I can try." (That's kinda my standard answer. Picture it said with a goofy little smile. I really mean it!) She just cocked her head and said, "Well, do you WORK here?" I said yes, and she said, "WELL then, you should be ABLE to HELP me." Ignoring her rudeness, I replied, "Well, I'll do my best." Don't talk to me like that, man. So anyway she wanted a certain type of book and I took her to the section, but what she wanted was really vague, and then she had what she thought was part of a title. I went to the computer to look it up, and actually found a book that had a similar title that was in the subject of her choice. I went back to the section to report my findings, and she said she wanted to order that (since it was a book my computer said we didn't carry). I took her name and number and then asked her if she wanted anything else, hoping she'd let me go do the cash register break like I was supposed to like five friggin' minutes ago, and she was supposed to just end it there but she didn't. She said, "Oh, well, let me call him and see if he wants that book." That's something you do BEFORE you tell me to order it, lady. Anyway, it turned out it wasn't what he wanted, and she gave me a totally DIFFERENT title, and that one it turned out we did have, so I found it for her while she talked to the guy on the phone deliberating about whether she wanted it, and then the dude remembered ANOTHER title to check, which we had to order, and I got really annoyed by the fact that she wouldn't come to the desk with me, she just had to stand uselessly in the section and stare at the shelves. She began leafing through the book that we did have and trying to tell if it had the information she needed, deliberating, voicing her ponderings out loud, blah blah. I asked her if there was anything else, and she said, "No, just order those books for me." Hmm, those? She hadn't expressed that I was ordering the most recent one I'd looked up, and she'd found out from the guy on the phone that one of them wasn't what she'd wanted anyway, so I didn't see that I should be ordering any books. But no, she wanted them both, and told me so condescendingly, "Remember? You took my NAME and NUMBER so you could ORDER it?" I didn't take that, and explained that she'd told me to order it before calling the guy and finding out it wasn't the book he wanted. "Well, yeah I want it anyway," she said, and so I'm like, cool. (Oh yeah, and every time I tried to get it straight with her what she wanted and what she didn't, she referred to every book as "That one book.") The cashier paged me on the intercom, sounding impatient, and when I asked the lady again if she needed anything, she gave me like this condescending look again and said, "Am I keeping you from something?" I told her that actually the cashier guy had been waiting for me to do his break for the last ten minutes, so if she needed more help I'd probably need to find someone to take over. But she dismissed me all like, "OH, well NO, I don't need anything else, YOU go about your important business," you know that kind of attitude. The end. (By the way, when I got to the register to do the break, the cashier accused me of "forgetting about [him]." No, it's just that customers act like I work here or something and keep asking me questions.)
Ooh, and I found out that some guy threatened to call our home office to report the café girl for . . . get this . . . charging him sales tax. Dude, yes there is tax on a newspaper if you buy it in a retail store. It hasn't always been that way, the law people seem to keep changing their minds, but I for one think that if he calls Home Office and complains that he was charged seven cents extra on his New York Times, they will LAUGH in his face. I know I would. HAHAHA.
5/2/04
Some ass lady's kids were tearing up my section bright and early this Sunday morning. She had two of them, and while one of them got reprimanded for pulling down stickers, the other was off on his own pulling J-hooks out of the wall, resulting in gimmicky pens falling down all around him. When this lady ran to stop him, the other kid returned to his serious business of pulling out handfuls of stickers. I don't understand why she couldn't just get them BOTH in one place so she wouldn't have to run between them to put out fires and then actually have the gall to act surprised when she returned from one to another mess. One of her kids had pulled all the books by one author off the Baby shelf, and when she asked the kid where he got them he replied "right there" and tried to put them somewhere they didn't go. She said, "No, that's not where they go. You have to look with me and find other books like these, and put them with them." Problem is, the kid had taken ALL the books off the shelf, there weren't going to BE any more like that. (Not to mention that "look for something that looks like it!" is not a good way to find where a book goes; try AUTHOR!) She asked for my help, so I pointed out the author's name in the G's and guided the books back onto the shelf, at which point she took another book from her son and said, "And this must go there too," which made no sense because it was by Bentley. ::sigh::
My phone rang, so I answered with the usual spiel. The person just wanted to know if we were open. I told her we were. Then I hung up with her and immediately upon pushing the button to turn off the phone it started ringing again. Odd. I picked up and it was ANOTHER girl asking the EXACT SAME QUESTION, even in a similar tone of voice. Bizarro!
I helped someone at the desk, went away for a moment to help find the wedding section or whatever, and then when I came back in sight of the desk some guy was there, so I went to help him. He stopped his goofy "I'm so confused, there's no one standing behind the desk!" searching expression and changed it to one of dull surprise. "OH," he said, "you're here, good. I've been waiting for a WHILE!" Sure you have, guy. Except I was just here and you weren't.
Some guy was asking another associate if we had a Harry Potter expert. They referred the dude to me, since I'm the closest thing we have to it (well, I run the kids' section, and no one else who likes it more than me was in the store at the time). The dude approached me and said, "So I hear you're the Harry Potter expert!" "I suppose I qualify," I replied. He was holding The Prisoner of Azkaban and The Goblet of Fire. "I need you to tell me," he said, holding them up like this was a quiz show, "which one of these came FIRST." I told him Prisoner was book 3 and Goblet was book 4. And he thanked me and went away! That was his question! He asked for a specialist in Harry Potter-ism and thought it would take an expert to answer the question of which came next in the series! And on top of that . . . IT SAYS THEIR NUMBERS ON THE SPINES. What the shit is the world coming to??
5/1/04
Some assy guy at the café was wanting to order before the café was even properly opened. Since the associate who actually worked there was, oh, preparing the café for opening, the guy started bugging me for his order, and wanted to know about the muffins. (I was just there to get my hot water for my coffee. I don't know crap about Café.) After he asked me to identify muffins for him, I just called the café girl and tried to get her to come over and help me out, but then the dude was acting all like this was too much for him to handle, "Well, never MIND, I'll just pay for my PAPER then," but I pretended not to hear him and he started behaving once she told him what he wanted to know. He did that one more time when the service wasn't fast enough to please him--pretending he was just withdrawing his request and insisting on paying for only the paper--I guess he can't be bothered to wait for the muffin to get heated. ::sigh::
Had a lady call and complain that we took and kept her credit card. She specifically asked to speak to our register gal (requested her by name), and she was on break so I explained the situation and asked what I could do for her. And of course, it wasn't "I must've left my credit card there"; it was "SHE took my card and didn't give it BACK to me." So I told her I'd check with the manager and see if any cards had been put in the safe, since that's what we do if someone leaves a card. I went on a little quest for the card, putting the lady on hold. I found the register girl in the back room eating her lunch, and asked her if anyone left a card--she denied that they did. I was in the middle of finding my manager to ask her when I saw that she was on the phone at Customer Service. The lady had hung up on my hold, and called back, asking specifically to speak to ME this time. Uh-oh, I thought--I figured she was going to whine about me having her on hold for more than a minute and demand to speak to whoever swiped her card right now. But that wasn't the case. Guess what she said?
"Oh, I just wanted to let you know I found my card. It was in my wallet."
Dork?
"I put it in upside-down, so I didn't see it," she explained further, and then released me to the joy of returning to work. I swear, if I thought I misplaced or lost my card, I would dig my purse inside out and empty my wallet before calling and accusing someone of taking my card. To think it was in her wallet. Man.
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