2/27/03
A coworker gave me this one: She said that a lady wanted to know what the "pre-order discount" would be if she put on hold a copy of the next Harry Potter book. Well, when she informed the lady that there wasn't a special discount, the lady freaked out and told her that all the OTHER stores had them, and that she was SURE that *we* must too. When she was told once again that no extra discounts would apply for putting the book on pre-order through the store, the lady shot back "Well, I believe you have been misinformed," and wouldn't discuss the matter further. Well, guess what? If you order the thing on the 'Net, yeah, maybe they're giving some discount. That doesn't apply to us. All you're doing when you put one on hold is guaranteeing that you'll get a copy; we're not making it cheaper if you do that. Sor-REE.
2/26/03
Some guy came up and told me he was "looking for" the book Where the Red Fern Grows. Of course I know that book and right where it is, so I took him to it and handed him the paperback. He said, "Oh--well, actually, I ordered a hardcover." I was a little disturbed that he didn't bother to TELL me that, oh, it was something he specifically ordered; usually you don't come up to the desk and just tell the customer service person that you're looking for a book when you've come in knowing they ordered one just for you and that it is in. What's really sad about this whole thing is that he had had to wait for my help because I was helping another customer right before him--another customer who'd had a customer order to pick up, and he'd witnessed the whole interaction, so therefore had reason to know what you do when you pick up a book you ordered. ::sigh::
Ahh yes, this lady. I was asked for some help in the Kids' section, which of course I am more than happy to give. I walked from Customer Service past the sale tables, and in so doing I noticed a rogue book that belonged in Kids' had been thrown there, so I picked it up and without thinking complained that people always leave stuff where it doesn't belong. Then I glanced at my customer and said, "Oh, well, but I'm whining," because she really doesn't need to hear my problems. She laughed and seemed lighthearted about the whole thing, and I led her to the Beginning Readers section. We were actually looking for any one of three versions of a fairy tale story, and I found two of them. She decided on one, and perhaps she had been inspired by my earlier mini-rant that I hated when people put stuff where it doesn't go, because she hesitantly said, "I'll just put this back." She re-affirmed with me that it did indeed go on the back wall, and I agreed and reminded her that the author's name was Kellogg and it should therefore go in the K's. I was pleased to see her standing in front of the right shelf, actually looking at the authors to see if she was putting it in the right place, so I left her on her own and put away the rogue book. When I looked up again, she was still there. Having moved four feet to the right, now puzzling and staring at the N's. From behind the baby book rack, I observed her just plunking it on the N shelf and backing away. This thoroughly freaks me out. The lady made a special effort to put the book in the K's, but apparently alphabetical order is just too complex for some people. Who knows what caused her to get confused and give up? Perhaps she saw too many illustrators' names on the spines and assumed that meant they were totally out of order, since they are shelved by author and not illustrator. Perhaps she spotted one out of place book and was totally thrown off by it. In any case this just BUGS me.
2/25/03
Fuck!!! That's all I have to say to this. Please be warned; this includes a rant.
A woman came to the register and did a return. I was called to help because I have some "powers" of a manager, and one of them is to do a return. I didn't hear or see anything happen after I'd finished the return and had started to come back around to go back to my real work, but the customer got in my way and stopped me, and said she wanted to show me something.
She rolled up her pant leg and showed me a little red spot with a scrape next to it. She said she'd gotten it from our dangerous sharp corner, and asked me what I was going to do about having that corner there. She suggested I move it, because people could get hurt. I went over and looked at said corner, noting that there were corners on either side of the display, and remembering that they had been there the whole three years I'd worked here and so far no one had claimed they were particularly vicious attacking man-eating corners before. It wasn't exactly something that could be moved; it was a piece of the counter.
So I sort of made fun of the lady by telling her I had a *sparkly* band-aid in the back and I would be glad to patch her little knee up with it. She said no, and since she didn't need a band-aid I said, "Okay, so are you gonna be okay?" Then she leaned against the counter and said real pathetically, "Oh, I don't know," making as if she couldn't stand very well, and added, "Oh, I think I'm going to have a knot," rolling up her pant leg again so that I could see just what severe damage she had endured. I told her the offer was still open for a sparkly band-aid.
Here's the rant part.
If you've got a little kid and he hurts himself walking into something, you probably don't blame whatever he walked into. You either comfort him with a band-aid--maybe it's not sparkly; it could have Kermit the Frog on it instead--or you kiss it and make it better. Or if you're a bit gruff you remind him that pain is nature's way of teaching him not to be careless with his body. But as soon as it's an adult who's been hurt, all of a sudden it's the corner's fault. It's dangerous and something needs to be done about it. I look at this lady's knee and remember all the times I've seen children get hurt ten times worse than that and not only refrain from whining about it; they get up and keep skateboarding. But this minor scrape happens and all of a sudden there is a major issue of safety, a sharp corner. If it was a rounded corner, somehow I still think it would have hurt to walk into it. The fact is, this lady refuses to take personal responsibility for her injury. Just common sense. Don't walk into shit, and your knee doesn't get a knot. Should be the end of the story, but then of course once we've tried and convicted the corner of being armed and dangerous, we'll need to pad the corners of hard and dangerous books that could fall and hurt unsuspecting innocents, and God forbid anyone gets a papercut from one of these safety hazards. Wake up! The world is not covered in foam, and you owe it to yourself and others to take personal responsibility for your own damn body.
So, back to the present. The lady's leaning on the counter and I jokingly offer her a band-aid, trying in my irreverant way to remind her that she's, oh, being a jackass. She seemed to figure out at this point (since I wasn't kissing her ass, I guess) that I was the wrong person to talk to, and asked if I was a manager. I said I wasn't, and she demanded I GET the manager. So I did. The manager spoke to her, I guess (I stayed far the hell away, trying to share as little air with that asshole as possible), and then the manager went to the back room to fill out an accident report.
I went in the office and asked her if she'd had to call the WAAAAmulance. She thought that was amusing, and told me she was just filling out the report because the lady's knee was "marked," and then she called her a "slip and fall artist" and claimed that she'd just wanted money out of this company. Dunno how she'd ever get it, considering, well, corners of stuff are SHARP; it wasn't like we're talking a puddle in the walkway with no warning of wet floors. But after two returns, no purchases, and a healthy dose of whining, I think there's a good chance she's fucking with us. Surprise. More people wanting something for nothing.
2/24/03
I got a prissy little college girl telling me there was no toilet paper in the women's restroom. I grabbed a roll from the supply closet and went with her into the bathroom. Come to find out three of the five stalls had paper in them! One was out of order (but could have been stolen from), one was the stall for folks with disabilities, and one looked fine to me. I asked the girl why she hadn't just gone in one of those others. She wrinkled her nose, pointed to the non-out-of-order, non-disability bathroom, and said, "But look!" Looking inside, I saw--horrors--the toilet had NOT BEEN FLUSHED. I said, "Oh, someone's left a mess," and while looking at her, I pressed the flush lever. Then I said, "All better!" She didn't seem to understand that "Oh God there's pee in there" is not a valid excuse to completely ignore a bathroom, because next she just said, "Well you can just put the toilet paper in any one." I looked at the other two and they were the stalls in which you had to have a special key to unhook their dispensers (probably why they weren't filled). I just handed her the roll and told her she could choose, and she was like, "But . . ." and looked like she just didn't know what to make of being given the TP. I told her I didn't have the special key to get the dispensers open, at which point she finally left me alone so she could do her business. The whole inability to pee in a recently used stall was what floored me the most.
A guy asked me for "Flat Maps." The way he said it it almost seemed like he meant a brand name, so I asked what he meant. He then went into the world's most detailed description of just a map that is flat, rather than being on a globe. He was like, "Okay, on a globe, on the model of the Earth, the surface of the map is rounded. Now I'm looking for something that is flat. My first-grade daughter is having trouble transferring what she sees on the globe to just a flat piece of paper, so I'm looking for a FLAT map, a map that spreads out on a piece of paper. . . ." Um . . . if it's not a globe, it's a flat map, generally. This isn't a hard concept. I doubt that if you'd asked ANYONE for maps, they'd try to give you a globe.
This guy came up to me and started ranting about our coin collecting products! He'd brought with him some coin-holder folder for the quarters of 1999 and wanted it for this year. Well, we haven't gotten a really serious shipment of coin collecting products since . . . well, 1999. It just hasn't been a seller, so we don't really have a reason to have a lot of it. When I told him that what he saw was what we had, he started FREAKING OUT. "You don't have anything from 2000 either! OR 2001! OR 2002! And now you're telling me YOU DON'T HAVE 2003 either??? There must be a way you can order this stuff!" I told him we don't "order" it; it comes in through the company, H.E. Harris, and then he started demanding the catalog. I said we didn't HAVE a catalog because WE DON'T ORDER THOSE THINGS; the corporate offices just communicate with the company and I guess they make a deal and all our stores get the same H.E. Harris crap. But then he freaked out some more--and when I say he freaked out, I mean he was yelling all of this at me as I stood in the Kids' section by the stickers--and began explaining that there MUST be a way we could order, that we pay for them so we must know where we're sending our bill. It turned out he was upset that there was no address on the products, just a website, and was hoping that I could look on some mythical billing invoice to get him H.E. Harris's ordering address or whatever. I told him that he could probably just go to the website and they'd probably have an address or ordering phone number posted there, and just as insurance I told him WE didn't have Internet access, because I had a feeling he was going to demand that I somehow do this for him. Here's the kicker, though: He started loudly pondering where, geographically, H.E. Harris's offices might be, as if figuring out the correct state would somehow help his situation, and finally he informed me that he had been near their offices at some point (didn't remember when or where) but that even the stores around there all told him the same thing I'd just told him: That they don't order the supplies and they just get shipped in. If he'd heard something like that before, why did he act so damn shocked? I ask you.
2/23/03
Today a guy asked me if I work here. I said I did, and probably gave him a strange look considering I was wearing the regulation apron and name tag and was walking around with a list trying to find a book. So the guy said, "Oh, okay, I didn't want to assume." Usually you can assume, when the person is wearing a store uniform. He asked if I could help him find a book but seemed overly concerned about troubling me, and said he knew I was busy but could I help him. I was totally fine with helping him and told him so, and he told me he thought it was called The Meat Book or something, and I told him I didn't know offhand and offered to check the computer. He quickly assured me that I didn't have to do that, really concerned about having interrupted me, and then he asked me if I was a meat-eater. I said that I wasn't, and he quickly apologized and said he hadn't meant to offend me! Why would the fact that he was looking for a meat book "offend" me? I told him it didn't bother me at all, at which point he told me his daughter and son are vegetarian. I small-talked with him for a few minutes and actually managed to find him a meat-related cookbook, but he still seemed so concerned that he'd bothered me or offended me. Weird, but a nice change from people who are overly demanding and rude.
2/22/03
Today I told a lady that we only carried the paperback of the book she wanted. Usually this isn't a problem for anyone; they usually want the paperback since it's cheaper. This lady replied that she didn't want an abridged copy--she wanted the whole book. I don't know why "paperback" equaled "abridged" to her.
A lady came in to pick up a book she'd ordered. I asked what name it would be under and she told me it was "Ana," and since that sounded like a first name I asked if it was "just Ana?" and she replied, "Well that's the only name I have!" Putting aside my suspicion that she probably had a damn last name, I checked. There was nothing there under "Ana." When I reported that to her, she replied that I should therefore check under her last name. Why it seemed so preposterous to her that I wanted another name in addition to her first name at the beginning is beyond me. So I checked under her last name. Wasn't there. Then she informed me that actually someone else had called and put the book on hold. She gave me THAT person's name. And it was there. Later, I found the book just thrown back on the counter. This lady should win some kind of prize.
Urgh, here's something that just pissed me off slightly. A woman was being ornery about the fact that her coffee machine, purchased in our café, was no longer working. On the phone to me, she demanded to speak to the café, but when she explained the nature of the problem I told her it sounded more like something for the manager to handle, not the random coffee shop dude. She was like "Okay, get HIM for me. SOMEONE is taking this pot back!" I should mention at this point that only one of our managers is male, so her assumption that our manager must be a "HIM" just rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway I found our café manager and asked if she would talk to the person, but when she went to pick up the lady had hung up in impatience. When she called back she was much nicer for some reason, though, explaining that she was on long distance. It's not like I make you wait on purpose or because I have any choice, lady. In any case I explained to her that if she wanted to be helped, she kind of needed to stay on the phone. This time she stayed. :)
Some dude wanted a newspaper from out of town, and when I said we didn't carry it he asked me what place would. I didn't know and told him so. And then he said, "Well who else here would know?" Yes, I keep a running database of which employee knows what. Just go around and ask people if you think it'll help you, dorko.
Twice today I lent someone my pen and they couldn't figure out how to use it. It was one of those pens you twist to make the point come out and it happened to be closed for both of these geniuses. (Genii? Who knows.) One of them even confusedly hit the back of it in a very amusing forlorn manner, hoping it would somehow click open. ::giggle::
A lady spoke very oddly today. She came up and said something that I thought sounded like, "Excuse me, the bathroom is . . . ?" I wanted to be like Tank Girl and say, "The bathroom is glad! Sad? Mad?" So I asked her to repeat herself, thinking it was rather odd to phrase your question about the location of the bathroom as if you are on Jeopardy!; I said, "The what?" She replied, "Bathroom IS . . . ?" Why did she feel I had to complete her sentence? I can make them too ya know. Hehe. Still, not sure how I was necessarily supposed to know she was asking for the location of the bathroom rather than being about to tell me that the bathroom is dirty or low on toilet paper, which people do all the time.
My manager went on lunch break and informed me that she was going to do so by saying, "I'm going in the back to throw some food at myself." I thought that was so funny that I erupted into giggles, at which point she added, "I'm gonna go have a food fight with my own self." Hahahaha!
I engaged in a new sport today: Jackass watching. I wish I had binoculars for this sport. See, a clueless guy asked my manager where a book by Mark Twain was. I could hear the annoyance in her voice when she pointed to the FICTION shelf and informed him that he could look in Fiction under "T" for "Twain." I then watched him pore over the W shelf for, I kid you not, about a minute and a half, with this priceless puzzled look on his face, just unable to comprehend that there was in fact some rhyme or reason to how the books had been put on the shelf. I just kind of stood there and watched him from afar. It's like a train wreck, don't wanna stare but you can't look away.
Last one: I was on the phone with a customer, and it wasn't like it wasn't obvious since I was, ya know, holding the phone on my face and speaking into it in a rather involved manner. This did not stop a man from trying to recruit me to answer his question. When I had to go to the Audio section to answer a question for the woman on the phone, this man and his entire family moved with me, the man constantly with this look of "I need help, please give me your attention" on his face. When they finally did get my help, though, the daughter was really nice and totally a model customer. I just hate being treated as though I am trying to avoid helping them when I am just busy with the person who was IN LINE BEFORE YOU, ya buttplug!
2/19/03
Minor annoyance was all I got today. A woman was acting impatient when I came up to Customer Service to see what she wanted, and when I asked if she had a question she just pushed her stack of books at me and said, "NO, I have BOOKS to buy!" I happily directed her to the place where you're supposed to buy the books (i.e., the place with a big red sign proclaiming "CHECKOUT").
2/18/03
A lady with a rather vague disposition wandered up to my register counter and told me she'd seen the sign out front that said she could come in and reserve the book. I repeated, "The book?" and she said, "Yes." Uh-huh. I figured she meant Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which she confirmed when I asked, but then getting her to go to the customer service desk and fill out the appropriate form was like pulling teeth. She didn't seem to understand that what I was saying was not complex. I pointed to the center of the store and said, "Over there, the desk with the sign over it that says 'Customer Service.'" When last I saw her, she was wandering toward the café. . . . ::sigh::
Some lady (who behaved as if stoned) came up and asked where we'd have books about posters. I was like, uh, books about posters? Turned out she wanted books that contained collections of photographs of beer and cigarette ads. Well, if she'd said that to begin with we'd have been able to get the ball rolling faster, but then I encountered even ANOTHER problem when I took her over to the collectibles section. It turned out she was looking for a *specific book*. But then when we went back to the computer to find it, she could not remember the title. She suggested many possibilities, all VERY different from each other. (I began to suspect that she didn't understand what I was asking her about whether there was a PARTICULAR book she was looking for.) Then she revealed that she'd just been at the other store and they'd found a book for her, but had said they'd have to order, so she decided to check our store instead. Ummm. Both bookstores carry the same things. They probably told her that, or would have if she'd asked if we would have a possibility of having it. ::sigh::
And finally, this bizarre beauty. I was unloading the last of my Kids' books and I ended up with a tote full of strange things. Once in a while the Powers that Be in our store decide that a bunch of unrelated toys, junk, and cartooney-looking books must be the Kids' Department Head's responsibility, and just dump it all in a box labeled "Kids." I found a lot of very NON Kids' stuff, and also quite a few Kids' books with very old labels. I could tell how old they were because they used different shelving codes on the stickers, and a couple were coded to go in sections we didn't even have anymore. As my manager was walking by, I mentioned to her that one of the books said "Middle Readers" on it, and we shared an eyeroll because there has been no "Middle Readers" section for about a year.
However, a customer overheard me saying this and spoke up. "Middle," she said, with an air of authority. "That would go over there by the Where's Waldo books."
I was floored by the idea that this lady thought she'd figured out something that was mystifying me. It wasn't any problem for me to figure out that the book, if labeled today, would have been labeled to go in our games and puzzles section, indeed near the Where's Waldo books. But this lady thought she had to help me clear up my confusion.
I explained to her that I knew where it went, but that the sticker told me to put it in "Middle Readers" when we hadn't had a "Middle Readers" for many months. Gah, it's bad enough when other employees try to tell me how to do the Kids' section, but when customers do . . . man, that'll be a sad day.
2/17/03
Today a lady wanted Sugar Bust For Life and was disturbed that I wasn't looking the book up in the computer first before I started to take her to the section. When she expressed surprise that I hadn't looked it up at all, I replied that it was just an often-asked-for book. She replied, with an air of certainty that I was mistaken: "It's not Sugar Busters." I told her I knew that it wasn't Sugar Busters and showed her where to look. Turned out we only had volume 2, so I got the other store to find and hold volume 1 for her. It was just funny to me that she was so sure I must have thought she wanted something else if I didn't have to look it up.
I was cleaning in the Kids' section when I saw a lady walk by a display and knock shit off of it. It was one of those displays where books are held up by what we call "J-hooks," little rearrangeable pieces of metal that can be put into specially designed slotted walls. The lady said "Oops" and attempted to clean up her mess, but I wondered if she was using all of her brain to do so. One of the J-hooks she'd knocked out of its place was on the floor, and she picked it up and just put it back on the wall in some random place instead of where it would need to be to hold the books she was about to pick up. Since it had happened so close to me, I went over to help, and put the J-hook where it was supposed to go. She picked up the books she'd knocked off, threw them onto their spots, and said, "Close enough" and walked off. I wondered what she would have done if there had been no hook to hold one of the books, then realized she probably wouldn't have cared and just would have put them both on the other one. It strikes me as strange that people think they're "fixing" what they broke when they do it so half-assed.
A lady wanting the book Dianetics was having issues finding it. I helped, and found that it wasn't under its author in the Personal Growth section. She told me, a little bewilderedly, that she figured she'd come to the section and there it would be in the D's. When I had no comment for that, she added that she supposed doing it by author made more sense than doing it by title. Oh my gawd. She thought she was going to find it under its title. She was also just improperly FLOORED by the fact that our computer doesn't tell us there's physically a copy of a book on the shelf, just that we normally carry it, and she said, "Boy, I'd hate to work HERE!" ::sigh:: It would be a lot better if people didn't creatively rearrange our store all the time. I told her so.
Today a lady at Customer Service couldn't remember her book's title or author, but could describe what it looked like very well. When she kept not remembering who wrote it, she began hitting herself in the head repeatedly, apparently quite frustrated that she couldn't come up with it and thought beating up her brain would teach it never to forget again. The customer service girl and I had a laugh about that.
Today I had to deal with arranging everyone's breaks, and our manager told me I needed to be done with everyone's break by 2:00 because they were going to have a managers' meeting and I needed to be free to run the store. So I got an ingenious plan all worked out, and after a couple speed bumps we figured out who would go when.
This got shot to shit when Neil (at his register position) decided to extend his break by 20 minutes because he had to go home and cut his hair. When he came back, he was offended that I "didn't notice" that his hair was cut. He explained that he was "going out" after work today and needed to look nice. Thanks, Neil. Incidentally, it ended up not mattering that I didn't finish my break until almost half an hour after I was scheduled to; like everything else in the store, the managers' meeting started late.
A lady, observing me stocking the shelves wearing an apron, opened her interaction with me like a genius and asked me if I worked there. So I told her I did and helped her find what she was looking for, though we were out of some of the volumes of the series she wanted. So then, to close the transaction, she asked in this "just to make sure" voice, "And everything in the store is buy two get one free, right?"
Bluhbluhbluh--HUH?
(That's my attempt to convey, in text simulating sound effects, what my brain did when she said that.)
I asked her why she thought everything in the store was buy 2 get 1 free, and she said there was a sign that said so up front. I told her whatever it was, it definitely did not apply to everything in the store and probably only applied to items with stickers on them, but I hadn't seen said sign. After parting company with her, I scurried to the front of the store to see if there was a sign. I saw NOTHING. I asked one of my managers later and she said that one type of sale book had a sign that said you could buy two and get one free. We had a laugh (day of laughs, eh?) about how people just love to read (and recite angrily back to us) the parts of the signs that they like.
Speaking of misinterpreting discount signs, a lady at the register wanted to know why the hardback she was buying wasn't ringing up with 20% off. She said there'd been a sign. I said it didn't ring up automatically with a discount and didn't have a sticker so it was probably not discounted, and she insisted that yes there had been a sign and agreeably (she was VERY polite about it) went to look at the sign to see what it said. I, having dealt with such things many times, felt sure that she would glance at it and misinterpret it again if I did not come with her, so I did. And there we were, and it played out exactly as I imagined.
"It does! It says 20% off." "It says 'up to 20% off,' and the books it applies to have 20% stickers, though some have 10% stickers and some have nothing. They're just all the same kind of book and the best discount on there is 20%."
On the way back to the register I told her I totally understood if she didn't want to take the book, if she was getting it because she thought there'd be a discount. She debated for a few moments, then asked me what *I* thought about whether the sign was "misleading." I guess she figured I'd agree with her, "I mean," she said, "it seems like trickery to have everything on the display 20% off except one book." I reminded her that some had been 20%, some had been 10%, some had had nothing, and there was even a sale book marked down to $7.97 in hardcover on there. She asked me again if I thought that the sign was misleading. I told her that I supposed I was just used to the idea that you have to read the smaller words on the sign as well as the big ones, and just to make it sound less rude I said that companies make the numbers big to try to attract your attention, but I didn't think they were trying to "trick" anyone. If they try to trick you and then you find out you paid more than you want to, you'll not only not take the book, but get pissed off as well and maybe not shop there. If it says exactly what the discount applies to, I'd say there's no false advertising going on. But maybe I'm just more savvy to the idea, due to working in retail, that stores put up signs that need to be read in their entirety.
At the register a lady came up and said this: "Do you have something, it's called an AL-MA-NAC?" Um . . . is "almanac" something you think we've never heard of? She then tried to explain to me what sorts of things are in an almanac, without waiting for me to, ya know, answer her question. I just sent her to Customer Service. ::sigh::
Here's something I found particularly annoying. A lady with a college-age daughter (not present) was shopping to find a career guide that would help her kid decide what career to choose (as she was only a sophomore but had changed majors three times). I took her to the Career Guide section, suggested a couple possibilities and suggested she browse, but then she kept asking me more questions, and I realized she was basically trying to get ME to do the browsing for her, to just let her stand there and make me dig through books to see if they were appropriate for what she wanted. Ya know, this is acceptable behavior in a library, and to a degree I can try to help, but if you're not willing to do your homework, I'm not there to help you with it. So I just pointed out a couple other books I thought might help, and then she started making those weird "I'm frustrated" sounds and then finally said, "But I wanted you to do the work!" I told her I couldn't be the judge of which career books were best for her daughter and appeased her somewhat by pulling out a couple of books that looked good, paging through them in front of her, and saying, "Hmm, this looks good." She collected a stack and sat down to read them. How much you want to bet she just left them in a pile wherever she sat? I didn't notice.
A lady had apparently called our store a few days back to see what we had in the way of monologue books. Now she was in the store, armed with the information that we should have four books of monologues but with no idea what they were called. I took her to the Entertainment section and showed her the first one I found, and as I was browsing for the others, she said, "Well aren't you going to look anything up in the computer?" I told her that unless we were looking for the availability of a specific title or author, the computer wouldn't help. It would just tell me to go to Entertainment and look, so based on my experience I was able to skip that step. She again insisted that there should be four books of monologues (I don't know who told her that), as her daughter whined that she didn't want to do Shakespeare monologues (I wouldn't either). I hit on a clump of them and began pulling them out from the shelf, and there were a hell of a lot more than four. Then I found more beyond that. Finally she stopped asking me to check the computer. ::takes a bow::
2/16/03
My first customer of the day was a rude person I've dealt with before. EVERY time he comes he has some dickish little thing to say. I asked him if he'd brought his discount card and he replied, "Would I be buying a book if I didn't?" Actually, SIR, a very large percentage of my customers do just that. Dick.
A lady asked to put a copy of the next Harry Potter book on hold for when it comes out in June. For some reason my manager had told her to get me to do it--I guess since the truck was being unloaded in the back and I was the only person in the front of the store. Normally that's something they do at Customer Service (take advance orders), but I figured business was pretty light and I could take care of it, especially since my manager had said I would. So, I took her name and phone number. Then throughout the transaction, she reminded me maybe eight different times that I'd better remember to fill out the proper deal and put it on hold. At the end as she was leaving she said, "Don't forget to put that request in!" and I said I was GOING to as soon as I no longer had a line. She said, "Okay, good. Because if you don't I'll have a disappointed little boy!" I'm gonna cry.
Oh, in other news, I am going to KILL the next kid who comes in whining about Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. I don't mind if they ask if we have any, but I am sick of them whining when they hear the answer (we're out) and I'm sick of that dumbfounded stare when I say "we're out" instead of "they're right here." Sick sick sick.
I gave a register customer the usual spiel about a discount card, since he didn't have one. He didn't seem to notice I was speaking. So when all his stuff was rung up, I added that if he wanted to he could get a discount card and that they were five dollars for ten percent off for a year. He declined, and I finished up his purchase. Then he said, "Those discount cards . . . is it TEN percent off?" ::sigh:: Then I told him that his newspaper would cost one dollar, and he held out a dollar bill with a dime balanced on top, assuming there must be tax (which there's not). He ignored me saying the total and just tried to give me that, and seemed REALLY perplexed when I gave him back the dime and just took the dollar. Maybe he was running in slow-mo today?
Hmm, it must be pretentious people day. I asked a customer if he found everything okay, and he replied that in fact he hadn't and that we didn't have a proper literature section. I noticed that he was buying books only from our sale tables, which told me that he probably thinks everything is tables--probably never made it as far back in the store as our Literature section. But no, it's because we're uncultured philistines. He began telling me it was quite sad that we did not have any Hawthorne. And then he said, "Hawthorne, as in, the author." Fuck! What else would he have been talking about? I was sick of him trying to act like he was suave and cultured when he was buying old Danielle Steel hardbacks for $6.97, so I replied, "Right, Nathaniel Hawthorne." I know who the fuck he is. Surprise, cashier knows her shit. He stopped trying to impress me I guess.
Here's the other brush with pretentiousness. I told some lady that I liked her necklace, and she responded by saying, "Oh, thank you, it's a Celtic emblem. . . ." I had to stifle myself from asking her where it had a basketball logo on it, since she said it "Seltic." She continued to ramble about how it was this special symbol of intertwined life going on and on and whatnot. I was just thinking, lady, do you think you're suddenly knowledgeable because you read the little card that came with it? Argh. This is the third time someone at work said "Seltic" to me.
Some ass at the register responded to my usual discount card inquiry with, "You know, EVERY TIME I come in here y'all say that same thing. You sound like a telemarketer!" Well, first of all there is the fact that I could and would get fired if I didn't say it (happened to someone else last month). But he didn't have to know that. I just pointed out that if he'd been in often enough to hear us say it enough to bug him, maybe it was weird that he'd never gotten one. He had nothing much to say to that. When I asked if he wanted a bag, he replied, "No, just as long as you know I bought it." No, my memory's as short as my legs. So I replied, "No, I'm not going to tackle you on the way out." He responded, "Well, I'm bigger than you." No shit, dude. Get a sense of humor.
Today a woman bought wrapping paper and a book, hoping to wrap the book in our store for a birthday party they were on their way to. First she asked me if she could wrap it "here," meaning at the register, and I told her I didn't have any tape. (I had to show her the empty tape dispenser before she'd stop staring at me in disbelief.) She asked if there was anywhere that did and I told her she could check; I didn't know offhand if any other place in the store had tape. She started trying to wrap it right there at the counter despite the fact that she had no tape, but then realized it was too small an area to properly do so and collected her things. Then, of course this was maybe a full minute after she's paid for the stuff, she said, "Oh, if she doesn't like it can we bring it back?" I said yes and she said, "Do you have gift receipts then?" Umm. First off, if we DID, you probably should have told us BEFORE WE GAVE YOU A REGULAR ONE. Secondly, since we do NOT have a way to make a gift receipt (sadly), it's kind of rude to stand there and stare at me in disbelief, again. Being appalled that we don't physically have the capability to do something doesn't make us able to do it. ::sigh::
A lady and her daughter were buying books, using the daughter's discount card. I scanned the card first thing (like I generally have to to apply the discount), and rang everything up. Finally, the total went through on the woman's credit card, and I handed her the slip to sign. She chose that moment to ask her daughter, "Did you give the card to her???" The daughter told her she had indeed done so, and the lady, looking at the credit card slip (which had nothing but her total on it), replied, "Well, she didn't discount anything!" Okay, first off, I'm right here, and I can hear you talking about me, so how about asking me if I applied the discount. Secondly, there's nothing on that slip of paper with the total on it that says anything about whether you got the discount. I had to tell her that she did get it, and she didn't believe it until she saw the receipt. I wondered what caused her to insist that I hadn't discounted anything.
A man and his family were crowded around the register buying shit, and their total ended up almost a hundred bucks. I explained to the man that if I gave him a discount card, it would cost five dollars and then immediately save him almost nine dollars, so even if he never came again he'd save money right now. He seemed perplexed by this, and so did his wife, and neither would give me a conclusive answer about whether they wanted it, so I finished packing their bags up and then asked them if it was a yea or nay on the discount card. The guy declined, and I said, "Wow, that's a surprise." People don't usually turn down free money, you see. I finished totalling up the sale and he said, "I didn't understand that reaction." I explained that it's quite unusual for someone to refuse a discount card when their purchase becomes cheaper right then and there. He still didn't seem to understand why this was surprising to me, and I gave him his receipt and got him the hell out of my store.
2/15/03
I looked up a guy's book and the computer showed the title coming up as unavailable. When I said this to the guy on the phone, he replied, "It's a standard book! Why would it not be available??" Oh, sorry, dude, let me change my answer for you now that you mention it's "standard." I explained that it doesn't tell me why they can't get it, just that they can't, and I offered a few possible reasons (publisher sells only through private catalogs, publisher ran out, publisher is planning new edition, overseas publishing does not have a contract in America, et cetera). He just hung up confused and annoyed that we didn't have something so standard. Grr.
I was shelving some books and a lady came to stand at my row and stare at me. Being that I was in a helpful mood, I made it obvious that I noticed her, and just said "Hi" to her. She said "Hi" back and continued standing there looking at me as if waiting. Not browsing, not looking at her watch or anything, just standing there. Looking. At me. So I said, "Do you need some help?" She replied, "Yes please." And then CONTINUED TO STAND THERE. What the fuck? Most people will come up and just plow ahead with their questions, and this lady has to have her question extricated with pliers. It seemed she was concerned about interrupting whatever I was doing, and then when I told her I could look up her book on the computer she backed away saying oh no, that would be too much trouble for you, blah blah. She ended up asking my manager the same question. What the hell? Just ask, we're here to help, it's not "trouble" to look for a book for you, that's what we DO. Anyway, very weird.
Someone called the bookstore asking if we had Mylar Spider-Man balloons. My manager, who was the one fielding the call, repeated back to her, "Mylar . . . Spider-Man . . . balloons??" She just said, "Yeah," as if there wasn't something wrong with this picture. Maybe I am just sheltered or close-minded, but I can't say I would have thought to look for Mylar balloons at a damn bookstore.
I asked a lady if she wanted a bag, and she said, "Yes, if you have one." I ignored the fact that it would have been silly to have offered one if I had none. "Like a bag?" "Yes." "Sorry, you can't have one, we're out." Huh? But then she started rambling about it! "If you don't have one, that's all right, I don't HAVE to have one, but if you've got one, I'll take one." What the hell gave this lady the idea that I had no bags? Especially considering she started with that sentence when I pulled the bag out and started putting her stuff in there? WEIRD!
I had a guy ask me where the Wildlife books were, and I told him they were in our Nature section and that I'd show him where that was. On the way to the Nature section, the guy said, "Oh, no wonder, your Nature section used to be over THERE--y'all moved it on me." I could have just kept my mouth shut, but the truth is, our Nature section has never been anywhere else. The words "Nature Store" have been fastened in large foam letters onto the wall since well before I worked there. So, I said to him, "No, it hasn't moved." His response? "Well it did too!" I'm sure that he, some random jerk who probably isn't even sure where he is, has a better idea of the history of our book placement than I do, even though I've worked there for almost three years. So, instead of being good and just pretending he was right, I argued with him again, and told him that actually I'd been there almost three years and we'd never moved the Nature books to anywhere else. Finally he began to cast doubt on whether he was in the same store as the one that he remembered Nature books being over THERE. We agreed that he was probably thinking of the other store.
2/12/03
A lady had ordered a Hardy Boys book and decided she didn't want it. I told her that was fine and I could have it sent back, but then she just said, "Well, I noticed you carry that series but you don't have that book, so you might just want to put it on the shelf." Umm. Sorry, but the home office decides which books we should carry, not random customers. Then, when asking about a book, she spelled the name "Worth" for me. Eh? Can anyone please think of another way "Worth" is likely to be spelled?
A lady wanted the book I'm OK, You're OK. Problem was, she was asking at the register, where Neil was. For some reason, this prompted Neil to call me to the register because he wanted me to take over ringing people up so that he could start digging in sale bins on the off chance that the book might be in there. What? Dude, just send the lady to the Customer Service desk, where I can help her. He does things like this a lot, though; if a customer is asking for a book he likes or something, he wants to help them. Weirdly, when I typed it into the computer--you know how there are those "auto-complete" thingies that when you start typing it tries to finish for you? Our Customer Service 'puter has that and when I typed in "I'm OK" it finished it "Your OK." Not "You're," but "Your." Seems no one had ever searched for it under "You're." Fuck-knobs.
Some lady at Customer Service had me look up a book, and there was no trace of it. She said that maybe it wasn't out yet. Well, that's a definite possibility, if it exists and you have the title right. What floored me about this was that she said, "It's okay, I'll be back next week and I'll check then." Problem with that is, books that are going to come out the next week have probably been in the computer with the advance order option for months. They don't suddenly just start existing in the computer when there was no record of it before. But no, she'll just check back next week and it'll magically be there, I'm sure.
I had an argument with my boss. I heard him giving an employee a crash course on how to put away the paperbacks, so I went over and asked if she was to be our new paperback person, since we'd lost ours. He replied that she wasn't and that he already had someone in mind for that. I asked him who and he said, "I'm not telling you." I asked him kiddingly if it was some kind of secret, and he said, "No," and I asked him then why couldn't he tell me who was going to do paperbacks? It wasn't like it was national security. He just repeated that he didn't want to tell me. Obviously he either had no reason (and was just being an ass, as always) or else he had a reason that he didn't want to tell me, which is just as crappy. I told him I didn't understand how it's possible for something to NOT be a secret but for him to be unable to tell me. He replied that he didn't understand why I wasn't unloading the cookbooks.
A lady came up to Customer Service and said, "Could you look up a book for . . ." and gave me a name. I was a bit confused, because the way she said it it sounded like she wanted me to "look up" an order and was giving her name, but I didn't know what she wanted me to "look up" about it. She just gave me no information; for all I knew she could have been asking me for books by a certain author. I asked her if she ordered a book under that name and she said yes, and so I asked her what she wanted me to find out about the order and what were the circumstances? She just said, "Could you just look up the book for . . ." and said her name again. So I had to explain very carefully that I needed to know WHAT she needed to know before I just "look up a book for" her. Finally she said something that made sense: She'd ordered a book some time ago and hadn't heard anything, and wanted to check on the status of the order. So I looked her up and found that the warehouse, unable to fulfill her order, had cancelled it. I informed her of this and she replied, "Oh, that's okay. You can just keep trying." I was like, "Um, NO, the point is they CAN'T try any more, if they cancelled it they couldn't get it," and she replied, "Oh, no, that's all right. You can just let me know if you get it." Argh.
At the register, a lady said to me, "Do you have a heart?" I was like, huh? She repeated that she wanted a heart, just one sticker to stick on the present she was getting for some relative. I told her I didn't have any "heart," and she just continued explaining how she wanted one. People do this a lot, after you are perfectly clear on what they want and know you don't have it, they assume that if they keep clarifying what they want, maybe somehow you'll realize you do have it. I did not, indeed, have a random heart sticker sitting around to give her. ::sigh::
A lady was writing a check at the register. I told her I needed her ID when she was done, and when she was finished she showed me a Sam's Club card and said, "Is this enough?" God, lady, your check number is like five thousand something, you must've written enough checks to understand that cashiers normally need your driver's license number or some kind of analogous ID; a Sam's Club card isn't exactly legal ID. Oh well. Maybe it was my fault for not being specific about what kind of ID I wanted, but I tend to say "ID" instead of "driver's license" because I don't have one.
I was finishing up covering the cashier's break today, and as I was closing down the register a guy came up and tried to go to my register. The other cashier spoke up, "Sir, she's better looking, but I'm the one who's open, could you come on over here please?" Hehe.
I was doing a return and this lady was not cooperating. I asked for her name and she was like, "Why do you need MY name?" It turned out she was doing the return for her friend or something, but I told her we have a return form and we need to know who's doing the return. When I asked for an address she just up and refused to give it, saying, "I'm not gonna put my address on anything!" I guess people don't realize that returning something is a privilege afforded by the store, not an automatic right, and any return can be denied for a good reason. Especially if we're just handing cash to you.
Today I saw stacks and stacks of the new mass-market paperback version of The Poisonwood Bible. I saw them on a cart and I was thinking, I'd better find out where those are going to be shelved, because I know someone will ask me about them later. Guess what, they did, and guess what, they'd disappeared. I eventually found them up near the bestsellers, though they aren't a bestseller. Go fig.
2/11/03
A lady wanted to know about a book she wanted to replace, but it turned out the only way I could get it was to order used copies from independent people through the Internet. The lady made all kinds of weird inquiries about the books. I told her that for some reason even though both were paperback, one was listed at almost 50 bucks and the other at only 15. I had prefaced my statement by telling her I didn't know what the difference was, but that didn't stop her from replying, "Well what is the difference between the books?" I told her I already said I didn't know, but that these were private sellers and it was kind of up to them what to price it. Anyway, I asked her if she wanted to pursue ordering it this way, but she had more questions, and on one of them she specified that she wanted me to tell her the information on "the used one." My God, lady! This whole time we have been talking about nothing other than a couple of used books! I don't have a NON-used book! You don't have to specify that it is USED!
Today Neil was being a dork at the register, so I asked my manager if I could kill him. My manager replied, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, you cannot kill Neil. Because then you'd be put away and I need you." Then our customer service guy started making fun of her because she knew the answer to his question off the top of her head, saying, "Ahh, she knows all!" and then she claimed to be the Trash Heap. I said, "The Trash Heap . . . has . . . spoken!!!" and since the three of us laughed I guess we all used to watch Fraggle Rock. The word "Fraggle" sounds dirty, doesn't it?
2/10/03
I called a guy about his book coming in, and I got a roommate. The guy said he was home, but then when he went to get him, he came back and said, "I'm sorry, he's disposed right now, can I take a message?" Hehe. Disposed? I imagined him sitting in a trash can wearing a dunce cap. I don't know why.
A woman at my Customer Service desk was not too bright today. First off, she wanted a book and it turned out I had to order it, and she asked for the price, which I told her. Then she prompted, "And with tax?" I hesitated on that one, wondering first of all why she needed the EXACT AMOUNT and secondly why she thought I would know that. I told her I didn't have a calculator, and of course prices with tax are not listed on the computer considering taxes vary. She then made a big deal out of trying to calculate what the approximate price would be after tax. Why??? Then she asked me if she could pay for her other book at the C/S desk or if she had to go to the register. I told her she had to go to register. Finally she said, "Well do you know offhand if any other bookstore in the area would have it?" Oh my God, lady. If I had to dig it up in my very own store's computer, how am I to have a running inventory of OTHER STORES' products in my head?? Anyway, after I informed her that her expectations were ridiculous (no, really I said I didn't have any way to check what was in other people's inventories), she asked me again, "Well okay, can I pay for this here, or do I have to go to the register?"
A woman asking for my help today kept answering her own questions. First she interrupted me to ask a question, and she started asking the question but then realized she wasn't sure if I was an employee. She squinted at my apron in the middle of saying, "Oh, do you work here?" and then said, "Oh, yes you do, okay." She turned to the Beginning Readers section and asked, "Are these in alphabetical order by author? Oh, yes I see they are." Ummm . . . do you have a question I can actually answer now? . . .
A lady wanted "law kits," and when I told her we carry books but I don't know if they can be described as kits, she began describing to me exactly what they usually have in them. I replied that I'd never seen that, but then she KEPT describing it (this type usually does that), and when I repeated my exact earlier statement, she replied, "Well, you USED to." That does not help me, lady. Your (probably mistaken) assertion that we "used to" carry something does not make it appear on my shelf. End of story.
I saw a guy waiting at Customer Service, so I started walking toward him. And when he saw me coming, he left his waiting position at the desk and tried to get in my way so I couldn't escape, and said, "EXCUSE me, I need some HELP," and I was like, "I saw, I was on my way to the desk to see what you needed." He wasn't any problem after that, but it just bugged me at the time, that he thought someone obviously coming his way and looking at him was going to attempt any possibility of running away without helping, so he had to corral me. Hehe.
2/9/03
A guy walking by me seemed confused, and I asked if he needed anything. He denied that he did, but then said, "You don't have The Hobbit!"
This approach is so goofy. People actually do this a lot; they announce that you don't have something, and when you reveal that they weren't looking in the right place, they claim that putting it anywhere else is wrong. That was the case here.
"Well I don't see it there with the rest of his books!"
I think the explanation here would be the following: We DID have it there, but only one or two copies like anything else. Probably people bought those copies. As for the rest, they're in a huge display of Lord of the Rings related products. Grr, that's really annoying when people just whine that we don't have something when they haven't explored all the options.
A woman who did not seem to be all there wanted a book, and I looked it up for her. But when we went to find it on the shelf, it wasn't there. I told her that the explanation for that was that it had probably been bought, at which point she looked at me incredulously and said, "You only have one book?" meaning of course that it's weird we'd only stock one copy of it. I had to explain I have no way of knowing how many we have or how many we're supposed to have; just the fact that it's in the computer as something stocked on our shelves tells me we normally carry at least one, but the Customer Service computer can't tell if it's been bought recently. So, she said she wanted to order it, and I said she could come back to the desk with me to give her info, but then she just replied, "Okay, well I'll be right here." I kind of gave her a confused look and said, "Well, I'll need your information, at the desk, when I order it." She just ignored me and began browsing in her own little world, so I figured, hell, if she wants to order it she'll come to the desk. I decided to at least do her the courtesy of being at the desk if she were to come, so I took a bunch of misplaced books that were sitting on a cart and organized them into their sections. Finally the lady came along and walked up to my cart, and for some reason began picking things up off of it. "I really want that book!" she commented. Then she asked me what this cart was and I said it was a bunch of go-backs, and she just started rifling through my organized piles and trying to put them wherever she wanted! I told her I'd just organized--focus on "organized"--those books just now and it hadn't been in there. Grr! Why do people think they can just take things off carts if they want? What if that was more important? :P Finally I ordered the book for her and I asked her if that was all she needed. She replied, "Oh, I don't know what I need." I could give you a few suggestions, starting with a new hairdo and a kick in the ass. Hilarious.
Some girl, wishing to do a high school report or something, wanted to know where our "animal rights section" was. I told her we didn't have one and she got upset, wanting to know why on Earth we would not have a section for that. I told her that probably the store just didn't carry enough books (if any at all) to warrant devoting a whole section to it. (This has happened a billion times. "Where's your Antarctica section?" Huh??) So, slamming her hand on the counter, she said, "There should be a section for that, it's important." Turned out she just wanted me to find books for her so that she could list them as sources she used in her bibliography, and I named some books that had to be ordered but she wrote them down anyway. So, her friend was there too, saying, "Yeah, they should have a section like that. After all, they have sections for other things that aren't as important . . . they have a porn section!" The first girl argued with her, "No they do not," and I just smiled as I looked for animal rights books, because I knew we do indeed stock porn. The second girl began joking around, saying, "Well, they probably do, but even if they don't they do stock porn. Look, right there!" Pointing at the fiction shelf, "The Lovely Bones. HAHAHA!" Yup, that sure is funny, high schoolers. (Not that I can talk. I still find poop funny.)
Some guy wanted books on real estate, then clarified that he was actually looking for these two books. I could order one and was supposed to have the other, but it was not listed as a real estate book--it was just a book on personal finance. So he asked me to show him and I took him to Personal Finance. On the way, I pointed out the Real Estate section. We looked for his book in Personal Finance but found nothing, and then the guy asked me, "Well, where would books on real estate be?"
Okay, well, a) I already told you that on the way in; b) the book you want isn't a real estate book; and c) it bugs me that you think I just took you to the wrong section on a wild goose chase. Anyway, I pointed to the "real estate" sign above the books, but his eyes followed not my finger but some tiny alien craft (maybe?) as he looked into the aisle and near the fire extinguisher, "Where?" I had to stand in front of the section (which had been right next to where we were standing) and measure with my hands the appropriate section. Argh.
Woo, another genius! Some guy wanting books on Einstein came up already holding one he'd found. He wanted something on Einstein's opinions and religious thoughts, though, not something on the science or biographical aspects, and he opened his query by suggesting that the book he'd already found would probably do quite well. I looked anyway since he asked me to, and found several that sounded like they'd be along those lines. I asked if he wanted me to show him where to look, but he continued fondling the book and said that he thought this one would be fine, thank you.
Why'd he come to me to look books up, and continue making me do so, if the book he was holding was perfect for his purpose in the first place?
My Kids' section had been UTTERLY DESTROYED, so I set to picking it up. About halfway through a woman stopped me to ask a question. She was carrying a book and wanted to know if it was a true story. I told her it wasn't, and she pouted, saying her daughter preferred reading about real people. I took her to Kids' Biography, where she found lots of what she wanted, and while I was helping her she commented that someone sure had done a number messing up my section. I agreed and she said it was a shame that people would act like that. And THEN later on when I got to that section to clean, I found the book she'd been carrying just laid horizontally across the top of the kids' bios, with a lot of the shelf messed up where she'd rifled through it. ARGH! Hypocrisy!
After thoroughly cleaning up my section, I began sort of patrolling it, thinking I'd be damned if someone was going to mess up my place again. But then I got stuck helping a bunch of customers at the Customer Service place, so I was taken away for about twenty minutes. When I came back, there was a mess. But not an ordinary one.
The pile of mess, obviously arranged by a rather small child, contained three ingredients at first glance: 1) Nearly every Caillou book from the nearby shelf; 2) Several baby fistfuls of Mrs. Grossman stickers; and 3) Crackers and their crumbs, in various states of being consumed. The mess was lovingly centered in the middle of the floor, tossed like a cute little salad of books, stickers, and food. I fumed.
Until. . . .
Suddenly, in my cleanup, I found that there was indeed a fourth ingredient. A tiny baby shoe. Apparently the mother of this child (who'd obviously been either left unattended long enough to do this--BAD!--or had done it under the watchful eye of the mother, thereby giving it blessing) had left so quickly with her daughter that no one noticed a shoe was missing. I grinned.
I took the baby shoe to Customer Service, but as you might expect, I did not put it in the Lost and Found. I put it, instead, quite deep in the trash can. I was pleased with myself, thinking this was her punishment for leaving me such a mess, especially after what I'd been through cleaning up Kids' this morning (it took me two and a half hours!). Then later in the day, she did indeed call to inquire about the shoe, and she got ME on the phone. I put her on hold to say I'd look for the shoe, then promptly laughed for about two minutes before coming back on the line to tell her I'd found no trace of it. She insisted on leaving her name and number in case I found it, which is nice because now I have a great number to prank call if I feel like doing so. I briefly considered taking the shoe out of the trash to hold until about six months from now, when I could call the lady to tell her I'd managed to find it. Of course, by that point her child would be too big to wear it. Wouldn't that just be tragic?
Also, I found a Rice Krispy Treat from our café sitting on one of my displays in Kids'. I noticed it while I was going to break the guy at the register; when he was finished with lunch and it was my turn, I passed it again. A half hour from THEN, when MY break was over, it was still there.
So, I took it and ate it myself. Yum.
2/8/03
Grr. Some lady wanted particular information for a report her daughter was doing. It was preposterous to her that I could not find, in my Customer Service computer, a book that would give her the right information. Sorry, lady. My computer is not the Internet and it cannot be queried for specific information; it can find books by their titles and authors and that's about it. Please stop expecting me to do your daughter's report for her. That is all.
A guy called me and asked me if we did some kind of thing with "Yugiman." I think he meant Yu-Gi-Oh! and got it confused with Pokémon as well, but I thought it was funny.
Today a guy stopped me in a random section of the store and asked me if we carried Matt Christopher books. Being the Kids' department head, I happened to know they were kids' fiction books and took him to the section. The guy was surprised at my competence, and remarked, "Finally, I get someone who knows what they're doing." Despite the fact that it was a compliment, it really annoyed me. That insinuates that if someone doesn't know your author off the top of their heads, it means they just don't know the product as well as they should and thus "do not know what they're doing." I resent that. I wouldn't have known it in any other category unless it was a bestseller, and Matt Christopher is not a bestseller in kids' books as of late. But no, of course; every bookstore worker who doesn't have a running inventory in their head is actually incompetent. Good to know.
2/5/03
I have to open this entry by saying that sometimes, with all my self-righteous whining and whatnot, I am not a good employee. I slack off on purpose sometimes, and occasionally I deliberately deliver bad customer service when I feel it is deserved. Though I know that overall my job is to sell the person a book, not to base my quality of customer service on what they deserve, I still do it sometimes, because on some occasions it makes working retail bearable and stops me from losing my will to live. So, I thought I should mention that at this time I was having one of those days on which I did not particularly want to help anyone.
So, what happened was I was doing some task and a guy came up and stood fairly close to where I was working. These people's strategy is to stand close to an employee and wait to be noticed. When they're noticed, I'm supposed to ask the customer politely what they need. Well, being that today I was being a sour grape, I just continued my task pretending that I didn't know he was there. I figured, hell, he can just say "excuse me" like a civil person instead of just standing there hoping I'll notice him. How sad is that. So I just did my stuff, I was doing counting of some books in a box so it was taking a while, and he seriously just kept on standing there. It turned into a game. Can I do this for long enough that he'll either give up and say "excuse me," or long enough that he will go away? Sadly, neither happened; I ran out of ways to make my task look convincing, pretended to be puzzling over my list, and went to see if a book on the list was on the shelf. Finally when he saw that I was about to escape, he did say "excuse me."
Then he proceeded to annoy me by doing two things that piss me off. One, he asked me where a type of book would be, and when I showed him, he pulled out a piece of paper and began reading me the titles and asking, "Would you have that?" Well, buddy, it would have been helpful if instead of just asking where a section was, you mentioned that you were looking for a certain couple of books. That way, instead of hiking around the store, I could have made one trip to the computer to find out first if we carried them. When I mentioned to the man that I would have to go to the desk to find that out, he said, "Oh, never mind. I'm sure they're in here somewhere." That was the second thing. People just assume we have ALL BOOKS! They seriously think that if a book is in print, bookstores must be carrying it. I'm not sure the books were in there somewhere! But I left him to his task, since he had a better idea of our inventory than I do. God, I'm an asshole today.
A guy got caught stealing in our store. He was caught walking out the door with books stuffed under his shirt. (Turned out his backpack was full of books too.) When stopped, he claimed they weren't our books; they were from Borders down the street. Yeah, because other stores always sell books with our price stickers on them. Then he just shamelessly changed his story and said they were from the other store. Yeah, and that's why you're clear across town from there carrying their books under your damn SHIRT. Our cashier called the cops. He got booked.
A woman came up to me while I was covering a break on the register and asked me if I had the book The Life of Pi. But I had no idea at first what she meant because she pronounced "Pi" like "Pee." I was like what? Life of Pee? Huh? She said, "Pee. P-I?" Oh yes. That number with a non-repeating decimal that we all hear so much about. The one that is very close to 3.14. The one that DOES NOT share a homophonal pronunciation with a euphemism for urine. I sent her to Customer Service to ask them, because I am a jerk and I wanted her to have to say it to another person who would laugh at her.
I'm not going to go into great detail on this one because it will probably annoy you as much as it annoyed me. So, suffice it to say, this guy annoyed me. He wanted to do a return, that was his story; no receipt, but he'd talked to one of our managers on the phone about whether he could do the return. He didn't have the receipt because he'd already brought something back from the same transaction and the store had kept the original receipt. But see, these were cards for a baby and the baby was born dead.
This was sad, and totally understandable that he'd want to bring the cards back. No one had any problem with this part of the transaction. But for some reason, he thought it was VITAL that I get the same manager that he'd spoken to. But he didn't remember her name, so he started describing her. I told him several times that she wasn't here and that my current manager on duty would be fine for the purpose, but he kept trying to get that manager. That was his strategy: Repeat it until someone says something else. So, I got Diana, and she came up. She told him that without a receipt she could give store credit only, but the guy repeated his "The baby was born dead" story and explained why the receipt was missing. We understand that, and we will take them back and give you store credit. But we got the exact speech again. So we gleaned that he thought he should get cash, even though he didn't say that at all. So Diana just said, well, if Pat was cool with it and this guy expects it, she can take the fall if we get scolded. So whatever, Diana said go ahead and do it, and walked off. I handled it fine, but then the register hit a glitch. It doesn't realize we put $200 in it to start, and because I'm only covering a break, it thinks I don't have enough cash in my drawer to give the guy his total. So it gives me an error that has to be overrided by a manager.
This is where the story got annoying enough to put on here, by the way.
So I called her again to put her code in and get the drawer open for me. Which for some reason pushed the customer guy's button for, "Oh no, I have to repeat my story again." So he began telling me how the baby was born dead again, and informed me that my manager had said it was okay. I just cut him off at that point, and said, "I UNDERSTAND that." I told him I didn't have a problem with giving him money. But the register was having an error and only the manager could fix it. At that point he backed off and let me actually do my job. Now why, I ask you, would I have let Diana go away the first time if I didn't think it was settled? Why would I need the customer's assurance that I could, indeed, give him money? GRRR. Yet another example of me being told how to do my job.
Oh, and the baby was born dead.
A guy liked my Etch-A-Sketch pen today at the register, and asked where we had them. I gave him directions to where I've got them hidden in the Kids' section, and several minutes later he came back pouting, saying, "You lied to me!"
I was like, huh? He repeated that I'd lied to him, there weren't any pens in there! I told him yes there were; I was in charge of the Kids' section and I put them there and as far as I knew they should still be there. Shaking his head because he honestly can't imagine he missed them, I took him over there, to which he protested that he looked already. I took him right to the display, which was admittedly in a rather out of the way place but I had told him it was "by the trains" and it was right by the trains (so much so that rude and obnoxious children often damage the pens' packaging while rambunctiously running around the train table and trying to pry desirable train characters out of siblings' hands). He ended up buying three different pens, and was very cheerful about it the whole time, but I thought it was funny how he said I'd "lied" just because he couldn't find them.
Amusing: Some lady said about three different times that some purchase of hers was "heavy." It was one thin hardback book. She first asked if she could put it on the counter while she shopped because it was so heavy. I think I probably gave her a weird look. Because let's face it, I am 4'11" and I don't work out, but I lift boxes with twenty books that size in them. After she bought it and I'd put it in a bag for her, she said, "Ooh, it's heavy," as she made it out the door. Um, yeah. (By the way, she wasn't frail or apparently in poor health either.)
Urgh. I just thought this next lady should get an honorable mention. I was wrestling with the cash register to get it to ring up a sale book that had no sticker, and since it didn't recognize the bar code I had to go into its data bank and find it, which took me a second. My customer, upon noticing that it was taking a little extra effort, mistook the delay to mean I couldn't figure out a price (even though the price was ON the book), and was so pleased with herself for uttering the unique and incredibly witty phrase, "Wow, guess it must be free!"
I wonder if I was being rude when I informed her that she had no idea how many people say that to me.
Today's "Worthless Bag of Human Flesh" award goes to this lady. She was not paying attention and having brain farts seriously about ten times over during the course of our interaction. And you, the lucky people, get to hear me tell you about ALL of her sins! Joy!
First off, she went to the register and expected customer service help. Not usually a huge sin or anything. But when the cashier called me to go to Customer Service, she misunderstood and stepped aside in the line and thought I was coming up to the cash register to meet her there and somehow assist her, even though I'd need the computer at the desk in order to assist her. So, the cashier, being extremely busy at that point, didn't seem to notice that she hadn't gone to meet me, and I of course went to the desk, didn't have anyone waiting for me, and ended up having to help someone on the phone. It turned out that the phone call brought me up near the register, where Crappy Lady noticed my name tag and realized that it matched the name that had been called to assist her. With that she began accosting me, trying to interrupt me while I was on the phone with my other customer, saying, "He paged you to help me, right??" and all this crap. After I finished helping the guy on the phone, I told her that I had been paged to the DESK, and that I had indeed gone to the desk and waited and no one had shown up. She was completely uncomprehending of this, and repeated to me that I had been called to help her. I figured it was useless to try and explain it again, because she had it in her precious brain that I was wrong for not coming to her immediately when she'd just not understood that she was supposed to go to, ya know, the help booth. Oh well.
So. First question. "Do you have the new Harry Potter? Book 5?" ::sigh:: I told her that Harry Potter 5 won't be published until mid-June. "So you don't have it?" Bewildered look. Oh, God. "No, ma'am. No one has it. It hasn't been released yet. It won't be available until the summer." "OH. It's not OUT yet." She grilled me about what it will be called and how much it will be, and then she wanted two books that she'd written on a piece of paper. I couldn't resist throwing one more little shot when she did that: "I've got to look that up at my Customer Service computer. That's why he had me called to the DESK." She didn't understand. I didn't care.
We went to the desk and I typed up one of her book titles. It was a crockpot cookbook of some kind, and we were supposed to carry it. The other I just knew already because it's popular. So we went to the Cooking section. The lady, with her now-familiar bewildered expression, uttered another of her famous ridiculous statements while reading the sign on the wall: "Cooking & Health? Oh, wow, I never would have found it over HERE." This was said in that weird tone of voice that people get when they (rightly) are surprised to find dream books in the New Age section or maybe pet books in the Nature section. But . . . I just don't understand how it's surprising to find that a cookbook is shelved in the Cooking section. Nope.
So we found her crockpot book, and then I found her other book, which was about food counts. At this point, for some ungodly reason, she took the book from me and began being vocally unsure of whether it was the same one written on her paper. I assured her that it was; for God's sake, I'm a bookstore worker, and I don't normally look at people's wish lists and then give them some other book for the hell of it. Maybe she had very little confidence in my abilities to help her after the big flub where I had no idea I was supposed to come to the register to help her with customer service. So she began comparing, word by word, the title of the book with the writing on her page! Aloud! "The . . . okay, the. Complete . . . complete. Book . . . book." Yes. Yes it is The Complete Book of Food Counts, dammit. It IS. And then she looked on her paper and informed me that the author was Netzer, which I knew, and she read the lady's name to me from her paper, looked at the book cover (where Netzer's name was emblazoned in large white letters on a blue background or something), and said, "Now do you see her name anywhere on here?"
I kind of incredulously pointed to her giant name, which was larger on the book cover than the title. She was satisfied by that, thanked me for my help, and took off for the register. There, the cashier sold her a discount card, and then she puzzled over whether she really did get her discount for about two minutes more, asking him for repeated clarifications of how it worked out. Grrrrrr.
2/4/03
Our parking lot is getting relaid, which involves an awful lot of bulldozers and large moving equipment that makes little boys want to put on a hard hat. We've been getting just a tad lighter business since it's started. Some guy revealed to me a possible reason why:
"Wow, when I drove by here, I thought, 'Oh no, they've gone out of business!' Yup, I thought you went out of business, I saw all this construction when I drove past, but then you ended up being open."
Oh God. That's right, dude. When stores go out of business, first you hear absolutely nothing about it beforehand and they close without warning, and secondly they send in bulldozers to fuck up the parking lot. Ya know, it's totally common practice to bulldoze an entire building because the business that ran there went bankrupt. What??
Amusing but weird: A girl wanted to buy a fifteen-dollar gift certificate for a friend, but then when she wanted to pay, she asked if she could use her fifteen-dollar gift certificate to pay for it. She opened that suggestion by saying, "I don't know if this is retarded, but. . . ." Heh. No, but strange.
2/3/03
One of my coworkers gave me this one: Apparently someone asked for the Spiegel catalog, and when it was received, the customer went out of sight, ripped open the protective plastic, tore out the one coupon she needed, and then left the wrecked magazine on a random shelf. ASS.
2/2/03
I just found this funny. A lady came up to me and said, self-righteously, "There's no toilet tissue in some of the women's restroom stalls." I hate when that happens, but before I could tell her that we were just out and waiting for our shipment that day, she added, "And the bathroom's NOT clean." As if it needed more clarification, she added after a reflective pause, "It's DIRTY." Well, I imagine it's dirty if it's not clean. I told her I'd let a manager know, and then went to check myself. Apparently a dirty bathroom is one in which one toilet isn't flushed and the other has a strip of teepee on the floor. Yup. Filth.
Some lady asked me for a book she said was called "Spanish Salsa." I looked it up in my title search and got nothing at all. So she doubtfully informed me that possibly it was "Latin Salsa," which also got no results. The fact that she wasn't positive about the title made me kind of annoyed when she just got that customer air of "we're not finding it due to your incompetence, not my lack of preparation," and she told me, "Well, the OTHER girl could find it, so never mind." Then she walked away.
I have to say something about that. How the FUCK is it my fault if I type something into the computer and it comes up with nothing? There isn't anything else you can do. It's not like some "other girl" can type better than me, or I can't spell "salsa" or something; quite simply, nothing came up with what she gave me, so she blamed me directly for it. ARGH! I know I'm overreacting a little bit here, but I really hate when this happens! It's like someone refusing to pay for a frappé because it doesn't taste right when it's their fault they mistakenly ordered a latte, ya know? Nope, it's still the barista's fault. Yup.
Here's a bucket of fun: Some guy wanted a particular version of Anne Frank's diary that said on the back that it was for the sixth grade, or something. I didn't see any indication of any book like that but I told him which version I'd seen the kids buying lately. He left me alone and examined the selection, and I didn't see any more of him until about a half hour later. He came up to me asking this time for "any history series for children." I happened to know a few, and I pointed out something called History Mysteries, but then he thought I'd misunderstood him and was looking for mystery stories, so I told him no, I was looking for history series, and then he replied that he was looking for Anne Frank books. I was like, huh? A series of history books about Anne Frank? And he's like NO, he was just wanting to know if someone made a series of historical biographies and maybe one of those would be the Anne Frank he wanted. For some reason he thought I totally understood his intent when he asked if I had any history series. This makes no sense. First off it was a half hour after he'd asked me for Anne Frank the first time, and secondly he was completely unclear and then acted like it was my fault for not knowing automatically what he meant. I hate when people do this too. They ask if you have anything on psychology, when what they really mean is do I have any books on men's perspectives of long-term relationships or something; they just guess that by giving me a general, they can find a specific on their own. Well, if you're looking for a specific, tell me THAT, and that way you take your customer guesswork out of it and let the professionals--who live in the store for 8 hours 5 days out of the week--figure it out for you. Grr.
One more. Today was Imbolc, so I dressed up a little. Nothing too amazing. I was wearing a long white skirt (peasant style), a crisp pink collared shirt, a sparkly bandana, and white flowers in my hair. And then one of my customers asked me, "So what are you dressed up as?" I told him I was dressed as me. Hehe.
2/1/03
This chick on the phone, she wanted me to check for a diet book from a certain series. I told her we were supposed to have it; I told her I'd need to go check and see if it was on the shelf. But she asked about the price and stuff, and then asked, "Okay, well then could you please go check for it?" So I did; went over and found it, and came back with it and asked if she wanted it held. She was like, "Oh wait, I have two more books." And they were other books from the same diet! Yeah, that's a great idea, just send me back there and then say oh by the way, I need you to go back to the exact same place again. (Just struck me as odd that she didn't think to mention the other two books from the same diet when she asked me specifically to go check for the first one.) So when I had her books and asked again if she wanted them held, she said she'd have to call me back after she asked her mom. ::sigh:: Why would you call about them if you aren't sure if it's okay with your mom that you get them? I guess I'm just crabby today.
Backlinks:
MAIN PAGE
WRITING PAGE
JOURNALS PAGE
WORK LOG PAGE