Open Diary Entries

FISH!!!!

Yes, "Ghoti" is pronounced "fish," I decree it so.  "Gh" as in "rough," "o" as in "women," and "ti" as in "action."  Fish.  So there.

(Thanks Mike.)

Assholes at the supermarket on the 17th made me want to spew my guavas.  I didn't actually encounter the assholes, which is a shame because I would have wanted to pluck their nuts off.  I went to the baking aisle (yay, my favorite place in the store!!) and happened to notice a bunch of food coloring boxes were open and laying around in a shambles.  I picked them up and tried to figure out the method to this madness, and quickly discovered. . . .

All of them were missing the green tube.

About thirteen of them had been robbed of their green.  Most had not four tubes, but three--Jeaux postulated that someone put all the greens together and went to buy them, but I don't think they bothered; I think they just stole them.  At first we were both baffled--couldn't figure out why someone would do that except that it was obviously for something related to St. Patrick's Day, and we took the boxes to their customer service counter and explained that we'd found them that way and they were all missing green.  Blah.  We briefly discussed how they were ass-faces, and then went away.  I brought it up at work the next day and immediately my co-workers suggested to me the probable reason behind this theft:

Some fraternity jerks wanted to make their beer green.

I hope they all puked their guts out. 

With the amount of beer they must have had to dye in order to necessitate the theft of thirteen tubes of green food coloring, I'd say there's a high probability they did so.

Oh yeah.  Did I tell you people I got a haircut?

It wasn't exactly intentional.  I needed a fairly significant trim is all.  And I got this coupon for an adult haircut for $8.95, so I went in for it.  I had been prepared going in that they'd probably cut it shorter than I wanted.  The lady showed me where she was going to cut--even that looked short to me--but then after she was done it was actually quite a bit shorter than she'd indicated.  She literally cut off about half of my hair.  So now it's only a little longer than a foot.  Good God!  I don't have to put it up to go wee-wee anymore!  Not that I'm happy about that.  I knew I needed a trim but I really didn't want short hair.  But I didn't pitch a fit.  I thought sure I'd probably cry over it no matter how little the haircut was, but for some reason I never did end up shedding any tears over it.  Maybe I'm not as fragile as I used to be.

I figured out later why the lady asked me "Do you want me to just put $8.95 on the card, then?"--she was prompting me to tell her how much of a tip to give her.  I didn't realize it *then*; I realized it after we were in the car already (Fred was with me), but apparently one is supposed to tip hairstylists.  Well, number one, I'm glad I didn't know because I would have felt awkward not wanting to give her one since she didn't do what I wanted, and number two . . . I'm sure she could tell from looking at me that I DON'T GET HAIRCUTS.  People with three-foot hair don't know the drill, sorry.  Fred said he always gives his stylist a big tip, "You know, so they don't fuck up my hair!"  Haha.  Too late for that.

Notes:

DAMN THAT BUTCHER! I gasped, audibly mind you, when you said "a little longer than a foot." Cause like, your hair was about 20 feet long. But it still looks long! Just less long :( But I just wanted to reassure you, because I know this is important to you, that you still look super hot. ;D WINK!

With lunch,

Ian

It does look a lot healthier, though. So SHINY! - Ronni

You may not cry over your hair, but I will. [katqueen]