The Bible as a Thief Repellent

I once talked to a guy who thought that hiding his money in his Bible would protect it from thieves.

His thought process as described to me was as follows: Thieves are dishonest. And since dishonest people, people who would steal, don't read the Bible, then his money would be safe.

I thought it was interesting that he had this connection between reading the Bible and not stealing. It would be ridiculous to say that no Christians (or Bible-reading Christians, I should say) ever steal, or that those people who don't read the Bible are therefore weaker in their morals; that you have to be religious to refrain from behaving abominably. That leads me to this:

Unfortunately, "Christian" equals "good" (and furthermore, the only way to be good) in the minds of some Christians. I've heard it from Americans too here in the USA; people who think that "un-American" is a good way to insult someone. I like my country, but I don't like the way a lot of politics operates, and I'm not going to fist-pump and bleat about how my country is the best country and anyone who doesn't agree should be shot. There are plenty of aspects of my country that are not "the best," and I think unqualified patriotism is tunnel vision. If you called me un-American or un-Christian, I would be far from offended, especially since people usually use those labels as weapons. I suppose it's just the way humans tend to think; anything that they believe in is synonymous with "good," and anything that is different from that or especially that goes against that is very, very bad.

And to think I got all this philosophical crap just from hearing where some dude hides his cash.

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Comments from others:

Mikey: Christians equal good ... Let me ponder on that for a moment............. Um no I don't think so a label of a good person is not dictated by religion alone, and well the money in the bible stats say that a true criminal mind knows such things and it matters not what book even the bible that money is stored in I myself have had money taken from out of books it doesn't work like some thief is going to waste his time breaking into your house and ransacking your stuff and then finds a bible with money in it and not take it, someone needs to tell this guy to think again. Stupid real stupid!

Clark Beyer: And suppose that the thief had the same thought-train as the money-hiding guy...then he'll buy an American history book and hide it in there. ;)

Funny essay. Good job.

Aurora: Amusing, because bibles are, after audio-tapes, the most stolen item at most bookstores. If I recall correctly.

Angleman: Hey, I've tried that trick before. It's not so much that I think that all non-Christians (or even most of them) have even the inclination to steal, but because I honestly don't think that someone will have time to flip through a big book like the Bible just to get to that dollar I slipped into it last August.

I've also tried this trick with Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Return of the King, and it works equally well. Just make sure to put the book you use back into the bookcase and randomize it.

Kamal Jones: i agree as a christian...

Noise Tank: As a christian, I agree with what you're saying. Just because you call yourself Christian doesn't make you a good person. Your actions and dedication to your religion matter. LIAR

This was not a conversation you had, the "hide money in the bible" thing is a story/fable/theory printed everywhere.

swankivy:: DUMBASS

Someone really said that to me, I'm afraid. It's sad when people just decide for no reason that because they read something similar somewhere on the Internet, there's no possibility that it ever happened in real life. Well, I hate to be the one to inform you, but there really are people out there who have called tech support and thought their cupholder was broken even if you read it on the Internet before you heard it from someone who claimed it happened to them. Me, I don't recall any popular fable about hiding money in the Bible, but did you ever think maybe THIS GUY got the idea from one of the many places it's printed and then he said it to me?

Think before you frickin' type, you wastes of space. . . . Its the internet. Odd = LIAR

swankivy: Oh look, a display of more incredibly poor logic! "ITS THE INTERNET" you guys, that means nothing I say is true!

Actually, the incident described in this essay happened on March 26, 2001, when I was working the register at a bookstore. And since all the other fun stuff that this "" guy has written me is more abusive and quite far off topic, he has been given his own display of jerkosity with his very own jerk file. Enjoy!

Austin: It seems that this guy doesn't know that the Bible is the most commonly stolen book in the United States.

commenter: At first I thought the person was going to hide money in it under the assumption that no one would really hide money in a place like and look in more typical places than that but no. Although, that might actually work depending on the book. The copy of the Bible I have has very fine pages so anything stuck between the pages will stand out like chewed hot pink bubblegum stuck on a gold doorknob. My Merriam-Webster's dictionary with its thick and rough pages, on the other hand . . .

Kara: I suddenly have the urge to write about a thief kind of character who steals money out of a religious book.