GIN: hello this is very important!!!!! I have a question to ask you. you dont now me but i think we need to talk

Auto response from SwankiVY2: Here but busy. Try me if you want, I might write back!

GIN: are you a real person

GIN: do you know largebassf

GIN: please answer me

GIN: this is very important

GIN: hello

GIN: who is this

GIN: i really need to talk to you

Auto response from SwankiVY2: Here but busy. Try me if you want, I might write back!

GIN: please i dont know were to turn but i thinkyou could really help me

GIN: just answer a few questions i have about someone you might know

GIN: hey

GIN: do you play spades or chess

GIN: someone told me that you was great

GIN: hello

GIN: hello

GIN: hello

GIN: this is important

GIN: please

GIN: i understand that you are busy but you might just see what i have to say

GIN: i am a woman and i was wanting to know if you know largebassf

[And then I got a follow-up e-mail.]

To: Ivy
From: GIN
Subject: hello

hello my name is jenny and i was writing you because i think yo might know someone i know from in internet. I would really like to ask you. Well do you a largebassf. I you do will you write me back and if you dont please write be back. this is very important, i just dont know what to do. thank you

[So I did what she asked.]

To: GIN
From: Ivy

Hi jenny.

I don't mean to be rude but it isn't going to help to IM me over and over again if my away message is on. If it's on that means I'm probably not there and not able to answer you. So when I came back to my computer and had TWENTY backed up IMs from you (some of which just said "hello?" over and over again), I decided to make sure you understood what it means when my away message is on.

If I don't answer you (or it takes a while for me to answer you) I am not there. Messaging me again and again wastes your time and is frustrating for me. I'll try to answer your questions.

GIN: are you a real person

Yeah. I'm a real person. Why would you think I'm not?

GIN: do you know largebassf

The name's not familiar to me.

GIN: please answer me

GIN: this is very important

GIN: hello

I was away. This is exactly like if you called me at home and said hellohellohellopleasepickup to my answering machine. I wasn't ignoring you, I just wasn't at the computer.

GIN: who is this

I'm Ivy, and I'm not really sure what else to tell you.

GIN: do you play spades or chess

GIN: someone told me that you was great

I don't know who the someone was or who they were confusing me with, but I don't know how to play spades and I haven't played chess since I was about twelve. I'm not good at it either.

GIN: hello

GIN: hello

GIN: hello

GIN: this is important

GIN: please

GIN: i understand that you are busy but you might just see what i have to say

In this case I was watching a TV show on my computer in another window with my friend. So all this time I didn't know anyone from AOL wanted me. It doesn't make a sound or anything when your IM Answering Machine catches IMs, so yeah.

GIN: i am a woman and i was wanting to know if you know largebassf

So what's being a woman got to do with it?

Sorry I couldn't help you with whoever you thought I might know. Got the wrong person.

~*ivY

[Does she ignore me? Thank me for my time? Well of course not! This is when it's appropriate to respond to my e-mail by suggesting I'm ugly and telling me how rude *I* am!]

To: Ivy
From: GIN

I will be honest with you I thought at first that you was someone my boyfriend was talking to on the Internet. So I would like to say I am sorry, but I am sure as you can imagine that was something that I needed to know. If I had read your home page first that would have answered a lot of my questions, but you feel the need to be rude, I will tell now I know what away message means I am not stupid. But on your message you wrote that you might write back .I never saw a message that said you was away. So no you do not have to make sure that I understand anything.When I told you I was a woman I did not want you to think I was some guy trying to worried you over crazy stuff. So it was a case of the worry person, but there was no need to make someone feel stupid just because you had no idea what they are talking about, so don't worry about the mix up. Oh and I don't mean to be rude but I knew as soon as I saw your pics, my boyfriend could never be compelled to talk to you. I was worry about his sign in name too, it really is largebassdave. good bye

To: GIN
From: Ivy

I will be honest with you I thought at first that you was someone my boyfriend was talking to on the Internet. So I would like to say I am sorry, but I am sure as you can imagine that was something that I needed to know.

Yeah, I can understand why you'd be concerned about something like that. I'm not sure why you thought it was me . . . or for that matter if you frequently IM people you don't know while flipping out . . . but I would have been happy to answer your question whatever the situation. . . .

If I had read your home page first that would have answered a lot of my questions, but you feel the need to be rude, I will tell now I know what away message means I am not stupid. But on your message you wrote that you might write back .I never saw a message that said you was away.

Right. It's called an "away message" if you get an automated response, not a person. The message said I was "here but busy," and that was the case. I do sometimes write back when people IM me while I'm not looking at that window on the computer. But the problem is, I don't need to be IMed 20 times. I understand it was an urgent case in your mind, but you can rest assured a person isn't there--isn't even catching your messages or at least isn't planning to answer--if after seven or eight "hello? who is this? hello? hello?" type messages they do not say anything back to you.

When I told you I was a woman I did not want you to think I was some guy trying to worried you over crazy stuff.

Doesn't matter what gender you are. If you thought I might not be answering because I thought you were a guy, I have to admit I don't understand the logic.

So it was a case of the worry person, but there was no need to make someone feel stupid just because you had no idea what they are talking about, so don't worry about the mix up.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, and I'm certainly not worried about any mix-up. I'm trying to prevent such things from happening again. I might suggest that if you again find yourself panicking over who your boyfriend has (maybe) been talking to on the Internet, you might try a sensible explanatory e-mail. Like, hi. I tried to IM you but I got no answer. I'm trying to find some information. Please let me know if you know someone with the screenname so-and-so. Thank you. Someone might answer or not, but at least you don't have to sit by the computer IMing twenty times in fifteen minutes, and people like me won't come back to their computers and have them almost freeze because when the away message comes off 20 IMs barrel in, most of which were not actual content but prompts to please respond.

Oh and I don't mean to be rude but I knew as soon as I saw your pics, my boyfriend could never be compelled to talk to you.

Apparently you don't know the meaning of "I don't mean to be rude but" because that sort of phrase can never properly precede an obvious insult such as "guess what, you're ugly." It still boggles my mind that people who want to insult me seem to enjoy saying "haha, you're ugly" instead of saying anything of consequence, anything that would actually come close to pissing me off. It's like saying "Oh yeah? YOUR MOM!" to everything. So, to you, I say "Wow, scathing response. Your wit just bowls me over. I'd better go cry now."

All I can say to that is that I'm not the one IMing random people panicking because I think I can't trust my boyfriend. I don't have any problems with loyalty in any of my relationships. But if you're the type of person who freaks out like that because your boyfriend has a conversation with someone else, he probably feels awfully smothered and would be better off talking to someone else anyway. Hope you get whatever it is out of your system and settle down before it ruins your relationship or something.

~*~ivY