Kh: hey want to chat

SwankiVY2: All right; what about?

Kh: something arousing and stimulating

SwankiVY2: Name your game, mister.

Kh: mutaually saitisfing oral experience

SwankiVY2: Oh! I get it. . . .

Kh: do u want it

SwankiVY2: You're asking me if I would enjoy talking dirty to you while you beat off and jizz all over your keyboard!

SwankiVY2: I see, now it's perfectly clear!

Kh: no

Kh: better dlean your glases

SwankiVY2: All right, then, what DO you mean, when you say "satisfying and stimulating" and then talk about "mutually satisfying oral experience"?

SwankiVY2: If you don't mean cybersex, you sure are insinuating it, dearie.

Kh: a romantic interlude leading up to a 69 metting

SwankiVY2: Romantic interlude? 69 "metting"? What are you going to do, light candles around your computer?

Kh: they r lit

Kh: LOL

SwankiVY2: *laugh* Oh, please! This is really too much!

Kh: ok bye

SwankiVY2: I'm going to have to ask you to keep your virtual hands to yourself, my dear.

SwankiVY2: *laugh* You're sick!

Kh: thanks

SwankiVY2: What a sad, strange childhood you must have had.

Kh: maybe

SwankiVY2: Whoever thought the internet would be used like this?? The information superhighway, reduced to . . . dirty talk online.

SwankiVY2: I suppose when you make something available to the masses, the masses use it as the masses will. . . .

Kh: about 2/3 of the people on hereLOL

SwankiVY2: To get their jollies any way they can.

Kh: i guess

SwankiVY2: Honestly, man, what do you get out of this?

SwankiVY2: Can't you keep your fantasies to yourself instead of bothering people online? I mean, for all you know, I could be a nine-year-old. You could have permanently damaged me.

SwankiVY2: Brain damage! BRAIN DAMAGE, I tell you!

SwankiVY2: I'm corrupted!

SwankiVY2: Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

SwankiVY2: Oh, *I* see how it is!!!! Corrupt a little girl and then leave, and offer no solace!

SwankiVY2: I'm mentally bruised!

Kh: if u want it take it

SwankiVY2: I'm psychically scarred!

Kh: u were log ago

SwankiVY2: You offer nothing! And I am a shadow of the happy, laughing sprite I was before you came into my life! You offer no comfort! What am I to do???

SwankiVY2: You're paying my psychiatric bills, mister!!

Kh: for the twenty years of help?

Kh: maybe u should seek electrochock therapy

SwankiVY2: I'm going to need it after all the SCAR TISSUE you EMBEDDED in my IMPRESSIONABLE PRETEEN BRAIN!!!! You're a dirty old man!

SwankiVY2: You offered me sex online! A "69 metting"! I'll never be the same!

Kh: who said i was old

SwankiVY2: You're older than nine!

Kh: no way

SwankiVY2: Oh! Corruption! Evil!

Kh: inc.

SwankiVY2: I'm wounded! I'm bleeding in my little childlike mind! And all you do is TEASE after you INFLICT PERMANENT DAMAGE on me!

SwankiVY2: You taunt me!

Kh: u waunt me

SwankiVY2: What is "waunt"?

SwankiVY2: If I could "waunt" I would certainly do so.

SwankiVY2: As such, I'm incapable of "waunting."

Kh: then waunt waunt waunt

SwankiVY2: I think it's a result of this childhood trauma . . . I am unable to "waunt." It's a shame. I don't know if I can go on.

Kh: then cum on

SwankiVY2: Oh! More filth!

SwankiVY2: You continue to mentally brutalize me!

Kh: who me? never

SwankiVY2: Oh! Oh! I'll be in an institution the rest of my life!

Kh: u r there now

SwankiVY2: Ooh, what a comeback.

SwankiVY2: You reek of wit.

Kh: no cumback

Kh: learn to spell

SwankiVY2: Your witty replies are just too much for me. I can't compete.

Kh: u just CAN'T

SwankiVY2: What will I ever do?? First he requests a "69 metting," then insults my spelling abilities! I'm doomed!

SwankiVY2: No more smart remarks? You've been quiet an awful long time.

SwankiVY2: Oh, it's that dick in your mouth, isn't it? I'll leave you alone.

Mikey: Yeah I think you are so right "dick in the mouth" Kh loves the cock. I also have this feeling that he was dick fed by his father as a child and into his teen years till he obviously made his father dry. He should try to get a goverment grant for synthetic sperm or at least free access to a prison when he need to feed.

Dylan: hahahahahaha i love ur witty sarcasm. i could only wish i was that quick lol. meh. bravo. 'cumback, jeez learn how to spell'... WHAT THE FUCK????????? OK! GOD HELP THAT BOY! sad, pitifully sad. *applaud* good job!!!

Takun: *dies laughing onto keyboard*

antiflagjoe: Nice response hillarious!!!...Reading this made my day!!!! wow this guy wuz a real perv...Nice way you got rid of him. This gave me a really good laugh (: nice going

Nyasu: XDDDDDDDDD

i am going to be laughing for the rest of my life now. xD God, with so many random IM perverts, you must get a lot of opportunities for creative responses.

Zei-kun: I think my impressionable brain has also been damaged jajajaja

But is too funny to stop now

Oh well iŽll just have to learn to live with it

XDD

Jim: Really, I tend to agree with most of what you've written on this site except for the chat logs. Sure, they're being a little stupid, but there's no good reason you can't just say you're not interested. I'm sure most of them would have left you alone. Hell, in both of the logs I read, they started to leave you alone, then you dragged them back.

swankivy: Heh, funny how so many people believe the ONLY proper way to deal with an asshole is to ignore him UNLESS you secretly LIKE IT. I prefer to give them a lot more shit than they expected for thinking they can come out of the blue and talk to a stranger like they did, but apparently people like Jim above think I actually want this behavior unless my ONLY reaction is to try to make them leave me alone. . . .

Robin: Ivy, dear....I'm in tears after reading this converstaion with Kh! I'm laughing so hard, that tears are rolling down my cheeks, my lugs are screaming for air, peole around me are looking at me like i'm strange (Ok, so they do that anyway, but that's beside the point.)! You certainly have a flair for the subdued and understated, don't you?

And to think, you've probably made this poor chap so sad and lonely (not like he wasn't to begin with). Oh, i guess I'd better go, I think the short bus is here for either you or me... Take care my friend...

Rodney Gustafson: I spit my coke all over my computer reading this excerpt. This person gives me hope for the future of America.

Lauren: OMG<Woah...I have a dude doing that to me on yahoo.TAMA AKU

mikeyzxc2: Lol this is funny, you sure like spurring up the arguments don't you?

Sophie: I tend to agree with Jim. You played right along and when he was beginning to leave you alone, you pulled him back in. Taunted him, really. A simple "good-bye" early in the conversation is the best way to get rid of these jerks, if you REALLY want them to get lost. It seems you get something out of this as well as far as I can see. So I don't buy your indignation. Sorry.

swankivy: Ha, more bullshit. Again with this assumption that ignoring them is the only "real" way to deal with behavior I don't want. Speaking of things we don't buy, I don't buy that giving these assholes a taste of their own medicine is an unacceptable way to deal with them. I sure as hell am indignant, offended, and severely pissed that people think they can talk to me the way Kh did, but when people like Sophie above stroll in and blame the victim for not reacting in the pre-approved, avoidant, non-argumentative way that women are expected to deal with unwanted attention, they uphold the status quo that people who act like me secretly want to be treated this way. Uh, NO.

Me: Obviously fake...

swankivy: Heh, NOT "obviously fake," since yeah, sadly enough people really are this ridiculous. Sorry it blows your mind so much that people are like this sometimes, but I certainly have never needed to fabricate a cyber IM. What purpose would that have?

Miriam: I'm pretty sure I will be commenting on most of these, because if this convo is any indication of the rest, they will be hilarious.
SwankiVY2: Ooh, what a comeback.
SwankiVY2: You reek of wit.
Kh: no cumback
Kh: learn to spell
I'm assuming he meant to write "No, cumback".
In any case, unless he was trying to be sarcastic, "no cumback...learn to spell" is the best incident of epic grammar and spelling fail ever.