Fifth Grade Diary

January 1989 - approx. January 1990

Today is the day for the Valentine party. Lindsay is sick, but, of course, Mom's gonna keep her out of school, but she will bring her in just for the Valentine party.

No Fair!

Once I was gonna miss the Valentine party but did Mom take me to school for it?


I went to Showbiz Pizza Place today! A guy was there. He was probably drunk 'cause he kept swaying. Then I had 7 tickets And I asked for a 5-ticket eraser. I seperated 5 from the 7 I had. he plunked a container in front of me and said "That's all we got left." I took one + handed him my tickets, but he did not take them! I ripped him off. Then I got another one + gave him 5 tickets. Then, Lindsay asked for 2 rulers which were 10 tickets each. She gave him 20 tickets + decided she did not want a ruler. So she said "I wanna trade my rulers in for a purse. There was a red square one and a blue circle one, but Lindsay wanted a red circle one! he yanked out a blue + red round one, gave them both to her, and didn't even take the rulers back! Lindsay spent 20 tickets + got 40 tickets worth of prizes!

This morning, Before I got up but I was awake, Patty's hand came over to my butt and started to tickle it right above my crack. So I grabed her hand and threw it onto her side of the bed. Then she kicked me in my Akili's Tendon. So I decided not to wake her up. Then I got up. a few minutes later Patty sat straight up in bed. The first words out of her mouth were, "Did Mom wake us up yet?" I said "How come you always ask that question Patty? No." Then why didn't you wake me up?" I said "I didn't want to" Even though It was something much more serious. I said "There's no law that said we have to wake our sisters up!" I said "Besides, Mom hasn't woken us up yet, and she wakes us up about a quarter to seven." Then Patty said "Whenever I get up, you never wake me up." (I did every time except this time "You never know what time it is, and when I look it's always at least 7 o'clock!" She acted like I controled the time!

I have a friend. Her name is Kathy her little sister's name is Julie! I think I'll write in script now. I have Meghan + Ellen + Grace for pen pals. Then some girl named Amber popped out of nowhere. She wanted to be my pen pal. We have a playroom, a pool, a billiard room, + a jacuzzi in our own house!! Also a ladies' buttwasher! It looks like





a bitchy ass.

I HATE her!

Lindsay has been doing bratty things all day, like hitting and pulling hair, and Mom blames the person she did it to + tells them to lay off. I have to go now. The Bitchy Ass is calling me for supper.

Lindsay tried to get under my feet. I tripped and mom yelled at me!

I told Lindsay that she could save energy by crying all at once, and not whining it out, bit by bit. Just Trying To be Helpful.

Mom The Bitchy Ass said "You don't have to go on about it! Shut your mouth!"

Why Don't

Patricia + Lindsay were playing teenagers (how dumb!) they had taken my makeup + used it. I wanted it back so they stacked it outside the closet door. I took it piece by piece so they wouldn't know I had it. I looked for my favorite lipstick. It was gone! I counted my lipsticks. 7. I ran downstairs as Patricia came upstairs. I told 'er she had it. She said she + Lindsay hadn't even taken it for they knew I didn't appreciate them using my favorite lipstick. I looked and counted. 8! I thought my diary was in Patricia's secret drawer. She ran in. And yelled "What are you doing, being in my secret drawer!" Blah. She says my pink headband is full of cooties!

I remember that when I went shopping I picked 3 clips, one for each kid. A pink heart for me a blue circle for Patty a peach rectangle for Lindsay + Mom insisted that I give them first choice! Lindsay picked the pink heart. Patricia picked the blue circle I had the peach rectangle Today was a choice of breakfast Lindsay got the apple jacks + gave Patricia + I a choice of corn pops or honey smacks. Patty immediately picked up the honey smacks.

Do you think that's


Hi. I missed you diary. Guess what! Mom kept insisting that I had seen "Starman". I haven't even ever heard of it! then she said; 'Air-head, (me) you saw that movie!"



You know what? I can't believe this. Today was the pits. Mom was buying us earrings for the wedding, and she "forgot" to get mine. Then Mom wouldn't let Patricia get a perfectly good bathing suit that looked great on her. THEN Lindsay tried to push me out of the way so that she could see duplicate copies of her barfy face.
I called the front. Lindsay started crying + said "I never get the front" she actually said "Ah nehe ge the fwunt!" Mom said "Lindsay gets the front." Then Lindsay made her brat face:

[bratty face]

Mom is giving us 5 dollars in allowance and Lindsay 3. Every time we do something, Patricia + I get 50 cents off, and Lindsay gets 30 cents off. Mom took one off me for


Also, Lindsay has 5 off for this week, but Mom keeps saying she has only 3, and Lin agrees! (of course) she was late to bed 3 times, and Mom took off of them, but dad took off the 2nd when Mom wasn't home, so she didn't know. Then Lindsay was late for bed again, and Mom took off 2. (she was extra late) She marked them down. But she didn't know about Dad's and she'd forgotten that Lindsay got one off on Sunday for going in, brushing her teeth, and coming out in the same minute.

$1.50 OFF!


Notebook paper graphic used in the title image: Made by Heather and Warren's Gif Pages.