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The reader-submitted lists are still framed as "I'd have sex with" lists, though I'll shift those if they ever request it.
This is roughly in "Top 30" format, which means at least in general I'm working my way up from the least to the most appreciated. Of course, no one on this list is UNappreciated. Enjoy!
|Captain Jean-Luc Picard: TV SERIES, Star Trek, the Next Generation, played by Patrick Stewart. So I've never been a huge Star Trek geek and actually I have only seen this show a handful of times, but Jean-Luc still managed to tickle my fancy. He's a very compassionate yet forceful commander, and if you have ever heard Patrick Stewart speak you will have some idea of why I find this man appealing. (I have a thing for voices. Sometimes a cool voice is all it takes. Taking notes yet? Good.) All he'd have to do is say "Make it so" and I'd be listening.|
|Gandalf the Grey OR Gandalf the White: MOVIE SERIES, Lord of the Rings, played by Ian McKellen. Okay, another older man. Much older. Gandalf went through a transformation from Gandalf the Grey to Gandalf the White, but either way he was awesome. The man is a wizard, one of the most powerful creatures in Middle-Earth, and he can glow on command until it hurts your eyes. Gandalf's example has defined the wizard archetype for all of modern fantasy--how's THAT for inspiration! He's wise and funny and can kick a Balrog's ass. His commanding voice and "you amuse me" stare are all it takes to melt me.|
|Witch Baby Wigg-Bat: BOOK SERIES, Dangerous Angels, written by Francesca Lia Block. Snarly black hair. Purple eyes. Cowboy boot roller skates. She's got style. Abandoned by her witch mommy to be raised by Weetzie and her hippie-esque family alongside almost-sister Cherokee, Witch Baby has a burning intensity that orbits around anger, confusion, and love. She's intensely creative and darkly morbid at the same time, and I imagine it'd be great fun to watch her play on stage with The Goat Guys and then sneak backstage to hang out with her (hopefully not making her boyfriend Angel Juan jealous). What time is she upon and where does she belong? In my room! She can take my picture and put it on her wall anytime.|
|Delirium of the Endless: COMIC SERIES, The Sandman, written by Neil Gaiman. Let's just say meeting her would be VERRRRY interesting and I probably wouldn't come out of any encounter still in possession of my sanity. But it would probably be worth it. Delirium is the youngest of seven personifications of states of existence, and she owns the craziness of the universe. She's got two different colored eyes and hair that isn't the same any two times you look at it, and her creativity and just extreme weirdness makes her one of the most interesting and attractive people in all of the worlds of comics.|
|Devi: COMIC SERIES, I Feel Sick, written by Jhonen Vasquez. Poor Devi has a history of bad dates. She even dated Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (though she is the illustrious "one who got away"). Plus side: She says EXACTLY what she means ("I'm trying to eat here, could you please stop pooping?"). Down side: She has horrible luck and something disgusting would probably happen to us on our way to whatever we were going to do. Regardless, she is witty and artistic and very very lovely, and I've got a thing for people whose art becomes real to them. She intrigues me. I would be glad to go with her to the "Eat or DIE!" restaurant and I could promise to not turn out to be a zombie or a poseur vampire named Eric.|
|Tyler Durden: MOVIE, Fight Club, played by Brad Pitt. First of all, I was only entranced by the movie version of this character, though I did *appreciate* him in the book by Chuck Palahniuk. Actually seeing him did it for me (and it doesn't hurt that he is played by Brad Pitt, one of my favorite actors). Now, Tyler is just an interesting and dangerous guy. He knows a lot of really messed up stuff. He has many levels. He can kick ass in a fight, and lead people to do anything, and instigate a revolution from behind someone else's eyes. And he's just plain charismatic. I have to admit that I probably don't particularly LIKE the guy. I just kind of want to party with him.|
|Master Yoda: MOVIE SERIES, Star Wars, voiced by Frank Oz. I promise I don't have a thing for older men any more than anyone else; this is just a coincidence. Have you ever watched the way this guy handles a lightsaber? I'm serious. Watch him fight sometime and tell me your heart doesn't speed up and you don't just want to pick him up and put him in your pocket. I tell you what--when nine hundred years I reach, I can only hope to look that good! But it's really his supreme badassery that gets me, his ultimate fluidity and precision in a Jedi fight. All this cancels out the sin of his typical horrible grammar.|
|Drop Dead Fred: MOVIE, Drop Dead Fred, played by Rik Mayall. Elizabeth's got this . . . special friend. Actually, he's even more fictional than most of the characters on here; he's a fictional character's imaginary friend. I like Fred for the faces he makes, the antics he performs, his flexibility, and his creative insults ("Here ya go, snotface!"). His voice and his way of enunciating are so great! I would like an imaginary friend like him, even if he got me in trouble all the time like he did Lizzie. His outfits are just smashing, and you should see the way he plays with his friends!|
|Christian: MOVIE, Moulin Rouge, played by Ewan McGregor. It's the voice. It's the voice! Did you know Ewan McGregor can sing? There's not much else to say about this except I love his intensity, sincerity, romanticism, and amazing talent. "We should be lovers. . . . " Amen! He's so steadfastly romantic and sincere and in love, I wouldn't dare distract him from his love Satine except that death already did (so maybe he can use some cheering up?).|
|Captain Holly Short: BOOK SERIES, Artemis Fowl, written by Eoin Colfer. Holly is . . . nothing short of awesome. First off, she's a fairy (an elf to be exact). Secondly, she's the first female in the history of her people to make reconnaissance officer in the Lower Elements Police. And lastly, she's even shorter than I am. Short auburn hair, pointy ears, darkish skin--sounds pretty cute, huh? She is capable of fierce loyalty and deep love, but she does like her action. She's very talented and great to have on your side in an emergency, and how can you NOT worship someone who bounced a bed up and down until she broke through the floor just because she needed some soil to magically free herself from a trap? That's determination!|
|Captain Jack Sparrow: MOVIE, Pirates of the Caribbean, played by Johnny Depp. This character made a Johnny Depp fan out of me. The Captain is a pirate, of course, and a real swank one; he's pretty and he's got style. You can't NOT like pirates. He can fight and fence and run a ship and wisecrack and still have enough ego left over to do his hair. I'm serious--this man even looked awesome when he was about to be hanged. Something about the way he says "savvy?" makes me grin--he's got some wonderful lines that are delivered even better.|
|Animala/Pammy: MOVIE, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, played by Jennifer Blaire. She was made from forest animals by an alien transmutatron device in order to be a date for an evil scientist so he wouldn't seem so alone. Sound screwed up yet? It gets worse. In any case, Animala can dance. She can dance so well that she can literally hypnotize people. Besides that, she is extremely feral and prone to responding to English with animal sounds. Despite being in a very silly movie, Animala has a stunning presence and her smile is devastating, to say nothing of her animal act. I bet she'd be a trip to have at a dinner party.|
|Hector "Zero" Zeroni: MOVIE, Holes, played by Khleo Thomas. Zero is an uneducated, passionate kid who is really good at digging holes and learns to open his heart. (Okay, it's a flick that was released in association with Disney.) His hair, his eyes, his stature, and his dimples all complete a picture for me that's so smooth and cute that I was always waiting for them to put Zero on the screen again. I love his attitude and his loyalty and the fact that he was still a good person even after all the crap that happened to him. I want to treat him to ice cream.|
|Allison Reynolds: MOVIE, The Breakfast Club, played by Ally Sheedy. She's the weirdo freak girl in your high school. The one who keeps to herself. She has a fantastic smile and intense eyes. And the way she talks is both careful and unrepentant. Her stare can bore a hole through you, and her drawings will make your eyes widen even when your lip is curling in disgust because she decorates it with dandruff flakes for snow. Her home life is UN . . . SATISFYING. This girl obviously needs something to do besides go to detention, so maybe she's up for making weird collages at my house.|
|Jareth the Goblin King: MOVIE, Labyrinth, played by David Bowie. Okay, eighties hair? Check. Prissy clothes? Yes. Glam makeup? Yeah, yeah, I know. But have you SEEN this guy's demeanor? If he told me to forget about the baby, I'd say, "What baby?" "Just let me rule you." "Ohhhhkayyyy!" He's the king of the goblins so that gives him a badass charm despite the fact that he wears tights. His voice has a factor in it too, but I think it might be his eyes and maybe just the setting he's in that makes me enamoured of him. I don't know about Sarah, but I'd certainly run a labyrinth to find his lair if you know what I mean. Don't even tell me you wouldn't.|
|Death of the Endless: COMIC SERIES, The Sandman, by Neil Gaiman. The oldest of the Endless siblings except for older brother Destiny. She's got a grim job and she does it well. There's something alluring about the personification of the state of non-being when she walks around among mortals dressed like a goth girl and facing the world with a fairly cheerful face. She's mysterious and pretty and comforting and fun, and she has her dark side without letting it rule her. Not to mention that there's just something undeniably awesome about the fact that she wears an ankh, the Egyptian symbol of life.|
|Yakko Warner: TV SERIES, Animaniacs, voiced by Rob Paulsen. Yakko is yet another one of my obsessions that originated because of a voice. First of all, Yakko's character is sort of like a cartoonified and Warner Bros.-ized Groucho Marx; his wit is dry yet wacky and delivered in a deadpan with a twist of inappropriateness. Okay, so that's the writers. But I always had a crush on the eldest Warner Brother, and I thought it was amusing that he is the only one of the three who wears pants. Truth be told, I spent more time with Yakko than I did with my boyfriend in high school, memorizing his songs and drawing him, so even though everyone made fun of him for saying it he actually had sort of a reason for being jealous of a cartoon character. Anyone who can sing all the countries of the world in less than four minutes deserves my attention.|
|Dr. Horrible/Billy: TV SERIES, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, played by Neil Patrick Harris. He's your average super-villain, battling the forces of good (and nemesis Captain Hammer) with his superior intellect. But under it all, poor Billy just wants to be loved by Penny, the sweet and cute girl at the laundromat. (He'll kindly overlook the fact that she's a do-gooder. If he can muster up the courage to talk to her.) While trying to do something dastardly to earn him a spot in the Evil League of Evil, Dr. Horrible updates his viewers on his progress through his video blog, and that is all fine and good, but . . . I have to say this character did it for me as soon as he started reading e-mail question submissions to his subscribers and . . . burst into song. Yes. That's right. He's a singing super-villain and this is a musical. Now, his singing voice does help me adore him, but the truth is, I would have melted for him anyway. His inflated ego with regards to his villainy ("I've got a Ph.D. in HORRIBLENESS!") is completely out of proportion compared to his endearing lack of self-confidence in personal matters, and . . . I'm sorry, I've just got to love him! I might even turn to evil if he'd be willing to let me play with his weird toys.|
|Chichiri: ANIME SERIES, Fushigi Yuugi (The Mysterious Play), voiced by Tomokazu Seki (with the mask ON!). Oh look, another character whose voice does it for me. Chichiri is a magician who is one of the Suzaku Seven, and he appears to be one of the few who doesn't have some screwed up relationship with the priestess they're protecting. He's got blue hair in the most interesting style and he's got a groovy staff that makes chiming noises. But the coolest thing is the way he talks and the way he always wears a mask. He has a high-pitched sorta childlike voice most of the time, though in moments of seriousness his voice comes down (usually when he takes his mask off and shows his scarred face). I don't have a problem with the scarred face thing, but I do prefer his demeanor when he's happy and smiling and kicking everyone's ass with protection and trickster magic.|
|Satan: MOVIE, The Forbidden Zone, played by Danny Elfman. Most people have heard Danny Elfman's music--he's famous for Oingo Boingo and Nightmare Before Christmas and all that--but most have not actually seen him act. Well, I would have no desire to chill with the devil if Danny Elfman wasn't playing him. In an all-too-brief scene in The Forbidden Zone (silly '80s movie, musical, black and white), Satan dances around to a warped version of "Minnie the Moocher" and does some amazing moves. He looks like he is MADE OF RUBBER.|
|Loki: MOVIE, Dogma, played by Matt Damon. I should open by saying I have a thing for sweet-faced faery-like boys, and Matt Damon's got that quality and that's all there is to it. But that wouldn't be enough for me to want to put him on this list (especially this high!) except that I also love the attitude of this character. Loki is an angel who's been kicked out of Heaven and hangs around with his pal Bartleby. He likes to screw with people. Obviously! He's a god of mischief! And a damn good one too. In the movie he told a nun that God didn't exist and got her to believe it, even though he'd himself been in God's presence. He also went in a meeting and shot sinners while playing a children's record. Dramatic, yet funny. Ahh, he's so pretty.|
|Ryoko Hakubi: ANIME SERIES, Tenchi Muyo, voiced by Ai Origasa (Japanese) and Petrea Burchard (English). I fell in love with Ryoko early on because she quite simply is a badass, and she kind of reminds me of one of my characters but with more powers and a bigger temper. She's a space pirate and a demon summoner and she can fly, teleport, phase through objects, and shoot laser beams out of her hands and stuff. And again, can't go wrong with blue hair (though hers is sort of grayish-blue). And come on. Gold eyes. Cool! She can kick anyone's butt (except maybe her mom's) and still be melted by a little tender touch from her love, Tenchi. That's really sweet--proves she's really a person under all that posturing.|
|Dave Lister: TV SERIES, Red Dwarf, played by Craig Charles. He has dimples. He's from Liverpool. HE'S GOT WONDERFUL LONG DREADLOCKS. How can a girl resist? Lister's the last human alive after several million years of suspended animation, and now he's got a robot, a hologram, and a sentient creature descended from his CAT to keep him company. So he's probably a tad lonely by now. Lister is a bit of a slob and quite a pig of a man at times, but that is somehow part of his charm. That and his innocent stupidity and bumbling man-ness. His voice and phrasing is beyond adorable, and I might actually put up with his slobby nature if he wouldn't mind entertaining me with cute chatter while I cleaned up after him.|
|Tank Girl/Rebecca: MOVIE, Tank Girl, played by Lori Petty. I read the comic a few times, but it's the movie girl I dug most. Mostly because Lori is one of my favorite actors and most characters she plays come alive for me. Tank Girl's attitude is beyond sassy; it's this great mix of dopey and badass. Ba-ba-ba-BAM! She's really, REALLY into her tank and loves to mow down people who deserve it with the thing, and she's got a sense of style that is either incredibly tacky or wildly creative. Her hair's always different (and, like the comic, it doesn't matter if it's really that long or if she had time to dye or braid it; from scene to scene it just changes because it wants to). Tank Girl's voice and accent completely make the picture as she delivers lines like "Don't say 'buttsmear.' It's unbecoming. Say 'asshole' or 'dickwad.'"|
|Legolas Greenleaf: MOVIE SERIES, Lord of the Rings, played by Orlando Bloom. All right, so that one's a no-brainer. He's an elf. He's adorable. He's got long blonde hair and pretty blue eyes (unless Orlando forgets to put his contacts in). He's got a pixy-like yet powerful countenance and his grace and beauty are matched only by his arching prowess and delicate ferocity. And he's got pointed ears! (You might've noticed--or not--that he's the fourth person on this list of that description. Perhaps this means I wish to mate with him and create an army of pointy-eared children? Well, no, not exactly. But still. You know.) He's a frickin' elf! Elves are great! They can see really far and hear really well and drink without getting drunk and speak in cool languages and run without getting tired and walk on the frickin' snow without falling in!|
|Jake Berenson: BOOK SERIES, Animorphs, by K.A. Applegate. Reading the Animorphs books will show you pretty quickly how awesome Jake is. Not only is he the leader of the only team of people that stands between the human race and total enslavement, but he's fighting this war in secret and with little help AND HE'S A KID. Of course, he grows up real fast. Now, the thing about Jake is that he doesn't WANT to be the leader. He becomes the leader because he just IS. He has the commanding skills and the ability to size up others' strengths and weaknesses. It doesn't hurt that he can turn into a tiger either, but that's a whole alien technology thing I'm not going to get into--that's not what helps me like him. It's his leadership ability and his extreme badassery. One time some career-military aliens were on Earth pretty much telling him "we'll take it from here," and Jake was like "Excuse me, but NO--this is my world and I'm the general of the forces of Earth thankyouverymuch. We saw how you 'saved' other races and we want none of it. So get the hell under my command or get off my planet." (Obviously that's not exactly what he said 'cause they're kids' books, but that's the thrust of it.) In any case, I'm not the only one who wants a piece of Jake; one of my MALE friends was quoted as saying "I wish I was gay and he was real so I could have sex with him." I suppose the adventures I'd choose with Jake would be of a different sort, but I'm sure it would never be boring.|
|Washu Hakubi: ANIME SERIES, Tenchi Muyo, voiced by Yuuko Kobayashi (Japanese) and K.T. Vogt (English). She's only the greatest scientific genius who ever lived (and also Ryoko's mommy). She makes people call her Washu-chan instead of Washu-san (being addressed like a child instead of an adult), which means that even though she can be VERY adult sometimes she knows how to have fun. And she is quite tiny, probably about my height, with huge pink hair and green eyes. She has a motherly side that shows when she cares for Ryoko or Tenchi's nephew, but I am mostly impressed with her amazing passion for science. She is probably certifiably insane, and she's created a lot of screwed up stuff, but she can make a lab in the hall closet by stepping into an alternate dimension or make tiny cheerleader robots to stand on her shoulders and tell her she's great. She's unpredictable and maniacal and CUTE, and some of the things she does that come out of left field leave me yelling "MORE WASHU!"|
|Youichi Hiruma: ANIME SERIES, Eyeshield 21, voiced by Atsushi Tamura. I'm afraid I sometimes have a soft spot for bad boys, and Hiruma fits the bill. Oh, how to describe him? Let's see. First of all, he's from a sports anime, where he is the quarterback of an American Football ("Amefuto") team for his school, Deimon High, and the team is called the Deimon Devil Bats. Hiruma is a master strategist and will stop at absolutely nothing to get what he wants; he is not above threatening, blackmailing, or punishing folks who resist him. And he always, ALWAYS seems to have some kind of weapon, usually a whole arsenal somehow hidden in his clothing somewhere. Most intriguing is his "devil's handbook," which contains embarrassing information that he theoretically shouldn't know (and with which he commits some of his blackmail). He is a trickster and a mischief-maker, and as far as his looks go, everything about him is sharp: He has pointed ears, vicious-looking teeth, and that typical razor anime hair, with a sort of angular-looking body as well. His expressions are over-the-top evil sometimes. I'd say don't get on his bad side, but if you're on his good side you'll still get hurt because he shows that he likes you by kicking you in the back. Hmm.|
|Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat: MOVIE, The Fifth Element, played by Milla Jovovich. Well, first off her character is "the perfect being." Sound promising? Well, she's adorable and na´ve and when she first comes into the story she doesn't speak English, just this weird Leeloo-ese that's supposed to be the divine language. It is really cute to hear her chattering along in it. She's kind of feral-acting sometimes, how she's just not familiar with anything because she's been out of commission for thousands of years. She has the most innocent eyes and face during much of this movie even though she can also be used as a weapon because she can fight (enter my soft spot for badasses). I mean, one look at her sweet little face and you want to unlock the fifth element too. JUST LOOK!|
|Cat: BOOK SERIES, Psion, Catspaw and Dreamfall, written by Joan D. Vinge. Cat here is perhaps an unlikely number one, but do I really have to justify all my choices? Heh. First, let's talk physical. His hair's cool--blonde and curly, though in that pic he's trying to be a tough guy so he's got it spiked. His eyes get him in trouble all the time because they're a dead giveaway that he's part alien: they're bright green with cat-eye pupils. He's got an "Oldcity" accent which tells rich people he's from the slums, so they're always surprised to see how far he's made it. And he's got interestingly dark skin and a nice physique even if he is a bit scarred from getting frickin' beat up all the time. Ahh yes, the dark past.|
So. Cat's an asshole, basically. He's always pissing people off and saying things and shoving their faces in stuff they don't want to accept, and THAT is what I love most about him. That attitude of "Yeah you want to make something of it? Oh shit, you do want to make something of it. Let me ball-kick you and run as fast as I can." He has had a record number of horrifically bad ideas, like "I think I'll have sex with my boss's wife!" or "Hey, the Hydran race thinks I'm disgusting because they can tell I killed someone once. I wanna go walking around in their town!"
But I want to hug and squeeze him because he has a wonderfully sensitive inside and he really does want the best for everyone and he really has been hurting all his life and he really is just pretty freaking awesome.
(Non-humans include a wizard, two personifications of Endless states, a little green alien, an imaginary friend, two elves of different types, a chick made from four forest animals, a cartoon of indeterminate species, a goblin king, a devil, two chicks from indeterminate places in space, one angel, and a Hydran/human halfbreed.)
Lastly, some HONORABLE MENTIONS:
That's it for my list! Want to send me yours or see other people's picks?
Any comments left here are PUBLIC. If you are not comfortable with that, mail me directly.
Comments from others (First 10), many left when this list was the "characters I'd have sex with" list:
tornpatchwork: you are so silly sometimes =).
whatever happened to just good old fashioned making out?
caragirl: Oooh, I wanna do this!
*checks your list*
Oh, poop. You get Washu? Legolas? After you're done, send them my way!
linguafranca: You slut. I had trouble coming up with ten. :P
Now that I see your list, though, I see there are a few I missed.
swankivy: You had trouble coming up with ten and I had trouble narrowing it down to thirty? Who from my list do you also lust after, or is it something you're not sharing?
linguafranca: Jack Sparrow, Allison, Loki, and Leeloo are all good choices. I wouldn't kick Legolas out of bed, either.
patorin: I had no idea my sis could have such thoughts! I'm shock! Those were really entertaining.
swankivy: Don't worry. I'm not really thinking such shocking thoughts. I'm just pretending to. Fictional, right?
yakshi: I used to have the biggest crush on Cat from Joan Vinge's books. =D
swankivy: OH MAN you too?? Cat is awesome isn't he?
Mikey: Well this was a good list with reasons I found it most interesting to say the least, I think it also shows a great respect to the details of a character and not just simple sex appeal and that really says something I think.
caragirl: So, yeah. I started making a version of this in Word... and apparently, I'm a nympho for fictional sex? Many of them are from cartoons. You'll see eventually.
And, you know, I really should read about this "Cat" character that stole your #1 spot. Because, mmm, I just took a second glance at his picture. Tee hee.
Sardonyx: And you say you have no sexual drive. Hah.
Seems like you only do when it comes to fantasy. When it comes to sex, you seem to have more of a connection with fiction than fact. That makes you a pathological space case. LIKE ME! Oh joy!! I found another member of my species! :D
Out of these, I'd be more likely to have sex with Witch Baby. And Jack Sparrow (who wouldn't?) and cute little fluff-fluff hair Zero. Though I also adore Ryoko, she has those pointy teeth... >_> If I didn't please her, who knows what she'd do.
Marintha: Eep, I'm obsessed with your essays now. ^^* I would have to add Madmartigan from the movie Willow, played by Val Kilmer (It was a long time ago, ok?) , if you've heard of it.
If you haven't seen the movie.... Go rent it. Now. Leave the house, run down the street and knock on random doors until you find someone who owns it and is willing to lend it to a stranger. ^^* Or just look at this picture.