[SwankiVY's Shenanigans]

Fake Shirts!


Blondeworld does not exist.

Bruce the Duck was a story I wrote in high school which ripped off everything in the history of the universe. It began as one page of weirdness in Biology (yes I got bored in that class a lot now leave me alone), and it escalated into a 60-or-so page mininovel. (I won't call it a novella because that insinuates that it was any good or that it was ever finished.) In any case, each page was a chapter. You can actually see this historical document here in the ancient history section of my writing page if you want to.

I met my high school pal Mia as a result of writing Bruce the Duck. I lent the manuscript to my friend Jenny, who in turn gave it to Mia. Mia read it, and in one chapter, I divulged my real address as a joke. She used that information and her lovely resourceful mind to find my phone number, and she called me. We talked for about three hours. Our friendship had begun.

Mia had a VCR/Camcorder from the pre-Jurassic year 1985. We used this and our abundant spare time to make a movie of Bruce the Duck, which takes place on Blondeworld Island Coast. It was a lovely movie, complete with paper cutouts of the characters, cheesy music, and our fingers in the shots. We filmed it painstakingly; me, my sister Patricia, and Mia, scene by scene. It became something we did often whenever we could get together. My mom hated it.

[us doing Bruce]

Finally we decided the public needed to know of our exploits. We developed the "Bruce the Duck Tee Shirt," which had the scene from the top of this page on it on the back. The characters Monty, Pimpy, Gene, Dean, Julie, Amy, and Bruce are there, along with the Godly Phil the Tie. It proclaimed: "Blondeworld Island Coast, 1995." On the front it said: "I went to THE GUAVA TREE and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." My sister, Mia, and I wore them to school on "Bruce Day" every month until my sister decided she no longer wanted to, so it was usually just me and Mia. (Her shirt, she complained, didn't have a hem. I later stole it for my own.) People started seeing the shirts and asking us what they were all about, and of course, we just explained to them that they were the Blondeworld Shirts and hadn't they ever been? One girl reportedly told Mia she'd been seeing people wearing that shirt recently and wondered what it was all about. Yeah right.

We eventually had a Bruce the Duck viewing party, which was both the beginning and the end for Bruce. It contained the last episodes we ever made, but we showed over a dozen people what we had been up to. We served Spam and fake 8-ball juice. It was lovely. We also concluded that since even our friends couldn't pay attention through the whole thing, it must be pretty boring to other people. Oh well. It delighted us. Because unlike people who drink and take drugs for amusement in high school, we just did other stupid shit. :)